Acclimating to New Barn

[kaya842]

Dealing with a somewhat similar situation myself. In May I moved my horses that I’ve had at home for 5 years to a boarding barn. It’s been a while since I’ve boarded (clearly) and even longer since I’ve been at a barn that has most people in a program. It can be VERY busy. I’ve only just started going out regularly due to life keeping me busy since May. It does feel a bit like I’m the outsider since this group has been together for a while (there are always new lesson kids but there are several long term established clients). The group is very welcoming and inviting, thankfully. It can be overwhelming sometimes. I’m used to it being my two horses and me and that’s it. My stall is on the end of the aisle so it’s a bit quieter which is nice. I’ve taken a few group lessons with the “ladies” who are fantastic though a generation or two older than me. I also watch the teens lessons sometimes before or after my ride and converse with the BO/ parents when I can do so without feeling like I’m taking away from the lesson. I’m one of two people in my age group at the barn which is tough too, I think. But horses are great because all ages are welcome and I still greatly enjoy socializing with the teens and the ladies.

So in short - you’re not alone, it’s normal, lessons (participating and watching) is good to build some sort of relationship, and just small conversations will help.

[trubandloki]

@Fiesta01

compliment their horse and start a conversation

This is always a great way to start a conversation.

[Fiesta01]

Not much sweeter than hearing someone say something nice about your horse.

[clipclop12]

When I moved to a new barn, this sort of thing helped me. I would just ask people about their ride or their horse (age, breed, etc). I feel like you can get a good idea if someone wants to be chatty or not from those few basic questions. And then go from there.

Also agree with previous posters- group lesson will definitely help. Hopefully, you can use a lesson horse!

[OverandOnward]

Keep in mind that while you don’t know them, they also don’t know you. If you aren’t reaching out, that won’t change.

Their challenge is 1 new person. Your challenge is much larger, of course, a lot of new people. This imbalance is the very thing that can make it harder to for the 1 newbie to start integrating with the group. There are so many people for the newbie to recognize and know, whereas they are only learning 1 new person.

I wouldn’t decide right away that the barn culture is ‘unfriendly’, just busy. Understandable, most people there likely have busy lives and barn time is on a schedule. They are there to focus on a their tasks and finish by a certain time.

Lessons might be a short-cut to meeting people. But depending on what you want out of your barn time, I don’t think it is the only way. I would also keep low expectations because sometimes a lesson group doesn’t actually know each other. They lesson, then go back to their time scheduled tasks.

As you start to recognize a few people, you’ll get a feel for who is more talkative and who isn’t. Also, others who are also just boarding there and not doing lessons. You will have a bit more in common with the other non-lesson boarders, to get started on self-introductions.

You can start finding reasons to introduce yourself briefly “Hi I’m Jane, I just moved in a few weeks ago with my gelding, and I just thought I’d meet a few people. Your chestnut mare is so pretty!” With a smile – smiles break the ice and signal goodwill. Very useful with new people. If you aren’t a habitual smiler, practice! Only until you are settled in with some barn people you are enjoying and are accepting of your usual demeanor, whatever that is.

Given the busy nature of the barn, I’d keep first introductory remarks to a brief, general observation. They can give you their name and a brief remark of their own and carry on what they are doing. If they smile when they give their name, it’s a sign they are friendly enough.

That is, you can introduce yourself in passing and not appear to be sidetracking someone by trying to initiate a full conversation. Especially while they are task-oriented. It’s also good if you smile, break off the contact and keep walking on your tasks, to let them know that you don’t intend to be distracting, and you also have your things to do.

I have to note that this kind of self-introduction would go well in the culture in my part of the country. There are other areas/parts of the world that are culturally less friendly and less inclusive. Where many people really don’t want to expand the group of people they know. They may be more abrupt and less welcoming. Just keep working your way through the group, and you’ll find people who are more interested in other people.

Especially with a larger group that has less frequent contact, be ready to later remind people you meet of your name (and which is your horse). You may also want to keep some secret notes on your cell phone to help you remember names and which horse goes with who.

