I could use some tips with bonding to my horse. She is very food motivated and seems that that’s all she cares about. When I try to pet her, she yanks her head away and starts nibbling my hand for food. She won’t even stand still in cross ties to be groomed because she constantly wants hay or treats. I am not sure why she is like this as my other horses have such a good bond to me and love to be pet and just stand in my arms to be hugged. Any tips on what I can do will be great! Thanks.
A lot of horses actually dont like to be patted on the head.
My horse likes be scratched between his ears but he he doesn’t like his head to be patted or stroked.
Most horses love tail scritches.
My horse loves being scratched under the jaw, and the underside of his neck down to his chest.
Horses tolerate hugging but they dont understand it. They just put up with it. It is not a natural behavior to them.
Dont let her get away with being pushy for treats.
Put her treats in a bucket or on the ground .
If she gets pushy or impatient with you in hand firmly correct her each time and dont give in and give her food.
She may never be the cuddly horse you want but it really is better if you dont treat her like she’s just a big puppy.
Hope this helps.
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Some horses, especially mares, just aren’t touchy-feely. My mare for probably the first eight months of our partnership did not show she gave a crap about me in any way. She loved a good treat, she enjoyed her work relatively well, but she doesn’t enjoy being petted anywhere on her body and she didn’t stick around to say goodbye when I turned her back out.
Nowadays she still isn’t in my pocket but I know she enjoys my company. She tries her heart out when we’re working, makes progress with me on her “scary” tasks like hacking, respects my personal space like I respect hers, and likes to come see what I’m doing if I’m just sitting in her paddock.
The best thing with a horse that isn’t touchy-feely is just to spend time. That’s tough if you’re working a lot but at least a little time each day or most days with no expectations, just hanging out with her. I like to bring a book and just hang out and read while she grazes, typically after we work. I think they know when we’re pleased just spending time in the “herd” and that is more than just a working relationship.
I also respect the things she doesn’t like. She does not enjoy being touched, and so I refrain from grooming or petting her any more than I have to. Of course, she has to put up with it if I need to do something like get yet another mud patch off her, or clip her ears, or give her a bath. But for the most part I figure I wouldn’t like it much if I was telling someone “stop touching me” and they didn’t so I give her the same courtesy when possible.
She also sounds a bit rude about the treats. I notice mine can get handsy if I’m rewarding her often while working on the ground so I don’t give treats or food unless she’s completed a BIG ask, or we’re completely finished. That way she’s focused on me, and not doing something just because food is involved. Or staring at my pocket waiting for something magical to come out of it.
She may never show you openly that she enjoys your company but give it time and as long as you’re genuinely a match you’ll notice that begrudging mare acknowledgement that you’re not that bad. 
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Horses are not birds; they don’t bond.
Mine are chow hounds (I think most are). They like to be brushed. My gelding and one mare like to be touched. When you’re around them if you put one hand on them they are likely to hang around. The other two mares don’t care.
Just what type of “human contact” the horse enjoys varies from horse to horse. Experiment and see what yours likes.
G.
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Can you tell us more? How long have you had her and what was she like when you got her versus now?
Does she always have something to chew on? i.e. a slow feed net? When you get her out is she coming from her stall or pasture? It’s so important they have food in their bellies when we work with them.
My other thought is have you done bodywork on her? Start by just barely touching her skin - just laying your hand on her or just above her hair and waiting until she gives you a reaction. I’m betting you’ll have some responses like her relaxing. Then, how about some gentle T touch movements like very gently moving her skin in small circles. My critters always give me BIG responses with that work.
And like someone else said here, how about going out into the pasture with her and just spending time. Sit down with a book, admire your horse, and take in all the beauty. Warwick Schiller suggested I do that with my adopted abused rescue and the results were incredible.
Could you do some of this and report back? I’d be curious to hear.
Butt scratches!
Channel the food motivation into correct clicker training which will give you a communication vocabulary on the ground
A wonderful horseman much wiser than myself once said in a clinic that horses like two things: food and being left alone.
