I am sending you hugs, as another sad member of the bad horse luck club.
It is my opinion, and my experience, that your next horse will find you when the time is right. Don’t rush yourself.
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You know what? A couple of days ago I would have responded to this post a very different way. Today I showed in an “A” show. My trainer jumped my horse and I “only” hacked him. HOWEVER, during that class I somehow “came back to myself.” I felt like I did 10 years ago. I did my very best and the fear (from age and a broken back last year) went away. It was the most affirming experience in a LONG time. I allowed myself to be okay with baby steps and it is paying off in a big way. PS- I came in second and beat some professionals!
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So awesome! Very happy for your personal win.
I liked showing and have the means to do it again if I wanted to. However as an adult amateur, what really has turned me off from showing is the grossly inefficient operations, the wasted time and lack of general pleasant customer service. All topped off by the outrageous costs the shows charge for crappy tent stalls, nasty porta-potties and inequality of treatment (hold a ring forever for some names and rush the hell out of me to get in the ring). It just put me over the edge. So the shows don’t get my money anymore. I’m sure the shows don’t miss me and I sure as hell don’t miss most of them.
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PDS, I truly could’ve written this post myself.
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I came across this old post today and thought it might be fun to give everyone an update since it’s been nearly three years.
Just a few months after this post, I love my beloved horse due to colic. I had to make a choice about what to do next. Would I walk away for a bit? Change disciplines? Change barns? Change breeds?
My first step was to consider showing stock breeds, but quick research showed me I didn’t like the direction in which things were going. So I decided to try a lower-key hunter lesson barn. The first few lessons were refreshing, but I soon realized I was more advanced than their somewhat limited lesson string and the lessons made me feel like I was paying money to train their horses. I liked the trainer, though, and asked her if we could look for a new horse so I could advance.
I tried a horse that was in the barn for another client that didn’t work out. She was AMAZING! A former WEF circuit champion, she was big and athletic and too good to be true. It turns out she had high ringbone and a former fracture, and the owners did the right thing and retired her. BUT it seems the trainer didn’t want to have to tell me this news (especially since I’d lost my last horse and she knew it would be a letdown) and she ghosted me for a few days. It was weird, but her father was ill and she had a lot going on so I let that pass.
The trainer had a contact in FL and sent me to look at another horse on my own. She said she didn’t want to make the long drive as as was too “busy.” Now, this was weird/new for me as I’ve never known a trainer that would just send a client to another barn to try a horse like this. Normally, they are more involved. But I embraced my new found freedome and I went and tried the horse. While it was green and not finished, I fell in love with the horse and could see (I could actually feel it) the potential for a great future. My trainer, however, didn’t even watch all the videos I sent and told me to pass. His lead change wasn’t finished and she didn’t like the price point.
I pushed back and she told me we should offer half the sale price. I found this personally a bit embarrassing, but told her to go for it if she wanted to . She claimed she did and the offer was refused. But after the seller reached out to me after seeing no movement, I realized the trainer never actually reached out and I decided to take over negotiations myself. So, my trainer ghosted the seller, too. Since this also happened to me, I was more likely to believe the seller.
So, I did a crazy thing. I realized there was such thing as “too hands off” and “to disengaged,” and that staying with this trainer would be an overcorrection of all things I didn’t like in my previous program. I needed to find a better balance, so I went against my trainer’s advice and I bought the horse directly from the seller. I asked the seller if I could train with them and keep the horse in FL until he had a confirmed lead change and was ready to come home. That was almost two years ago. We’ve had such a great run and enjoyed such success that I didn’t even imagine so he’s still there and isn’t coming home any time soon.
I did reach out to my disengaged trainer to tell her I was buying the horse and to ask her what type of finder’s fee I could pay her. She declined any money and said it wasn’t necessary. Now, this was a first for me and I still feel weird to this day about not giving her something. She still was adamant about it so I moved on.
The new horse and program has opened doors to new disciplines, new training methods, and has been refreshing. The new barn has no show grooms - we all pitch in - but there are people there to help to keep us looking sharp at the in gate. I’ve tacked up my own horse, wrapped legs, pulled braids, and am back to enjoying my show experience. We choose shows together, based on goals we set at the beginning of the year. We VRBO together when we can. It’s like a big happy family. The training facility is simple and functional, which keeps the costs down significantly as well. The fees are fair and reasonable. The program is set up to help the customers succeed - it’s been an amazing time that has allowed me to grow as a horsewoman.
