I was at the barn very much minding my own business and schooling the horse (Daisy) of a friend’s daughter. After warming Daisy up, I decided I needed a different pair of spurs as I had borrowed a pair and they weren’t sitting properly. When I went to get back on, Daisy didn’t want to stand still at the mounting block and pulled out the good old swing the butt out when you want to mount trick. Now I’ve a few years of experience with horses, and I’ve always found the best way to deal with these habits is patience and perseverance—little tap on the hindquarters and praise/release when she stands still. However, I was not alone in the arena and the other rider felt the need to butt in and tell me that I’m screwing up the horse and that she’s learning she can do whatever she wants. This other rider then proceeded to tell her daughter who was watching from the side to hold Daisy while I mount because I obviously don’t know what I’m doing and won’t ask for help when I clearly need it. I was a bit dumbstruck and don’t do well with confrontation so I just said sure whatever hold her. This rider then proceeds to tell me that I should be taking lessons and not riding other people’s horses if I’m that inexperienced. Second opinions, anyone? Did I actually do something wrong here or should I have told her to find someone else to criticize?
You were handling it correctly. Even if you hadn’t been handling it correctly, as long as it was not a dangerous situation for you, her, or either horse, it is none of her business.
You are non-confrontational.
You are neither dumb or need a thicker skin. You need a bigger mouth. It does come with age or at least it did for me.
People like that just need to be told to STFU. Their advice is unneeded and unwarranted. Many different roads to Rome.
The other woman was completely out of line. You were addressing misbehavior in a way that is consistent with how I’ve taught horses to stand at a mounting block. In fact, that woman actually contributed to teaching that horse that it doesn’t have to stand unless she is being held, which is inconsistent with good training.
Mounting is one of the most dangerous parts of riding and it’s essential that horses stand quietly without restraint. I would have driven that woman nuts because when I first got my TB I would stand on the mounting block for several minutes, insisting he stood in the right place, then lead him away and start again! I guess I didn’t know what I was doing 
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You don’t need a thicker skin – as said above, you need a bigger mouth. Or the ability to tell nosy parkers to mind their own business.
I’m most cases, I agree wholeheartedly!
Presumably OP, you had permission from the (adult) owner of the horse to be riding it? Were any of these people the kid’s regular trainer? If the regular trainer was involved, I’d have defaulted to them immediately in this case. Are you “training” or “schooling” the horse, or are they doing you a favor letting you ride? If the latter, I would’ve personally preempted the drama in a busy ring by asking someone to hold the horse, and brought it up to the owner after. Otherwise, the railbirds can stuff it.
BTDT, had to tell the “trainer” (not the trainer of said kid or pony) that I was asked to ride this pony, had known him for years, and the owner was just fine with what I was doing. He was a crossrail packer, I didn’t need to slap draw reins on him to “get him working properly front to back” (no that’s not a typo) 
. I finally had to tell her “I don’t need your help. Thanks. I’ll chat with the owner to make sure they are happy with how things are going”. Done. It did help that I didn’t ride out of the barn, I kept my horse elsewhere but was helping out a friend (aka I wasn’t worried about in-barn drama).
Yikes! What a nasty buttinsky to deal with!!
Totally agree with previous posters, “Get a bigger mouth!” to tell that person to GO AWAY!!! You DO NOT want help or comments! Be very firm with her, GO AWAY!!
Totally rude and nasty with her comments, uncalled for ‘help’ telling someone to hold the horse. You HAVE to speak up when these things happen or it WILL get worse meeting her again. Make a complaint to the friend and barn owner should she interfere or comment again! Letting it pass only makes her worse with thinking “She REALLY does know something!” and getting someone else hurt. She sure won’t take responsibility for that!
To me this is a both/and.
The other person was out of line. You can ignore it or address it head on.
If you choose not to address it then you’ve got to have a thicker skin and realize that this isn’t a you problem. This is a them problem. They’ve got issues with control or need to feel powerful or whatever else and that’s their burden to carry.
