Boarder pulled my horse's mane

[Clover5]

Egads too! What a peach of a person! The barn owner took the boarder’s side?? I’d be handing in my 30 day notice.

BOs with no boundaries are really scary - I left one barn largely because of it. The BO would feed all the horses cookies when owners weren’t around (taught my horse to like carrots without my permission; found out when miss mare happily took a carrot from her on the day we left!), and pulled one horse out of the field during my lesson and gave it an injection of banamine because it was ‘colicing’ (it was the healthiest, most normal looking horse I’d ever seen, showing no signs of colic) - it made me so nervous as to what she might do to my mare if she decided she ‘needed’ it.

[peedin]

Victim blaming. Nice. BO siding with mane puller. Nice. ::sarcasm:: Start looking for a new barn. Then punch both their lights out.

I’ve never heard of a boarding contract with a do not touch clause, but I’ve only boarded at 2 places. I always check the horses in my aisle, and if I see something amiss (even a fly mask askew) I let the desk staff know. I won’t touch anyone’s horse without their express permission.

Confession: I chopped off Ariel’s mane with scissors. In the indoor in front of people. It’s about 2 inches now. I call it the sticky uppy look.

[vxf111]

The non apology apology was pretty rude.

That being said— the mane will be ok even if you have to be patient. A pony clubber I loaned my horse to as a last minute fill in shaved the top of his tail. He’s a hunter. I almost vomited. But I knew she meant well, even though she was misguided, and thought she was doing me a favor. It grows back in.

A discussion about boundaries/communication is in order with both the offending party and the BO but deep breath because in the grand scheme of things your horse will be ok.

[js]

I don’t know the relationship you have with the BO or how good the boarding is at this barn but I would be inclined to talk to the BO and let her/him know that this isn’t about an act of kindness. The boarder did something with your horse that she did not have permission to do. I would be inclined to think that the BO is fine with boarders taking other people’s horses and doing what they please with them. Wonder how many times this boarder has taken your horse for a ride beyond what was originally agreed upon when her horse was healing. If the quality of care and the facility is top notch then let the BO the boarder is not to handle your horse under any circumstance etc., I would do this in a one on one discussion and followed up with a written statement about what happened and what is expected regarding this boarder and your horse, so you have documentation.

If there are better options in boarding then it might be worth investigating moving your horse. I get the mane will grow back but I would be left wondering what else your or other boarders horses are being used for or done to.

[luvmyhackney]

I 100% agree with the no touching others horses especially hair, but why the 5th degree on carrots/treats? Unless horse has a health issue, I don’t mind a BO feeding treats to my horse if it makes them easier for them to handle. It gets their eyes on them.

I’m serious and not trying to be snarky or judgmental in any way. Trying to understand your point of view.

[luvmyhackney]

That was not an apology, that was a “you hurt my feelings” and I’m not used to being held accountable for my actions response.

[Scribbler]

I would use my observation skills to see if other horses are being handled without the owners consent or if this is just a one off thing.

As far as feeding treats, there are legitimate reasons not to hand feed a horse that’s nippy or pushy, or indeed if you want to save treat time for focused clicker training.

BO that can’t understand or respect that is a dumpster fire of a horse person.

[Clover5]

You could tell how long a horse had been there by how pushy they were. Going out into the field to catch my horse, I’d be swarmed by 7 other horses trying to reach my pockets. 2 wouldn’t back down even if you swung a rope at them; they’d just circle around and come from a different angle. It made taking my horse out of the field very stressful (I left after 2 months).

My mare is very respectful of treats, but that’s because she doesn’t get to be pushy. The BO didn’t seem to have any personal space rules when it came to cookies; luckily my mare didn’t pick up bad habits from her the brief time she was there. My mare gets treats for training, so having someone hand them out willy-nilly isn’t something I want either.

[jvanrens]

I understand that. My mare gets very treat aggressive if you aren’t careful when hand feeding treats. Not mean, just grabs first, asks questions later. I insist any treats go into her feed tub so nobody gets grabbed by accident.

[luvmyhackney]

Thank you for explaining your POV. I forgot that BO’s and people handling horses are not always the best at requiring respect and personal space. I’ve been lucky to have good ones, even if they feed candy.

Adding another reason why I keep my horses at home now.

[SuzieQNutter]

If you are referring to me. The no touching or feeding of horses is for the other horse owners. The people who cut carrots the wrong way that can cause choke. Those that do it every day that can cause nipping, etc.

[TheDBYC]

@mmeqcenter

EGADS is right! Absolutely never okay to alter someone else’s horse’s appearance without express permission, and TBH the BO’s response would have me looking for a new barn. If the BO is okay with THAT, what else are they letting other people do with my horse?? Nope.

Me, too. I’d peace out of there!

