Anxiety and Horse Ownership

[archieflies]

Has anyone dealt with extreme anxiety related to owning horses? I know everyone feels stress, but have you felt anxiety to the point you’ve considered giving up your horses?

I’ve ridden for 25 years and kept horses at home for 11. I’ve had several that I’ve owned for years with no major issues. A few ugly things now and then yhat were resolved smoothly. Lots of good times in between. But 2.5 years ago I bought a young gelding that has ended up having medical drama after medical drama. Thus guy does not do anything by halves… a minor issue can turn into an ugly, drawn-out ordeal for him. Plus he’s just complicated attitude-wise, so there’s not a lot of accomplishment between vet bills. I don’t think I’ve slept well since the day I got this guy. I’m always waiting for the next axe to fall, watching for minor symptoms of major cataclysms.

Then I took on this young rescue mare that my trainer had. Planned to let her grow up a bit, get her started under saddle, then find her a great home. She became part of the family. It’s time to start her now, but Miss Easygoing got an abscess that turned to hell and we’re on week 4 of drama… multiple vet and farrier visits, a new issue every day…

…and suddenly I find myself so stressed that these animals are driving me crazy. I lay awake at night with my mind running through all the possibilities of what could happen to them. I’ve made the mistake of looking at the Horse Care forums for some advice, and I see threads on a thousand other major medical issues that I never knew were possibilities. I lose sleep over the what ifs-- all the possibilities and what if I don’t have a the time, money, knowledge, or facilities to deal with them. Basically, I’m driving myself crazy.

i often wonder if it would be better to just give up horses. There are other things I’d love to pursue in life, if horses didn’t eat all my money and mental energy. But I don’t like failure. And then there’s the fact that neither of these two (or their mini conpanion) are really sellable anyway, and I certainly don’t want to just pass off my problems on someone else. Financially, boarding my horses isn’t really an option, though I feel like that would release a bit of the pressure.

Anyone been at this point? Have you taken a break from horses, or completely given up horse ownership? Or have you pushed through the anxiety and found some sort of joy with horses again? Tell me I’m not totally alone in this? I’ve never thought of myself as anxiety-prone.

[soloudinhere]

I took a break for about a year after a combination of a serious injury for me, a horse with a serious illness, and barn drama bs all hit me in the same 6 month period and I couldn’t do it anymore.

sold the horse for much less than he was worth to a forever home, fired the trainer who caused the drama, and took the winter to just heal my battered body.

by March I was ready again and in July I bought a super special horse who has changed it all for me. I’ve since bought a farm, connected with a great trainer, made new friends and ditched the old “friends” who weren’t, and everything has changed.

Sometimes you just just need to hit the reset button and power cycle your life.

[Cynical25]

Having my horses at home is not the romantic dream envisioned - it’s exhausting and we regret our decision to buy land more often than we’re thankful I did it, lol. When you are the sole care-giver, it’s absolutely understandable to have anxiety and even fear, it’s ALL on us! High maintenance animals will exacerbate that feeling. If all yours were in perfect health and had all the training they needed, would you still feel this way? I think that’s your key in choosing your next steps. It’s not “failure” to find a more suitable home for them, or more suitable animals for you - it’s self preservation.

I’ve let many of my ideals go in favor maintaining my sanity. My horses receive quality food, farrier & vet care, but my barn aisle may only get swept a couple times a month. I no longer cringe at grooming only the saddle & girth area, because I only have 30 minutes to spare and he’s just going to roll in mud once I unsaddle anyway. I’m also currently on the tail end of a major horse injury which coincided with the first day of my son’s school and 6am daily football practices - our entire household was in a zombiefied adjustment period filled with random trips to the tack store for more vetwrap.

However, this is my second round in the horse world - I’m 6 years back in, after an 11 year break - and I know I’m not “Me” without horses. We are working on our exit strategy to move back to boarding/city living, but honestly that’s several years out. Until then, I’ll continue to seek out ways to simplify my current life - such as enjoying my loafing shed instead of the time suck of stalls, and refusing to feel guilty for not riding regularly - because in the end, I’m incredibly lucky and happy to have my horses in my crazy busy life.

[mydogs]

I’m in a very similar boat. As my lease comes to an end on a horse who has is older and therefore is starting to experience several health issues, I actually thought to myself that I can’t wait until I don’t have to go to the barn. Granted, my horse’s issues are relatively small and are easy to keep under control, but they all just equal $$ to me and I keep thinking about all the other things I could buy or do if I didn’t have horses or have to pay for vet bills or medicines/supplements.

I’ve decided that I am going back to riding twice a week and I am just going to hack around on other peoples’ horses. No pressures of perfecting a movement & no pressures of having to ride every day to keep the horse in physical shape.

