Hmm I don’t have the same social anxiety at work. I guess I’m more confident in my skillset there, and I trust that people like me well enough because I make their lives easier.
But now that you mention it, I do have a hard time on certain collaborative projects. I mostly work independently but sometimes need to loop in someone with more expertise. I get frustrated if they don’t have the information I need, bombard me with information that isn’t relevant, or aren’t organized and methodical in their approach to my project—and I get especially annoyed if they try to change the direction of the project to suit their preconceived notions about it. I can definitely see some parallels with how I feel working with horse trainers/riding instructors. Never thought about that parallel before…
Interesting. I find that socializing in hobbies has lots of parallels to socializing at work. You are only meeting these people over a shared interest. You’re really lucky if one person at your job site or barn eventually becomes a real friend that you meet off-site for fun.
I don’t see boarding barns as collaborative. I see them as parallel play (that’s the word for how toddlers, play each in their own bubble). You can be friendly but just do your own thing.
Your frustrations at work suggest either you have some issues setting boundaries (you can’t just let irrelevant help slide off and take the useful stuff without being offended) or else maybe a little neurodivergent. Both are useful bits of self knowledge to think about how you structure your barn interactions.
I find it’s really useful to take control of social interaction, whether work barn or neighbors, so I don’t have to deal with interactions that bother me. I was lucky when I started at this barn to have one good coach mentor so I never raised horse care questions with anyone else. If you don’t invite people in by raising questions (gee, do you think Pooky looks thin? Lame? Colicky? Does this saddle fit? Etc) then people assume you know what you are doing and also they don’t even notice the things you are puzzling over.
At my barn I have several people that are real friends, for whom I have real time. For the rest, I don’t really have time to listen to their anxieties, complaints, anecdotes about their non horse lives, or open ended time filling chitchat on a regular basis. So I tend to act friendly but move briskly.
