I've been riding competitively doing hunters for 10 years now, but I want to try a hand at eventing. (read should I switch to eventing for background)
Only problem is, I don't own a horse, nor can I buy one because money is super tight. I work to help pay board on the pony I lease now and to help pay for lessons at my current barn. My current trainer doesn't have any horses that i think she would let me event on, so i'd have to leave the barn I've been riding at for 7+ years. I want to leave anyway because I've been riding there for so long and while all my friends are moving on, I'm still jumping barely 2'6, I also feel like I cant talk to my trainer about anything because i'm scared to death of her. My mom isn't a fan at all because she will lose her friendship with my current trainer and all my friends moms.
Every time I even try to mention it she either yells at me so I cant talk or she just walks away. Its gotten to the point where I feel like she is avoiding me so I cant even ask (I haven't even seen her in two days) I have two barns in mind but I cant drive or get a job yet because i'm too young. HELP!Sorry but until you’re old enough to support yourself, your mom gets to make the rules. Focus on doing well in school, enjoy riding in whatever manner you can for now, and one day you can do what you want.
2 Likes
Would it be possible to take the occasional lesson at an eventing barn while continuing with your current trainer? That way, you’re not giving up on h/j-land, but are still able to stick a toe into eventing.
To to be honest, I learned so many skills riding hunters as a kid, I’m happy I didn’t event until college.
If you have been competing for 10 years you cannot be far away from being old enough to drive, get a part time job etc? You may have to be patient a while longer, in the mean time, be the best you can at what you are doing now.
1 Like
I would love to take a few lessons at an eventing barn but I feel like my current trainer would get really mad at me.
Im also a really impatient person and have it in my head that when I have to fully support myself that I’m gonna fail and have to give up riding.
You sure will fail with that attitude. If you want something, you need to work your a** off to get it. It might not come right away, but if you keep working for it, you will get there. You might have to wait longer then you want, but you have to keep trying. Negativity has no part in horses, in my opinion.
5 Likes
Why don’t you talk to your trainer? She’s there to teach, it’s okay to ask questions even if she scares you. Use your words to express how you feel. That you’re frustrated with your progress. That you hope one day to try eventing. And I’d toss in, how you appreciate her guidance. Then listen. What do you need to do to move up? And then be willing to work really hard to meet those expectations. Again, use every opportunity to learn.
One day, you’ll be able to event, but until then, start exercising your patience muscle. It will be worth the time and effort.
You mention you lease a pony and you are disappointed that you are still jumping 2’6". Are you only jumping 2’6" because you need to master certain skills before moving up? Or are you still jumping 2’6" because the pony’s owner doesn’t want him to jump higher? If you are leasing a schoolie, you may not be jumping higher than 2’6" in order to preserve the schoolie’s soundness and usefulness. You mention your friends are “moving on” which I take it to mean they are jumping higher. Are they jumping higher on horses they own?
I agree with earlier posters, while your parents are paying the bills, they get to make the rules. If they have said “no” to switching barns, it is time to accept their decision. In the meantime, try to be thankful for your leased pony and the fact that your parents can afford to pay for lessons and shows. There are many young ladies that would be ecstatic to have the opportunity to ride horses, but their families cannot afford even one lesson a week.
2 Likes
Your entire post makes it sound like you’re in a very frustrating situation. I’m sorry to hear that you’re in this position - it’s no fun.
Can you explain the above quote for me a little more, though? I’m saddened by the idea of being with a trainer that I felt that way about, but before I really answer in full I want to know a little more about why you say this because I think having this clarified will help me quite a bit in my response.
Thanks!
Although there are apparently three separate issues you will need to address before you are able to event (parental, financial, self-confidence) I will address only one as I believe time will resolve the others. RE: the trainer. Let me point out (as I have before) --the trainer works for you, or in this case your mother, but is still an employee of your family. She is not your mother or your boss but rather your employee -a worker whose job it is to make you a better rider. As your family’s employee, it is up to you to set the guidelines and tone of the relationship. You. Are. The. Boss. And as my mother always said, “One must be polite but clear when speaking to the staff (mother grew up in a family that employed staff–I did not).” Are you clear and polite in stating what the trainer is to do? Or do you just “do as you are told?” If you are “just doing as you are told,” then the relationship is hardly going to work for you --it will work for the trainer, but not for you. (Imagine a caterer telling your mother what to serve at a party based on what the caterer likes to make rather than what your mother wants to serve at the party she’s paying for).
