Barn dilemma

[Posting_Trot]

I feel your pain.

You have to gauge whether your BO is actually willing to work with you to find a solution or whether she is just over it and would breath more easily with you and your horse gone. If the BO wants to work with you to find a solution, you have some room to negotiate and you might be able to retrieve the situation.

You might consider at least temporarily adding a mare-specific calming supplement to your horse’s ration. At the very least, this might buy you a little time and demonstrate your willingness to try whatever might work. (I have found for my mare that Smartpak’s SmartMare Harmony has helped a lot. But it has some ingredients that aren’t for those who show, so YMMV).

If your BO is done with dealing with your mare, then you’ll have to move. How a BO feels about a horse can have some subtle or not-so-subtle impacts on how they relate to the horse or react to it. I’m not talking about abuse or anything like that, but increasingly, for example, your mare may get blamed for anything that happens in the herd. Or, the mare may be left in for several hours a day just in case, or, or…

Good luck.

[Amberley]

If a professional barn manager can’t figure out how to solve feeding issues in pasture board horses they shouldn’t be a professional, period. That’s the most common problem there is and anyone with a years experience should know how to deal with it: feed bags, physical separation, visual barriers, strict rule enforcement, tying etc all work in different situations. It sounds like your BM either isn’t very good, and a lot of riders aren’t good at horsemanship, or they want you paying more for a stall or that want you gone.

I don’t understand why you need to be in full training so much that you are potentially willing to switch disciplines? Can you find a good boarding situation and work with a trainer separately? That’s seems easiest.

[LilRanger]

@quarab

BO/M felt some of the babies (younger than my mare) were getting into bad habits so that group was split up

This, to me, is the key. For whatever reason, BM isn’t able/willing to work on manners with horses. Even her own 3 year old, isnt getting manners taught, so she’s trying to get rid of the one she can, hoping the removal of your mare fixes the problems.
I think you’re better off elsewhere, as this person is either overwhelmed or is keen on short cuts. Maybe this isn’t the whole picture, but for whatever reason, shes pegged either you or the mare as the trouble.

[fivestrideline]

I’m on team Move - and while 24/7 turnout is ideal, I’m not against partial stall time. Where I’m at, the horses seem to appreciate coming in under the fans and getting out of the bugs. As long as they spend more time out than in, it can work fine.

Another benefit of partial stall time is solo feeding - OP it sounds like feeding out in a group is the norm at your barn? That is a BIG reason for issues in turnout IME. It is often THE reason pasture board doesn’t work for a given horse.

If the BO can’t see that the issues they’re having are management related (behavior issues with the babies, then the older mares, now yours, etc) and your horse is getting blamed, it’s probably time to go. Unless there’s a stall and turnout situation that is already available and workable, I don’t think you’re salvaging this.

Go check the dressage and hunter barns. Ask about the turnout schedule, hours a day, weather provisions (some barns won’t turn out if there’s like… a cloud, others will only cut turnout if the footing gets dangerous). Ask how they handle feeding time - if the pasture board option feeds in a big herd just like the current place, you may run into the same problem. You may not . But I’ve personally never had it work unless they use feed bags, tie, or have stalls.

[albytb]

The way my barn handles grain feeding on 24/7 turnout is that we are all required to buy “feed bags” and the horses are fed like that. No conflict or fighting, and they have 24/7 access to forage.

That being said: I think it’s worth sitting down with the BO and having an honest conversation with her. It sounds like it’s a good place from a riding/training standpoint… if it were me I’d try to hash it out before moving. Can’t do any harm.

[findeight]

Think it is probably time to start looking for another barn. Once you start asking on here, you probably know that. If a BO/BM does not want to spend extra time figuring out herd dynamics and has personal horses in the herd they want to protect? Understandable for them to ask a boarder to make a change. Their business.

IME, barn services are tied to staffing issues. There is simply nobody there to split the herd into separate groups or bring a single horse in then put them back out or separate feeding locations and times or observe herd behavior or anything else that is in addition to whatever is described in your contract. You DO have a contract? Right?

Also understand it has only been 36 hours since the herd remix? It takes longer than that. Maybe there are other reasons why it is looking like you may need to move…would take that to heart and start looking. IME once you start feeling that, it is time to go. It does not get better.

