Acclimating to New Barn

[NCPaintedPony]

Hi all, this is my first post here. A few weeks ago I moved my gelding from a really quiet, casual barn (only 6 boarders, and a lot of them didn’t ride, so most days I was there by myself or with 1-2 other people at most) to a larger lesson facility. I had to make the move for a few reasons (distance being one) and this was the only barn in my area with positive reviews, great care, reasonable costs. I grew up in a lesson barn/show environment as a child but in my adult years my horse experience has only been at this very quiet barn.

Upon moving my gelding to the new barn I instantly felt overwhelmed. I have barely spoken to anyone at the barn because everyone is obviously very busy there. There never seems to be time to strike up a conversation. Since I’ve been there, I’ve had small questions but the trainers also seem so incredibly busy that I can’t catch them to ask (I don’t do lessons). I was looking forward to the barn switch because I was thinking I could make some friends but I am very overstimulated by the hustle, how busy folks are, lesson kids everywhere (I love kids, this is just a culture shock). I know this is 100% what I signed up for, I guess it’s just more of an adjustment than I thought! Is it normal to be a new boarder and not really click with people or feel very welcome? When I arrive at the barn I just kind of say hi to everyone as they rush by. Is having such minimal interactions with people at the barn and even the trainers/BOs normal? I know it’s because they’re busy, but being a brand new boarder and not really having anyone talk to me and feeling uncomfortable starting up convos with super busy people running around just has me feeling a little doubtful about the move. Sometimes I text the trainers my questions since I can’t catch them in person but I either don’t get a response or it’s a really short answer and I don’t want to bug them. Can anyone share similar experiences adjusting to a new barn? I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I did think I’d at least have more human interaction by now. Even when my gelding first arrived there my “tour” was so rushed and I barely got to speak to anyone. Maybe I’m just generally anxious over my first barn move with him and I’m overthinking it?

[FjordBCRF]

Moving barns is always a little jolting figuring out new dynamics.

What types of questions are you looking to have answered? I would expect most day to day operational questions could/should be answered a BM or a BO or other fellow boarders provided they are friendly and around at the same time you are. If you are not working with a specific trainer in any capacity, I wouldn’t be shocked that you’re not having much luck going that route.

This is a tough time of the year too with holidays, I feel like everyone is busier than normal. Hopefully that will settle down for you post Christmas.

Do you know anyone at your new barn, or know anyone that does?

[poltroon]

It might be a little better right after (or during!) the holiday, when people are maybe rushing about less, and some people are away.

I also hear (and I would feel this way myself) the whole “I don’t want to bug them” - but sometimes you just have to make time for yourself and put yourself out there and bug them. I mean, what have you got to lose, there, if you are feeling so overlooked and unwanted that you might move away and never see them again if you can’t create a relationship?

You might consider signing up for a lesson or two - what you do here depends on whether you’re not planning to lesson because of cost or because you don’t ride the same discipline or you don’t like how they teach - just to build the relationship. If you don’t expect to keep it up, you should probably make that clear when you start so they won’t be upset when you don’t continue. But it’s a way to get their time and build a little relationship.

Are there trails? Maybe you can ask for a trail buddy.

Or you can also be totally up front with the trainer, that you’d like to find a way to make connections with the other boarders and see what they say.

[fivestrideline]

The best way to “get involved” and make new friends and contacts at this barn is going to be signing up for lessons. Group lessons, if possible. That’s where everyone does their socializing and asks quick questions of the trainer!

I find that being the plain boarder at a lesson/show barn is very isolating. You’re not “with the program” and can be easily overlooked if you aren’t naturally a social butterfly. Also if you have questions, I would assume these would be aimed at the BM/BO and not the trainer? If the trainer IS the BM/BO, you can ask them how best to communicate with them - they may want a text or to schedule a time vs getting sidetracked between tasks.

Also if the trainer is also BM/BO, I really think you’ll need to get on board with the lessons at least. That’s likely the clientele they’re actually catering to and how the barn flows best (scheduled times to coach and chat). If lessons aren’t in the cards, it’ll be a bit harder to get involved and you may always feel a bit out of the loop; that’s okay as long as your needs are met and you’ve found a way to communicate with the people in charge of your horse’s care.

[Blueeyedroan]

If you’re not taking regular lessons from the barn coach(es) you will be judged, and seen differently. It’s not a bad thing, it just is what it is.
Best thing you can do is just enjoy yourself and mind your own. People will reach out if they want to. And if they don’t, they don’t want to, nod and smile in passing.

We generally aren’t in barns because we want to be. It’s because we don’t have land or facilities. Find your enjoyment with your horse and let the rest settle how it may.

[MissusS]

Does the barn have a facebook group or other digital way to chat? Sometimes I see folks post there a “hi I’m new here, here’s some info about me and my horse, here’s some questions I have and oh by the way I’d love to have a barn pal or two to ride/socialize with now and then”

[NCPaintedPony]

Yes, the trainers are the BO and BM. My gelding is dealing with some intermittent lameness issues so I actually can’t ride him right now. I may just ask for lessons on a lesson horse until he’s healthy and maybe that will help me become more acclimated! That in itself also feels intimidating because I haven’t ridden this discipline in maybe 7 years so it will be another adjustment.

[fivestrideline]

Ah, that does complicate things. If lessons are possible, it would be good for you to stay in the saddle either way I think - with the added benefit of connecting you with other riders at the barn. Assuming of course that the trainers are good and have a good program! Just be honest about your skills, your nerves, and your goals.

If you are needing more communication about your horse (especially if he is lame), definitely see about what communication method the trainers prefer for that. It’ll go a long way in keeping everyone happy!

[trubandloki]

Another vote that signing up for lessons might be the best way to go.

