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Any way to convince parents to lease?

Off Course
#1

Hi everyone! I’d like to know any recommendations to convince my parents to lease a horse for me.

Before anyone assumes I’m just being one of those people who wants a horse just for the fun of it, I’d like to give some background information.

I am currently a sophomore in high school and I have been riding for almost 10 years, and I’ve experienced three different barn environments. The first barn I rode was more easygoing, but it gave me the knowledge I needed. The second barn I rode at was slightly more competitive, but after a few years there, I knew I wasn’t learning anything (plus the girls there were super snobby to me because I didn’t lease or own a horse). The current barn I ride at is a very competitive environment, but everyone is encouraging and amazing and I couldn’t have asked to ride with such kind, knowledgeable riders.

Ever since I was three, I have been asking for a pony/horse of my own. I grew up loving horses and I’ve always wanted one of those spunky grey little ponies to ride around in the show ring in (with those over-sized bows and braids). I had to give up on that dream for a while due to some other extracurricular activity my parents forced me to do, but that spark was renewed in middle school.

My trainers found a wonderful horse for me to lease, and I tried her out on Saturday. She is everything I have ever wanted in a horse.

I know I’m not responsible enough to own a horse yet. That’s why I want to lease- to see if I can manage my time wisely between school and riding. But my parents are super tough and it would mean the world to me if I got them to let me lease even for a short period of time like 3 months.

I’d love to hear from everyone and see what suggestions you all might have for me!

Thank you in advance!

#2

Offer to pay for it yourself.

Actually it’s very hard to say anything not knowing you, your parents, or barn.

Also what are their objections to you leasing?

If they are worried your grades are poor, get great grades first.

If they are worried you aren’t serious, don’t stick to projects and tend to take up activities and let them go, then you need to demonstrate maturity and perseverance.

If they can’t afford it that’s clearly a road block.

Can you get a part time job to help pay for it? Or do work to ride deal at barn?

13 Likes
#3

Agree with above.

Is a part lease an option?

Have you found out what the lease will cost? Will you need to provide your own tack (saddle)?

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#4

I’m a bit wary of a trainer who would line up a horse for a teen without any of her parents’ input. Especially in a “very competitive” barn environment. Agree that we need more info, would several hundred dollars a month be a financial hardship to your parents? That’s just to start…what about costs to show (gear, tack, hauling, per day costs for horse/trainer, entry fees, hotels, food etc). How involved are they with your horse activities? Are there working students at the barn? Is that an option?

How experienced are you with showing? I grew up not very wealthy and mucked stalls for lessons. I rarely got to ride the fancy horses because I was not bread and butter for the trainers, so I soured on local showing when the same girls won over and over, even though I rode anything anyone put in front of me and 20 Years from where you are, I’m a better rider for it.

Unless you can pay your own way, you need your parents involved…yesterday.

15 Likes
#5

Your parents are going to have to be on board before you get too serious about the idea of leasing. I don’t think there’s much bartering you can really do when someone else’s horse is involved. Leasing a horse isn’t like having a cell phone that can be revoked for a period of time if your grades are failing or you skip out on school. The owner is going to expect a check on time each month. Most leases have a 30 day termination policy, meaning that if you or your parents were to want to end the lease, you’re still on the line for one more month of a lease payment.

Approach them about your riding goals and concerns, why you’d like to lease this horse, and what may benefit you from it. Maybe the compromise will be that you pick up a shift or two on the weekend at a place like McDonald’s. Is that something you’re willing to do? I’d suggest really thinking about it. Saying yes and meaning yes are two different things.

Be prepared to potentially be told no and accept it gracefully. There may be some hesitation about leasing that your parents may not necessarily feel like being forthcoming about. Maybe they’ll be willing to reconsider when you’re a bit older and have more independence from them (ie. being able to get yourself around once you have your license).

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#6

Agreed 100%. What the heck is the trainer doing, if the parents aren’t on board?