[ASB_Stars]

I do not have two footed children, but for me this is like my kid going to school, and another kid cutting my kids hair. It’ll grow back, but that isn’t the point. I do not care if the junior hair stylists Mom does that for a living.

Just NO!

[DownYonder]

I had a B/O do the following to several of my horses within the first week they were there.
1 - Pull/cut manes till they were thin and about 2" long
2 - Shave off all whiskers, including over eyes
3 - Cut tails much shorter and trim the ends to lose the “bang”
3 - Clip lower legs

My horses were dressage horses - not hunters - so they didn’t need their manes that thin and short. And I never pulled manes (my mare in particular hated it - had to be twitched). They also didn’t need their tails that short, or really need their lower legs clipped. And I NEVER clipped whiskers.

This was all done without any notice beforehand. Said B/O was also the trainer and my horses were in partial training with her at the time. When I expressed my dismay, she responded something like, “If they are in my barn, they are going to get tidied up. I can’t have horses here that look unkempt.”

My options for moving elsewhere were zero and none, so she and I came to a compromise of sorts over the next few months. She never pulled the manes again and had to leave them at least 3" long (I needed to be able to get a firm grip on them when mounting, esp. the big gelding). She could clip only muzzle whiskers - not whiskers over the eyes. She had to let the tails grow out until they could be banged again just above the fetlock. She could clip the legs on my horse with stockings as needed to help fight his tendency for scratches.

She currently has two PREs in the barn, as well as a QH. I’m sure she is itching to pull/cut their manes and tails but can’t. LOL.

[netg]

A friend is leasing from another friend, using horse owner’s tack. She checked with me to make sure she was following the correct method before taking care of the tack, just in case the owner did something different… and I am positive the owner would have been thrilled to have her tack cared for regardless!
This is just courteous respect of others.

Pulling the mane on a horse whose mane is clearly not pulled is the total opposite end of the spectrum. I had a horse I suspected other people were handling in a large barn - she was crippled and had been abused and was scared of people when I got her, and it took a lot of time to get her calm about handling. She started acting headset and unsettled after some time at the barn, and I was hanging her halter in specific ways to see if it was moved (it was, repeatedly.) I went to the barn at night and was usually alone, and most of the boarders were there in weekday mornings, so I never saw it happen. When there was a spot near the tack rooms of people I knew, I moved her and asked them to watch out for her. They knew more of her history and that I was out daily even though we only saw each other on weekends. The headshy and skittish behavior disappeared quickly. It may have been due to her neighbors or having been in a more active part of the barn, but I suspect it was someone “helping” who was missing appropriate boundaries.

[hoopoe]

Somehow I feel the BO has had to make “excuses” for the mane puller before

[TBKite]

I don’t know guys. I do consider pulling the mane crossing a line, I too would have been very displeased. I definitely think limits needed to be clearly established after this incident, and a careful eye out afterwards for any further breaches of boundaries.

I don’t think it warrants a complete loss of one’s $h!t.

A polite and firm "I see you pulled Fluffy’s mane. You should have asked me first, I don’t believe in pulling because it’s painful, and now it’s so short and thin I can’t braid it properly. (+/- Please) don’t do anything else with him without checking with me first.

If she still gave the pissy response, fire away.

My BO cut some locks of my old retiree’s tail after a bout of diarrhea soiled them. His tail is very long and thick, and it was winter and too cold to wash. I grew up AQHA, tails are sacred, I just about puked. She told me by text she had done it, all it took was “I saw that, please don’t cut any more, I was going to wash it when it warmed up.” Boundaries reestablished, no further problems, that was over a year ago.

[SillyHorse]

@TBKite

A polite and firm "I see you pulled Fluffy’s mane borrowed my show bridle. You should have asked me first, I don’t believe in pulling because it’s painful don’t use it for schooling, ever, and now it’s so short and thin dirty and has a scratch on it I can’t braid it properly . Please don’t do anything else with him touch my belongings without checking with me first.

There, I fixed it for you to make it an appropriate response.

The appropriate response to what the mane puller did is, “NEVER touch my horse or my belongings without my permission.” And to the excuse-making BO: “I will be vacating this barn at the end of the month.”

[TBKite]

Well, you do you. I just feel some lapses in judgement are recoverable and do not require scorched earth.

For the record, the scratched bridle won’t heal/grow back, and the person HAD been given permission to touch the horse, but went too far. This would be more like you lent then the bridle a couple times, and then they used it without asking and damaged it.

[KBC]

Here’s one for you…I made this for a friend, put her favourite picture that I had taken in it.

I never thought when I snipped a bit of his tail, from right in the centre, it was invisible, and I seriously did not hesitate.

She loved her gift, but her daughter was astounded that I had cut a bit of his tail without asking…still debating about that one.