I also lesson in a full service barn at home. They are very accomodating to my preferences to tack up and cool out myself and know that I like to be hands on, which I appreciate since this isn’t their norm and it does disrupt their flow. You CAN get what you want - in some cases you just have to ask on the front end to make your wishes clear. They also let me take the horse on walks througout the property after lessons to get him outside the ring and to see new scenery, which is great for the horses.
So, there are barns out there that aren’t looking at you like you’re the first national bank here to fund their wants and needs. There are trainers who choose the path that works for the customer and their horse. There are trainers who want to see their clients succeed, and want was is truly best for the horse. There are barns who want happy customers, even if it may be inconvenient for their staff at time. There are situations where you can enjoy your horse in ways you may have never dreamed possible. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith to try something a little new. And definitely keep looking until you find what you want!
Wishing everyone a happy and safe (and healthy) 2022!
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Hurray!! I’m so so glad that your found your tribe, albeit after some more bumps in the road. Congrats on all of your success!
I too want to say that while I’ve been in some terrible and toxic programs, I’ve also been in some wonderful amazing fair programs, and it CAN be done! So I second that sentiment! I found an amazing low-key place in Colorado that was a big happy family, and now I’ve found something perfectly suited to my slightly more ambitious needs in Virginia! Both programs were/are drama free, fair with costs, and flexible to goals AND to financial needs/limitations. If you’re not happy where you are or feel unheard, or just don’t feel like it’s the best fit, don’t settle!
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Couldn’t agree more with both of these. I’ve been at barns where the emphasis on showing was stronger, but I always felt like I had a choice. When I was younger, I wanted to show a lot, so I did. Now, as a middle aged woman, I still want to show, but it looks a little different these days. I have a really talented youngster that I am carefully bringing along, and a truck and trailer to take me places when I want to. I do board at my trainer’s facility, but when I moved in, I made sure it was known that I intended to train with them but also do my own thing and, at times, ride with other people. This has worked out well for me, I go to clinics, trailer over to friend’s farms to ride, and I do show when I want to. I am lucky to live in an area with plenty of nice, local shows.
I will say, while I do understand people getting fed up with the “hurry up and wait” of hunter shows, I can say pretty honestly that it doesn’t bother me a ton. First of all, this is exactly how it has always been in my experience. Second of all, I use it to benefit my young horse. He needs plenty of time to settle in, so we get there early enough that he can settle in, and then we show when we show. Finally, most of the shows I go to have pre-entries, so some easy math can give me an estimate, so it’s not like i am showing up at 8;00 am and showing at 6:00 pm because i was clueless. I do have the fortune of having my own trailer (so I can come and go as I please), a very social horse who LOVES horse shows, and a nice barn group that is always happy to lend a helping hand. Yes, hauling my own horse has its own struggles, it is more work in many ways, but I chose to do it this.
I will say, one thing I have going for me that others may not, is that my parents have a farm and my mother would always take my horse home if ever I felt the need. So I’ve never felt any pressure to conform to a barn for fear of being kicked out. In fact, when I had a lease abruptly end, and had 2 weeks to move the horse, mom said “go get him immediately and bring him here.” He was in PA within a week haha.
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A-EFFING-MEN!!
I just got out of a barn that did all the above. It was disgusting! And the trainer would even admit to the ridiculous up-charges if got on a roll. You hit the nail on the head.
Edit to add: I even found out she was charging some clients more than others based on her perception of their wealth. Same exact service, totally different rates.
NOPE!
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I have lost the love for A shows. My youngest just aged out. I do not see a path back for any of us. It is too darn expensive. I am so jaded about the horse show industry that I was thrilled to see that grooms are demanding really good pay at WEF. I find it pretty vile that there are still people who think that it is okay to give a human being $13 an hour and a place to live and expect them to be at the show at 4 am, work hard all day, and still do night check six days a week. They have to dedicate their lives to a job that ensures the wealthy can go in the ring for two minutes at a time on their shiny, braided, well prepped Hunter/eq horse. They are in a position to demand really good pay and I am here for it.
Hey, I said I was jaded. 
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I started showing in college for a few years and enjoyed it-- I was a pretty late starter to the equestrian world. I can deal with the competitive atmosphere, and I’ve gotten some nice ribbons out of it. This was all under IHSA. Fast forward a few years out of college and I haven’t done much with horses. Much less showing. I feel like my interest might spark up if I got the time and finances to be around horses and take proper lessons, but I’m more leaning towards first developing a horse for a few years before thinking about showing. I’m not an overly competitive person, although I do love non rated schooling shows. My goals are different now from college times.
Ditto here completely. It’s part of why we ultimately left the h/j world, because I just found that model (which I feel like didn’t exist when I was a kid but very much characterized life after I came back to the sport) so unappealing.