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#7

<Bolding mine>
Using a lease to figure out if you can manage your time is not a good idea. I think you need to figure out a plan for how you will manage your time before you approach your parents about a lease especially if that is one of their concerns.

I also agree with the posters who question the trainer showing a lease horse to someone who’s parents are not on board. Of course it is possible that the horse is with the trainer to be leased and she is having students ride it until it is leased rather than the trainer is showing the horse as a potential lease prospect to riders who are not in a position to lease.

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#8

Hi Cantura, welcome to COTH.

As a parent, I would be having a serious conversation with your trainer, and perhaps firing them. Your trainer has no idea what your family financial situation is, and is certainly behaving in an underhanded manner. Finding you a horse to lease, and have you try it without pulling your parents into the discussion??? Just NO. I have not met your trainer, and already have diminished respect for them.

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#9

This reminds me of a friend whose daughter was seeing a therapist after the parents’ divorce. The girl wanted to go to a specific private college, and the therapist met with the girl a couple of times to help her approach her parents…about why it would be a good choice, how the degree program would benefit her, etc., and then had the mom join them in a session and presented it to her.

My friend was so horrified - they could no more afford to send their daughter to this school than to the moon, nor did the girl have the grades/scores to win a large/full scholarship. She was so angry that the therapist had this discussed with her daughter without even considering their financial situation. It was a pretty big mess all around and I believe the therapist was fired after this.

I’ll just comment to the OP - I agree that the argument of “to see if you can manage your time wisely” is a bad one. If you’re not sure, you should not be asking your parents to lease a horse to find out.

I think you need to begin this whole process again if you want your parents to actually agree.

10 Likes
#10

Hello, I have one question first off, why do you want to lease a horse? What do you gain from a lease arrangement that you don’t have already from your lessons/trainers? Is it to spend more time with horses? Would you still be paying for lessons while leasing the horse?

Next, I think the most important thing you need to do is really discuss with your parents leasing the horse. Your post says to help convince them to lease, which means they are not willing to currently. Have you asked them their side as to why they are not interested in leasing the horse? In order for you to potentially lease the horse you need to understand their perspective. If it is due to finances maybe you can use some of your money (not sure if you have an allowance) or help out more to make up for it. If they are concerned with time management then show them how you have a planned schedule. Make sure to emphasize how you plan to stay successful in school. Also show the potential benefits of leasing the horse and explain to them why It would mean the world to you.

When conversing with them be prepared to compromise. Maybe they won’t allow it now but will consider it more when you have a license, job etc. Or you could only do it for one month during summer break? You mentioned how they “forced you to do some other extracurricular activitites.” Maybe if there is one they think important for you to do you could use it as a compromise. For example, you say I will sign up for (whatever the activity is), if you would consider a one month lease, more riding lessons etc. However, after all this they still say no, then you need to do as another user phrased eloquently and accept it gracefully. I am not sure what your family dynamics are, but I know in mine, I would not show the maturity level required to lease a horse by fighting and arguing with them.

So to summarize, present your side in a calm and well research manner. Be respectful and listen to your parent’s feedback. Hopefully you can come to some sort of compromise that makes you both happy, best of luck to you!

2 Likes
#11

Did your parents know that you were “trying” this horse on Saturday?

Spoiler Alert–could they (parents & trainer) be in cahoots to find you a lease as a Christmas present?

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#12

We half lease a horse for my daughter who is younger than you.

Get all the facts together, how your schedule will work, what input you need from your parents- the time and financials, rides to the barn, shows, ect- and then go over it with them. If finances are a potential issue, see what you can do to either work off some of the fees or earn some money to put towards them.

Once you have all the information then it is appropriate to ask, but don’t bother going to them until you have all the details. And go for a short term half lease for now. You can always increase it later if it works out well.

Good luck! Leasing is a great option for those who don’t want to buy.

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#13

I was thinking this too since my daughters friend got her lease for xmas last year. She cried! It was seriously like her parents bought a horse for her (and it was a half lease).