But, before I even do that, I am taking about 2-3 weeks off away from the barn. The thought of getting home by 4pm each evening after work or being able to sleep in because I don’t have to worry about rush hour traffic to the barn after work sounds amazing. I’ll be able to get other things done on my to-do list and will feel even less stressed out at the office.

I’ve also decided that when I do get another horse, I am going to do this “retreat” at least once a year, maybe even two times a year. I’ll have future-horse hacked by a trainer or friends to give future-horse a mental break as well.

I remember the days when I was dying to go to the barn and was upset if I didn’t go. Now, I look forward to the days that I don’t go out and get to just sit on my back deck with my dogs and friends. That is how I know I am ready for a vacation from the barn. Just like I need a vacation from work, I need to do the same with the barn. It is a lot of physical and mental work at times.

[bt1]

Yep…was there for almost 2 years straight. I don’t think you need to give up horses all together or even these 2 in particular, you just need a break from the “drama lamas”. Maybe retire mister “complicated over achiever” and/or find a safe space for miss maresie… if you really like her personality give it say 30-60 days of training after the abcess heals and set a date to make a decision as to wether to continue training or send her to safe space then. For yourself…find something ready to ride and just have fun on for a little while. Find a professional to speak with for a little while…you can not take care of anyone or anything else if you do not take care of yourself…asking for some respite, deciding these particular horses need a permanent vacation…ain’t no shame in that game, rather take pride in the fact you did your best to solve their problems(but some are just permanent) and did right by them.

[archieflies]

Thanks, y all. I’ve actually “given up” once before, but not from the anxiety. I had a high-strung TB eventer that was my partner for more than a decade… when I was pregnant with my younger daughter, the mare didn’t get ridden for months. When I tried to bring her back into work, she expected me to be the same rider I had always been, and I just wasn’t. A difficult toddler and a colicky baby jusr changed me too much, and I wasn’t able to ride often enough to rebuild the connection. I finally had to admit it was done, and I didn’t have the time to get her back in shape to sell. I would have happily retired her at home, but my trainer found her a home with a teen who loved her, so I gave her away. Even though I knew that was what was best, I couldn’t shake the feeling of having failed… so when I really should have taken a nice long break, or bought myself a packer, I jumped into buying this young gelding 2 months later, and nothing has gone well since. I love him, I do. And when he’s good, he’s good. But he wasn’t the right horse at the right time. And yet I’ve put everything I can into making him work, because I feel like I jumped ship on a good horse once before, and “dumping” this one for a big financial loss just feels like shame. Quitting out of fear of what “could” happen feels like shame. I could totally justify it if we were moving and not going to have a farm anymore (I’d almost welcome that), but we truly love where we live and likely won’t move unless there was a job transfer. Keeping the farm but giving up the horses feels like it would be this daily reminder of failure. And, well, I do actually love horses.

in a year, my youngest will be in school and I’ll probably go back to work. I know I won’t have time for horses while rebuilding a career and being mom. If I can get past this anxiety for now, get the horses healthy enough to catch up to where they should be training-wise, then I might make a more graceful exit in a year or so. Of course, if those stars align, I may not want to walk away! If i could just manage to sleep through the night without worrying if someone’s broken a leg, I might not even mind our training setbacks and just enjoy my horses where they’re at.

[archieflies]

@bt

Yep…was there for almost 2 years straight. I don’t think you need to give up horses all together or even these 2 in particular, you just need a break from the “drama lamas”. Maybe retire mister “complicated over achiever” and/or find a safe space for miss maresie… if you really like her personality give it say 30-60 days of training after the abcess heals and set a date to make a decision as to wether to continue training or send her to safe space then. For yourself…find something ready to ride and just have fun on for a little while. Find a professional to speak with for a little while…you can not take care of anyone or anything else if you do not take care of yourself…asking for some respite, deciding these particular horses need a permanent vacation…ain’t no shame in that game, rather take pride in the fact you did your best to solve their problems(but some are just permanent) and did right by them.

Thanks, bt. I have a great trainer who is great at talking sense into me and has rescued me off a ledge before. Tomorrow’s lesson will likely be more therapy than riding!

[WildLittleWren]

I have been there before. I even took a couple year break after I had my first 2 children. I missed it, a lot. I am just not “me” without horses. They are in my blood, I swear! It sounds like you have a good plan in place. Deep breaths!

[Libby2563]

You are definitely not alone… lots of us on here have had these feelings before. In general I am not anxiety-prone AT ALL, but horses can bring it on. My two triggers sound similar to yours: having a chronically lame/sick horse with an uncertain future, and feeling overburdened by home horse care.

