Barn manager talking about clients behind their back

[Sansena]

I handle gossips fairly well… I make a face like I’m frightened or confused then say, theatrically …“Uhhhh… this really doesn’t involve me and I don’t want to be in the middle so I’m going to cut you off right there. How was that show you saw?/ Let’s talk about something pleasant/ How did you do on that exam?”

Gossiper continues… follow with “Seriously. I REALLY don’t want to know! Nonamybidness… gotta go… BYE now… seeya… la la la, can’t HEAR you!” (fingers in ears).

I can be campy and funny and blunt and it gets my message across. Usually.

But if it doesn’t, then I get brutally honest and monotone frank: “Look. I said I don’t want to hear it. And by gossiping you only make yourself look bad. If you have an issue with Suzee, then you need to talk to Suzee not me. Sansena OUT”.

Not diplomatic, but let’s face it, there’s nothing diplomatic about gossiping… so…

[Bluey]

Living in a very small rural community, rather insular, with people that have been here for several generations, gossip is a kind of information line, how everyone finds out what is going on.
You learn quickly who is gossipy and will know what all is happening and sometimes a bit more you may not really had wanted to know.

Gossip can be just that, talking a bit too much about others.
That may be fine as long as it is not used to put others down or have people take sides against each other.
Then it is toxic gossip and that no one wants.

I would say, Facebook is taking that social information role more and more away from old gossiping ways of informing others about everyone around them.
Being open to all “ears” on the more public Facebook, that curbs negative gossip.
Of course what goes in private, by invitation groups, that is up to who forms those groups, if they are to vent about others, well … but we don’t have to go there if that is not who we are.

While plain gossip in a small community can be helpful to find out who to ask for advice on the simple like remodeling to which doctors are better and why and who others had bad experiences with, who needs help and who is organizing any, etc. I am not sure gossip of any kind belongs in other places, like in a horse barn.

In a horse barn, positive or negative minded gossip, talking about others, doesn’t serve any purpose but to make everyone uncomfortable.

[kande04]

@Bluey

I am hard of hearing and it gets tiresome to try to talk to me, having to repeat yourself time and again.
Works like a charm to avoid gossip.
No one likes to hear themselves gossiping more than once.
Repeating and re-explaining gossip makes it sound as silly as it is.
Then you start to think if you should be saying that.

Maybe you could ask them if they could write it down.

If I want to gossip my hearing and attention span is just fine, but the more I don’t want to gossip the worse they get.

[Jumper_Princess1988]

I was at a barn where there owner would talk about past and current clients. Totally rude and uncalled for - but looking back, I think she only did it to make herself feel better. It was sad, really.

Move barns - professionally run barns with exceptional care really do exist, and you deserve to be at one!

[TMares]

I’ve been on my own with my horses at home for so long, but if I had to board again I really don’t know what I would do LOL. I am confident I would look this person dead in the eye and say something like and I can’t imagine what you say about me when I’m not around. I just won’t stand for it just put my hand up and walk away not interested not interested. If you stand there and listen you are teaching her or him this is something you want to participate in.

I see you’ve dealt with this for several years? Either move or change yourself.

[BoyleHeightsKid]

I was in a barn like this off and on for about 8 years. What sort of put me between a rock and a hard spot was the care was better at her barn and every time I tried to move Boy would be unhappy or lose condition and with the choices in my area I sort of had no other choice but to take him back… and every time I brought him back, my board went up :mad:

She felt threatened by me. When Boy was injured and I needed a horse to ride in a lesson one of the boarders graciously offered me her cute little Appy mare. She loved me riding her in lessons after that so offered to pay for my lesson if I would ride her mare. Well… after Boy was able to be ridden in a lesson the BO put a stop to it, said I was costing her money :mad:… btw, she was not being paid to train or ride said mare :mad: she called me her friend, but when I didn’t listen to her, or did things differently than she would have done them, she would talk behind my back to the other boarders. Then she started doing things like turning the horses out in the field were the dressage arena was when she knew I had a lesson, then claim they tore the fence down to get in there… She was a very unhappy person and a control freak. I could go on and on about the crap she pulled while I was there. The only thing that kept me there was how well Boy did there and how happy he was.

If I were you, I would start looking to move. I now have my own place, and while I don’t have the time to ride like I did boarding… I don’t care. I can do things my way and don’t have to deal with someone else’s drama. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

[WildLittleWren]

@BoyleHeightsKid

I was in a barn like this off and on for about 8 years. What sort of put me between a rock and a hard spot was the care was better at her barn and every time I tried to move Boy would be unhappy or lose condition and with the choices in my area I sort of had no other choice but to take him back… and every time I brought him back, my board went up :mad:

She felt threatened by me. When Boy was injured and I needed a horse to ride in a lesson one of the boarders graciously offered me her cute little Appy mare. She loved me riding her in lessons after that so offered to pay for my lesson if I would ride her mare. Well… after Boy was able to be ridden in a lesson the BO put a stop to it, said I was costing her money :mad:… btw, she was not being paid to train or ride said mare :mad: she called me her friend, but when I didn’t listen to her, or did things differently than she would have done them, she would talk behind my back to the other boarders. Then she started doing things like turning the horses out in the field were the dressage arena was when she knew I had a lesson, then claim they tore the fence down to get in there… She was a very unhappy person and a control freak. I could go on and on about the crap she pulled while I was there. The only thing that kept me there was how well Boy did there and how happy he was.

If I were you, I would start looking to move. I now have my own place, and while I don’t have the time to ride like I did boarding… I don’t care. I can do things my way and don’t have to deal with someone else’s drama. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

Same here. I have been SO SO HAPPY since I brought the horses home. I don’t have to deal with drama. I am still friends with several people at my prior barn, and some of the stories they tell are just terrible. It’s not even a show barn, its mostly people with retired horses or retired people with horses, etc. Now I just listen to it and smile inside because I no longer have to deal with it!!! I would much rather take less riding time and more maintenance than to have to deal with all of that! You couldn’t pay me to move back into a boarding situation!

[BoyleHeightsKid]

@WildLittleWren

Same here. I have been SO SO HAPPY since I brought the horses home. I don’t have to deal with drama. I am still friends with several people at my prior barn, and some of the stories they tell are just terrible. It’s not even a show barn, its mostly people with retired horses or retired people with horses, etc. Now I just listen to it and smile inside because I no longer have to deal with it!!! I would much rather take less riding time and more maintenance than to have to deal with all of that! You couldn’t pay me to move back into a boarding situation!

This was not a show barn either, although she showed, gave lessons etc. Then when the other boarders were seen asking me for advice, she would butt in the conversation and contradict me… I wasn’t doing right by my horse because I quit using her farrier… on and on…

I would never go back to boarding… ever.

[OverandOnward]

This reminded me of the best gossip-crusher of all time, just IMO, quite a long time ago …

I was within earshot when a lady who was wise and mature for her years was caught by the local gossip crew, I think it was three of them, who were trying to include the lady in their tear-down of their latest target (“Jane”), someone who had made the mistake of not coming out that day.

After she heard the first few remarks, the lady suddenly gave a brilliant smile, stood up straight and said brightly “Oh I like Jane a lot, she’s always been a good friend to me! I wish Jane were here right now!” She emphasized the last sentence very clearly and cheerfully. It was pretty clear that this lady like Jane much better than the people who were gossiping about Jane!

There was a stunned silence on the part of the gossipers. After a moment they very quietly walked away in different directions, each of them seemingly pretending that they hadn’t said anything. They did not gossip around that lady again! :lol: