Yes, yes I did. Was it smart? No it was not. I stayed near a fence while leading though, and was fully prepared to let go of the rope. He isn’t a pushy horse, just reactive.
Took orange barn kitty for a mindfullness walk today while the weather is nice.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, all of this just sounds so difficult and unpleasant. I think taking advantage of the mental health resources available to you is a great idea. The teenagers you have lined up for barn help also sound like they’ll be a huge relief, for you and DH, so fingers crossed that works out for you!
I know it’s hard, but please don’t let yourself be baited into doing things that could land you in the hospital again just out of stubbornness. I don’t even know you and I’m getting stressed out on your behalf just reading this thread, so I can see how some of your choices would increase the tension in your relationship (I’m not justifying your husband’s behavior here since it sounds like he’s taking things too far at this point). I’m not sure if you realize how scary some of the things you’re doing sound to an outsider, but based on what you’ve described here I think your suspicion that your judgment is compromised is spot on (honestly its probably a lot worse than you think it is) and only making things harder for you. I hope the neurologist will be able to shed some light on that when you get in to see them.
So consider this plea from an internet stranger to take better care of yourself! We’re all pulling for you and hoping for a speedy and successful recovery.
I think it would help if you thank him for helping you, tell him you appreciate that he came home to help you and you realise you do need his help andit does not matter one iota if the horses are fed later than normal if that fits in better with him.
Then go back to bed.
I am not married and have never been all that great at relationships, so take this for what it’s worth. I don’t think thanking or apologies belong on a day with ranting and screaming.
I admit that screaming is a deal breaker for me. Also a husband having a meltdown involving screaming and ranting just when his wife is most vulnerable–uggh.
Just wanted to say I’m thinking about you. Injury and recovery is so hard, even for people with no pressing responsibilities such as animals that depend on us.
I too, made questionable decisions after my second surgery when I was still breastfeeding. Thankfully not with a baby in my arms, but I definitely pushed myself too far in my feeding commitment. husband woke to me faceplanting from crutches with my no weight bearing cast when I passed out crutching back to bed after a late night feed.
Give yourself some grace, don’t make any life altering decisions, and know that it’s ok to not be ok.
I’ve had lots of scary health issues. My normally nice husband sometimes yells at me when I have a crisis. I won’t go so far as to say I deal with it well, but it really helped for me to think of it as his fear for me doing the talking. When he’s afraid, it comes across as anger.
I’ve tried to tell him that he can just talk to me in a normal tone, but in over 40 years, it hasn’t happened. And I have to recognize that he gets angry when I take risks. I was needing to use a walker just to get around the house for most of the summer, and he got mad when I got impatient and tried to get around without it. I am not OK with the tone he used, but he did have a valid point. He was the one who would have to deal with the aftermath of a fall, and he was dealing with plenty already. My taking risks affects both of us.
I see this as part of living with another human being with his own emotions and reactions. I can choose how I react to his words, although it can be hard when I’m at a low point already. Since the only negativity in our relationship is words, not deeds, I’m willing to let this one go. He has borne a huge burden of having a partner who hasn’t been able to contribute to our lives together for too many years, and of taking care of me when I have a crisis. He actively tries to find ways to make my life easier, and makes an enormous difference in my quality of life.
Just some thoughts that may provide perspective. Or may not, of course.
Rebecca
In a relationship you need to look and see the other person’s point of view. You do not keep a grudge at all and certainly not for a whole day.
You also look at actions more than words. This guy left his work overseas and came home to look after her, he does care for her. Build on that.
Your husband almost lost his wife because she rode a horse she knew she shouldn’t ride. Now the whole dynamic of you guys’ relationship is topsy turvy. He’s scared. You hobbling out to do things that may cause further injury is not helpful. He’s trying to run your business AND his business, give him some slack. I’ve been on both sides of that fence–neither side is easy or pleasant, but you can both learn and grow closer if you both would simply let the other help in ways that are safe and productive. Be kind…to yourself and to him 
Y’all CAN DO THIS!!!
I am SO close to walking.
Managed to take a cat to the vet (cat backpack) and go into my very very part time job for the first time since injured. it was good to return to a semblance of normalcy.
Starting to brainstorm possible alternative employment if it turns out I can’t really ride after this (I am sure I can ride casually), as we can just offer board/a few lessons.
I think DH is hoping my injury will turn me into the housewife he always wanted even though I have never led him to believe I wanted that roll. My mom was a bitter SAHM, so I never wanted that roll.
DH is going out of town for work next week - I will get help with turnout/bringing in, but should be able to feed.
(the Europe job wasn’t his real job…just a side gig that was supposed to be 3-5 weeks, and ended up being 8 weeks. If he hadn’t come home for me, he would still be there…I have no idea how he would deal with his real job if he hadn’t come back as they didn’t know he was gone/working. Had he told me he would be gone 13 weeks, I would not have been ok with him taking the work)
I CAN WALK!
