Apprentice Disappointment

[TwiSedai]

It’s definitely that barn. We have a bunch of teenagers and early 20-somethings at the barn I board at that are all the absolute sweetest, most helpful, most willing kids I’ve ever met. I’m letting two of the 16 year olds use my horse in lessons while I can’t ride and they are always so so appreciative, I can’t get through a conversation with them without them thanking me for letting them ride her. But the BO/main instructor is also very kind, knowledgeable, won’t put up with drama, as are other instructors there, and I think the kids pick up on that. (Another reason I’m so grateful to be at this place even if it’s a bit further and more expensive). So teens CAN be good, and this just definitely sounded like snotty ones that maybe picked it up from instructors (though tbh, it wasn’t all that lomg ago I was a teen, I remember what it was like, and I think they were just snotty to begin with and instructor’s attitude just encouraged it).

Also not related but @pennylaneplainjane I love your username!

[pennylaneplainjane]

All of your responses continue to be very helpful. I’m not sure I’m glad to know I’m not alone, but on some level, it is reassuring to know I’m not!

I don’t blame these teens for this experience and I think they are good kids otherwise- just very territorial of their trainer. I have gone back and forth a little in my head with “maybe I should have stuck it out,” or approached it from a “prove them wrong” perspective. And by “them” I mean the lesson trainer (and I guess, to a degree, her clients). Maybe if the circumstances were different it would have made sense to push through, but I really didn’t feel comfortable to have to “prove myself,” or start a new position while feeling as though I was being set up to fail. Especially in a situation that involves kids, someone else’s business, and the horse industry.

The point made how some students only have one trainer/experience definitely could be at play here. These kids have only had this one trainer who they worship. I hadn’t actually thought of this before, but the lesson trainer also seems to have had limited exposure to other programs. She does a nice job doing what she does, but definitely has been a little snobby at times. I’ve been lucky enough to experience various professionals- from big name show barns, local programs, and backyard pleasure barns. I never realized how valuable it has been, as I have learned a lot from seeing how different barns operate.

I went into this situation eager to learn and with a “beginners mind.” All programs are a little different, and I haven’t done much teaching, so I mostly tried to listen and asked questions when appropriate. Maybe this came across as uneducated or not experienced? I get the sense even if I presented as the opposite, it wouldn’t have changed the outcome (in fact, it may have really given a reason to find me unappealing!).

It’s possible I’m being overly sensitive. Even still, I personally would have found it very distracting to perform in an environment where I was undermined by this trainer or had people watching to “catch me” making any mistakes. I would have welcomed any and all feedback from lesson trainer (or anyone, really). That was a part of the issue here, though- I never got any feedback. I found myself asking at the end of every day if she wanted me to do anything more or if there was anything I could do differently for the next time, but was only met with “your fine.”

I noticed I had an urge to pull two of the kids aside the other day to say something, which was when I knew this wasn’t working. For example, something I wanted to say was, “I appreciate the ‘help’ and dedication to the lesson program, but I’m having a hard time doing what I need to do with the constant chatter from you guys while I’m with Lesson Trainer’s clients. If you have concerns about what I’m doing, let’s talk after with Lesson Trainer present.” I just didn’t think it was appropriate or wise to say anything. At least not without discussing with trainer or parents first. It did seem like it was headed in a power struggle and I have no interest in getting into one with other people’s kids/clients. Lesson trainer certainly didn’t help.

It’s been a good lesson, though. I do best when I’m part of a team that wants each other to succeed and grow. Again, I’m lucky I have a lot of other things going on right now. When the time is right, I know what to look for in an environment I would be more comfortable and confident.

[pennylaneplainjane]

Thank you!

I agree teens can be great! In fact, I don’t think I’ve experienced a barn with kids who acted this way before (parents are a different story!). It’s too bad, because I have a few young horses that, in a few years, will hopefully be nice show horses. I am planning on having some juniors show them when they (horses) are ready. These helper students don’t have horses or opportunities to show currently (and might not ever). I would have loved to have given them that opportunity (and would have let their trainer coach them, of course- not trying to poach clients!).

