Any way to convince parents to lease?

[pologirl27]

I think you need to chart out exactly:

1. what you want (what about leasing this horse at this time is important and different than previous riding lessons?)
2. How much time it will take you each day vs. how much time your home work actually takes
3. How much it will cost

Then you parents need to decide

1. Do they agree with your goals?
   2)Do they believe you have that time to spare
2. Can they afford it

I’ve seen the indecisive parents before, it is frustrating and often stems from wanting to say yes, but not being really able to afford to. On the flip side I have seen kids hear what they want to hear. I can also say my parents were always convinced I needed to spend way more time studying than I did. We have fundamentally different approaches to life- I love to work under deadline pressure, so packing my day gives me that. They like to take their time. Like you I was not really allowed a job during the school year (I worked at the barn on Sundays and my parents wanted me to quit) because my grades might suffer.

In high school I was allowed to go to the barn up to 3 days per school week until the spring when my mom (who, along with my dad, shared our one horse) tore her MCL and couldn’t ride. I then went to the barn daily and my grades stayed the same.

[Kmacht]

You still haven’t answered the question of why you need a lease and what you think the benefit will be.

If your parents don’t think you have time for a job I can see how they would think that leasing a horse would be an even bigger suck on your free time. Maybe talk about doing additional lessons each week instead and see how that goes for 6 months. If that works then try to approach them from a cost perspective on leasing rather than one based on your free time.

[mydogs]

I’ve been in your situation before. It is hard being a teenager who wants something so bad but can’t make it happen on your own. My mom was not happy that I was riding, she wanted me to spend all of my free time studying. My dad was supportive so that helped, but I got a lot of backlash from my mom.

Here is what I did when I couldn’t lease or own:

1. I found people who had horses they didn’t have time to ride and let me ride and show for free.
2. I connected with an awesome trainer or two who gave me lessons and then eventually was allowed to ride some of her client’s horses. This lead me to riding a Grand Prix horse whose owner was a lawyer with minimal time to ride. I got to ride an awesome horse for free anywhere from 1 to 6 days a week.
3. Once I got a job in college, I half leased. Again, I connected with awesome people who only charged me a $150-$250/month for a “half lease” but let me ride as many days as I wanted
4. I found a trainer who had several horses available to ride but didn’t ride, only taught lessons and bred horses. I went to her farm each weekend and for weeks at a time during the summer. I rode as much as I could and was around horses all day long.
5. Took lessons 2 or 3 times a week – I would probably do that again in the future if the occasion arises. I learned so much more and progressed faster than I ever had.

The best part about all of them? I didn’t have to think about money, tack, vet bills, etc… I had no worries at all and I loved it. My parents had very little to pay since these people weren’t asking for much anyways. I did this from 6th grade to my junior year of college.

What happened in junior year of college? I bought a horse and struggled financially. It was stressful. I loved my horse oh so much but know buying him was not a smart idea. I ended up selling him 3 years later, after I full leased him about for 2 years.

I’m now 28 and currently free lease an awesome horse (seriously, the owner could have asked for a lot of money but didn’t). I board an upscale facility, my horse gets body work monthly, and so much more. I’m finally where I wanted to be when I was 17. If you had told my 17 year old self that I would finally have my own horse in 10 years, I would have cried, but it happened and not having my own horse at 17 hasn’t had any negative effects.

Just remember, it isn’t the end of the world if your parents don’t lease a horse for you. Just because you can’t lease now doesn’t mean you won’t ever be able to in the future. Trust me. I thought my parents could afford a horse but now that I pay my own bills and have my own salary, there is no way they could have, much less half-lease a horse. I don’t even know how they were able to afford my lessons, camps, shows, and show clothes.

Just something to consider, have you, your parents, and your trainer sat down and talked about the actual costs of owning a horse?

Shots, farrier, board, tack, show, vet? If not, then I don’t recommend proceeding with a lease just yet (if your parents agree to it). How do you know if they can afford it? Do you know what their monthly income is after taxes (taxes SUCK), do you know what their monthly bills are? It can easily get close to $1000/month to lease or own a horse. Not knowing where you live, I am assuming $100/lease fee, $400/board, $100/farrier, & $200/lessons and those prices are considered cheap in my area. Don’t forget horses need shots, dewormers, first aid kits, tack, blankets, shows, and if you are leasing, the owners may ask for insurance which can be around $1000-$3000/year.

As a reference, for a 2 person household (and we both make really good money since we are in the tech industry), we pay over $3500/month in bills (it is more, but I stopped adding it up because it was depressing ha) and that doesn’t even include how much I spend on the horses and dogs. Even if you have an idea of how much your parents may make a month, unless you’ve sat down with them while they paid all of their bills, it is really hard for someone to understand how much their parents can afford.

[BatCoach]

I second what @mydogs said. My parents were not supportive of me riding, and wouldn’t contribute a dollar to my horse passion. It got really hard at times watching everyone else ride their own horses and go to shows, but I never gave up loving horses and working hard in order to ride them.