[OverandOnward]

@quarab

I’m frustrated that this is the hill she’s going to die on and potentially spoil our relationship over.

Does she understand that she’s risking the relationship? Sometimes people are not insightful and later wish someone had told them.

@albytb

I think it’s worth sitting down with the BO and having an honest conversation with her. It sounds like it’s a good place from a riding/training standpoint… if it were me I’d try to hash it out before moving. Can’t do any harm.

Agree. You will at least know more.

@fivestrideline

Go check the dressage and hunter barns.

As everyone says, have some backup options lined up before having a deep conversation with this BO/M. Hopefully there will be a better way forward where you are.

@findeight

IME, barn services are tied to staffing issues. There is simply nobody there to split the herd into separate groups or bring a single horse in then put them back out or separate feeding locations and times or observe herd behavior or anything else that is in addition to whatever is described in your contract. You DO have a contract? Right?

Also understand it has only been 36 hours since the herd remix? It takes longer than that. Maybe there are other reasons why it is looking like you may need to move…would take that to heart and start looking. IME once you start feeling that, it is time to go. It does not get better.

Sadly, all true.

People and circumstances can work themselves into a corner without a good solution. Other than to just change to other circumstances.

It is worth at least one thorough and honest conversation before making a final leaving decision. But being pre-prepared for any outcome will help you, I think.

[findeight]

@OverandOnward

Does she understand that she’s risking the relationship?

Maybe the BO here does not see any “:relationship” other than as client-service provider? Or does not care if OP stays or goes? Would not be the first time a boarder/client mistakes simple courtesy in a business relationship as a sign of true friendship.

[Mcl1]

@fivestrideline

Ask how they handle feeding time - if the pasture board option feeds in a big herd just like the current place, you may run into the same problem. You may not .

I was thinking the same thing, I would definitely ensure that there are options for splitting your mare off at feed time and not just try to put her in the same situation. I have an easy keeper hony who is dominant and I would never be able to feed him in a group with how little he eats.

As others have said, if you really want to make it work where you are, I would try to have a conversation with the BM to gauge their interest on finding a solution.

[TheJenners]

I’m confused here about WHO the BM actually is, because @quarab uses a lot of slashes? BO/BM and BM/trainer. Are these all the same? Is the BO also the day-to-day manager and the trainer who loves riding your mare and finds her wildly talented? If the trainer is someone other than the manager who keeps moving the herds around and has a personal horse(s) she is favoring over your horse, then you can maybe make the below work better because I have the same question:

@Amberley

I don’t understand why you need to be in full training so much that you are potentially willing to switch disciplines? Can you find a good boarding situation and work with a trainer separately? That’s seems easiest.

Why not move and just find a barn that will allow another trainer in or haul out? Is your mare not so far along that she still needs pro rides? Or can you not haul out for lesson for the extra rides? I see no reason to switch to hunters over this. Unless I’m missing something, like these barns are 30+ miles apart. But if the trainer who loves your mare can come to you for lessons or the BO will allow you to haul back for lessons, why not move to a better boarding situation and do that? A haul in fee and fuel and time sink kinda blows but so does always wondering when you’re going to get kicked out by the BM or your horse being stalled 24/7.

[trubandloki]

@quarab

I’m frustrated that this is the hill she’s going to die on and potentially spoil our relationship over.

Hoping that she was just having a bad day and expressed her frustration poorly.

@albytb

That being said: I think it’s worth sitting down with the BO and having an honest conversation with her. It sounds like it’s a good place from a riding/training standpoint… if it were me I’d try to hash it out before moving. Can’t do any harm.

This, totally this.

@Annie10

Why can’t you still ride dressage at the Hunter barn?

It depends on the hunter barn.
Many barns (not just hunter) require a training program for all boarders. They do not have stall space for people who are ‘just’ boarding there and they do not allow random outside trainers.

If the OP wants to leave (before having a sit-down talk about this), I think it might be worth being open minded about a barn that just a boarding barn that allows outside trainers. A smaller private type facility might offer more personalized care and less issues.

[Annie10]

while i understand that about training programs etc etc etc, there was nothing said about that being the case at that particular barn. Although I’m inclined to think that if this poster were in that price point then relocating would not be as much of an issue, but I could be misunderstanding. Perhaps the OP will clarify.

