Am I Off Base? RE: Thunderstorms and no shelter

[tipzythegreat]

So here’s the background – I moved to a facility about a year ago and was, admittedly, terribly unhappy. I posted about it before (mice, bad footing, no shelter) and ended up wintering it out. I’ve been looking at barns to move to tentatively August 1 and am on a waitlist.

This barn does hybrid – stalled in the winter, turnout 24/7 in the summer – which isn’t stated in the contract (it’s stall board and the same price year round in the contract). I didn’t know that until I was moved in and settled. In the pasture, there’s trees for shelter only, which makes me uncomfortable because the horses are often left outside in crazy wind and lightning. I skirted through last summer’s thunderstorms via running up myself to turn him in if they hadn’t. Just recently horses were thrown back out 24/7 and we’ve had a stormy spring.

Yesterday I rode and went to turn my horse out. The sky was black, it had started to drizzle and there was tons of thunder. Horses were going to stay in for the night due to the cooler temps and rain, so I left my horse tucked into his stall. It was around 4:30PM.

At 5:30 I received this text: Please do not bring your horses in and leave them in without saying something. They have all been outside during the storms all week and it hasn’t even stormed yet today. They are coming in tonight with the cold rain and storms.

My reply: It was thundering badly when I went to turn him out. I’m sorry, but I never want him turned out in bad weather. if I’m there, I will not be turning him out if it’s storming.

Hours later I receive a text: Hi – please check your email for details about terminating your board contract.

That was it. No discussion.

FWIW: I am a good client. I pay my bill on time. I always clean up after myself – i even pick up manure in the arena. I’ve helped catch loose horses and helped her turnout foals when she’s working alone. I’ve moved jumps for her to drag. I’m friendly with everyone and even brought another client over. I don’t even turn on the lights because they stress about the electric bill. I’m always there to hold my horse for vet and farrier appointments. I’ve never gotten in trouble or been reprimanded for anything.

I called my former barn and she said she’d take me back in a heart beat. I left the premises within 12 hours of her asking me to leave and didn’t leave a thing.

Am I off base in thinking this is an extreme reaction? Am I wrong to not want my horse out in thunderstorms without shelter?

[trubandloki]

@tipzythegreat

So here’s the background – I moved to a facility about a year ago and was, admittedly, terribly unhappy. I posted about it before (mice, bad footing, no shelter) and ended up wintering it out. I’ve been looking at barns to move to tentatively August 1 and am on a waitlist.

This barn does hybrid – stalled in the winter, turnout 24/7 in the summer – which isn’t stated in the contract (it’s stall board and the same price year round in the contract). I didn’t know that until I was moved in and settled. In the pasture, there’s trees for shelter only, which makes me uncomfortable because the horses are often left outside in crazy wind and lightning. I skirted through last summer’s thunderstorms via running up myself to turn him in if they hadn’t. Just recently horses were thrown back out 24/7 and we’ve had a stormy spring.

Yesterday I rode and went to turn my horse out. The sky was black, it had started to drizzle and there was tons of thunder. Horses were going to stay in for the night due to the cooler temps and rain, so I left my horse tucked into his stall. It was around 4:30PM.

At 5:30 I received this text: Please do not bring your horses in and leave them in without saying something. They have all been outside during the storms all week and it hasn’t even stormed yet today. They are coming in tonight with the cold rain and storms.

My reply: It was thundering badly when I went to turn him out. I’m sorry, but I never want him turned out in bad weather. if I’m there, I will not be turning him out if it’s storming.

Hours later I receive a text: Hi – please check your email for details about terminating your board contract.

That was it. No discussion.

FWIW: I am a good client. I pay my bill on time. I always clean up after myself – i even pick up manure in the arena. I’ve helped catch loose horses and helped her turnout foals when she’s working alone. I’ve moved jumps for her to drag. I’m friendly with everyone and even brought another client over. I don’t even turn on the lights because they stress about the electric bill. I’m always there to hold my horse for vet and farrier appointments. I’ve never gotten in trouble or been reprimanded for anything.

I called my former barn and she said she’d take me back in a heart beat. I left the premises within 12 hours of her asking me to leave and didn’t leave a thing.

Am I off base in thinking this is an extreme reaction? Am I wrong to not want my horse out in thunderstorms without shelter?

You are not wrong if that is how you want your horse kept.
And you are the only one who can decide what is right for you and your horse.

