As my old guy was aging I started asking around about cremation services – other horse people, my vet, searched online. We lease the barn and as this was a very special horse I didn’t feel comfortable burying him somewhere that I might someday have to leave, or that someday might be developed into a housing addition. And dumping him in the landfill was definitely not an option for me. I know at that point it’s just an empty body and all that, but I just couldn’t bear the thought of throwing him away like trash.
As his was a planned euthanasia I was able to make the arrangements ahead of time for the cremation service pick up. I took the appointed day off from work. I spent the morning grooming him, feeding treats, and reminiscing. When the vet came out in the early afternoon it was just the two of us at the barn. I stayed with Apple for the injections. He went peacefully. The vet covered his body with his old cooler and removed his halter. I kind of wish I had taken off the halter myself, but I was rather numb, just standing there staring at my lifeless horse for several minutes. I had about an hour before the cremation truck was scheduled to pick him up, so after the vet left I went in the barn to start cleaning stalls. Life goes on like that. But every now and then I would look out and see that blue cooler and the lump underneath it. I did go out and cut a bit of tail and mane hair. When the time was getting close for the truck to arrive to take him away I went out to see him, and touch him, one last time. It was April and he still had his fuzzy winter coat, so I stuck my hand under the cooler and stroked his neck a few times. He of course was cold, but that didn’t really bother me much. The thing I still regret to this day, however, is I pulled the cooler away from his head to see his face one last time and his eye was open and the normal mucus had jelled and was strung across his eyeball. I try not to think of it, but that image will always be with me.
When the truck came I left but watched from the barn. They had one of those huge plastic sheets that they put behind the body, then rolled him over onto it, then winched the sheet into the enclosed truck instead of having to drag the body across the bare ground. They kept it dignified. I went to pick up the ashes a couple days later and the owner of the cremation service was very kind and even offered to show me the “oven” where he was processed. The ashes I got back were in a human sized vault (approximately 18” x 12” x 8”) and the rest were spread in the pet cemetery next to the building. I had a couple glass pieces made incorporating a small bit of his ashes.
