Thanks to everyone who responded!
Ask for some lunge lessons so you can concentrate on your riding position and the trainer moves the horse in a consistent way. That will help rebuild your seat and core and then you will be better able to manage the lesson horse currently causing you problems.
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Agree with @Willesdon 
On the longe, trainer will control pony’s gaits, you concentrate on your seat.
If trainer won’t/can’t do a longe lesson, maybe time for a new trainer?
FWIW:
As a re-rider in my 30s, I spent an entire Summer taking weekly longe lessons & adding a 2nd lesson mounted on various school horses.
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I would look elsewhere for lessons. Just because you like her doesn’t mean you wouldn’t also like someone else that has a more appropriate mount for you 
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It sounds like a situation where this instructor has a teaching style you like, but doesn’t have a suitable school horse or a string of school horses.
Many mid to upper level instructors do not maintain a string of school horses and rely on clients on either buying or leasing.
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I returned to riding in my 40s. As a teen I’d had my personal wonder pony that could read my mind and had lightning fast reining moves I taught her out of a book.
In my early lessons as a returning adult I couldn’t get the horses to do anything, and after a couple of years they went well. Different horses but I think the big change was my skill level.
A few years ago I got to ride my coaches aged school master mare. We were playing with moves up to fourth level dressage and I took her in a couple of first level tests. From the moment I got on her I knew she would do everything I asked with gusto.
I had a medical event and stopped riding her and she went back into semi retirement/ occasional lessons. There was a returning rider in her early 40s who liked the horse but couldn’t even keep her on the rail, and was terrified of her big trot. Rider still had some skills but couldn’t ride this horse.
That was very interesting to watch because I found that mare so easy to ride and do all the things. She needed work to get off the forehand, she was pushing 30 and needed help carrying herself, but in terms of listening to cues and trying her heart out she never gave me a single moments problem in the arena.
Anyhow see if you can watch the coach ride this horse to observe what she does to keep her focused. I bet she goes just fine for her. Have her ride for ten minutes and talk you through how she gets the mare to listen.
Ducking on the forehand and swinging into the middle of the arena is something you need to pre empt by keeping the horse off the forehand and using outside rein. I would put a horse like this in shoulder fore with a tiny inside bend so that the horse is moving towards the rail and with enough outside rein to hold her there. Works good for spooks too. Also half halts to keep the horse off the forehand. One of my lesson horses used to trip if she got on the forehand so I got very proactive there
I honestly think a lot of adult re-riders should start basic lessons for a month or two at a therapeutic riding center that offers a beginner able bodied rider lesson program. The emphasis is on horsemanship, everything is safe-safe-safe, and you can spend those awkward first few weeks of being back in the saddle on a trusty, steady horse that will allow you to focus on your own seat and balance. Sure, move on to a more competition oriented program when you’ve got your seat sorted out again. But start off in a safe, low key environment first.
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The first few lessons are really hard to judge whether it’s you or the horse. However, given there are fewer and fewer barns still in business with appropriate lesson horses, I’ve also had the experience of seeing barns with riders who have had literally the same lesson for years, not progressing at all, on a sour and unsound lesson horse with poor instruction.
Questions to ask:
-Do you like the instructor because she’s nice, or because she’s giving you meaningful advice and instruction (even if you can’t implement it right away)?
-Have you seen the pony ridden by more advanced riders, and can she be persuaded to give them a decent ride?
-Does the pony have an appropriately-fitting saddle and bit? Is she well cared for, and are the other horses at the stable?
-Does she occasionally get a tune-up from a more advanced rider? Doesn’t have to be a pro, but maybe a brave lesson kid?
-What is the riding like of the other riders at the barn in the lesson program?
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Thank you!
I think this is probably the case here- thank you for your response.
I’m an older returning rider. I ride for my pleasure, if I’m not having fun and enjoying what I’m spending my hard earned money on, I go somewhere else.
Lesson horses are hard to find especially good ones but sounds like trainer needs to put you on a lunge line or cut the ring in half and help you until you get your sea legs so to speak.
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I have not ridden in 10 years and have some issues from RA. I would love to do this to see if I can still ride but there is no availability. It’s a wonderful idea.
OP hang in there a little while longer, one month back in the saddle is not very long. And put me on the list that thinks a few lunge line sessions might help.
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I started in a friend’s lesson program, but she got kicked out of the barn on very short notice. A different friend recommended lessons at Windrush Farm, which is one of the original therapeutic riding programs (I even got a lesson from Marge Kittredge herself!) It was absolutely the best.
At the same time, I was lucky that Friend #2 wanted company out hacking, and tried me out on her mom’s semi-retired old TB mare, which turned out to be a great pairing. So that got me more time in the saddle, which as a re-rider is so helpful!
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I started reading this thread, totally lost because the original post was deleted. @silver609 , please don’t do this in future threads. Lots of other people get benefit from the various threads here, and others are just interested in what you have to say. I was glad @Scribbler quoted the original post–now I know what is being discussed.
Rebecca
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