For what it is worth, here’s my two cents and my story. I think it is good that you are considering options - and you know only you can make the decision in the end.
I have been riding horses since I was 14 and have owned a horse since I bought my first one at 16. I was 49 when my accident happened. To say I was “all in” would sum it up - have a horse, trailer, all of the tack and gear, truck, etc. Riding horses and horse ownership is a huge part of my identity. I had no idea how much so until I took a decent spill. I was in a solid training program, and was riding 3-5 days a week, depending on my work schedule.
In July '20 I took a pretty good spill off of my youngish OTTB. Looking back, I can say - it wasn’t so much what he did but rather how I fell that got me hurt. I think all serious riders have fallen off dozens of times with no significant injuries. In fact, I had fallen off of him several times and just bounced back on - or as much as you can bounce as an amateur who works a full time job. I wound up in ER and had shattered my heel and fractured my long bone just under my knee. Basically I was a lawn dart into the arena and all of that energy was taken in by my foot and traveled up my leg. I was in a long cast 4 weeks, a short cast a few weeks after that, and a boot with PT thereafter. Because of the long cast and the doctor letting me know that if I accidently put any weight on that leg I’d likely screw up the bones in my foot I spent most of those 6 weeks in a wheelchair. It was not fun being suddenly handicapped without my independence. I am a busy, independent person who doesn’t slow down for much of anything and this was the universe forcing me to slow down. It also gave me a ton of time to think things through.
Where I got my thinking to be is: I don’t want to hurt again. Next time could be worse. I had already broken an arm falling off as a youth. Now I had broken my leg. What might be next? My head? I am also the breadwinner in my family of 1 - I have to support myself to take care of myself, dogs, and horse. I am too active to live the rest of my life in a wheelchair. I didn’t like the way that made me feel and I was not in a good headspace being dependent on others for lots of things. In the end my position is this: I don’t want to get hurt again and I can’t afford to get hurt again. The only way to not get hurt is to not ride - because we all know that anybody can get hurt at any time on any horse. I just don’t bounce like I did when I was a kid.
So, that’s where I am. I made a commitment to myself to not take any drastic actions with my horse for at least one year after my accident. I do think that is a solid stance - don’t rush any decisions while you are still hurting, recovering, and aren’t 100%. If I had acted quickly, I don’t think I would have been thinking clearly. I imagine you are in the same place. I treated it like a significant life event, which it was. All of the information out there says that if you have a significant life event not to make hasty decisions in the moment.
I still own my horse who is currently living in a field. My hope is to get him leased out at some point or to sell him, should I choose to and if the right person shows up. There are many days when a thought will enter my head, “Just hop on! You’d love it! He’d be good!” but I resist. Then he will gallop around acting a fool and I will appreciate my own decision to not swing a leg up. Might I ride a horse again “one day?” Yes, I might. I am giving myself grace in that department - I phrase I generally can’t stand. I am letting my mind and body tell me what is right at the moment and right now it is not to ride. I kept most of my horse-owner gear - blankets, grooming stuff, bridle, etc but sold off some riding clothes and my $$ saddle. Sometimes I wonder - if I had fallen off differently and had “just” broken an arm and had not been in a wheelchair - would my decision to not ride have been any different? Who knows. Life didn’t give me that scenario. Life gave me a scenario that smacked me in the face and made me really question riding or not riding. Life is not always fair.
So, there’s my perspective on things. I have grieved not riding but have also maintained a horse connection by still owning my gelding. I do miss the social life of being at a boarding barn because I moved him to a back yard situation, which is most appropriate for him. I do wonder about when/how/if I’ll get him going again to get him leased out or sold, but that is not a today problem. In reflection, I am right where I need to be and it was the right choice for me. I’d encourage you to take your time in determining your fate and to leave yourself room to change your mind. I still tell people - “For now, I have made the decision to not ride.” It helps me to feel like I am in control of that decision, no one else. You, too, are in charge of your decision, and it may not have to be entirely black and white. Everybody walks their own path in this crazy obsession we call horses!
