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Ancient adulting sucks. Update post 16 He’s a keeper!

I had always hoped that my physical ability to ride, or maybe my passion for it would fade before the money needed to support this addiction became an issue. Seems that isn’t happening, fixed income and rising prices, and now having to seriously consider being horseless shortly.

Aghhh common sense says rip the plaster off quickly, heart says hang on and maybe things will get easier (though not sure how) everytime I think about it I just have floods of tears.

Now I do have a friend who doesn’t ride too often, and would let me part lease her guy, I would think, it would dramatically reduce my costs, help her out a little and I could still ride, without all of the extras to worry about.

On the other hand, apart from the finances, it’s all the ‘other’ things that make horses so huge in one’s life, just thinking about selling, or disposing of my mountain of stuff makes me even sadder. How does one cope without a horse, even if you are still a rider?

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When I lost my girl two years ago I seriously thought then the best thing to do would be to hang up my stirrups and get into something else before facing what you are. But a little bay roan mare changed that idea for me and I got sucked right back in.
Instead of you half leasing with someone else any change you could find someone to half lease yours, or perhaps board one or two with yours for mostly help and some $ ?

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I really spend a lot of time researching costs. We have one local feed store chain we have a long relationship with that every end of the year has a 20% off sale on everything but hay… I buy most of my feed, bedding and whatever else such as muck baskets, forks, water buckets then, they allow staged pickups during the year, but I will buy about two to three thousand dollars of stuff then.

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As in any situation I would look into cheaper options for boarding and ways to cut other non horse related expenses before throwing it all in.

I know you have a horse with physical issues that are probably costly to maintain and that is a problem. I would cut everywhere I could before going horseless, but that is just me.

This economy is rough.

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Amazingly, touch wood, light the candle, sprinkle virgins tears around, he is currently the best he has ever been. He is out with a huge bunch of geldings, living mainly on hay, gets supplements when I ride, most expensive addition has been his blankets, but he is happy, and healthy boy. His issues will always be there, but seems, crossing everything, that simple management works best for him.

Spoke to barn owner today, she is suggesting that she could sell him currently for 3 or 4 times what I paid…makes decision making even harder.

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The question is: How much do you want to be the owner of this horse? If losing him would create an empty spot that even part leasing couldn’t fill, I would try all available options to keep him before selling. So explore part leasing him or whatever cost saving measures you can find. If staying part of the horsey world by part leasing would be enough, then that is a great option. It is a very personal choice. Best of luck.

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First of all, I am so sorry you’re faced with this. Like many others on COTH, I know that having a hole in your heart that only a horse— especially a certain horse— can fill leads to emotional distress. Crying becomes almost a daily occurrence.

Second, you’ve gotten some great tips already. About all I can add is that when I was horseless and in despair, I got some satisfaction by riding extra horses for my trainer. When there wasn’t one to ride, I worked with the yearlings and 2-year-olds on the ground. Yet please don’t sell or rehome your horse until you’ve exhausted every option available. Since you seem to have a good relationship with your trainer, enlist her help. Sometimes networking among fellow horse lovers will provide an unexpected solution.

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IIWM, and it may be, seeing as I’m aging & have dug my Equine Hole deeper by having not 1, but 3! horses (well, horse, pony & mini :roll_eyes:) on my farm.
So, while board is not eating into my fixed income, their expenses are a drain.
TG, I can handle them & still manage to pay bills & buy groceries.
But no guarantees for the future - financially or my ability to take care of the farm.
Still, getting rid of any of the 3 is an option that would be Last Resort for me.
My hope is they go before I need to make the choice.
Possible, as pony is 21, horse 18.
But mini is a youthful 7 - his future will be with the granddaughter of a Driving friend or donated to a theraputic riding/driving program.

I wish you Peace in making your decision :heart:

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I’m in the horseless phase right now. Last Feb. the guy whose farm I was part leasing died. His ex wife ended up with the place and in December gave me 5 days to leave. Long story getting to that part but it’s not important now

I had to give away 6 horses and all my stuff luckily I’ve been able to stay with my brother and his wife (another story about living with her :dizzy_face:‍:dizzy:) so I can fix up my truck and build up finances

I don’t know if I’ll ever have enough money to buy a place with a few acres and/or even be able to buy another horse

Since I’m completely animal-less I plan on not getting any animals for the next year. That will allow me to do some things I haven’t been able to do for years

Right now I don’t really want to think about horses because when I do it breaks my heart makes me cry (right now) and depresses me. I’m in south FL and my brother gave me some info about WEF in case I want to go. He’s also talked about going to a polo game and I might look into that cuz he’s been very good to me while I’ve been here and he’d really like to go. I have horse friends in Wellington and I will probably go see them a bit

I’ll probably take some lessons when I get to a new state (planning on moving around April) and see how that works out

Anyway I hope things work out for you try thinking about this being a wonderful new adventure to start :face_with_raised_eyebrow: that’s what I’m supposed to be doing

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[quote=“KBC, post:1, topic:769495”]
On the other hand, apart from the finances, it’s all the ‘other’ things that make horses so huge in one’s life, just thinking about selling, or disposing of my mountain of stuff makes me even sadder.[/quote]

As I get older, this is on my mind a lot. Injuries and insults to my body when I was younger are catching up, and getting harder to manage. I ask myself almost every day, “is this what I really want to be doing?” ‘This’ not just being horses, but what I do with them. And I think about every single thing I’ve learned, done, know, and I just can’t turn my back on that.
But my last 3 horses… so the last ~14 years, have been fraught with one vet bill after another, one lame horse after another, none of it my fault but it wears you down. I am long overdue for a sound horse that can play the game with me. Boarding options where I’m at are increasingly hard to find and expensive. I can afford “enough” but with that ability also comes the fact that I’m this much closer to retirement age and I need to not be spending it all in one place! Not if I want to do it when I actually am retired.
All this to say, I understand how you feel. I feel your pain and your tears and I’m right there with you.
Hugs.

