Thank you for your words. I hope at least some healing can be had by victims.
Cognitive Dissonance has people believing their idols are beyond reproach and not capable of heinous crimes. Although some may be, I’m guessing some defend their idols because they just can’t believe allegations. That being said, there is zero excuse for harassing the victim.
May justice be done. May lessons be learned.
My heart goes out to the people affected by these type of events.
Thanks for all the work you and your family have done to try and improve the discussion around these issues.
Wishing you and yours well. You all have been through a lot.
And I’m hoping that as this latest situation makes it through the civil process, it’s a fair and decent one, and that the eventual outcome allows the plaintiff to move forward with her life and heal.
Thank you for speaking up.
I went to Robert Dover’s facebook page.( I’m surprised I could see it because I’m not a member of facebook.)
Robert Dover’s hypocrisy and refusal to acknowledge the damage he is doing to young people is breathtaking. In one sentence he accuses Jane Doe of trying to “ruin” Ben Ebeling’s career and of “weaponizing” Safe Sport, and in the the next says that he doesn’t want his online behavior to deter young people who are abused from speaking up.
Sorry Robert Dover, you can’t have it both ways. You, and people like you, are discouraging young victims from coming forward.
Young people see your vicious accusations about Jane Doe’s motives and know that you would behave the same way toward them if they came forward, especially if you knew the person or persons accused.
If you can’t see this you are seriously deluding yourself. You are old enough to know better and you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
It is always easier after the fact, and from the other side of the fence, to say what you would do. When you are in that situation, as a parent, you lose that perspective.
Educated, or not educated, parents do not generally have the skills to identify abuse, even in their own families.
The me too movement is educating the general public about what to look for. Many of us normalize lots of things we shouldn’t.
More power to this young woman for stepping up to the plate.
This is precisely what bothered me about his comments. That and the fact he has his page open for public comment, but then seems to find it inappropriate that members of the public post comments disagreeing with him there.
However I was heartened by several very articulate, well thought out responses to his disturbing comments. I hope he takes some time to read them carefully.
Thank you for wading into this pool.
For clarity: I hope that those who are seeking to diminish the victim’s complaint take heed. This process is complex. And traumatizing. Just because Law enforcement or SS hasn’t fiiled charges doesn’t mean the alleged abuser is innocent.
This feels truly irrelevant to the case as it stands now and impacts not one smidge on the perpetrator’s culpability (assuming accusations are true, as they are in the vast majority of cases).
I don’t understand the reason for rehashing the parents’ choices again and again.
Agreed. Just another attempt to diminish the claim.
There’s some inference here that I don’t think is actually provided by the documents but neither here nor there —
I think the ability of people to either not even consider the possibility or to consider it but outweigh it with their own convenience is really being underestimated.
The oldest reason so many who support an accused use to discourage action: damaging a young man’s life. Somehow the girl’s life isn’t mentioned.
I found their entire statement to be angry and defensive in an unattractive way. They certainly have a right to have strong feelings, whatever the reason. But from a public communications standpoint, IMO it didn’t make them look good. It made me wonder about them, actually.
Odd wording? Can the defendant turn into a prosecutor?
Guess this is a heads-up of an impending counter-suit? Or something?
Right - and hope they are paying attention. IMO - Teenagers need to be educated as to what specific behaviors are likely to get them into legal hot water, with consequences that can last a lifetime. They have not necessarily absorbed the lifetime of information that the rest of us take for granted.
Teenagers have their own ideas about things, even if the adults in their lives believe that they have been told what behavior is and is not ok. Even if the adults are sure they have been raised to act with respect for others.
We always hope that young people don’t behave in such ways. But just in case, it can be helpful if they have some practical knowledge. Maybe even so they can stop friends from doing dumb and/or harmful stuff that they themselves wouldn’t do.
They definitely need to know what constitutes statutory rape in their state, even if sex is consensual (or they think it is).
Legally, yes.
Morally, actually, their innocence was compromised the instant they committed a morally repulsive act.
The ‘innocent until proven guilty in court’ is only a legal definition. It does not cover all of life in any way. Many terribly guilty people are never found guilty in court for all kinds of reasons. They are still guilty as hell, morally.
And not for nothing, a combination of fear, denial and/or feeling totally unprepared for the hurricane of life changes that can reach beyond their control, once that exam happens.
They didn’t pick today for the day that their life goes on a different course than it had been. They don’t feel prepared for it.
It is not unusual for people after a traumatic event to hesitate and delay something that will formally expose it and launch who knows what actions by others. In some ways the delay may feel like maintaining some control over the prior normalcy of their lives. It takes time to realize that it isn’t working that way.
But in this case we don’t know enough to determine if the Ebelings are guilty of anything illegal or morally wrong. It’s unfair to rush to judgement until the case has been heard.
However I think it’s perfectly fair to judge them and their supporters for the many tone deaf and victim shaming responses to the news.
This. Well stated.
Didn’t she allege that BE asked her if she had gotten her period yet? That surely would have been a big wake-up call. Although I assume if that did happen, it was likely some weeks after the alleged incident - by which time, she may have already come to realize that something did happen.
Also - do we know when she told her parents? Is that info in the filing? I skimmed it yesterday but don’t recall if it mentioned when her parents became aware their daughter had been (allegedly) sexually assaulted.
The filing doesn’t make it clear as to if/when she told her parents.
The filing does make it seem as though she remembered the assault. It’s hard to conceive of how they would have the details that are in the complaint if she didn’t remember the assault.
I was responding to BigMama’s point that the girl may not have immediately remembered it or realized it - which is why I mentioned BE reportedly asking her about her period (which would have surely triggered either a memory or a suspicion, albeit some weeks later)…
Actually, I think the “missing bra” would have been a very strong indication that something had happened. And if she was still pretty incapacitated when she got home, it is possible/probable that her mother helped her undress, and I would think she (the mother) would have been very concerned about the fact that her daughter’s bra was missing. So it seems to me that the girl and very likely her mother must have become highly suspicious when they got home - it wouldn’t have taken a message from BE some weeks later asking about her period to alert her that something was wrong.
It also seems odd to me as to why BE didn’t replace her bra when he dressed her. If he put her underpants back on her (assuming he did), why wouldn’t he have also replaced her bra?
I think that it is possible that a parent reading this might pause, and think about situations that their child has mentioned, or been exposed to. For that reason, mentioning the importance of being immediately proactive if your kid tells you something, makes it reasonable to bring up here.
If I was a parent, and my daughter told me that “Richard” had been doing these things that were strange or uncomfortable or awkward at the farm, GIANT red flag. Parents need to be aware that this wonderful experience that they are giving their child COULD have some issues attached, in this day and age.
Trophy?
The senior Ebelings are being sued for inadequate supervision of the minors; their child and the alleged victim. Suppose, hypothetically, it happened as alleged in the suit. According to the suit, she was too incapacitated to ride a bike or walk, was drunk and possibly drugged, and braless with disheveled clothes. According to the suit, the use of alcohol was obvious to the adults, but the alleged sexual assault was not disclosed to the adults. Upon learning of the alcohol consumption by two teenagers in the avocado grove, supposedly the Ebeling parents said “Kids will be kids”.
The parents of the alleged victim apparently did not notice the missing bra, did not go to the police or the hospital, and permitted their daughter to continue training there for “some months”. If the Ebelings are going to be sued for their casual attitude of “kids will be kids”, it seems completely pertinent to point out that the response of the victim’s parents was pretty symmetrical. Even after knowing of the underage drinking and the Ebelings attitude of “kids will be kids”, the victim’s parents continued to let her train there for “some months”. I wonder how many months.
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