I am so sorry to hear about your accident! I had a similar experience not long ago and have been struggling with many of the same things, so I’ll share my thought process and maybe it can help you.
Last spring/summer I was 22 years old and I was training 3 horses plus my own mare (who was moving slowly into retirement after her eventing career) while taking ~18 credit hours of 300/400 level pre-vet classes per term, while being very actively involved in Pony Club (passed my C3 and H) and family stuff and working with an equine vet, filling out vet school applications, etc, etc…I was INSANELY busy and I loved every minute of it - I was riding on top of the world. I was especially proud of the green OTTB mare I had brought along from nothing to Novice level. I took her to her second-ever horse trials, first time at Novice, and we had her best-ever dressage test, started out fine on cross country, we were cruising along, and the next thing I know I’m on the ground, looking up at the trees and wondering why every inch of my body was screaming at me. I don’t remember much of what happened that day or for the next several weeks, really, but the video shows that we were going downhill to a ditch in the shadows and my mare said “no” rather emphatically, and she stopped while I kept going headfirst straight into the log revetting the ditch. Bam. Every eventer’s worst nightmare.
After one traumatic brain injury, three complex spinal injuries, six months of physical therapy, seven months of speech therapy and cognitive remediation, over 100 seizures, ten doctors, and nine months of painful and agonizing recovery, I’ve re-thought a lot of things about my life. I am at such a completely different point in my life compared to last year that there is no way I ever could have imagined myself here. I’m 23 years old, living with chronic spine issues that continue to be a mystery to everyone, diffuse and widespread brain damage with cognitive, mental, and physical manifestations, seizures that are gradually making the brain damage worse, the possibility of a veterinary career gone and now shifted to human medicine, and trying to adjust my life to all of that.
Whether or not I would keep riding was never really a question - it was a matter of how I would keep riding. Did I want to still event? Did I still want to train? Did I want to be a barn manager again? Teaching? Heavy and serious competition? I went through all of those questions and I tried each and every one of those things again. Finally I realized that I had to pick and choose those that are most important to me because as you can imagine, all of those things above that I’ve been doing, plus trying to get into medical school means that I am really crunched for time.
And I think that’s what it comes down to - what’s most important to you? What means the most? I didn’t really know until I tried them all out and had to choose only those that were possible and that meant the most. I realized that primarily the relationship I have with my mare is most important. We’ve been through hellfire and back over the last seven years together and nothing will separate us. I also decided that riding and more specifically, eventing, are most important to me. I also like to do a little bit of teaching. Training, managing, brokering, all those other things I’ve done in the past aren’t really important to me anymore. I like to ride my horse for my own growth and progress as a rider. Now, that takes on a new meaning because riding is so good for my brain and my physical recovery. I am blessed that my mare is a safe, sane, competent ex-therapy horse who also happens to love eventing. She’ll take me through my recovery and my only current goal is to do a Beginner Novice event this summer or fall. Currently I’m not riding every day because school and med school applications and MCAT and my recovery are more important, so my mare is living with my parents right now and I get to go see her every weekend and go for a ride. She’ll come back down here on full-care board later this summer when school things have calmed down.
I’m happy with my decisions and I know they are the right ones, even though they have been very hard. It’s hard to give up all those things that I loved doing and settling on just one or two, but I realized that just because those are my decisions right now doesn’t mean I can never do those other things again, it’s just that they’re not the right thing for me right now. Maybe someday I will get to ride Intermediate, but I’ve got to relearn so much before then. It was really, really hard to move my mare an hour away from me where I only get to see her once a week, but that was the right thing for her too. I couldn’t take care of her properly here, so now she is doing great at Mom and Dad’s and I have peace of mind that she is safe and happy.
Another year from now may find my life completely upside down again, just as this year did. You never know, you just have to go with the flow. That’s all we can do.
So that’s my experience, maybe some part of it can help you. I will echo others and say that you should definitely take your time and write out all the possibilities and definitely seek the advice of others - acute brain injuries (and ALL concussions are brain injuries!) are NOT the time to be making decisions!!! Believe me, I learned the hard way. Taking your time and asking others can show you that you may be making a huge mistake that you just can’t see - nine months later that still happens to me. I know you’ll make the right decision, whatever it is, because you are already smart enough to come here and ask all these wonderful people their opinions. You’ll do great, whatever you do. I know it.
And if you ever need to talk about anything injury-related or otherwise, just PM me. I don’t know how bad your concussion was, but I went through HELL with my post-concussion syndrome and brain injury and had to fight to get the right care and daily life was just a nightmare, so I am really sorry that you have to go through this and I would be glad to help you out in any way.
Good luck.