Your horse doesn’t sound like she acts this way out of purely food motivation. It sounds like she acts this way because she needs some boundaries and to get okay with things like touching her head, etc.
While I don’t quite agree with Guilherme that horses don’t bond, I will say that they don’t bond to a person for the reasons people bond to other people. Horses desire structure - in a herd, everyone knows where they fall and they are quite content to know the rules. Foals learn quickly that in order to keep the safety and well being that comes with being in a herd, there are rules to follow and if you don’t there are repercussions for not doing so.
So your mare acts up on the cross ties and won’t settle because she doesn’t know that she needs to settle when you’re working around her. Similarly, she isn’t interested in letting you pet or touch her face because she hasn’t been taught that this is a thing she needs to allow you to do (and that might even feel good!)
So don’t worry so much about the “bond” and start thinking more in terms of providing structure and education. If you aren’t sure how to do this, find a reputable instructor who can help you.
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Yes, we would have to talk about if horses “bond.” But there’s not much to talk about with the rest. I concur.
G.
Pay attention to what you want, not what you don’t want. I watched one of the teenagers trying to get her young mustang mare to stand quietly on the crossties. She was asking her to move her butt this way and that, forward, back- a constant stream of cues to get her to stand in the right spot. What was she actually training her to do? Move all over the place on the crossties. We spent a few minutes ignoring the movement and praising her and loving on her when she stood quietly. They spent a few more minutes every day and about a week later her mare stood quietly while she groomed. They kept working on it and now the mare stands quietly when owner steps away. You can see how much they have softened when she rides and they do ground work.
You can train for a cue to use if she gets antsy. If you leave a short lead rope on the halter, for example, you can develop a “calm down” or “head down” cue on and off the crossties and when you ride. Hold some downward pressure on the lead rope and watch the tip of her ear. As soon as it drops a whisker, release and praise her. If her head pops up be sure to ask again. You can’t hold her head down. She will get the idea and drop her head lower and lower and keep it there. A horse with a lowered head is relaxed. If it’s up in the air they are confused or frightened, or maybe pissed off enough to buck or rear.
We tend to overwhelm our horses with a barrage of cues. They have no clue what “no don’t do that” means. Save that for the dog. Their attention span is about 3 seconds. That’s how long you have to ask and release the pressure. The next repetition is discrete - you are starting over. You have be consistent and do repetitions. Some horses need more than others. Maybe your horse is good with 100 reps, so you do10 a day for 10 days. I might need 300 reps and maybe I’ll take 300 days or 100 days.
I trained my horse to do three handy things and I wasn’t thinking about it. I kept my hand on the halter noseband so he would keep his head in a good spot while I groomed his poll and ears. One day I realized I just need to touch the noseband. Then there’s mounting. We have a accessible mounting dock for the therapy program. After I check the girth I want him standing straight and close enough to get my short, elderly leg over his tall body. I ask for a few steps back with the right rein. The left rein brings him ahead and he steps in with his left hind. Perfect for mounting in safety and comfort. Most days he does it on his own. He does it for his therapy riders too.
The best one: he’s on pasture board and gets his grain in stall #1 after I ride. A very sloppy eater, he nibbles every last nugget so I sweep off a section of the mats. He ground ties a few feet from the stall and does not try to enter until I tell him. He walked off once when I was getting stall #3 ready, turning right at stall #1 which was occupied. If your horse blasts by you into the stall somebody lets him. If it’s not you it’s the barn staff.
Consistency.
Repetitions.
Patience.
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Stop feeding her treats. Make her stand in the cross ties to build patience. Work with her on the ground and under saddle to build a relationship.
Many horses don’t like to be fussed over and loved on. It is up to us to know and respect that in each individual horse.
The Masterson Method form of bodywork is easy to learn, very effective and you barely have to touch the horse for most of it. She’d probably appreciate it and look forward to your time together.