1 Like
#14

I did not consider the possibility of a parent/trainer alliance in secret gift for Christmas. If this is the case, I withdraw my previous comment. If assisting parents to secretly shop up a lease was not the case, I stand firm. Trainer has no business trialing lease horses without first drawing parents into discussion.

Another thought…was horse being used in a lesson, and trainer casually mentioned that you were a good fit? OP then thought of potential lease of this horse?

5 Likes
#15

As a parent, I agree with those who question the wisdom of a trainer who lets you try a horse that’s available for lease without knowing that your parents are on board. Although I’ve done everything possible to support my kids in their chosen sport (rowing), there are some things that we just couldn’t afford.

When I was a teen, my trainer did a great job of finding me opportunities to ride horses – for owners, for other trainers, as a working student. She told me how valuable it would be for me to ride many different horses – and she knew my parents were NOT interested in buying or leasing. If your parents are not on board, why don’t you see if your trainer can find other opportunities for you.

If leasing is an option, I would go to your parents with a full list of costs and the amount of time it would take up for you and, if your parents need to drive you to the barn, for them. I’d present them with your strategy for how you’re going to keep your grades up, how you might contribute to the costs, and why you think it will make you a better rider.

1 Like
#16

Sorry everyone! I was not clear in my description and I didn’t give enough details.

My parents are the type to be on board, and then jump ship a couple days later. We are not in any financial crisis and can easily afford to lease (but we aren’t wealthy- please don’t take it that way!)

They have already talked to my trainer before about leasing and we were about to when suddenly they just withdrew from the decision. Then they agreed to it again, and it is a continuous cycle.

They are worried about my grades and how much time I have to do my homework, but I know I am capable of keeping the grades up, since I’ve talked to another high schooler at my barn and we discussed how she manages her time. She’s taught me how she’s been able to continue having her horse while keeping her grades up.

I would help my parents pay for the expenses, but the thing is I don’t get an allowance and I’m not allowed to have a job. I’ve talked it over with a parents to pick up a couple of shifts at some local shops on our Main Street but their answer is always a firm no.

My parents have been informed of me trying the horse out on Saturday, and they were invited to come watch me ride her again on Sunday.

Looking over the comments I can fully understand why my parents could give me a “no” as an answer. Thank you for your help so far!

2 Likes
#17

In this modern day of power point presentations why not put it all down and explain it to your parents.
Why you want to lease.
How much it will cost them.
What you will do to make sure your grades stay up.
What you will do to help around the house because of this great thing they are giving you.

Edit to add - I agree with most of the posts in this thread that suggest that parents usually have a good reason for not leasing, even if the teen does not understand the reason. My advice was simply answering (over simplifying) the OP’s question on how to approach the subject of getting them to half lease.

#18

If you want the lease, buckle down and do extremely well in your school work for the rest of the year, and then ask if you can lease over the summer.

On the other hand, there are parents who dither, who get talked into things and then back out because they didn’t really like the idea in the first place. And indeed for all teens, parents get in the way about some things, some of the time.

Also as a teen you really don’t always know the financial calculations your parents are making or what they are paying in bills and mortgage. it may really seem like a big chunk of change to them. Clearly you’d be continuing in lessons and probably have show fees as well if you leased.

If that’s the case you really have no choice but to do ask much as you can within the rules set out, and prepare yourself to be a responsible young adult once you reach the age where you can work with out parental permission and drive a car.

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#19

the lease might be the least costly part if OP plans on competing …which kind of sounds like what the trainer would expect

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#20

So - they were informed that you tried the horse after the fact, or you got their permission to try a horse? There is a big difference there. If your parents are giving you a “firm no” then you shouldn’t be trying lease horses.

I don’t really get the “jump ship” comment. As a parent, it reminds me of my friend who says her teenage daughter always makes her regret things - e.g. she got her daughter a phone and she promptly used up the entire family data plan in the first week of the billing cycle - 3 times. Is there any chance that they are revoking their decision because of your grades or other school problems?

I agree with the post above that suggests doing very well in school and trying a lease over the summer, if the answer now is no.

4 Likes

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