ADHD, PTSD or?

[CHT]

She HAS been doing ground work with her one horse, which is now progressing to riding. It took years to help her come to her own conclusion that ground work might be useful/fun.

She is NOT a beginner at this point. I don’t think she is autistic. She is past middle age. She recently acknowledged that she realizes she can over-react /shut down over non-serious things (like forgetting to put pasta in a pot to soak), but she hasn’t reached the point of getting professional help.

I have other clients with mental health or neuroatypical learning styles. It is a bit my niche. not as a therapist, but as a coach. I think because I teach adults and only private or semi-private that my program tends to attract people who need more one on one attention - and I am a good listener. I have worked to learn how to de-escalate a more typical fear response and redirect focus to regain confidence…

I am not looking for people to tell me to kick her out. I am looking for resources so I can explore better methods and teaching strategies. I am NOT trying to be her therapist. I am only her coach. There has to be resources out there from a coaching point of view, and I was hoping someone would know of one or two. Thank you @Sdel I will look into that.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

Okay, that was a long and roundabout way to answering your question, but have you read Daniel Stewart? I had a friend who did his clinic and she said she really felt it upped her mental game. This is a link to his book Pressure Proof Your Riding.

[Feliz]

I’m not going to weigh in on whether or not you should be teaching her.
But in terms of her reflexively over-reacting and jerking on her horse when he spooks - would something like this help?

Double Neck Strap - Havana

[endlessclimb]

I don’t know if it’s a pride thing here or what, but dude. She’s going to leave anyways when she brings the horses home, and if you haven’t cleaved yourself from her before then she is going to expect you to come help her with a million things from Sunday for free.

So pick your poison. Now, when the break will be clean, or later when it will be weird and ugly.

I don’t hang around with people who freak out about not soaking pasta. Sorry, not sorry.

[AnastasiaBeaverhousen]

Until you teach your student to respect you, and get her to show some empathy for her horse, nothing is going to change .

At this point, there aren’t any exercises or resources that can help you with this.

I’m not telling you not to teach her , but if you want to persist in this , then you need to give her consequences for her negative behavior.

Give her conditions for continuing lessons with you.

If she talks over you, end the lesson.
If she screams, or takes out her anger on her horse, end of lesson.

No debate, or discussion.
If you think she will melt down to the point of hurting her horse, then take the horse with you and let her have melt down.

I admire your patience with her, but she needs to be made aware that her horse isn’t some riding machine that she can abuse when things don’t go her way.

She’s basically acting like an 8 year old, and you can’t fix that. But you can set boundaries and let her know you aren’t going to accept it anymore.

That isn’t being mean or being an A-hole. It is looking out for her and her horse.

BTW, I go with unresolved PTSD.
And I am guessing that she doesn’t listen to her therapist any more than she listens to you.

And I get it. It’s painful, but until she’s ready to face her pain, she’s just going to continue on the same path.

Good luck. I hope you can find some way to reach her.

[Bearx2]

This 100%!

[Arlomine]

THIS for sure!

[Posting_Trot]

I don’t know if she is someone who reads much or would enjoy reading, but there are a couple of suggestions that might help her see the world a bit more from her horses’ point of view. Which might be helpful.

One might be Mark Rashid’s books, particularly Considering the Horse and Horses Never Lie. His style is kind of folksy, and the content is less about problem-solving and more about the kinds of attitudes people have as they approach horses and how those attitudes sometimes screw things up. A list of his books is here.

And maybe, if you want her to get more into doing groundwork, Jec Ballou’s books are great. Maybe 55 Corrective Exercises for Horses. This is a very hands-on, detailed set of exercises with discussions of why they’re useful.

Anyway, good luck again!

[Jackie_Cochran]

I am fixated on her yanking the bit when the horse stumbles.

Over sixty years ago when I “learned” to ride in Chile, we were taught to yank the horse’s head up when he stumbled. Yes, we were riding up and down the STEEP foothills of the Andes, and this was taught to us like it was Holy Writ.

When I got back to the USA and started reading books about riding I quickly found out that was wrong, wrong, wrong, bad for the horse and bad for the rider.

Since I’ve started riding in the USA I have never yanked a horse who stumbles.

I wonder if when she first learned to ride she was taught this awful habit.

[4Frogs_aLilypad]

If she’s yanking on the bit when horse stumbles, is she also using them to balance herself? Have you tried putting her on a longe line and taken the reins away?

[CHT]

@4Frogs_aLilypad No, she doesn’t use the reins for balance. She does western dressage, so rides on a light contact in a snaffle. her horse is pretty good in self carriage, and she pretty good about using leg or a transition if he gets heavy. She isn’t a bad rider. She has done lunge lessons in the past, but her current horses are unsuitable.

@Jackie_Cochran it is 100% a reflex that she knows intellectually is wrong.

@Feliz something like that might be helpful, although it might also feel like too much for her. Worth considering.

@AnastasiaBeaverhousen she isn’t “abusive” to her horse. Yes, she verbally puts down her old guy, and yes, she pulls up when he trips, but I wouldn’t call either thing abusive. Part of what frustrates me is that she is actually, otherwise, a pretty good rider, and I know it upsets her that she can’t control her pulling up or her frustration. SHE doesn’t like this side of her either.

On another note. her last few sessions have gone oddly well. Today she did successfully ride down the driveway on her horse both with me walking beside her and then with me just waiting at the end. I can’t decide if she is just highly motivated to make it work with this horse, or if she rides better in the morning? (it is usually hard to get her out in the morning, but the current heatwave has motivated her to ride earlier, and work later - her work schedule is flexible). It is also possible that because this something that she is doing “uniquely” to my other clients/a new journey for her, she is putting less pressure on herself?

@Impractical_Horsewoman thanks for the book recommendation!

[Turntable]

@Impractical_Horsewoman

Yet, despite my suspicions she might have an issue, she apparently had raised a family, had a job, social life, exercised (biking), and on paper seemed very normal.

I suspect many women can disguise crippling mental illness or abnormality by marrying a man who does the majority of the executive work in their joint lives. And many men simply don’t really notice or care much about their wives personality other than “that is my wife, I married her and she acts roughly as I wish her to and stays within budget so ok.” Men who can’t cope with life can sometimes find an arrangement like this too but it’s much more difficult.

[Paisley_Pony]

I haven’t read all of the responses, but I appreciate your perspective on this rider. As an adult with high functioning autism, I can relate to some of what you’re describing. My brain tends to constantly try to bring order to the chaos around it because of sensory processing issues, so anything that startles me can bring on a fear/anger reflex. Now that I know what causes it, I can moderate it. I also tend to have an “all or nothing” or “black and white” mentality. Again, knowing what’s causing it has helped me moderate it. I am also a quiet, naturally talented rider, but when I returned to riding after a twenty year hiatus, I found that whatever emotions I was struggling with OFF the horse were magnified when I was ON the horse. My trainer at the time helped me understand that.

BTW, I loved the suggestion of videoing with the smartphone and watching the video immediately so the rider can see what she’s doing and how it differs from what her body/mind are interpreting.

No, it is definitely not your responsibility to fix your student, but I can say from personal experience that the time my trainer took with me enabled me to get back into riding and to eventually have my own horses at home.

[OverandOnward]

Today a family member reminded me of this mantra re mental illness/challenges (and addictions and suicidal/suicide) (in relation to something else)

• You didn’t cause it
• You can’t control it
• You can’t cure it

If you can help, that’s fantastic.

A mental health professional as a guide and counselor is needed to help toward the most effective benefit and to prevent harm.