And they are not wrong for not wanting a boarder who wants something different than what they are offering.

Lots of places consider trees as shelter.
Only you can decide if trees are enough shelter for your horse.

I will say, having a shelter does not mean your horse will get to stand in a shelter or will want to stand in a shelter.

But again, your decision on how your horse is kept.

I am glad you were able to find a barn that will give your horse the care you want it to have.

[Lunabear1988]

Yes the reaction is a bit extreme without discussion but not totally uncommon. I’ve met barn owners with attitudes like that. Best to move on I guess.

[luvmyhackney]

I get both sides of it. Seems that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

[poltroon]

@tipzythegreat

At 5:30 I received this text: Please do not bring your horses in and leave them in without saying something. They have all been outside during the storms all week and it hasn’t even stormed yet today. They are coming in tonight with the cold rain and storms.

My reply: It was thundering badly when I went to turn him out. I’m sorry, but I never want him turned out in bad weather. if I’m there, I will not be turning him out if it’s storming.

Hours later I receive a text: Hi – please check your email for details about terminating your board contract.

That was it. No discussion.

I would not say either of you are wrong, but it seems to me that the first person to create an ultimatum in this conversation was you, not her. “I will not be turning him out if it’s storming” was a clear refusal to follow her directions rather than an invitation for a discussion. And your “I’m sorry” was definitely of the “not sorry” genre.

(Note: her statement wasn’t “don’t do it” but “please say something.” I wonder if she was out there looking for your missing horse?)

It’s not how I would have handled this conversation from either side, but again, not to say either of you were wrong. Yay that you were able to go back easily to a place where you were more welcome.

Maybe another way you could have approached it was, “My apologies, I didn’t understand what was best for you given the weather” and then separately discuss what the process should be and then what you can personally live with.

[tipzythegreat]

I felt that way too – but I don’t know WHY because we hadn’t had any issues that I had known of.

[joiedevie99]

No one is wrong. You want a service they do not offer. They aren’t wrong to want a boarder who isn’t on board with what they are offering to leave.

[luvmyhackney]

You gave an ultimatum that contradicts the way they run their business.

@tipzythegreat

I never want him turned out in bad weather. if I’m there, I will not be turning him out if it’s storming.

That is the straw.

I would have asked you to leave as well. I’m not running out to grab a horse everytime it storms/rain.

[tipzythegreat]

SURELY if I replied more amicably it wouldn’t have come to that. But I also don’t understand why she’d come at me so aggressively for leaving my horse in a couple hours early. It’s saving her work, isn’t it? They were coming in anyway?

If she had approached it differently, I’d also have responded differently. She really came at me when I truly don’t feel like I did anything wrong. If she had said hey please let me know if you leave them in I would have been like of course so sorry no problem.

My horse is out in a group of 4 and they don’t turn them all in together, so I don’t imagine that was the case. Maybe so. I never want to cause anyone trouble or worry them. Based also on the reply she gave my other friend, she said she was worried they were in because they were injured. I would, of course, have told her if that had been the case.

As a human being I’m also uncomfortable walking through a severe storm to turn my horse out. I don’t want to get hit by lightning either. Rain is one thing, but a storm is totally different

[S1969]

@poltroon

(Note: her statement wasn’t “don’t do it” but “please say something.” I wonder if she was out there looking for your missing horse?)

That was my first thought. Someone thought a horse got out and when they found him in the stall they were pissed. And, I can’t blame them.

[MorganMaresVT]

@tipzythegreat

But I also don’t understand why she’d come at me so aggressively for leaving my horse in a couple hours early. It’s saving her work, isn’t it? They were coming in anyway?

Maybe he was freaking out in the barn alone? Maybe they didn’t know he was in and spent hours walking the pasture in storms looking for him? Who knows.

I think the “I don’t ever want my horse turned out in a storm” ultimatum response, particularly when the barn turns out 24/7 in the summer, makes it understandable that, in the BO’s shoes I would be feeling that you basically just told me you were no longer willing to have your horse kept the way we keep them.

I’ve both field boarded and had my horses at home in 24/7 turnout. They do have shelters, they don’t often use them in extreme weather summer or winter. It’s hard for me to relate to a demand that horses have to come inside for cold and rain.

