Category 1: Best Dressage Quote From a Non-Horsey Novel:
Mum’s like one of those dressage riders on TV. She changes her voice an iota and we all obey her instantly, like trained Olympic horses.
From I Owe You One, by Sophie Kinsella.
Heard at a schooling show yesterday… “Don’t try and fix this issue in the next five minutes, your horse hasn’t been able to do it all spring. Just ride forward.” I am not sure what the “issue” was because I was busy avoiding the traffic.
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Category 2: Best Dressage Quote from a Dressage Friend:
At a show or clinic, my friend Jennifer whipped out her checkbook and wrote a check. She looked up at me and said “writing checks, the movement we dressage riders do best”.
I literally burst out laughing, because it is true.
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From Eddie Izzard (a British comedian): "And then there’s dressage, based on God knows what. It’s a fantastic thing, don’t get me wrong. They’ve won medals for Great Britain and I was there going: Win that thing! You won that thing! I don’t know what you were doing when you were doing that thing…
"But you gotta admit, you don’t go when’s the dressage on?! When’s it on? What time? You just kinda stumble on it like, oh dressage.
“And these people- highly trained riders, highly trained horses- trained to do stuff that is not wanted in life. It’s brilliant, but it’s just useless… Unless you want to park your horse in a cupboard, it’s not much use…”
Here’s the link. Quite entertaining: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xa3zn__43vM
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A friend who also does dressage, remarked about my attempts at golf: “WHY would you take on the second most frustrating sport in the world?”
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From clinician to clinic rider: “That horse is like a Ferrari and you’re riding him like a garbage truck.”
It’s an incredibly effective visual. 
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Ha! I was watching 2nd level classes this weekend and had exactly the same thought!
LOL!! These are amazing. One that made me pause as I passed warm-up was a trainer screeching: “You SIT in that SADDLE like your butt-crack ITCHES!”
I mean…okay. In terms of visuals…well, um…okay, I’ve now learned something and I wasn’t even being coached 
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As much as I love Eddie Izzard for laughs, some of these are pretty helpful.
A trainer I rode with in the 90s came back from a clinic. She said the clinician kept telling to straighten her shoulders and finally yelled her name and said “tits! east west!” She said she was so embarrassed but it worked.
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OMG, I actually love this and I’m going to use it!
I always enjoy my husband’s remark on dressage: “Dressage: dance like 15 people are watching.”
Also, at the last show I was at, the warm up arena was full of the 1st Level AA class and there was such a resounding echo of “Shorten your reins, more trot!” from trainers around the fence line that my friend started laughing mid-warmup (BUT she did remember to shorten her reins and have more trot!)
And, last but not least, a classic from Stephen Colbert: “What are the origins of dressage? Did one day some horse say ‘Dad, I don’t wanna charge into battle, I just want to DANCE!’?”
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That just made me lol since I had a lesson yesterday and the trainer said “Shorten your reins, more trot” at least five thousand times during it. I ride first level.
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I had a trainer that use to yell “T.O!” For “tits out” which was to help with my slumped shoulders. Lol
I saw an awesome one on fb the other day.
“your horse is doing the best it can with the information you have provided”
amazeballs. Lmao.
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My Facebook memories popped up today with this exchange from my dressage seat equitation class two years ago in which my horse was flailing around like an unbroke Missouri fox trotter at one point:
Axel Steiner: “That canter transition to the… ::checks notes::”
Me: “Left. Yeahhhhhhhh.”
Axel: “Yeah. That was not a tremendous display of skill.”
Nicely understated.
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