It’s a bit of a penguinesque walk, but it’s both legs working equally, and I would say moderately better than a WP quarter horse’s walk.
Only doing it short spurts and when near things I can use for support as needed, but I can walk around a jump to adjust the height without crutches, and can walk around the kitchen without having to hold anything. Yesterday I couldn’t make my right leg step out, but today, MAGIC.
I am going to be very, very unkind here. I’m reading this on October 28th. You had the accident around September 21st. Five weeks. With serious damage to your pelvis. A quick Google search suggests that for a stable fracture of the pelvis for a woman in her 40s needs 8 to 12 weeks at the best. You’ve been trying to bust out of stall rest since week 2.
Now. If you were a horse? What exactly would you be asking that horse to be doing right now?
You are overdoing it. Your husband knows that. He is not, I think, reacting appropriately. But his angry reaction is not entirely unjustified.
I am sorry to not go ‘Ra Ra! You can do this!’ But, reading this thread…you need to stop and acknowledge your injury. Think of that horse with this sort of injury, treat yourself as you would them.
Except when you read those timelines you are reading about someone who had surgery. I did not have surgery - there are no case studies, reports or papers of someone with my injury who turned out to not need surgery. I am allowed (and supposed) to do anything that is not painful…which is annoyingly vague! The break in my sacrum (vertical along the spine) is a stable fracture. I get rechecked on the 9th of November and they want to see what happens with my pelvic alignment. I should be able to start physiotherapy at that point.
I should not be handling horses I admit, but as for the rest, I am following doctors orders - they are also curious about my progress as compared to a surgery patient.
An interesting (perhaps TMI) aside, is walking makes me feel like I need to pee about 10 minutes later. Must be some nerves getting triggered?
It will be months before I can ride (I am not riding while on blood thinners), but very happy to be able to walk!
That was not unkind. That was very caring. Well said.
Actually, I was thinking of the time it takes to remodel bone, regardless of surgical involvement, following any injury. It can take a surprisingly long time for certain bones, depending on age. I had a badly bruised/hairline fracture of a femur, that really did take the twelve weeks plus that is suggested for that bone and my age. Even though I could walk on it, the bone was still obviously healing and prone to reinjury. In any case, good luck and best wishes!
The sacrum (the only bone I broke) isn’t a typical bone in its composition. it’s sort of spongy? I don’t remember how they explained it. It is not the same as a femur. My Pelvis WAS twisted, so the cartilage between my pubic bones was torn, and obviously ligaments/tendons messed up, but the break is a non-issue according to my surgeon now that my pelvis is back in place. I mean, I have been laying and sitting on it this entire time.
The original injury was quite painful, but even more than that, my body just wouldn’t let me do things. Once my pelvis went back in place, most of my pain was due to being immobile! When I couldn’t sit up in hospital, or more recently walk, it wasn’t due to pain (I haven’t been on pain medication for over four weeks now), it was just that my body wouldn’t let me do it. Now I can. And so now I can carry my own tea to the living room. This journey has been interesting, and it continues to fascinate me how I go from not able to able.
The psychology is also interesting, and little improvements (big improvements?) like this are breaks in the overall sadness/fear.
I can do the three stairs into the house now without crutches and taking normal steps. I use the walls for stability. I still use a crutch and the railings, and smaller steps going up from the basement.
I have to walk/sit with my legs a little wide. I assume some swelling where my pubic bones were split.
The only pain I feel is if I try to sleep on my right side…which is my favourite side, so sleep is still an issue. I have to move a lot to be comfortable. The cats aren’t impressed.
I also get tired easily.
Today while resting I was visualizing riding again (thinking about which horse…I realize I am nowhere near riding, but just thinking) and I started to panic. I will worry about the psychology when closer to the time, but I was surprised by how I reacted to just the theoretical far away possibility of riding.
Writing a letter to boarders outlining changes board increase (hay and utilities have skyrocketed). Feels like crappy timing, but our costs have really increased.
Upping board $50 in Dec-March. Then down $25 for the summer. Not doing blanket service for outside horses, charging for medication ($1 a day), not offering inside board for 4 months in the summer (only affects one person), unless medically needed, increase private lesson rates. Hoping 2 months notice enough.
I wouldn’t lower the board bills in the summer. My utility bills have gone up with the same usage amounts, (I have one utility for electric, water, sewer, and trash), but they went up because of increased costs for fuel. I don’t think they’ll go back down, even if the fuel costs go down.
Those changes all seem totally reasonable, and probably a little under market value with the way costs have been shooting up across the board. I hope your boarders handle the change like reasonable adults and don’t create any new headaches for you.
I’m w JanM.
By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. You may also receive promotional emails from The Chronicle of the Horse. You can opt out at any time.
For Customers
Company
Terms of Use