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Such a difficult spot we all eventually wind up in.

Here’s what I got out of the process: leasing is wonderful, and I enjoy riding just as much without the ambitions I had when owning. However, since I moved to a new area, my reputation is much smaller, and I’ve become invisible at the barn as well as everywhere else, so making riding friends has been an uphill battle.

I sold out about 18 years ago, we moved, started a new business (which meant no time at all to ride) and I didn’t get back on a horse for about 8-9 years. Then I got back doing lessons for a time, and that was great to get my body back in shape. I didn’t miss the barnwork a bit.

Recently, we retired to a new area, and I had to do a lot of shopping around in the middle of Covid to find a barn with the trail access and horses to lease. It’s so much easier when you stay in one spot and people know you. Move to a new spot and you’re just another one of “those people” talking about probably imaginary past glories, right? I still haven’t found a lesson barn who is interested in a grey haired lady who’d like to jump around a little bit every week. I haven’t wanted to invest the time to do all the “rest of the work” that it would take to reestablish a reputation, but if there’s a riding association, a show association, a kids organization (Pony Club, 4H, etc.) you can volunteer in those venues to get known again if you want. Just takes effort.

I remember when we first sold out; I felt both relief (because managing the horses on a shrinking budget had become an anxiety that affected everything) and great sadness (I’d spent decades learning stuff that was now going to just die in my head). I gained a good 10 lbs which I haven’t lost yet (probably more to do with the stresses of the business than the loss of horses, but which cause doesn’t matter).

However, now I ride on my schedule, I can shop for the lease horse if I don’t like the one I have, I still can ride responsibly and use my knowledge (every ride is a training ride), I can increase or decrease how much time I spend at it, I’m happy contributing to the finances of someone else who is paying to keep an animal, and the weight of the heavy decisions doesn’t fall to me anymore.

And I’m getting older, so I see a time coming when I won’t be skipping out to the barn, but somewhat carefully trudging, and I’ll groom a lot more and ride a lot less. Leasing lets me keep my hand in without breaking the bank.

I have several friends in the same boat as we’ve all walked beside each other during this journey. My best gal pal still owns her two old gentlemen, lives in a new area (reputation long gone). She’s a FABULOUS horsewoman, but has become invisible at her barn, and she struggles sometimes because her age is catching up to her and she sometimes just cannot do what needs to be done anymore, but she doesn’t have the respectful coterie of younger riders around her happy to help out because of her past contributions to their horse journeys. I think that is the saddest thing. I am no longer close and cannot help her. I’ve decided I don’t want to struggle like that.

ETA: I also don’t want to spend money like that. Leasing helps me feel much more in control of the entertainment budget.

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I was so lucky 10 years ago, to purchase my heart horse, didn’t realize when I first got him, but he arrived the day before my wreck, and without him I would never have ridden again. When we lost him, I lost a part of myself, and never expected to have that relationship again. Then this guy arrived in my life, and yes losing him would create a massive empty spot, so much that even sharing him seems unthinkable!

Over the years I have bought and sold, leased and loaned, always decisions of the head, some with emotional baggage, some were never meant to stay, they were passing through. This one is special, to the point I don’t care if I don’t ride, just hanging out is good, working on our in hand or liberty work is awesome, riding is a blast.

At the same time, there are reasons why, as a loving owner, he would maybe be happier with someone else……

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Oh how I fear becoming the invisible grey lady with nothing to give, must suck.

Talking to our latest barn owner, just arrived in the fall, yesterday, seems that I’m not there yet. She’s watched me working with my guy, and understands the need to be involved, so I would be able to still get meaningful barn time. Apart from riding my buddies horse, she has a virtually blind mare, who still loves to do things, and I could come and play with her when ever.

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It’s a real thing, so start now, when you are still perceived as having your head screwed on straight. If you stay in the same area, you can age gracefully and people will remember. Don’t move. It’s harder if you move.

(To put a positive spin on it, now that I have moved, I don’t have every pony clubber I ever knew calling to ask about blankets, or tack or shoeing…)

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lol I want to move for this exact reason. I want to be a nobody that everyone ignores haha

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So, Mellow is staying, he’s a keeper.

But even more so DH is a keeper, good job after 45 years, I guess I was out of the return window anyway!

My BO, decided that I NEEDED to keep my horse, and offered a list of tasks that I could do to offset my board costs. Some of them sounded beyond the abilities of this old, out of shape, machinery averse person. Told husband of the plans and he said, “well I can do a lot of that” so between us we will be working to keep my habit alive :grinning:

Today is a good day…

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That’s just terrific news, @KBC. I’m really happy that you’ve got this nice horse, thoughtful barn owner and supportive husband all in your corner.

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I feel blessed

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no! don’t let that thought hang around. He is as happy and content with you as he would be with anyone. he is with you for a reason, :slight_smile:

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