Anxiety related to new-found confidence?

[Risuena]

I’m curious if others have gone through this…short version: my horse is as honest as they come, and after approximately 8,535,696 dressage lessons our canter has gotten pretty good (as long as I’m not riding like a lobotomized monkey!). I’ve been riding regularly with a trainer and we’re now doing courses with jumps up to 3’3”, Not huge but definitely bigger than this middle-aged weenie has jumped since I was a teenager!

Ironically, now that I’m actually starting to feel ok at this height, my anxiety has increased. Not because I’m worried about some disaster - we’ve had some fun rides recently and my horse has proven to me that the worst consequence to me screwing up is an ugly chip - but because I don’t want to backslide and lose my precious new confidence. Does that make any sense at all? I’m sure that it will improve with time, but I was wondering if anyone can commiserate or provide some words of wisdom? Do I need to join Overthinkers Anonymous? :lol:

[Ceffyl_Dwr]

Try reframing anxiety or nervousness as excitement. Google “anxious reappraisal.”

[skydy]

@Risuena

I’m curious if others have gone through this…short version: my horse is as honest as they come, and after approximately 8,535,696 dressage lessons our canter has gotten pretty good (as long as I’m not riding like a lobotomized monkey!). I’ve been riding regularly with a trainer and we’re now doing courses with jumps up to 3’3”, Not huge but definitely bigger than this middle-aged weenie has jumped since I was a teenager!

Ironically, now that I’m actually starting to feel ok at this height, my anxiety has increased. Not because I’m worried about some disaster - we’ve had some fun rides recently and my horse has proven to me that the worst consequence to me screwing up is an ugly chip - but because I don’t want to backslide and lose my precious new confidence. Does that make any sense at all? I’m sure that it will improve with time, but I was wondering if anyone can commiserate or provide some words of wisdom? Do I need to join Overthinkers Anonymous? :lol:[IMG2=JSON]{“data-align”:“none”,“data-size”:“full”,“src”:“https://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/core/image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAPABAP///wAAACH5BAEKAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAICRAEAOw==”}[/IMG2]”‹

Perhaps.:lol: Are you under a lot of stress in other areas of your life? Life is extremely difficult for so many people right now. If you are OK in the important aspects of your life, does it worry you that things are not going well at all in general for many people? (I gather that you don’t have financial or heath concerns because you have not mentioned them.)

You’re doing well with your riding! It should be fun for you, not a source of anxiety. Enjoy your horse and your riding time. :yes:

Try to remember the feeling you had when you were young and riding a horse. Get back to it a little. The freedom you felt when riding, the feel of the velvet nose, the softness of the coat and the ears moving as they listen. You have a horse, and the health, the time ,and the funds to enjoy it. You are lucky. Remember that every time you ride and try to enjoy your horse to the fullest. Your horse world will not end if your confidence is shaken again. You’ve got it now. If you lose it, you’ll get it back again.

If the current pandemic and the other issues we all must deal with right now are worrying you, perhaps they are contributing to your anxiety about riding without your realizing the source? Even when things are going (relatively) well for you, life is weird in some manner or other for everyone right now, and I am guessing that you are no exception.

If you think your anxiety could be related to the weirdness of the times, helping others can really combat the sense of helplessness that most of us feel in tough times. For all I know you are a constant help to others, so please remember that I don’t know you and am just responding to your post about your anxiety. It seems (to me) an unusual anxiety that you are experiencing, but these are unusual times.

Anxiety= Excitement is a great viewpoint for sure. It could be that simple.:yes:

[Willesdon]

Do you worry about performance in the kitchen sliding back after you have created a really good dish? Driving ability falling after a really long drive? Probably not, because your confidence is well established. Carry on the good work and the novelty of your improvement will disappear as you learn more new things. Keeping a diary might be helpful, giving a sense of proportion and context.

Otherwise, sign up for Overthinkers Anonymous.