[OverandOnward]

Also one more thing to keep back-of-mind – If this is primarily a lesson stable, they are likely to have turnover in their roster of the usual people. Some lesson stables have ‘lifers’ who are there forever, but many have very few true ‘lifers’.

One reason g-people are less likely to be inclusive with newbies is that they don’t invest until they know someone will be around longer.

And, if someone is thinking that they will be leaving the program at some point in the near-ish future, they are less likely to start reaching out to new people. Unless they have a personal vibe of general friendliness and helpfulness and tend to reach out to most new people, which not everyone does.

Some lesson programs have a solid core of students who have been with them for years and plan to stay. But that isn’t always the case. Not all lesson programs are designed for that. Many specialize in a certain type of learner (e.g. beginner to intermediate, many may stay only one to three years), and at least some of their students (maybe most) tend to ‘graduate’ out to a higher skill and/or competition level at another program. That is very common in many horse communities. There may be less familiarity among their people if it is a rotating cast.

OP, as you get a feel for the nature of things at the barn, you’ll have a better idea of how people flow through the barn, and who are ‘your barn people’. This will help you feel more settled there – over time. It might not be right away. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening in slow increments.

[beau159]

@NCPaintedPony

Hi all, this is my first post here. A few weeks ago I moved my gelding from a really quiet, casual barn (only 6 boarders, and a lot of them didn’t ride, so most days I was there by myself or with 1-2 other people at most) to a larger lesson facility. I had to make the move for a few reasons (distance being one) and this was the only barn in my area with positive reviews, great care, reasonable costs. I grew up in a lesson barn/show environment as a child but in my adult years my horse experience has only been at this very quiet barn.

Upon moving my gelding to the new barn I instantly felt overwhelmed. I have barely spoken to anyone at the barn because everyone is obviously very busy there. There never seems to be time to strike up a conversation. Since I’ve been there, I’ve had small questions but the trainers also seem so incredibly busy that I can’t catch them to ask (I don’t do lessons). I was looking forward to the barn switch because I was thinking I could make some friends but I am very overstimulated by the hustle, how busy folks are, lesson kids everywhere (I love kids, this is just a culture shock). I know this is 100% what I signed up for, I guess it’s just more of an adjustment than I thought! Is it normal to be a new boarder and not really click with people or feel very welcome? When I arrive at the barn I just kind of say hi to everyone as they rush by. Is having such minimal interactions with people at the barn and even the trainers/BOs normal? I know it’s because they’re busy, but being a brand new boarder and not really having anyone talk to me and feeling uncomfortable starting up convos with super busy people running around just has me feeling a little doubtful about the move. Sometimes I text the trainers my questions since I can’t catch them in person but I either don’t get a response or it’s a really short answer and I don’t want to bug them. Can anyone share similar experiences adjusting to a new barn? I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I did think I’d at least have more human interaction by now. Even when my gelding first arrived there my “tour” was so rushed and I barely got to speak to anyone. Maybe I’m just generally anxious over my first barn move with him and I’m overthinking it?

Now, I’ve only ever boarded at the type of facility that you just left (a few boarders - not many that actively ride) but I guess I’m the type that when I am out at the barn to ride, then I am at the barn to ride. Not visit. Not socialize. I’m busy. I’ve got things to get done. One summer, I kept 3 horses in competitive shape, while having 2 small children at home, and running my own business. If I was going to get everything done, I literally did not have time to sit there and visit for 15 minutes.

So, I guess for myself coming from that perspective, it’s not 'cuz I don’t like people. It’s because I have goals and a plan to achieve each night to get it done. While that’s not the story for everyone, it could be the story for some people at your new barn. Just another perspective!

[OverandOnward]

And @beau159 's approach shouldn’t be judged as “unfriendliness”. It’s just another approach to time management and people interaction that isn’t that uncommon.

OP, if you are running into this, it’s ok. Just keep meeting people until you find the ones that are more relaxed and open in their approach to the barn. And the group. There is usually one or a few even in a busy environment.