[quarab]

A couple things to clarify. BM/BO/trainer are all one and the same should’ve clarified.

Hunter barn doesn’t typically allow outside trainers and I was actually there previously in an emergency placement (mare got along just fine with the herd but it’s over 1 acre/horse so there was lots of room to figure stuff out). We toyed with virtual lessons and it’s possible I could have a dressage trainer physically out 2x/mo. They don’t do grain in the retiree field but I could pay a barn rat to give her ration balancer on days I’m not there. That said it’s a low $ boarding option for them, I’m not doing the hunter shows, etc, etc so I’m not their ideal client. Frankly I’d rather just pay extra $$$ to be able to bring a trainer in and we’d be happy not lessoning with the hunters but it’s not exactly realistic since it is a show barn

I’ve toured one dressage barn and have a friend at the other. The turnout situation is similar at both. Private turnout maybe with 1 other horse, 4-5 hours a day, 6x/wk. Both I could have a run. Neither I could jump at (haven’t totally decided if that’s something I want to try hard to pursue)

Mare is unfortunately mildly lame so she’s in a private run right now and we plan to reevaluate Wednesday and I’ll have a longer talk with BM. BM has traveled to a barn where mare was in a run as a trainer and saw Ms Mare INSANE - so at least she has some experience with this. Asst trainer was afraid to ride her when she wasn’t getting reg turnout so I feel we have some “I tried this and it didn’t work”

[quarab]

I think stalling is a skill that can generally be improved upon and Ms Mare has gotten quite a bit better at shows for <1 week when she’s getting stimulation and work I’m not sure she can manage it long term especially since she’s still younger. My late mare switched between stall and field board seasonally at a past barn and it didn’t really affect her as long as she had a hay bag. Ms Mare is just hard to manage I guess.

[Mcl1]

Does the BM/trainer know that you are pursuing other options? Given that you have a relationship beyond just BM/boarder (lessoning, showing, etc.) I would definitely set up a time to talk through the issue. I would try to phrase it in a way that you really enjoy being there and training with her, and you would love to find a solution that works for everyone if possible, but if you cannot find a solution you will pursue other options for the mare (not at all in a threatening way, more of just on offer to move on if that’s what she wants). I would also offer to compensate her for additional work (putting on a feed bag or isolating mare at feeding time) if need be.

[quarab]

Welp. We’re on team moving I guess. I got there today to hand walk Ms Mare and mentioned it to BM and asked if she’d given it more thought. She mentioned they could try to put her in with the small ponies during the day but they’ve also already expressed they don’t want her in with the small ponies for other reasons and they think Ms Mare will bully one of the older ponies. I asked if there was a backup option for where she could be turned out with at least one of the horses she has gotten along with and she said not really and didn’t really elaborate. IMO that was enough to really light a fire under my butt. I feel like we went from having a herd that she was doing well in, BM being nothing short of thrilled with her , bragging on her, etc, etc to deciding that even though she likes riding her she doesn’t like dealing with her around the barn. Unfortunately that’s her main job so off we go.

I contacted the hunter barn again about perhaps bringing in a trainer. I think that BO would be more inclined if I paid a haul in fee or something so we’ll try to work something out. One dressage barn is full but was less likely to work for us anyways and I have a message out to the other dressage barn. I’m a bit bummed because I like doing both dressage work and jumping, but there are drawbacks to all options/barns. (And also some upsides: I feel like I’m stalling out in dressage work with current trainer and having a dedicated dressage trainer again if I can swing it would be ideal)

[fivestrideline]

You can always haul out to jump. A lot of people do, and jumping shouldn’t be done 6 days a week anyway - you can get the same basic skills with poles and cavaletti at a dressage barn.

Good luck with the move, I know it sucks but it sounds like the BO has washed their hands of your horse. Bummer, but better to know than try to be the problem boarder and get booted with no notice.

For your goals, I’d likely stick with a dressage barn unless the hunter barn becomes the only option. Being the Odd Boarder doing exclusively a different discipline and not being In The Program might be tough - plus the workaround for feeding is already out of the routine. I don’t love walking into a barn already upsetting the routine; I’ve never felt it worked out long term. Better to go somewhere you are a typical client and can make it work with their established routine already.