I am sure if you ask the trainer about lessons on a lesson horse, and remind them it has been awhile for you, they will fit you into the right group.

It might also be great to simply ask the trainer (clearly when you have a minute) if there are other people in your age group that you could get to know at the barn.

[2DogsFarm]

Or… Just Chillax.
“A few weeks” is not enough time to get integrated into the barn culture.
Unless youre some sort of Uber-Extrovert.

Just go about your business, say “hi” in passing to fellow boarders, lesson kids, the parents, etc.
If you can, w/o.interrupting a lesson, ask your questions of BO/BM. Especially if they involve the care of your horse.

Taking a lesson until your guy is rideable might be an icebreaker, but unless you plan on making lessons routine once your horse can be used, let them know.
If you’re not into a Program type of training & they’re willing to go along, great.
If they only do packages, see if there’s one offered that fits what you see as necessary.

I’m assuming here you were accepted as a boarder without any mention of any required Program, right?

[dmveventer]

@NCPaintedPony

Is it normal to be a new boarder and not really click with people or feel very welcome?

Yes, absolutely. It’s awkward joining any established group, and most barns aren’t really geared towards a ton of social interaction so it takes a while. It took me about a year before I really started to feel like part of the barn community, and that was really just with the people whose horses were stalled near mine. I did the same things as you, just said hi in passing and struck up conversations when it made sense to. Eventually those small interactions start to build momentum, but it takes time. People are busy, and barn time is often limited and precious. Not everyone is there to socialize and even people who are open to it you have to catch at the right time when they don’t have somewhere else to get to.

Group lessons can help in some scenarios, especially if everyone tends to tack and untack together in the same place. I would definitely try to schedule a few lessons just to put yourself in front of the trainers so they can get to know you better as a client. You can ask if there are other lessons you can watch or set jumps for, or if they ever bring in clinicians you can audit, and frame it as wanting to keep learning while your horse is off. Also try to get a feel for when people are generally at the barn and time your visits to coincide with that. Figure out the trainers’ lesson schedules too if you can so you can time your texts or just swing by when you know they should have a minute to chat. I’m also not above a little bribery - a well-timed box of donuts or bag of holiday cookies for the staff and boarders to enjoy can go a long way.

IMO though a lot of the real barn bonding happens at shows, where people are kind of forced to sit around and talk to each other, and there are a lot of natural openings to lend a hand or cheer each other on. If that’s something this barn does see if you can go along and help out.

[NoSuchPerson]

@NCPaintedPony

A few weeks ago I moved my gelding

I’ve been at my new barn for 2.5 months and I’m just now beginning to have more conversational-type interactions with my fellow boarders. It takes time.

In the meantime:

Smile and say “Hi.”

Say “Have a nice day/afternoon/evening” with a wave when you leave.

Give a compliment or ask a quick question when the owner of the horse next to yours happens to be standing there at the same time you’re standing at your horse’s stall.

Ask, “Did you have a good ride?” when someone walks past you headed for the cross ties after they’ve been riding.

Just simple, polite interactions at first and they will grow over time.

[fivestrideline]

This is great advice!

I also use “how was he/she?” when people come back from a ride. It opens the door for a conversation if the person wishes to have one. If they don’t, they can just say “good!” and move on.

[Fiesta01]

I made one of my best friends at my last barn. The grooming set-up allowed for conversation, so every evening for a minimum of 30 minutes (which many times turned much longer), we groomed our horses and chatted.

If the set-up at your barn doesn’t give this opportunity, before or after you’re in your own grooming/riding/cooling out routine, stop by the cross-ties of a likely person while they’re grooming, introduce yourself, compliment their horse and start a conversation. Most people can groom and talk at the same time.

[SillyHorse]

If you find yourself with the opportunity to ask a fellow boarder about her or his horse, you have a good chance of starting a conversation. Everyone likes to talk about their horses!

[furlong47]

Provided that the people there are generally friendly, it will happen in time. Be patient and look for opportunities to interact (a lot of good ideas on this thread already.) This is actually how I like to get to know people - naturally, rather than through awkward formal/forced introductions, even though it takes longer.

[Bluey]

Participating in classes or clinics and especially If there are activities where you can help, seize the opportunities to mix as they happen.
That will introduce you to everyone, staff and clients, in a good way.

[ParadoxFarm]

@fivestrideline

I also use “how was he/she?” when people come back from a ride.

I show alone, and I often do this. It’s an ice breaker – if the other party wants the ice broken. Some will give a one-word responses while walking by, and others, I find, start talking about their horse, and we have a nice conversation. It can be hit or miss. But I’ve had a few long conversations with folks just by starting with a simple, honest question or comment (Great ride! Or something like, “that was a beautiful (fill in the blank – halt, or jumper round, etc.)”. People usually like to talk about their horses. Sometimes I’ll ask about their horse’s breeding and that opens a conversation, too. Sometimes. Good luck and give it time.

[RedHorses]

@NCPaintedPony

Sometimes I text the trainers my questions since I can’t catch them in person but I either don’t get a response or it’s a really short answer and I don’t want to bug them

Did the short replies answer your question? If they did, then what else were you looking to get out of it?

Some posters have advised going to the barn when people are there, but you might find it a little easier to adjust if you find quieter times with fewer people. It might be easier to say hi and have a short conversation with fewer people around, and your BO and BM may be less rushed than during peak lesson times.

[NCPaintedPony]

Sort of…Example, I asked what the preferred payment method for board was, and instead she just responded with the price of board (which I already knew), not the preferred payment method. I asked about holding for the vet also (it says they hold for the vet, but I like to be at the appointments, and I have an appointment to get scheduled next week) and never got a response. It just depends. Each time I go I’m going at different times to figure out when is busy vs. quiet so I think that will help too. Thank you!