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It might take decades, but the shows might change. After all, they changed decades ago, to what they are now. The hunter shows I knew as a child were nothing like what they became 20 years later, and when I was a child they were different from hunter shows before I was born (b early 1950s). So maybe they might change again.
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I’ve stopped sponsoring classes and donating perpetual trophies, does that count ?
Show organizers had a lot to do with that.
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I thought with the WEC joining the Snaffle Bit association that we would see a solid B circuit perhaps with more 2’6 divisions, lower pony heights and a 3’3 Equitation. I should say I “hoped” something would change.
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I can certainly relate to everyone posting about losing their drive and passion for showing, or just riding in general. I aged out this year, and was planning on showing in the ammy divisions until my horse got hurt and was unexpectedly retired. I honestly couldn’t see myself doing any riding or showing without him, he came into my life during a time when I was dealing with some pretty dark things, and questioning my self worth and image a lot. In the beginning, I had school to take my mind off of riding and showing, but now with Covid coming back there’s really nothing going on for me anymore. It also sucks since WEF/WEC and Thermal are happening right now, where I usually would attend. As much as it hurts to see my old barn mates being successful, I don’t really think I would ever want to do it without my old horse. I miss showing, but at the same time I don’t if that makes sense.
I am currently showing a young horse who has to get in the ring and see or hopefully jump the jumps so I appreciate a show that allows for schooling breaks (esp in winter indoor shows). Otherwise I hesitate so show at all. At 63 I am finding it hard to get up at 4 am to free longe at home, then get in the ring before it closes, often in below freezing temps. And my horse is kinda cray-cray in the cold so it doesn’t always start off great, but improves with each class. The steady-eddie horses have an advantage and I often lose to those. But I try to get the mileage on my horse and let the chips fall.
There’s no hard and fast rule that says you have to show in bad weather, in fact as an older ammy, the rule is pretty much that nobody expects you to show in that kind of weather!
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I went out to ride the other day and didn’t realize it was below 20. Immediately turned around and went back inside. Too expensive a hobby not to be fun(at least most of the time)
YES. Context: did hunters as a kid until I discovered eventing in my teens, went to college and got “adopted” by fox hunting community, then took 10 years off serious riding to have kids/build career. I always bred/sold a youngster or two a year to stay in the game but they were always oriented towards eventing and fox hunting crowds.
I got a cute as a button small pony I wanted to put some miles on. So I hired a teensy 16 year old girl to ride him and she’s big into the local show HJ scene. She wanted to take him in a couple local shows.
- I emailed in advance because a lot has changed about divisions and whatnot since I did this. Got some vague answers from clerk, then said F it, if they’re not going to answer my questions directly about rider age/pony experience in divisions I’m just gonna do what I can to interpret the “prize list”. I tried to go to the “series” website and try to interpret however many stupid points my rider had to see if she was disqualified for certain divisions. She didn’t remember. Who has TIME for this? I email the show series, hear nothing back for a week.
I pay my $50(!!!) a class along with all the fees. It will cost over $200 to enter three classes, two cross rails and a flat. Local podunk show, only regional series points, no big stuff.
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Show up a$$crack of dawn, place is packed, it’s cold rainy muddy. One tiny outdoor for warmup. Loudspeaker is fuzzy alien garble, I can’t understand anything. I go to ensure my registration went through online. Am called back several times because I don’t have a trainer or coach or farm name listed. I am owner/trainer/coach, I guess, even though I am just here to put a pony in a class with a rider I hired to do so. I don’t train or coach HER.
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I sit by the ring, now trying to decipher what is happening. Apparently 2 divisions have been combined and they were not subsequent. I am told to get rider on deck. We sit there for THREE HOURS. I ask over and over again how many rounds. They keep jiggering divisions.
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Finally pony goes in. Apparently you are now supposed to do both your rounds one after the other. Pony does ok until cross rails with big flower boxes on sides. Refuses three times, I think that’s it right? No, ring steward says to my rider, it’s ok, just coach him through. He still refuses, I am about to walk in there and just grab him. Another trainer runs in and proceeds to WHACK MY PONY on the ass, he pops over and is really scared now. On the next cross rail, he stops hard, rider goes over his head. She is ok but I am DONE.
So yeah, I’d say I’m done with local BS HJ shows for the foreseeable future.
There has NEVER been anything like this at any of the combined test or dressage shows. Everyone knows that local and/or schooling events are low stakes and should be relaxed and welcoming. I went to 2 other shows in the local HJ series and though neither was close to being such an epic shitshow, there was SO much literal and metaphorical gatekeeping.
