Serenade, I also loved the story about your dad. AND, I know you said not to ask, but I can’t help myself: WHAT on earth is a “trombone-induced raccoon emergency”??? 
Well, I thought it was life threatening!! I was sure I’d have to have it amputated from gangrene or some such thing… I have since learned that horses can inflict MUCH worse pain than a nip on the hand without actually killing you… I’m pretty sure they know it, too… 
JoHn (WiNgLeT)
“A horse runs with his legs, competes with his heart, and performs with his soul.”
-Tesio
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I just can’t come up with a near death caused by Human family members. Now those 4 legged ones, well that has been done on another thread I’m sure.
Wonderful accounting, ROTFLMAOPMP!
“The older I get, the better I used to be, but who the heck cares!”
sigh I knew I’d have to explain the trombone-induced raccoon emergency… 
Ok, so there are two fireplaces in my house- a real one in our family/TV/computer room, and a gas one in our more formal living room. Since the piano is in the living room, when my sisters and I took up various intruments, the living room slowly transformed into something of a rehearsal room.
Well, on this particular occasion, my younger sister was playing (and by playing I mean producing dying-moose sound effects) her trombone. Somehow, as she was sitting in there practicing she became aware of noises in our chimney…a few strategic blasts on her horn later- and the producer of the noises, a very disgruntled raccoon, fell down the chimney and landed in the fireplace. Fortunately the glass door was closed!
So, right as I was demanding in my selfish 14-year-old way that if we didn’t leave NOW I’d be late for my lesson and my mom was on the phone seeking someone to remove a small mammal from our living room- my dad came home from work. Being quick on the uptake, he immediately recognized the lesser of two evils and volunteered for chauffer duty. 
My mom did find someone to remove the raccoon unharmed, by the way. It was the same guy who took care of our porch-skunks. 
I can’t say that my family is sane- but I can say that we do have some good stories!
Peace,
Kate
This is a recent incident.
My mother told me by phone that I had to get to her house by 6 PM for a religous holiday dinner. The kicker was “no horse emergencies!” to make me late. The next morning one of the grooms calls me to tell me that “Leo’s eye is swollen”. Three days later, I got to mom’s holiday dinner by six, but none of my other relatives were at mom’s by that time. They all called to say they would be late. My husband did drive me to the barn at 8:30 for a late eye treatment, as soon as we finished eating. Dessert was after the run to the barn.
Mom must have jinxed me. The simple looking eye injury turned out to be a tiny puncture wound. The surgery, medication and after care will be close to $6000. 
Endurance Rider Wannabee!
Watching a Big Eq class at a local horseshow (with all that that implies.)
It’s a little chilly so quite a few of those waiting to go in the ring have their coolers tossed over their quarters. One girl tells her Mom that this will be a great opportunity for her to show off her brand-new embroidered cooler, and Mom agrees, putting it on the horse for her. Lots of picture taking ensues.
Finally, the girl is on deck, and reaches back to pull her cooler off to hand back to Mom, with the clear and snotty instructions not to let it touch the ground or get dirty.
Unfortunately, Mom had apparently decided to do up the surcingle on the cooler and it wasn’t coming off in a hurry. <What they say about bucking straps is accurate.>
I understand that Mom’s grooming days were more or less over from that point on.
(And yes, it took several of us, but we did get the cooler off without either the horse or rider getting hurt, but it wasn’t pretty.)
To appreciate heaven well
'Tis good for a man to have some fifteen minutes of hell.
Will Carleton (1845-1912)
Parents will do the craziest things!
On my wedding day (before my father stepped on my veil, tearing it from my perfectly coiffed head as he was “passing me off” to my groom ), my mother managed to burn the he** out of one of my bridesmaids (horse-related–she and I rode together for years! ). The bridesmaids dresses were a Nicole Miller number with this pretty flowing train thing from the shoulders and, well, Mom decided they needed a little sprucing up so she pulled out the steamer and steamed them WHILE THEY WERE ON THE GIRLS!! My poor friend let out a shriek and sported a bright red burn on her shoulder for days… Not sure what Mom was thinking, God love her
We long realized that it’d be a dangerous thing to allow my mother near our horses - if I internalize a maternal instinct towards animals, it’s because I learned from the uber-I-know-best mistress of them all, my sweet Mama Heidi.
She cooks soy sauce-marinated bones for our dog. I can only imagine what she’d concoct for a larger beast – once she got over the ‘stench’, which thankfully, she never has.
Beezer/Merry, though my own father has been known to drink soy sauce and electrocute himself, I’m lead to believe that eccentric fathers are a rather common phenomena in CA.
My parents’ oldest friend in the world, whom I consider a second father, lives in L.A., and is mostly harmless among equines; he absorbs, though, the oddest and most inexplicable of details.
Out drinking one evening with a buddy, he was regaled with tales of male bravery in the face of a grizzly – and the spontaneity that DEATH inspires among the menfolk. You know the story, it sort of goes like this: “so, after I gulped my beer, I grabbed the closest thing to me - a pitchfork - and I jammed it into the bear’s heart.” Uh huh.
Months later, he ventures off on a boar-hunting trip with his buddy. On the morning of departure, he starts packing the truck with his worldly hunting posessions – a sleeping bag, beer, gun, a pitchfork. This is also the man who has scattered in his garden potted plants in toilets - his own version of the self-watering plant.