There’s a difference between ignoring something and being unaffected and being wounded but staying silent. A bully can smell the difference so you’ll likely have another negative interaction.
Personally, I’m a huge fan of flooding. You say the same thing with slight variations on repeat until they shut up and move on. “The owner is comfortable with my approach” “the owner is aware of what I am doing” “my actions align with the expectations of the owner”. Eventually they get frustrated and move on.
You were most definitely NOT the a-hole.
Nor are you dumb or in need of a thicker skin.
I’ve defused know-it-alls by repeating “I’ll ask for help if I think I need it” until they get the message.
I could care less what they think of me, my horse or my methods.
And Lord help them if they touch me or the horse! 
The one time I was momentarily stunned into silence was when an Asshat walked into my longeline, as I was actively longeing my horse, to stand beside me.
Ostensibly he planned on taking over.
Took me about 10 seconds to tell him, in no uncertain voice "Get Out Of My Longeline!
I am hard of hearing, that comes in handy when someone like that lady butts into where you don’t need her.
“Excuse me”? and ignoring is best, you keep doing you, let her ramble on.
If she insists and gets too close or wants to handle your horse, tell her “I got this, thank you, please leave” and keep ignoring her.
You need to be quite rude and frank with these people, as everyone else is and they can’t take a hint and don’t have boundaries.
In these situations there’s always a choice. Keep on doing the slow training you need, or get quick help from someone offering. Depending on where you are with the horse, you might make different choices.
I am totally confident in what I do with my horses, and situationally aware. At this point there isn’t anything anyone could say that would upset me in my core beliefs. Yup, I know project mare is rearing up and screaming. Just stand back and let me muscle her out of the arena once her buddy disappears from sight. Etc.
Because it’s pretty hard to upset me, since I own my limitations, I can differentiate between rude ignorant or bullying behavior, and comments that might matter. Interestingly I about never get unsolicited comments on my horse handling or riding. It’s not that I’m so wonderful but I expect i give off the vibe I’d bite your head off
Anyhow, random mum doesn’t know who you are and is likely an adult beginner. My response would be nope I’m good, and then get on and do something fancy in her face 
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I would have just said " thanks for the advice but I didn’t ask for it". I am really good at ignoring unwanted butt-in-ski’s too.
It is a learned skill that comes in handy.
You are neither dumb , nor do you need a thicker skin. People in boarding situations need to learn to keep their comments/ advice to themselves unless it is asked for.
The important part in those situations is, you have to defend your horse.
You don’t know what the one offering unwanted unasked for help is going to pull.
Don’t take chances, stand between you and the horse.
Shooing them off is better than fighting them after the fact if they pull something stupid, like hanging on the horse’s head to keep him in place or such.
You were fine. The other person wasn’t. I would’ve refused assistance with mounting because who knows what the daughter would do if the horse decided to act up. If she did something stupid and you were mid-mount, it could end really ugly. If I knew and trusted the person, it would be a different story,
ETA: I was writing the same time as Bluey. Bluey beat me to it!
I’d say in this situation first of all, you’re not remotely dumb. I don’t like the “do I need a thicker skin” b/c it further sounds like you’re kicking yourself around a bit. I think what I’d want you to gain from it is to be more confident of your abilities in a moment like that so that self-criticism isn’t what you bring away. Maybe think about ways that you can talk to yourself, bolster yourself up, get more comfortable with enough confrontation to protect yourself in a moment like that. I suspect you’re going to have opportunities to practice b/c once a person like that gets what they think is a little foothold they will return to the scene and do it again. I think you would be totally correct to tell her to go find someone else to criticize, as you said.
I agree with this!
It is probably worth it to have a simple conversation with the owner’s of Daisy about what happened.
You can have it with out placing blame on this Busy Body too.