[Pokerface]

Maybe try to remind yourself that your new confidence is a result of learning a new skill as well as a gaining of strength. Unless you stop riding altogether, or barring some unforeseen event, there is literally NO reason for your skill/confidence/strength to fail at this time. Sometimes anxiety is reasonable, sometimes its based on unreasonable fears, so maybe if you remind yourself that you are on the track that got you here, so as long as you keep on that track, there is no reason for regression.

Also, as a fellow middle ager, way to go! I hope that my young horse and I will be up to that level in a few years! Right now we are working on getting a more reliable left lead :lol:.

[ottbee]

@Ceffyl_Dwr Thanks for the link to anxious reappraisal, I have a lot of anxiety about well … everything … and I had never heard of this technique but had stumbled upon the idea of sometimes trying to reframe it as excitement. I’m eager to learn more and think it’ll be super helpful. Bit of a derail to OP’s question I know but just wanted to thank you.

[Cocorona]

What you’re talking about is a really common phenomenon in Sports Psychology. Probably easier to think of a regular D1 sport- lets say you were the best player on your high school basketball team. You get a good scholarship and rise up to college and it’s a learning curve but you excel. You’re confident and riding high on your own ability- your coach points you out to others as a talented player and a hard worker to boot. And then the call comes- you’re recruited to the pros.

now you’re in a new league quite literally playing against people who are radically better than you. The coach is centering their plans around the star player and you notice it. You also notice you’re missing shots you never would have before and the more you mess up- the more time you get rehashing what you did wrong and reinforcing for yourself that you’re not as good as the others.

It’s a really common backslide. You’ll see it happen to most people as they rise up the ranks- a nagging worry that they’re not good enough, really.

Okay so what do you do- for me I read a sports psychology book to help get it into perspective. I also changed the way I talked about myself. Your OP it’s funny and self deprecating probably because you’re nervous BUT try not to use that same tone when you talk to yourself. Watch videos where you do the right thing and relive moments over and over again where you rose to the occasion.

When you make a mistake- articulate it and how you could have done better and then move on. And practice…practice practice. And do it as perfectly as possible. Your confidence will follow. Good luck OP

[wyocowgirl]

I completely relate to this! I don’t usually ride during the winter months so every spring I’m timid and cautious (even though my mare is completely safe and always taken good care of me) and by the fall I’m back to being fearless ready to hop on anything that moves. It’s a totally normal cycle and a never ending self improvement project. Best advice I can give you is to always challenge yourself! Little wins everyday build a lot of confidence over time. And when you fail at something, don’t avoid it! If all of a sudden one day you’re scared to lope, that needs to be your goal for that day. Handling your fears right off the bat instead of letting them grow helps me a lot too.

[Ceffyl_Dwr]

@ottbee

@Ceffyl_Dwr Thanks for the link to anxious reappraisal, I have a lot of anxiety about well … everything … and I had never heard of this technique but had stumbled upon the idea of sometimes trying to reframe it as excitement. I’m eager to learn more and think it’ll be super helpful. Bit of a derail to OP’s question I know but just wanted to thank you.

Thank you! I hope it helps. I’ve also found thinking in the same way that I approach horse training. Small steps are big victories. Everything is a building block.

[Risuena]

You all rock! It was a busy day and it’s late so I’ll write more tomorrow, but I wanted to just pop in to say you gave me some really good food for thought. Those of you that brought up it might not really be about the jumps…there might be something there. I’ve joked that professionally I’m the poster child for imposter syndrome but never thought about how that could relate to riding…hmmm… Oh, and I love the concept of anxious reappraisal!

[OnDeck]

@Risuena

I’m curious if others have gone through this…short version: my horse is as honest as they come, and after approximately 8,535,696 dressage lessons our canter has gotten pretty good (as long as I’m not riding like a lobotomized monkey!). I’ve been riding regularly with a trainer and we’re now doing courses with jumps up to 3’3”, Not huge but definitely bigger than this middle-aged weenie has jumped since I was a teenager!