Farm ownership has its positives but the stress and work can be overwhelming sometimes. I don’t remember ever feeling as stressed/anxious by horse ownership when I boarded.

I too go through phases where I think how nice it would be to not have my happiness so closely tied to these fickle, fragile creatures. Then I wonder what I would actually do with my time on a daily basis, and how I would get exercise. For me, the anxiety comes in waves and I’ve had a few good months lately even though my young horse is not getting any sounder. (I actually can’t recommend my solution though, because it involved acquiring another horse: a cheap, sound, fun project pony that I found on Craigslist. Without a horse to ride, I felt like horses were all work and no joy, and the pony has helped shift that balance back.)

I still think I might take a bit of a break when my older horse crosses the rainbow bridge, but he’s “only” 22 so who knows when that will be. In the meantime I’m trying not to attach myself to horses with issues or who would be difficult to rehome if the time comes that I need a break (unfortunately I already have a second one, much younger, who’s probably with me for life, but I think I could board him out at a retirement farm if it came to it…the older guy has anhidrosis so he isn’t a good candidate for year-round pasture board). Obviously, anything could happen to any horse at any time though.

I also identify with your equating quitting/selling with failure. The amount of time and work and money (mine and my parents’) that has been invested in my riding over the last 3 decades would be staggering. If I quit, am I throwing that all away?

I’ve tried therapy a few times, but I find it hard to explain horse anxiety to a therapist who has no frame of reference (first-world problem, anyone?).

Here are a few old threads with good advice, or at least more commiseration:

https://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/f…riding-anymore

https://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/f…o-this-anymore

I’ll be sending you happy thoughts, and hoping that you can either find a way forward or find joy in your horses again.

[HeyJealousy]

You’re not alone, as others have shown. I never experienced this kind of anxiety until I got my gelding, who was one issue after another after another with no end in sight. I boarded him, so not exactly like your situation, but every time I went to the barn it was a question of “what did he do now?” and I used to get that horrible anxious feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. The day I made the decision to retire him and turn him out was a day of huge relief. Lo and behold, since retirement he hasn’t hurt himself (knock on wood) and I don’t have those fears/worries anymore.

For me, I think the worry was mainly financial. I couldn’t stand the feeling of throwing money into diagnostic after diagnostic and never finding an answer.

I don’t have any advice, just commiseration. I hope you come to a conclusion that’s right for you.

[xeroxchick]

All of the above. Some really good replies here. Can I add something though? Fwiw, you may need a good liquid magnesium suppliment like ReMag. I used to have a lot of unspecific anxiety, laying awake, a pit in my stomach and for no reason at all. The magnesium really helped that. I guess we are in a really magnesium deficient environment or something. Anyway, might be worth a try.

[Edre]

I was in this position some time ago. My horse had a catastrophic injury - to rehab, he was on complete stall rest (+ hand walking) for six months - and then extremely limited confined “turn out” + hand walking, and then slowly factoring riding in, and this was all just to get him to a place where he might be pasture sound enough to retire… The mental headspace I was in during that time was not ideal but in that situation walking away wasn’t viable (it was rehab the horse myself or have him euthanized). It was a mental and emotional struggle to wade through. To compound the issue, the horse had a severe colic right as things were taking a turn for the better in the rehab (trotting under saddle going well) and while he made it through colic surgery, started seizing the day after (medication reaction…? unknown…) and was euthanized at that point.

After that entire situation, I was left with significant feelings of guilt/depression/anxiety - not only sadness from losing a him, but that I put him through perhaps the worst year of his life to rehabilitate him, and he never saw the light on the other side.

That, plus barn drama that happened (starting right around when the horse was euthanized, but continued for an easy 10 months after) kept me mostly completely absent… I would ride other people’s horses on request (mostly when they were out on vacation/needed an assist in a pinch) but that was it. Too many feelings around being at the barn, too much guilt and anxiety and bad headspace to want to go back.

What ended up helping me out of it was spending some time on a friend’s farm. They’ve got some pleasant retirees, a few push-button types, and a lovely young horse. Helping them out with their property/animals was low-pressure, no-drama, and allowed me to remember what it was about horses that made me happy in the first place.

So I guess the takeaway for me…yes. I’ve been there - and for me, it was related to the barn no longer being a place of joy. The responsibilities I could’ve probably managed with, but then losing the horse compounded with the drama was just too much. The idea of being there made me ill… But taking some time to myself and letting myself work through my own head, and finding horse opportunities that came free of any strings or baggage, brought me back into horses.

Best wishes to you, OP. It’s a tough place to be in when the things that make you happy are contributing to your stress and anxiety.