[tipzythegreat]

Based on this, I’m thinking that’s how she did read it and not how I meant it. I just meant if I’m there (which is only 3x a week) and it’s storming, I will not be turning him out. No I don’t want him out in bad weather, but I wasn’t asking her to turn him in. But I can see how she perhaps thought that.

[LCDR]

Take a breath, accept what happened ended as a blessing for you and your horse, and don’t read any more responses to your post. Just enjoy your return to a place you can feel good about.

[tipzythegreat]

@S1969

That was my first thought. Someone thought a horse got out and when they found him in the stall they were pissed. And, I can’t blame them.

No, there was another handful of horses inside as well. Halters are hung on the gate for the pasture, so she would have immediately known they were inside.

[tipzythegreat]

@LCDR

Take a breath, accept what happened ended as a blessing for you and your horse, and don’t read any more responses to your post. Just enjoy your return to a place you can feel good about.

You are too good!!! Thank you for saying that. It was meant to be, I think.

[tipzythegreat]

@MorganMaresVT

Maybe he was freaking out in the barn alone? Maybe they didn’t know he was in and spent hours walking the pasture in storms looking for him? Who knows.

No, he was not alone in the barn. There were plenty of people riding that I asked what they thought regarding turning him out as well.

[poltroon]

[quote=“tipzythegreat, post:9, topic:796334, full:true”]
SURELY if I replied more amicably it wouldn’t have come to that. But I also don’t understand why she’d come at me so aggressively for leaving my horse in a couple hours early. It’s saving her work, isn’t it? They were coming in anyway?[/quote]

That was your assumption and it was a reasonable one but maybe it didn’t. Having a horse be not where you expect can create extra work, and maybe that day being stormy and difficult made it even more work. I don’t know, obviously.

I think text messages are sometimes terse and especially if they are sent when we are annoyed, as we might be if our routines are disrupted.

If she had approached it differently, I’d also have responded differently. She really came at me when I truly don’t feel like I did anything wrong. If she had said hey please let me know if you leave them in I would have been like of course so sorry no problem.

I mean, that is what she said. “Please do not bring your horses in and leave them in without saying something.” I appreciate that it felt sharp (and it would have to me too) but I think “she came at me” is an overstatement of the plain reading of the text. IMHO. It definitely reads as irritated.

My horse is out in a group of 4 and they don’t turn them all in together, so I don’t imagine that was the case. Maybe so. I never want to cause anyone trouble or worry them. Based also on the reply she gave my other friend, she said she was worried they were in because they were injured. I would, of course, have told her if that had been the case.

“of course” but you are new to her, so she doesn’t know that. She probably wondered why she didn’t get a text about putting the horse in, “of course” you would send one of those, but you didn’t. Maybe you didn’t realize that text would be helpful - I might not have in your shoes either. When new relationships are created, you kind of have to feel out what level of communication is wanted and expected and what is irritating and there are inevitable errors. It’s okay.

As a human being I’m also uncomfortable walking through a severe storm to turn my horse out. I don’t want to get hit by lightning either. Rain is one thing, but a storm is totally different

That is very fair and something quite reasonable that could have been communicated when discussing your actions and how you could both be okay in the future. Maybe she’d be fine with that as long as she knew the horse was in. Maybe she’d want a text asking if that was okay.

In any case: that’s my feedback about why maybe it escalated faster than you expected. It sounds like this was not a fit for you, which is okay. I’m glad it all worked out that you’re in a good place now.

[tipzythegreat]

@poltroon

I’m glad it all worked out that you’re in a good place now.

You are very kind, thank you. I have been there for a year, though – so we have communicated plenty without issue. I’ve also left my horse in several times over the last year.

A bad day for all, I suppose.

I appreciate your insight!

[Djones]

I think the way she read it was as a command on your part. You didn’t mean it that way, but the tone as I read it was quite forceful.

I wonder what her reply might have been to a text like this. “I’m so sorry, when I finished riding the thunder was really rolling in and I was a little afraid about leading him out there. I thought we were both better off if I just left him in his stall. I hope that makes sense!”

We’ll never know but sometimes slowing down and making sure we’re conveying what we want to say is actually what we’re saying.

[tipzythegreat]

That’s what I do think happened.

But she could have also been like – are you saying you expect me to bring in your horse every time it storms? And I’d have been like no! Just when I’m riding and it’s storming, I’ll leave him inside (and let you know!)

It’s funny-sad that this type of conversation would never transpire face to face. Technology for you, I guess.