[OverandOnward]

OP you sound like a smart and wise lady. Keep listening to your instincts and don’t second-guess yourself too much. Have confidence that you have a good head, and won’t be wrong to follow it.

Something good will come for you and your horse experience. Keep mentioning your interests here and there, and likely it will find you.

[TheDBYC]

@pennylaneplainjane

went into this situation eager to learn and with a “beginners mind.” All programs are a little different, and I haven’t done much teaching, so I mostly tried to listen and asked questions when appropriate. Maybe this came across as uneducated or not experienced? I get the sense even if I presented as the opposite, it wouldn’t have changed the outcome (in fact, it may have really given a reason to find me unappealing!).

IME, rigidity & refusal to consider the input of others (or even take much of an interest in them) tends to run in inverse proportion to skill level in the horse trainer world.

As for your own presentation, I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do differently in the eyes of the lesson trainer… You have young project horses there that you work on a daily basis. The trainer knows this. The teenagers know this. I was a teenaged working student at a giant lesson barn in the late 1980’s. Even among 50+ adult boarders, the ones with advanced level skills were readily apparent to 14 yo me.

Back when my kids went to pony camp, I would end up having to hang around for a bit after drop off until the youngest got settled in & let go of my pants leg. I’m no pro… I never even indicated that I rode or had horses of my own. Yet, invariably other campers would be tugging on my hand to come help them pick feet, put back together & refit the bridle they’d accidentally unbuckled, check girths & stirrups, help them calm horses having a feisty moment, and so on. There’s a certain fluency of movement that comes with being skilled at any task, really. I guess the kids were picking up on that watching me help my younger child. I can see it in other people when they work with horses, too.

[pennylaneplainjane]

Yes, makes sense. My horses have been at a different location than the lesson program, so I haven’t spent much time around many of these clients (lesson trainer does know me, though). Never had this reaction, which is what caught me off guard. I don’t want to give away too much identifying information that would fill in some more of the background, but agree, most people can sense skill level or competence of others in the environment. I was more thinking “out loud” about what may have factored into the experience, since it was very strange. Like I said in my original post- could be nothing more than lesson trainer and I just don’t click as people (and this trickled down to her clients).

[Scribbler]

Among beginners or people with limited exposure to different barns, there is often an automatic assumption that any new person that turns up at the barn only started riding last month.

Beginners often can’t evaluate the skill level of riders without being told by someone in authority. Whereas us more experienced people can evaluate it it in a minute.

OP did the lesson trainer or the barn owner suggest this arrangement? If barn owner, the trainer might feel threatened if the BO praised you a lot.

[EssexFells]

OP, You are very, very wise to have resigned in such a classy way.
One thing to consider is that BO was encouraging you because they know the instructor and the barn would benefit from your calm, no-drama approach. IOW, they saw you as an inexpensive solution to a known problem. Very possible they’ve burned through other apprentices in this same way in the past.

In any case, do not internalize their criticism. Seeing this in the context of “it’s just not the right fit” helps you avoid thinking patterns where you/they are right/wrong. (which, sounds like you’re already on your way to that mindset).

You may want to consider finding a therapeutic riding program to volunteer at. The one I was involved with for many years was perennially starved for horse-capable vols as well as mentoring new instructors. You’d probably be a great at it.

[OverandOnward]

@Scribbler

Among beginners or people with limited exposure to different barns, there is often an automatic assumption that any new person that turns up at the barn only started riding last month.

This is so true. I’ve had this conversation - with laughs - with more than one barn manager.

All new barn people are idiots until the prove otherwise, which can take some time. Doesn’t matter who they are - even if they are a top pro. Everything they do is suspect.

In OP’s drama, this may be a factor up to a point, but the instructor situation is definitely a complication.