Thanks to all for your thoughtful responses. It’s a lot to think about. I’m going to have a serious sit down with my trainer before going any farther.
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Good luck! I can understand your dilemma. I had to have my lovely steady eddie, bombproof STB put down in December, thinking of getting another QH, because I really would like to show again one day, but it’s so much to work my head around, besides my heart isn’t quite into it yet.
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This. I know a couple women in this boat. The real shame of it is that they had the money to buy a nice horse. I don’t think either cheaped out completely, but the horses they bought have issues & had them when they bought them. Friends told them it was a bad idea and it fell on deaf ears. They’d like to be showing, but can’t because they bought projects instead of a finished horse.
The 70 something in my barn sold his solid, safe mare for something flashier. He got a green broke, 17 h gelding who is not the brightest bulb on the tree. If the horse gets in the ring this year, there’s a good possibility it will be with our trainer or myself on the lines.
Personally, I got quite the shock when I traded in my 17 or 18 yro mare on a 4 yr model. The old mare wasn’t easy, but I knew all her tricks. Four year old was beyond my capabilities and I was in my mid-30s.
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Even a lot of bouncy kids who are used to BTDT horses get a shock when they move on to greener horses, but they have a long time and healthier joints to figure things out!
One woman in her late 50s I knew had a sweet little hony who passed away. She replaced him with a young Standardbred off the track. When that didn’t work out, she got a 17h+ warmblood like that guy at your barn–she was terrified to canter on that horse on anything more than a tiny circle, while on her older, smaller horse she was bombing around trail riding, jumping full courses during lessons. I just never understood that.
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I feel like there’s a lot of green = naughty, spicy horse and that sooo not necessarily true. Buy something well bred for its brain, put the time into a solid base and if you have a trainer start them, go for a trainer that produces confident young horses
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Well I freely admit I am a hypocrite for saying this because I did even worse than buying a yearling, I bred my mare but I have something to ride as she is just 12 now. I bred my mare because in addition to riding I enjoy showing my babies in hand long before they are old enough to be ridden so I didn’t just wait for her to grow old enough to be broke before I was out doing the fun stuff.
Buy at least a five year old.
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So sorry for your loss. 
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Well, I’m 64 riding a homegrown five year old. I impulsively rescued a mare that turned out to be in foal, kept resulting foal and did lots of groundwork before turning her out at 3 for a year after my husband died. I trail ride, so she had been ponied extensively, gone camping, and generally just learned good manners before her sabbatical. I started riding again last year (my BTDT 20 yr old mare) & had a local trainer put sixty days on the youngster. Now I’m hauling my young mare and thoroughly enjoying it. Yes, there are a few spooks here and there, but we are building a relationship that I hope will last many years.
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I don’t think you’re nuts OP!!! I would go-for-it! There is so much to be done with a young one…you can learn and enjoy every day and get little lifts, little happinesses, that will send you to bed with a smile at night. And occupy you off-horse-time with thoughts of ‘how-to’ accomplish all the little things that make a realllllly good horse! If you don’t want to greenback that baby, don’t! Pay someone to do it. If you’re bringing him/her up right, it won’t be a thing at all.
I’ll be 70 in December. My body is healthy and strong. Daily i do hard labor around the farm and i think i’ll live to 100. I may have two or three foals hit ground next year. I have no problem picking up 2 or 3 year olds. And still greenback my own young ones. I have a coach i work with weekly and through her guidance have brought up some well schooled, safe to ride young horses. I’m not selling, just…enjoying the experience. I love learning and experiencing new wrinkles in horsewomanship.
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This thread makes me think of that meme: "Is your pony kid-safe? Well is your kid X (picture of kid on a pony ride, going around in a circle) or Y (picture of tiny Irish jumper kid foxhunting). Similarly, it could read, “Is this horse so safe your grandma could ride him? Well it depends on your grandma.” And the first frame would be a little old lady sitting on a docile shaggy hony, versus an eighty-something whisky-drinking grandma foxhunting.
Obviously, this is a continuum, and we all want to be closer to the side of the tough old bird. I doubt I’ll be quite that fierce on horseback myself in 20 years. But like everything, making a good decision means doing homework about yourself as a rider as well as the horse (which it sounds like the OP is certainly doing, to her credit).
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I’d get him. I’d look at that extra year with him as opposed to a 2/3 year old as a bonus, you’ll be that much further down the training/understanding line with him, be able to know him well, start him carefully and take time to work out the bugs. If he has a good mind which I assume is part of what you like about him then riding him in a few years should be a non-event. I also think having him as a horse that you’re excited about will keep you “in the game” and looking forward to your time when he’s ready to take over for your good older horse. We’ve had several young horses that we just got on and started riding when the time was right, no bucking, no drama, no fighting. We’ve had more issues with older horses that came with problems already installed. I wouldn’t worry about the age thing either, you’re not talking decades, you’re talking a few years. Take care of yourself, stay active with your horses and live your life!
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My train of thought is, even if in a few years it turns out he’s a bit more than you can handle, you sound competent enough that you can give him a really good start in his formative years. At the very least, if you end up having to sell him, you know you gave him a great foundation and can use whatever you get from selling to put towards what you need at that point. But he could also turn out to be exactly what you need, some babies just start out mature minded. I’ve had a few that could (and did) teach beginner lessons at 4. The biggest risk, I think, would be if he had something happen to him, but that’s a risk with any horse. If you have the skills to bring along a youngster from the ground, or have access to a good consistent trainer that can help if you run into issues, I would definitely consider it. It all depends on your skill level and support system, of course.
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I am very sorry this happened to you.
But selfishly i appreciate your posting it here. “Taken all the fun out of it” is exactly what my own back issues have done to me about riding and I’ve been having a horrible time trying to remember that and believe it (i still haven’t accepted it).
So to hear another horseperson talking about the same experience is a good reality check for me. So i thank you for posting that but i am really, really sorry you are in that situation.
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I know you can’t predict this but I would take into consideration the likelihood of your older horse’s retirement date. If there is going to be lag time between the older horse going out of work and the younger horse going into work, that is very hard the older we get to take a break from riding and then successfully return to it. Just a thought.
I’m 57 this year and I’ve started and trained a lot of babies through my riding career but more and more I really want to ride, not train. But if you still really love the process and feel safe and comfortable doing it, by all means buy the baby.
Let us know what you decide!
Edit: I see you decided! Congratulations!!
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Congratulations, he is sharp!
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Congratulations! Beautiful baby. 
Spill on the breeding please. The VS gives a lot away, but I need particulars. I so miss following the QH bloodlines.
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I am 5 years younger than you and haven’t started a youngster since my mule in 2009. I am training my young horse right now and I find I am way more cautious about everything . I am also finding it a reason to overcome my fears of what " could" happen and am having fun .
I would say go for it, especially if you have someone you trust to back him first. I did not but we did just fine.
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Now you know we want bloodline details…
It didn’t happen overnight…took a long time to accept it. Then I had to retire my longtime horse, didn’t ride for a couple of years. Accepted an invite from somebody else on one of theirs, lasted about 20 minutes. Don’t know how I put up with it as long as I did, think I was about 67.
Reminded me of Linda Allen, she shared her back got to bothering her so bad she gave up trying, didn’t even want to get on. Swore that would never be me but there you go. I still get around just fine with no limitations…except for twisting, bouncing motion that cannot be avoided on a horse and my L5 vertebrae doesn’t tolerate well. Like to continue being able to do everything else so it was not as hard a choice as I feared. Still love horses, still spend some time with them.
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