You sound like a very articulate and smart teen who I wager is pretty hard working. If your parents don’t agree to this lease, don’t let it get you down. Keep catch riding and more horses will come. I was 29 before I had my first horse, but I was able to catch ride, work off lessons and find some great lease deals along the way. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a steady supply of excellent horses all the time, but it kept me in the saddle when I was broke and putting my self through college and early career.

All you can do is work with your trainer & parents (together) and get on the same page as to how much this lease will cost. There are SO many different types of leases, and they vary from cheap to super expensive. But even if money isn’t an issue, your parents might have other reasons for saying no - weather they make sense or not - its unfortunately out of your control how they want to spend their $$. All you can do is keep loving horses and riding whenever you can.

[2tempe]

OP - I hounded my parents from about age 5 for the pony, etc. Did lessons 1x per week off and on as a “tween”. Parents said “no full time horse, too much time, too much money” Took up something else, went off to college and found a place where I could ride 1x per week and get gym credit. It was close, I had a car…it was cheap for students. I worked part time.

After college, got real job, started grad school evenings. Was crabby. Parents suggested that perhaps I needed to ride or something for fun. Eight weeks later I bought my first horse. I was 23. Many moons ago.

As annoying to me as they were back then, I respect what my parents did when I see as an adult the time and complexity and cost of owning horses. I didn’t even show with my first two horses - just trail riding. No suggestions for your situation, but just a perspective that sometimes you “cant always get what you want” - to quote an old Rolling Stones song - until you are responsible for your own resources.

[walktrot]

I’ve half leased my horse twice to a couple of girls because I wanted someone who could satisfy his need to do things like gallop in the snow or down the back side of the hay field. Neither did much showing, but their riding really improved a lot because they were practicing several days a week versus just doing weekly lessons. They were both recommended by instructors at our barn, and both were a great match.

I just got off the phone with the latest one about 15 minutes ago. She landed in Wellington as a working student for the winter. She was just turning 12 when she started and now she is 19. I’m glad we had a chance to help her do something she really loves and she has natural ability for. She spent last year in college on an IHSA team but didn’t go back. She’s smart but a lousy student so I guess this is where she needs to be for now.

I pestered my parents for a horse after I finished my Girl Scout badge. Dad said “fine, go buy one.” I was 53 when I finally found one. There’s a lot of perspective above. It sounds like you have a handle on family dynamics and finances. Figure out why it makes sense and how you can make it work. If it’s meant to be it will work itself out.

[candyappy]

@Cantura

Hi everyone! I’d like to know any recommendations to convince my parents to lease a horse for me.

Before anyone assumes I’m just being one of those people who wants a horse just for the fun of it

Well horses are supposed to be fun.

Sounds like your parents are already forking over the money for a trainer and lessons? I had a horse of my own when I turned 13 and have never been without since.

I have from day 1 worked to pay for it myself . Getting a job and contributing to the cost of a horse might go a long way in proving you are ready for one.

[Current_Options]

@candyappy

Getting a job and contributing to the cost of a horse might go a long way in proving you are ready for one.

Parents won’t let her have a job, OP wanted to do this!
Good luck OP!

[clanter]

OP sounds like the same person that my daughter befriended in high school… this girl had the deep desire to ride but her parents were not supportive… my daughter invited this girl to come over and get her horse fix as we had a barn full horses for our kids… she was able to use one of our kid’s horses as a mount that she was able to show.

That was nearly twenty years ago, but to this day my daughter and this girl are best of friends

Oddly even to this day her parents are not supportive of anything this girl does…

[MsM]

It sounds like your parents need to be eased into the increased cost and commitment of a full lease. What is your current riding commitment now? How often are you at the stable and for how long? Have you shown school horses, or do you want to lease to start that whole process?
If your saddle time is limited now, I might start by trying to get parents to agree to increase that. Then, maybe you could work out with your trainer a kind of package of lesson and practice rides that amount to a half lease.
It sounds like the leap to full leasing and showing is too much for your parents right now. Building up your stable time and showing that you can handle it with no drop off academically could help them get used to the idea. And a partial lease sounds like it could work as the next step.

[hoopoe]

You need to be clear, here, about what your current activity level is and what your parent involvement is.

As a Soph is school you cannot drive, so you are either close to the stable or your parent is driving you or you are taking public transportation.

If your parents are driving you, consider that is an expense of time to them. Will this change to 5 days a week?

How often are you at the barn now and what and how is that going to change with a lease?

[eventingleroyb]

I’m 17 now and can honestly say that I was in the same situation as you 3 years ago. The best way you can convince your parents is by simply showing how committed you are and what you are willing to do to make it work. I sat my parents down and had a power point made for them highlighting the pros of leasing. I also addressed any concerns they might have. Don’t be afraid to talk about money with them. If they can’t afford it, they need to be upfront with you so others involved won’t be stinged along. Some leases will offer a trial period of a week to two weeks where you can try the horse. If they agree with the power point see if you can do the trial period on a horse first. Show your parents during that time how committed you are. Leasing is a big step, and it may seem like a cheap option but you will still be paying the upkeep fees that go along with owning a horse. It can be a lot.

