If you stay, due to geography or whyever, then you’ll just have to change your attitude. Walk in the barn with a ‘to hell with y’all’ attitude and take care of your horse. Stop worrying about what you think the trainer says about you behind your back. Stop worrying about the time others are spending with the trainer—you’re not showing or being coached now, so that shouldn’t bother you. In fact, stop worrying about the trainer—if your horse is in a rehab situation and your providing the daily hand walking and all the vet communication, what do you need to talk to trainer about? It’s not ideal, but as others have said: you can leave, and if you can’t or don’t want to leave, you can’t change anyone else. You can only change how you feel about it. So feel empowered that you are doing you, and your horse, and tune out the others. What happens down the road with your horse you can save for down the road.
You need to look harder for more boarding. I just find it highly highly unlikely there is NOTHING if you’re in a place right now that has a show program and a sports medicine vet that will come to your barn—those things don’t happen in real horse deserts. If you are afraid to look because your trainer will find out or something like that, then there’s your answer about the kind of person you’re dealing with. Your horse is not getting the care it needs and you don’t trust the person who is supposed to be responsible for it. Leave. You’ll regret staying. I moved my horse over an hour from me and have zero regrets other than staying so long in a toxic and abusive relationship with my trainer.
agree with Night_Flight
when I had my service company there is only so much time that can be devoted to clients with the assets of the company, I ended up restricting our service to just nine corporate accounts (there were two private accounts that we kept as those had industrial equipment )
See, that’s the real red flag here. That reveals trainers character and ethics. Acting like a high school mean girl. Why ever would you want to continue to support her business and depend on her to oversee your horse’s management?
Far as spending more time with clients who own more horses and spend more money on her services? It is a business depending on income from additional services, not income from just board. Think some younger people who think they want to turn Pro don’t realize how this effects their future business decisions. Some clients don’t realize other clients are paying for more of trainers time and take it as a personal affront instead of business.
Right now, OP is not generating any additional income over board, which is break even at best. Trainer very likely cannot afford to carry any non income generating horse for the foreseeable future, even if they like the horse and client. They just cant subsidize horse ownership.
Add to that Trainer’s lack of professionalism and reluctance to simply tell OP the truth and it turns toxic.
“Sorry Suzie, I cant afford to carry board only clients for more then a few months and I do have a wait list of clients who want those services. Let me give you some numbers and help you find a rehab place”. How hard would that that be? As opposed to back stabbing and snide remarks?
Imagine a few will get on and say trainer should just raise the board forgetting boarders shop for price and “they” ( the collective boarding community), wont pay it and usually go to social media to complain about board increases from their barns.
Anyway, OP here needs to move, all horse needs is board only basics and thats what she needs to look for. Not a stall expected to produce income from lessons, training and show services. Also understand it shouldn’t be personal, its business, that’s where this trainer is off the rails.
ETA, yes I was asked to leave a long time barn when horse broke and would be off at least a year. Or pay a 300 a month service fee to compensate for not using extra services. Barn had a waiting list. They were honest and up front and provided me contact info on options. Actually already had a Plan B rehab barn lined up…and a Plan B barn is always a great idea,
Amen.
In my experience, some thirstier trainers would rather keep a boarder they can manipulate than lose one, even if they can’t provide the service. What results is this weird codependency.
If the trainer is really the only name in town she wouldn’t need to act this way. She’d have people banging down her door and would have the confidence to have honest conversations. Instead she’s meangirling OP to keep her in line.
Dollars to donuts OP has probably not gotten what she’s paid for in the past and trainer is ripping her off in ways OP hasn’t figured out yet.
I agree with this whole post! I haven’t been in this situation, but I’ve seen it so many times at barns I’ve ridden at–there’s a client who is just boarding, is obviously not going to do more because the horse is often unsound or injured (or is an older woman who just walks around the arena on an older horse), and instead of politely, kindly, and professionally giving the boarder a reasonable deadline to leave, and excellent references, the trainer puts the client on freeze, says mean things, and makes it uncomfortable for the boarder (and also other people in the barn when the boarder is around). I just don’t get it. And lots of times, the boarder just gets very emotionally hurt, and doesn’t quite “get” why she’s being pressured to leave.
Take a drive around the area, many places do not advertise. I have boarded horses for 40 years without ever advertising. Several of my boarders just drove in and asked. Some I took, some I didn’t.
I was always straight forward asking what they were looking for and I explained what I was able to provide. If someone didn’t look or sound suitable I just stated I didn’t have room at the time.
.
Do they still have tack or feed store bulletin boards? Area FB groups? Local breed, discipline or trail riding clubs on FB? No matter how small the area is in numbers of horses, there are always clubs and groups. We tend to isolate ourselves from the majority of the horse population when we surround ourselves with one discipline, type or breed. Horses don’t really care who their neighbors are or what they do.
Since all OP needs is basic board, there are very likely more options then she thinks. May require opening the search to other disciplines but that can be fun and lead to new friendships and learning new things. Plus some people love having board only clients. Find one of those.
Agree this trainer is not the only store in town, its to her advantage not to interact with the rest of the community and not encourage her clients to do so either. JAW.
A different twist is to take this time to look at yourself. Do a search and read posts about “what makes a good boarder.”
But OP is already tying herself in knots and floundering. The place isn’t right for her, there is no fixing it in place IMO. BTDT, sometimes you just need to leave and learn.
If I could go back in time, things would have gone differently—I would have left a year or two earlier lol.
I’m a “better boarder” now because I left a place that was wrong and took control of my journey, as someone else said. It’s weird how that happened.
I was thinking more about her applying what she has learned about herself to her next boarding experience. All of us should be looking inwardly from time to time.
I’ve said this somewhere else recently, but it’s always worth having some idea of a backup plan in mind in case a boarding situation goes south.
Even if you love your situation and board with the most wonderful people on the planet (as I do at the moment,) where would you go if the barn burned down, or the arena roof collapsed and you had to leave overnight?
It wouldn’t have to be the most perfect situation, but at least somewhere that was good enough to get you by in a pinch while you looked for something more ideal.
Not counting wildfire evacuations, which are a whole other layer of stress, I’ve had to move barns in hurry I think twice in my many years of boarding. I’ve been able to do so because I had identified options when I wasn’t under the gun. (And I’m sane and not known as a difficult boarder…)
What would really worry me in this situation is what other posters are alluding to: what if your trainer gives you 30 days notice to leave? Where would you go then? Even if it’s not an ideal situation, it would be a good idea to have a back up plan in case you need to leave promptly.
Yep. I’ve seen it happen. Trainer’s current favorite wants to import a prospect and pay trainer to ride it in the performance hunters. Suddenly, that stall being taken by a rehabbing case or casual rider is an issue.
A good pro would have a frank conversation, but a good pro doesn’t gossip, either.
Might be better to find a barn and then haul out or have a trainer came in, if the barn allowed.
I actually was going to post the same thing.
Your trainer is probably glad when you’re there when they aren’t there too. Sorry, but it can be a 2 way street.
Think hard about how close you need to be. One gal was coming to the barn to hand walk her horse on stall rest. Trainer was happy to walk the horse, (she was paying for it) but rarely got the chance.
Having a lame horse can be mentally exhausting. Consider widening your search radius and cutting the apron strings a bit. It might be worth considering moving your horse a couple hours away & just going on weekends. Have someone at the new barn hand walk the horse. Give yourself some time off.
