So I bought my first mare at the end of last year. I’ve always had geldings before and I’m having trouble bonding with her. She is very independent and doesnt usually like being fussed over. We were starting to make some progress but the vet was just out for teeth and vaccinations and now she hardly wants me near her now. Trying to just make friendly with her again not sure why she’s so upset I wasn’t even holding her when she got her shots.
I know mares are different from geldings personality wise but I’m having trouble figuring her out.
Bribe her. Lots of treats!!
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How old is she? Is this a youngster or a mature horse?
My experience with some mares is that they like to have their person and sometimes it takes time to build a relationship.
My filly has always liked being groomed and fussed over, but as I work with her she’s become more people oriented and listens even more. I think it’s the maternal instinct, they like to be careful, etc.
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I bribe my mares A LOT more than my geldings 
Mine works for treats as well. She’s not snuggly, but she loves me. I haven’t been able to see her for a couple weeks, as my grandma had a fall xmas eve and I;ve been caring for her. When I finally got to the barn miss mare ran over, sniffed me up and down, wrapped her neck around me and hugged me for about 30 seconds. Then she pinned her ears and snapped her teeth at me and walked away. That is her- I missed you, now leave me alone. She is miss attitude, but when it really really matters, she has moved mountains for me.
I wanted cuddles too, so I also got a gelding! In fact I got a gelding I had never even sat on before I took him, but I had known on the ground for about 3 years, and knew to be a giant dog in a horse suit. I didn;t care how he rides (which he is great to ride too), I’ve got my girl for that. 
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Thanks guys!
she is about 10 years old, she did really seem to enjoy when I was doing some clicker training with her before Christmas so I will do more of that and hope she comes back around. I have a gelding and a colt that love attention and I can’t get them to leave me alone but I feel like she is being left out because she can be such a private horse.
It’s not necessarily a mare thing, geldings can be standoffish, too.
But yes, lots of treats. And find a spot she loves to be scratched.
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Give her time and earn her trust. Mares love their humans. (Disclaimer: confirmed mare person)
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Mares are the ones who are responsible for the well being of the herd, and she is simply taking her responsibility to heart. Unfortunately she has your number and she is dictating your relationship and you are tip toeing around her trying to make friends. The way to get her to relax and be more “friendly” is to take the burden of herd leader away from her and make it yours. Mares are way more sensitive than geldings and when you get an independent one, you have to be very aware of your body language and their body language whenever you are anywhere near them. The good news - I find they come around pretty quick. The bad news - they also quickly revert if you don’t mess with them for a while. I always start with groundwork since these issues tend to translate into behavior issues under saddle.
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As other users have mentioned, treats work. :lol:
It takes time, though. There are definitely standoffish geldings out there, but I find they’re about as commonplace as a cuddlebug mare. I’ve predominantly owned mares and I’ve found their type of affection or attachment is sometimes harder to pick up on. Some of them can be tough nuts to crack, and sometimes it takes other folks remarking on your partnership with your horse for you to realize what seems routine to you is more than that to someone looking in from the outside.
Oh and yes, like the other poster mentioned, scratches in the itchy spots- mine LOVES her udder cleaned, and likes scratched under her jaw too…
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Thanks guys. I will start working with her a bit more on leadership. She’s always been a bit of a loner so I think I’ve managed to find a more difficult mare
Mares are like tween girls. They are super alert to social cues and to what is fair and not fair, rather judgemental, but also fairly easily bribed.
Playful geldings are like 7 year old boys, Dennis the menace. Your geldings may in fact not be friendly so much as just enjoying pushing you around.
Mares tend to want to put colts and playful geldings in their place just like an 11 year old girl slapping their younger brother when he is annoying.
Until they come into heat. Wait for that! Then you have 1000 lbs of giggling squealing hussy all over the boys. It’s like every mare goes through adolescence once a month.
Mares want to know that you have some sense of horse protocol and make consistent fair demands on everyone. IME they respond very well to clear clicker training because it has a point.
When mares fight they fight dirty and to score an immediate dominance point. Colts geldings stallions are more likely to wrassle around for fun, though stallions in particular can get nasty and land fatal blows.
Just think back to grade 8 and it all makes sense.
You might want to think through your groundwork with all the horses because the boys who appear friendlier may in fact end up running all over you.
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Some horses will never be " in your pocket" just due to their own personality. I had a gelding once who was somewhat standoffish, but he had been through several owners before me. It took 2 years or so before his unique personality shown through and he was affectionate in his own way.
I don’t bribe or give treats but I just consistently handle them and try to give them a sense of security and routine they can depend on. My daughters mare is very " hands off, while mine is always right there with me. I raised my mare and my daughters was bought at 8 years old. It can make a difference depending on how they were handled before you got them.
With my 3 girls, 2 are “in your pocket” cuddlebugs. I call them my lap dogs, because they would probably crawl into your lap if it were allowed.
The third came to me quite standoffish, but she is probably the sweetest of the 3 now. She will very politely come up to you and make sweet faces until she gets cookies and love, too. She seems like she genuinely appreciates the attention, as compared to the other two who just expect it.
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Some horses are just deep. The chestnut mare I had would walk into fire with me but showing affection just wasn’t cool.
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I’ve owned a couple of mares and would agree with much that’s been said in previous posts.
Clicker training works well, partly because it trains you to be more consistent and aware of the cues you’re giving. Mares are way more attuned to the fluid social situation around them so if you let something slide, they’re way more likely to learn something from that–and it is probably something that you really don’t want them to learn.
My sense is also that they care a lot more about where you are in terms of their space and where they are in terms of your space. You have to be clear about claiming your space with a mare, not in an aggressive way but just in a confident way.
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Be polite and consistant, and state your goals with her clearly. Celebrate her strengths of character, and help her to develop her potential. Tell her when she does something well, and appreciate that. And tell her that she is pretty, and smart. Respond to her cues to you, just as you wish her to respond to your cues to her. A partnership gets you a friendship, over time.
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and be careful with the weight tape.
I had one mare who never, ever tried to bite me, except the first time I tried to measure her weight with a weight tape. She was ok with girthing, but the weight tape? no way. :lol:
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SnicklefritzG One never asks a lady about her weight . LOL
Palm Beach had it spot on. Look at how mares interact with the herd. Not all mares are “boss mares” but when you have one, she is not going to act like a gelding. Being a strong leader is the way to earn a mare’s trust. If you aren’t the boss, then she will be.
I personally love mares, but they can be difficult. My first horse was a red headed mare, aka: Beth’s B*tch. She was definitely a “boss mare”. Although you might be able to tell a gelding, you really need to have a relationship with a mare. And once you have that relationship, they really are willing to do just about anything for you.
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