[longlanefarm]

I had to chuckle to myself reading thorough many of these posts. I can SO relate. I don’t have human children but have several horses, several dogs, several cats, and several ducks all at home. I work full time and care for most of the animals (all barn animals) on my own. Sometimes it’s difficult, frustrating, and worrisome to keep your horses at home and no one really “gets it”…even/especially my husband. I don’t like to complain because it’s my hobby/passion in life even though I rarely ride my own horses.

I don’t, however, stay awake at night or feel that I’d consider my frustrations and occasional worry “anxiety.” If I were having such feelings I would like to think I’d find a professional to talk to. Not that they can relate to your exact worries/anxiety, but he/she should be able to help you find ways to work through your thoughts and come to a solution you can be happy with (selling vs keeping, coping skills, anxiety reduction and management, etc.).

It sounds like you are also putting a lot of pressure on yourself to get them into shape and such. I still feel constant guilt, albeit much improved, for not necessarily prioritizing my riding or fitness of my horses when other life “things” get in the way. I try to remind myself that most of my guilt comes from my perception of others “judgement”…my horses are healthy and happy with ample hilly pasture to roam. They’re probably not even in as bad of shape as I think but if I’m not working them or riding them and someone makes a simple comment like “Oh it must be so nice to have your horses home so you can ride anytime you want…” I sort of laugh inside and feel a tinge of guilt at the same time. But WHO CARES…I keep trying to tell myself that, it’s easier said than done.

You clearly have the best intentions for your horses and they are lucky to have such a kind human. Good luck to you!

[McGurk]

Dear OP,

I am so sorry you are going through this, and I’m sorry that having your horses at home hasn’t brought you greater pleasure.

I have mulled over this thread for a couple of days before posting because I wanted to carefully consider how my experience and yours are different.

Overall, I’m delighted that my horses are at home. First of all, it’s horse(s) plural - if they were not at home, I would be boarding a singular equine, not keeping a guest horse and not retiring my daughter’s beloved childhood pony. 80% of the time, it’s a wonderfully positive experience. 20% of the time, I’m pissed that I’m doing farm chores instead of riding OR dealing with foundery pony on stall rest. During the 20% I do wonder if I boarded one horse locally if I would end up riding more.

So I think the biggest factor that makes my experience different that yours is … luck.

I am almost afraid to type this out and tempt fate, so I’m going to be vague and oblique. I have been very fortunate to have mostly sound, injury free equines. The issues that I’ve had over the past 10 years have been minor - foundery pony, minor wounds, etc. Nothing major, no long periods out of service. (crosses fingers and whistles)

The second, minor factor is that I was very careful about how I set up or farmette and how I managed my expectations. I had a lot of experience working and managing farms and stables so I knew exactly what I did and didn’t want, to whit:

I did not want to be tied to daily mucking or a feed schedule. So my horses live out 24/7 with access to run ins and have free choice pasture all year and free choice round baled hay in the winter. At some age my guys will require supplemental feeding but I hope to be retired by then and able to manage it.

I trace or blanket clip and only blanket in the most severe weather. I maintain exactly two turn out rugs for this purpose.

My barn is not immaculate (I prided myself on an immaculate barn when I managed one), and my tack room is not as tidy as I would like.

I muck the run ins/scrub water troughs etc. on Saturday morning .

My horses are in good weight with beautiful coats but you would not mistake them for show horses.

If I had to manage a series of acute injuries and lamenesses that required the horse be stalled and maximized work/minimized riding pleasure I would probably feel very similar to you.

I hope you can figure out some ways to change your situation so you have more enjoyment and less work. Wishing your all the best.

[Magicboy]

I’ve retired from competing, which was my lifelong joy and motivation. I realize that my anxiety came from keeping my horse enough to compete moving up the levels, training for certain events, etc. I am now a hobby rider three or four times a week with probably three lessons in months. It took a lot of stress off my equestrian life.

[Against_All_Odds1]

OP I am there with you. I actually started a thread that is similar to yours https://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/forum/discussion-forums/horse-care/10244497-misery-loves-company-intermittent-lameness-edition

[BeeHoney]

@Cynical25

Having my horses at home is not the romantic dream envisioned

I know, right? Beyond the usual work and stress of managing a farm/horse property, taking care of a sick horse–or in the OP’s case–horses, is extremely stressful.

OP, I think you should seriously consider how you are managing your horse interest. I would want a break from these two “drama llamas” as much as you do! If keeping horses at home is stressing you out, why don’t you consider re-homing these two (maybe give the one back to your trainer and sell or give away the other) and then consider leasing a horse at a local barn and give yourself a break from the responsibility and day to day worries.