Hi all!
I am new to this forum, but I have been told it would be a great place to get real horse people of all ages and riding levels to share some important stories with the equestrian community. [edit] This page is dedicated to shedding a light on the bullying problem we have. We encounter it at horse shows, in our barns, and on the internet (we even have websites and social media pages dedicated to bullying). So with that being said, I want YOUR stories. I want the good! I want to know how your barn friends lifted your spirits after a tough show. I want the bad! I want the ugly! I want your advice for other riders, your solutions, etc. What I DON’T want to do is make these bullies famous. So please, change names to protect yourself. You can submit the stories here: [edit]
The above website is ANONYMOUS! I won’t know you, you won’t know me. And the best part, you don’t need an account. Or if you feel so inclined, share a story or comment on this thread. Thank you all very much. We are going to make a huge difference together.
I don’t think this will be helpful, but I’d like to see people look deeper into bullying before jumping to conclusions. Fifty or so years ago, when I was in school, I was often called into the principal’s office for bullying other students --pushing, hitting, that kind of stuff. I was a big girl --5’ 10" -probably 140-150 pounds. And it is true I did hit other girls, and push them and try to physically intimidate them --because they wouldn’t stop making fun of me --we were a poor family --the kind of poor that bought our clothes at K-Mart and GoodWill --the family that churches brought baskets to for the holidays. And the other kids knew it. The girls would hold their noses when they walked by me and call me “pig.” They would ask the teacher to open a window because of the “smell.” We weren’t dirty --we were poor. But those NICE GIRLS never got in trouble for bullying ME! They made fun of me, they called me names, and yet, I was the bully. Bullying, especially among girls can be extremely subtle. The “in group” at a stable who simply don’t speak to the “outsider” are bullies --when the outsider retaliates by pointing out that she and her horse won the trophy or ribbon --and the others are a bunch of LOSERS --she is called a bully --yet, isn’t it going both ways here? Me? I learned long ago living well is the best revenge. I became a teacher and a counselor --but I always look twice when someone is accused of bullying --maybe it isn’t what it first appears to be.
Great point! Thanks for sharing. I agree that the best revenge is living well. Something that takes time and experience to learn.
Op, from your Facebook page I can’t tell who the target audience is meant to be.
Is this for kids and young teens who are in conflict with their peers?
Is this for young riders who are being pushed too hard by their coaches?
Is this about horse show culture?
Is this about how adults in general treat kids? Or how men treat women and girls?
Is this about racism or queer bashing?
Or is this about conflicts between adults?
All these different scenarios require different kinds of interventions, and merely “think positive” on the part of the target or victim is not nearly enough to stop systemic problems of gender or race harassment or even a deep seated negative competitive attitude in a sport. Indeed think positive is even rather insulting ad advice, except for the most minor kinds of interpersonal conflict or social anxiety
It’s a topic I am interested in generally, and as an educator, but from your FB page I can’t tell what you’re about or what the aim of your movement is.
We really don’t have a better name for it than “queer bashing?” Really? The word homophobia slipped your mind?
Sorry. Spent too much time around the differently gendered community, forgot that other terms are more appropriate for a wide audience! 
? really? way to take this off the rails. Calm down…
If you looked at my page then you would see it is meant for all of the above…riders of all ages and walks of life. Show riders and hobby riders. We are just getting started and need shared stories so we can figure out how to target bullying by seeing who is being bullied most and in what ways. We are not at all advertising that victims of bullying should “think positive” to wish it away. I’m not sure how you came to that conclusion as nothing has even been posted other than articles that state the complete opposite. Perhaps you would like to share something?
Too broad. If you are concerned about how a given club organization or show circuit functions then you need to think about how you change the rules of that group.
If you are concerned about a specific interpersonal situation, and you are a kid or teen, you need to get some responsible adults involved to problem solve.
If you are concerned about lack of participation by visible minorities you might need some community outreach programs for your club.
If you just want to shut up your local barn beeyatch ( every barn has one) that’s something you need to organize locally.
I’m not even sure how much traction the word bullying even has when discussing anyone over the age of 17. When talking about adults it’s probably more productive to think in terms of harassment and discrimination. Bullying is a disempowering paradigm to apply to most situations involving adults.
Also “hate” in this discourse usually refers to discrimination based on race or gender. Hate speech has a precise definition. It isn’t just that someone hates you or is saying hateful things about you. I have no idea what riding above hate means.
Bullying is a huge problem for kids…I don’t know much about it in terms of how it happens in barns or shows, etc. I also haven’t yet encountered it with my young children, but I’m sure it will show it’s ugly head at some point in the future. My daughters elementary school makes a pretty big deal about the whole thing and the motto is “choose kind” it’s ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. Seems to me that OP is asking for stories relating to bullying at the barn or shows, something to do with riding. My daughter just started and is still young and doesn’t have barn friends yet, but I could see the culture lending itself to bullying somewhat. Although, I would think, that all these kids have riding in common, so it’s different then being on the playground and your the odd man out because you’re weird in some way…whatever it is. When the kids get together at the barn they have that in common. So I would think that a kid who might get bullied at school may be more comfortable at the barn because she has shared an interest with other kids her age.
I am sure there is every level of rivalry and conflict playing out among tweens and teens at the barn. I’m just unclear if OP has this in mind, or harassment by coaches, or a toxic competitive circuit, or what. The remedies are very different.
How is that taking it off the rails? The thread is about bullying. “Queer bashing,” intended or not, is inappropriate and can come off as bullying. And I am perfectly calm, thanks.
The tangent isn’t relevant to OP’s site, so I will refrain from discussing it anymore. Its really not bullying.
I think the concept is a good one OP, as long as its not just someone being overly sensitive and not real bullying-it matters because we need to focus on actual bullying. Take for example Dr Beckett here- totally irrelevant and a waste of time, when faced with REAL issues.
nice.
You don’t like not being the center of attention, do you? anyways
Here is more info on what bullying is and isn’t https://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/
care to comment on any bullying experiences you have experienced? or the topic of the OP?
I have been the victim of online bullying- not here, mind you. Past forums and past accounts.
It was very upsetting. I no longer post any personal riding videos or my riding beyond very simplistic posts. Yes, I started the 8 week dressage thread last year, but I don’t feel safe posting.
Also, BOs often resort to bullying boarders. that has to stop. I believe having firmer and enforceable contacts on BOTH sides will help.
Good definition of bullying. It’s key that it involves real or percieved power differentials. But I also think it’s not always the right term to discuss problems between adults. If my BM or coach was hostile or unreasonable. I wouldn’t say they were bullying me. I’d say they were unpleasant people and I would take my business elsewhere. If a man at work was harassinh me I wouldn’t say he was bullying me, I’d just be at HR and the Union filing a complaint immediately. I realize I’m lucky to be an adult with a fairly large degree of autonomy security and privilege, and not every one has options.
It’s different with kids who are required to cede power to others, inctding to adults.
wow. and getting nicer.
I had a student come from another barn where the standard practice was to invite the “cool” kids to participate in fun, weekend activities like “Capture the flag” or trail rides. The “uncool” kids would then pressure their parents to buy or lease them a horse so they would be accepted into the cool crowd.
Not really bullying I suppose, but it made the “uncool” kids feel insecure and left out. I don’t know why parents tolerated it.
very cute pony!!!