Take a breath and standing in front of a mirror, arms relaxed, shoulders back, look at your own eyes and say, “[Trainer’s Name] I have a goal of eventing in a year (or six months) -are there specifics we can work on to get me to this goal?” Trainer vacillates or equivocates --you shake your head (smiling because this is clearly a case of you not being clear) --“No, [trainer’s name], I don’t think you heard me, I want to event. Are you able to help me. If not, that’s ok, because you’ve taught me so much. But I want to event. What can you do to help me with that goal?” – now here’s the part that takes great self discipline (much like eventing) --when the trainer becomes angry (don’t know if she yells or what), you must give a shake of your head, a slight confused smile, say, “Sorry, we’ll get back to this,” and WALK AWAY. In a way, you are now, Training the Trainer, much like you train an unruly horse… If she wants to continue with you, she will control her temper. You have been clear, polite, and not lost your temper and don’t show submission or fear -don’t look down, or turn sideways --stand your ground, nod, smile, but.do not show any sign that her outburst has affected you. Be brave. Turn, walk slowly away. You must do this in a non-riding moment. After a lesson, perhaps, but not before. Once you are on-the-horse in her arena, you are now paying her to berate you. Make her anger be on her own time. I’d suggest a one-on-one meeting at a non-horse time. And remember, no audience. You do not want a friend or anyone there --you are speaking as an adult, not a child.
And since mum is paying the trainer, you might give her a head’s up. “Mum, you know I want to event at some point. I’m going to speak to [trainer’s name] about how she can help me with that goal. Much of eventing has a strong basis to good riding so it will help with the riding I’m doing now and give me a new venue to try my skills.” --then when angry trainer calls mum to tell her what a brat you are, Mum will know what the plan was ahead of time.
But always keep in mind --the trainer works for you. Of course, remember the trainer is being paid to tell you what you are doing wrong --if she is only telling you what you do right, then you won’t improve. Don’t confuse constructive criticism with personal attack.
2 Likes
You’re leasing a pony, so to some extent you are limited by what the ponys owner is comfortable with you doing. And just being at a hunter barn doesn’t mean you can’t work on the skills needed to event. Good dressage and good jumping/eq flatwork should be similar. You need to go cross country schooling with a trainer experienced in teaching both green horses and riders, assuming the ponys owner is ok with it,…that may or may not be your current trainer but that doesn’t mean you have to stop taking lessons from her, as even in eventing we compliment a nice, smooth, forward round with good distances and lead changes as being “like a hunter round.” Show jumping is still 1/3 of eventing so don’t think that the skills you’re learn ing from your current trainer aren’t still valuable.
What you need to do though is tell both your trainer and your parents that you’d like to build up the skills that you would need to event. That means taking some dressage lessons, which really can only benefit you and your pony with a good trainer, and getting somewhere to xc school. Include your trainer in this discussion…tell her you love being able to show this pony and the lessons you’ve learned but you want to build a broader base of skills…are there any area dressage or eventing trainers she could recommend for a clinic or handful of lessons? Not that you want to leave her and go to a different barn…that may not even be necessary! I’ve evented out of hunter/jumper barns before, though I had my own trailer to get places. You also doing know that you want to event yet…don’t put yourself into a corner by saying that you want to leave barns and then get out there and realize it’s harder or more work than you thought and you want to go back but can’t.
Is there a pony club in your area? That might be a good way to test the waters about expanding your knowledge base in a manner that isn’t as abrupt as suddenly leaving barns and may let you try it a few clinics with different trainers before deciding ish moving barns is the right option.
And as others have said, until you can financially support your horse habit on your own your mom gets a say…You ate not entitled to any of it. It sounds like your mom has quite a big friend group at your current barn and perhaps understand the consequences of burning bridges more than you do.
Definitely find a Pony Club! That way you can meet other riders, other trainers, and sometimes you can lease a horse for the day for excursions. That’s one way to slide into another disciplin. When the other parents are there and on board, it helps comfort mom 
Otherwise, there is not an easy route. You aren’t the first kid that has gone through this. Get a job and save every penny. This will continue into adulthood, so it’s good to get a head start.
This was my thought.
Find a pony club that has options for lesson horses to ride or horses to lease.
This will allow you to step into eventing while not turning your back on your trainer and lease pony immediately.
In your area these centers have lessons horses:
http://irishmanorstables.com/
http://www.piedmontridingstables.com/ (says they do HJ and eventing)
http://vonthunfarms.com/ponyclub/
This is a traditional club, which means you’d provide a horse: https://www.facebook.com/somersethillsponyclub/
Has your mom specifically said why you can’t try another barn if it is a similar distance and cost?
Nothing else to add but get into driver’s ed the second you’re old enough.
ETA: I do have something to add. It might be wise to make this a summer adventure where upon finishing school and gaining free time you make yourself a part time working student at current barn (sounds like this is already happening) and a part time working student at an eventing barn. Then at the end of the summer you will have a much better idea where you should be dedicating your time. If your trainer isn’t ok with that, they’re a jerk.
Remember, just because you agree to something doesn’t mean you agree forever. If you need to step away from training some of the horses at the hunter barn, it doesn’t make you a bad person, just a person being wiser with how they use their time.
I would love to look for a pony club and have looked into a few (on my own) but I feel like my current trainer will freak out if I start taking lessons elsewhere. I also ride a four year old Oldenburg that i guess you could say I’m training, so he takes up a ton of my time and I ride him every day, give or take. I may end up waiting until the end of this year when I hopefully can give the pony I’m leasing back to his owner. He had a problem of bucking when we first got him and she was only like 7, but after three years he’s basically a robot.