You do not want Busy Body to go running to Daisy’s owners and have them proclaim you were ruining Daisy.
Hey Daisy’s people, I had a great ride on Daisy on Saturday. We got some of the best round 10m circles, Daisy was so balanced and did her transitions between collected and lengthening the best I have ever gotten.
I just want to give you a heads up that Busy Body interjected when I was mounting Daisy. It was no big deal, I was going to work thru the mounting thing with Daisy but it was easiest to just move on and Daughter Busy Body held Daisy for me to get back on her. That was not really necessary but I did not want to make problems with Busy Body.
I still plan to ride Daisy on Thursday at 6pm.
Horse people need to stop being judgey aholes. 
We’ve all been there, probably on both sides of the conversation at different points. That doesn’t mean it’s okay. We all should cool it.
We get used to being yelled at by coaches. And moms get used to yelling at their kids across the arena (and elsewhere).
Some beginner or just obnoxious riders who are not coaches may internalize yelling like this because they are on the receiving end of it.
And then when someone tells at us in the arena we are preprogrammed to react like OMG I’m doing something wrong, because years of riding lessons
Also when someone normal yells at you it’s usually an emergency. Loose horse! Rail! Bear in the arena! (Happens). Your horse is bleeding, your girth is undone, etc
So we are preprogrammed to be alert to being yelled at, and responding. And we assume normal people are not going to start yelling insults at us, or heels down! Get off his face! Etc.
It’s normal to be taken aback when someone like this rider violated the norms of arena riding, by yelling at you like am abusive coach over something not an emergency.
Now you know she is a cow and a bully and showing off for her daughter or other spectators. Going forward you will mentally block anything she says that’s not fire, bear, blood, or loose horse.
Practice a few phrases at home, the we are fine, we are fine, we are fine kind of thing. Shut her down. It will come in useful.
Thing is, if she’s not your coach or the horse owner, it’s none of her business if you are doing suboptimal things with your horse, unless you are actively endangering other people. I see stupid shit all the time and keep my mouth shut.
Just get ways to deflect and shut up.
This. Get out ahead of any story that “Busy Body” starts sending by having your version in the ear of the most important stakeholder (Daisy’s owner).
At a barn where I have strong relationships with the most critical folks (BO, BM, and any horse owner if applicable) then I’m more likely to advocate for myself and horse with a “Please don’t hold Daisy, I am all set and prefer to work through this without assistance”.
At a barn where I’m a visitor or have less established relationships, I’m more likely to avoid confrontation and then message / communicate with horse owner or barn manager my version ASAP (in a diplomatic way like above).
Unfortunately in reality the horseworld is super relationship based so I try to avoid ruffling feathers until I know I have solid relationships who trust my judgement and actions.
The only thing I think could have been your fault in this situation is IF this woman and/or her daughter were waiting to use the same mounting block, and were therefore a captive audience to your slow and patient training method. Now, that still does not make her (or what she said) right, but it would (sort of) justify it, in the sense that she was probably feeling impatient and found it slightly inconsiderate that you wouldn’t step aside and allow them to use the mounting block before carrying on with your schooling.m
Just want to edit to add that I’m not saying that’s what happened! That’s just literally the only circumstance I can envision where her reaction—while still pretty rude—wouldn’t be 100% out of line.
Really good points. Do report to owner in a way that doesn’t make you seem invested in drama. Owner may very well tell you Busybody is a known entity.
My friend who leases her horse out tells leasers specifically who at the barn they can ask advice from, and to ignore all other input. She rides in a specific program and does clicker training. She’s found there’s a handful of people who would never say anything to her up front who specialize in trying to undermine leasers. Like telling clicker training leasers they are giving too many treats and spoiling the horse! Also there’s some fairly brutal font to back dressage riding and she doesn’t want those people telling her leasers how to “get round.” Etc.
Blood bear loose horse cast horse etc yeah accept help. Stupid suggestions ignore.