[SnicklefritzG]

I was in a similar situation when I was a kid. I wanted to take riding lessons, but my parents said no to paying for them. They were willing to pay for my music lessons (I studied 2 instruments) but wouldn’t be able to pay for riding on top of that and not do the same for my other siblings. We were all studying at least one instrument, so I’m sure those private lessons adding up to a significant cost.

However, they did say that if I earned the money myself that they would drive me to the barn and wait while I took my lessons.

I wanted a horse too, one as nice as all my friends had, but obviously my budget wasn’t huge. I ended up taking lessons at a farm near our house and after one season I asked the barn owner for a job. She hired me on weekends and summers to do basic barn chores, mostly cleaning stalls. I had one pony to ride during the day. I worked my @$$ off and the following summer she gave me more opportunities to ride. In my second year I was riding at least 6 horses per day.

I don’t think I would have had those opportunities if I hadn’t been hungry for riding time and been very assertive.

OP, consider working your @$$ off to demonstrate good study habits, get good grades, and perhaps approach your trainer about ways to get additional riding time if your parents won’t do a lease. These days, working student jobs are sometimes slave labor, but there are good people out there who will help a hard working person and not take advantage of them.

I will say that I agree with those who have said that a trainer shouldn’t be showing you lease horses unless your parents are aware of it. Although you mentioned your parents were involved to some extent, what was the exact nature of it? Did your trainer approach them and they agreed to let you try the horse? Or did your parents approach the trainer to ask about costs, etc?

Why are they saying no or backing out?

[Kwill]

Many teens may think, “oh my parents can afford it, they are just being stubborn about it.” That may not be the case, at all. Most families will find it a stretch to pay board, show fees, clothing needs, and so forth to show a horse. I have a horse, but I could not have a horse at a show barn without painfully stretching the budget since my son is in college now. Are your parents saving for college? Believe me, that’s expensive, even with financial aid!

I think someone suggested (trainer, maybe?) that if the OP presented it as “leasing” not buying it would somehow look more reasonable – I am suspicious of “to show how responsible I am.” Leasing is still a very costly financial commitment. There are contracts, and if the horse is laid up for any reason, there’s still payment obligations.

There’s a lot of peer pressure at some show barns concerning money. As a parent, I think I would like to hear the family side of this one. If the family is that opposed to a job (are they protective? worried about schoolwork?) then hours at the barn isn’t going to fly, either.

Good luck OP but sometimes you have to wait for what you want. If trainer really was dangling the carrot, so to speak, shame on her for being manipulative.

[findeight]

JME but parents who back out after saying yes do so when they figure out the actual hard costs. You might live in a nice house and have nice things while never hearing your folks complain about money but that doesn’t mean they want to put 10k or more a year (or even have an extra 10k) into just the monthly expense of keeping the horse. And that doesn’t include the purchase price or lease fees…or lessons, a saddle…or boots, helmet and show clothes.

Its nice when a young person wants to work but the reality is it’s more a good faith token then actually working off any real part of those expenses. That was true with my parents and also several I’ve encountered along the way trying to grant a child’s wish but just not having the money, especially looking at getting a kid a car and insurance with college coming up.

Best thing to do is to find out how much board, shoes and vet will be over year i.e. board is 750 a month x 12 = 9k Farrier 125 x 8 = 1k So we are at 10k. Write down all the upkeep costs for a year and present them to your parents with the understanding it could be more if horse gets sick or injured. Parents bend over backwards to keep kids from knowing exactly what their after tax income is, the mortgage, the utilities, the cost to support the kids etc. sometimes the money is just not there. Or if it is, parents don’t want to buy and keep a horse with it. And that’s very much their right, some prefer more set aside in savings against medical or other surprises or their might be upcoming expenses they don’t care to share with the kids. So, be honest with costs and your ability to accept their answer without hating them.

Often just seeing the estimated actual costs for a year yourself is enough to answer the question of why they might say no.
.

[S1969]

@findeight

JME but parents who back out after saying yes do so when they figure out the actual hard costs. You might live in a nice house and have nice things while never hearing your folks complain about money but that doesn’t mean they want to put 10k or more a year (or even have an extra 10k) into just the monthly expense of keeping the horse. And that doesn’t include the purchase price or lease fees…or lessons, a saddle…or boots, helmet and show clothes.
.

Agree 100%. “Should I pay $10K+ for this lease horse or put $10K+ in the bank for college?” Most families will not choose the horse over higher education, because that $10K won’t be much in the long run for college costs. It’s not just being able to afford it right now.

(And I think $10K is a low estimate for many parts of the country.)

[findeight]

The 10k a year doesn’t include purchase price or lease fees. And it is a conservative estimate for barns with lighted indoor rings and show training services available, like having decent jumps to practice over, safe footing, lessons and hauling to shows. Even in Ohio. I just don’t think many younger people realize the actual, yearly costs versus what they can work off or contribute.