Ironically, now that I’m actually starting to feel ok at this height, my anxiety has increased. Not because I’m worried about some disaster - we’ve had some fun rides recently and my horse has proven to me that the worst consequence to me screwing up is an ugly chip - but because I don’t want to backslide and lose my precious new confidence. Does that make any sense at all? I’m sure that it will improve with time, but I was wondering if anyone can commiserate or provide some words of wisdom? Do I need to join Overthinkers Anonymous? :lol:

I can’t give you much advice about anxiety specifically, but I do know that you don’t just erase approximately 8,535,696 dressage lessons worth of progress That’s really solid hard work that propels you forward. Confidence can come and go to some extent, but with those hours of work behind you you will never be back to where you were before (both skill wise and confidence wise).

[mpsbarnmanager]

I feel this post. I’ve been working with a great trainer and jumping up to 3’3 in courses and it scares the crap out of me. My horse has the scope but my eye is still developing so I get scared when I can’t see it. Last lesson we were coming into a forward 5 line that we had had trouble getting down so I saw 3 coming in and legged up but my horse was getting tired and didn’t move up to it. He caught the rail between his front legs and we went down. Luckily we were both ok but my worst fear has been realized. I haven’t had a lesson yet since but I’m hoping he learned from the mistake. On the other hand now that the worsf has happened, maybe I won’t be so afraid. [ATTACH=JSON]{“data-align”:“none”,“data-size”:“full”,“title”:“Screenshot_20201023-204239_Video Player.jpg”,“data-attachmentid”:10759354}[/ATTACH]

[Risuena]

@mpsbarnmanager Yikes! That’s terrifying! I’m so glad you’re both ok. Ya know, even though I said in my OP that I’m not worried about some disaster, after thinking about it I do think I worry about putting my horse in a situation he can’t get me out of. My confidence is higher than it has been in a long time, but it’s not solid. Like you, my eye is still developing and that definitely makes me anxious, especially going in to combinations. Doesn’t matter that when my trainer tells me that it will work out if we have the right canter, he’s always right so far. I believe him on an intellectual level but have not internalized that.

[Risuena]

@skydy

Perhaps.:lol: Are you under a lot of stress in other areas of your life? Life is extremely difficult for so many people right now. If you are OK in the important aspects of your life, does it worry you that things are not going well at all in general for many people? (I gather that you don’t have financial or heath concerns because you have not mentioned them.)

You’re doing well with your riding! It should be fun for you, not a source of anxiety. Enjoy your horse and your riding time. :yes:

Try to remember the feeling you had when you were young and riding a horse. Get back to it a little. The freedom you felt when riding, the feel of the velvet nose, the softness of the coat and the ears moving as they listen. You have a horse, and the health, the time ,and the funds to enjoy it. You are lucky. Remember that every time you ride and try to enjoy your horse to the fullest. Your horse world will not end if your confidence is shaken again. You’ve got it now. If you lose it, you’ll get it back again.

If the current pandemic and the other issues we all must deal with right now are worrying you, perhaps they are contributing to your anxiety about riding without your realizing the source? Even when things are going (relatively) well for you, life is weird in some manner or other for everyone right now, and I am guessing that you are no exception.

If you think your anxiety could be related to the weirdness of the times, helping others can really combat the sense of helplessness that most of us feel in tough times. For all I know you are a constant help to others, so please remember that I don’t know you and am just responding to your post about your anxiety. It seems (to me) an unusual anxiety that you are experiencing, but these are unusual times.

Anxiety= Excitement is a great viewpoint for sure. It could be that simple.:yes:

@skydy , thank you for your thoughtful post. It really resonated with me - a lot of what you said is spot on. I consider myself very lucky right now - my job is very stable but pretty stressful right now (I’m an epidemiologist!). I am thankful for my health, and I have felt like I should help those in tougher situations and actually had a conversation with my husband about this not long ago, but I just don’t feel like I have the bandwidth (lots of hours at work, elementary school-aged kids, and I’m not willing to give up my horsey time).

I actually had hip surgery a year ago and was very worried about riding afterwards, and luckily while the hip isn’t 100%, it’s WAY better than before. Since I’ve been back in the saddle, I have been working hard and taking as many lessons as possible to get back to where we were pre-op (just started jumping 3’ courses back then), and recently I have been wanting to just go “play” (plans are underway, we are going xc schooling this weekend and I’m looking forward to some foxhunting this winter, if my work schedule allows). My free time over the past several months have been very focused on improving my hip, my fitness, and my riding.

Anyway, that was a complete tangent but your comments were remarkably relevant…

[Risuena]

So after mulling over the feedback, I have come to a couple conclusions:

1. It might not be just about the jumps…I think I do have a higher baseline level of anxiety recently (thinking of starting a new thread about horse-related anxiety dreams, I’ve had a couple lately!), and I do have a long-standing habit of not feeling like I’m good enough to do whatever it is that I’m doing. @Cocorona thank you for your comment, I’m going to investigate some sports psychology books

2. Even though I said my confidence had improved (and it has), I do just need more experience with the bigger jumps. While I’m more comfortable with them, I’ve realized that I’m comfortable with them when everything else is perfect, but am not yet confident in my ability to handle a crummy distance or losing the canter I needed.

[Ceffyl_Dwr]

Cross country and foxhunting… sounds like you have more confidence than you give yourself credit for! These are activities where you find enjoyment, but the lesson based activity promotes anxiety. I think you’re on to something with the imposter syndrome. Perhaps it’s the fear of not meeting other’s expectations. One way I have tried overcoming my own anxiety is to try to define it as self-involved behavior that I’d rather let go of. When I’m making it about me, I’m not focusing on my horse. I’m not being a leader. I’m resonating fear. Anxiety means my mind is skipping or stuck in a loop. I try to make the moment about helping my horse or being present for the trainer. And the best bit of advice I’ve ever heard about jumping is to just stay out of the horse’s way (mouth and back). They know what they’re doing!

[Risuena]

I figured I’d post an update…the anxious reappraisal definitely helped, thank you for introducing me to that concept! And the feedback from this thread made me realize the similarities between this and how I have felt professionally: striving to reach a goal, reaching the goal, and then going “Oh crap! What have I done?! I can’t do this!!” I’ve learned to cope with it pretty well professionally (fake it 'til you make it, no?) and am now comfortable and happy in my job. And successful. I actually typed “comfortable, happy, and successful” but deleted “successful”, then realized that is a symptom of my problem! It is bizarrely difficult to acknowledge that I’m good at what I do. Seeing the parallels there has really helped me.

But wait, there’s more! I started this thread after a lesson that was “fine”. Nothing bad happened, and we ended on a really good note. But there were some ‘meh’ jumps in there, and my horse was having a bit of a sluggish day - he can and will fall behind my leg if I let him, and in that lesson I really had to get after him while warming up. Not coincidentally I’m sure, in my next lesson, my trainer had me really sharpen him up to my leg and demand a “Yes, ma’am!” instead of a “Sure, ok”. We routinely lengthen and shorten the canter while warming up, but my trainer got after me to get him to really respond when I asked him to lengthen. And ya know what? With THAT canter, I felt like I could jump the moon. Had a good lesson this weekend - my head was screwed on straighter, and our canter was definitely better, which improved my confidence, which improved our ride :D. My horse was jumping super, and my trainer commented that he was using his back really well (thank you, better canter with more engagement and impulsion). The only downside is I did have a hard time staying with him over a couple oxers that we got longish distances to that he jumped big - I have a tendency to drop back early and land in my seat instead of my stirrups and that was exacerbated over the bigger efforts. There’s my homework for next week!

So anyway, my lessons learned are it’s not about the jumps, and if I have a drop in confidence, check the quality of the canter!