If by “stretchy” you mean working over her back, I think we’re saying the same thing.
What helped me learn about contact/timing leading to self carriage coming off leg, was actually to ride western in a curb on a well trained horse. You can’t rely on the reins, and will learn to “get in and get out” quickly with your aids. I found it easier to learn on a western horse as everything happens slower/smoother!
Something that has helped my clients is to remember that give comes before take as the horse tends to lighten/give on your give, whereas they brace if you take before giving.
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Shorter reins, but also get your hands in front of you! Push the horse to the bit with your seat and leg, receive with an elastic hand - like you push a shopping cart - if you feel like you are pushing the cart uphill, you dont have enough power, if you feel you are pushing downhill (or running to catch up) you are over pushing and need to rebalance. If you take back or restrict, your horse may curl behind the vertical.
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I was riding a cool older mare several years ago and I would occasionally struggle with the contact. I took a clinic with her and before we even got started the clinician said to lightly trot her on a loose rein and then he said, “gallop her around the court in two point.” He insisted that I find this mare’s maximum speed down the long side. Worked like a charm, had the best ride I’d had on her. I actually like to start this way now, I think if you have one that’s safe enough to not buck you to the rafters this could help a lot.
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Get your horse’s neck and shoulders looser so it can come into your hand.
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All of this, and keeping the pelvis from tipping forward as well, which helps keep the rein/elbow connected to the seat. If the horse is heavy and you are also tipping forward in your pelvis, chances are you’re also allowing your horse to sprawl out the front. Use lots of transitions and be ready for the opportune moments to shorten the reins as the horse comes together and softens. I have an appendix QH mare with western pleasure bloodlines. She would love to sprawl out long every chance she gets. I have to be pretty militant about immediately aborting any down transitions where she starts to sprawl, we go forward again and then repeat the down transition until she is starting to balance on her hind legs more and not dragging the reins away from me. Lots of shoulder in and haunches in (and transitions in SI) help a lot to bring her together so we can have appropriately short reins and she softens and braces less.
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IMHO you can’t start your ride on the short rein length. You start with the rein short enough to establish contact and as you put your horse together you can keep shortening the rein to the appropriate length.
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Something that helped me was riding with a loose neck strap, then holding the neck strap like another set of reins. So you have your normal reins but also the neck strap. You won’t be able to lengthen the rein. You will very quickly learn how much you aren’t using your leg, how weak your core may be, or how much you rely on your hands. Give it a try. I rode for 2 months with one, because I rode entirely from my hand even though I thought I used my leg lol
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Wow, interesting idea!
I do the same thing but with a grab strap on my saddle when I just can’t keep my outside rein steady enough
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This is a good exercise. I do this often, because I pull to create contact rather than push with the leg. Also, you can use the keepers from your saddle pad or half pad (if you have the long keepers). Hold them in the middle, and hold your reins. You should be pulling the keepers away from you, as if you wanted to pull your saddle pad in front of you. If you are pulling the keepers, you can’t be pulling the rein. It is good rider training for creating a forward seeking hand, and good horse training because you have to push the horse up to the bit with your seat and leg.
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Question about pushing into contact. While I always push into contact when my rein is on the longer side it baffles me how you push into a short rein.
For example. If my horses neck is 3ft long, my reins are 2ft long, my hands are forward and my horse is bracing against that and giving me a backwards feeling. How do I push thru that hump? I can’t push forward more with my reins bc my arms are only so long and then my elbows would be straight.
And just to be clear. My trainer rides easily on 2nd nub and bnt rode easily on 1st nub and I’m comfortable below 3rd nub. I’m just trying to figure out how I can at least easily get to that 2nd nub without creating that bracing from my horse.
Going to ride now and try some of the suggestions. Thank you.
Sounds like the horse is shortening the neck and dropping the contact when you have short rein contact? The rein length technically shouldn’t change the neck length. I would try adding a small circle, or going into shoulder in, or leg yield on and off the track to see if you can get the horse to push through behind and take the bit forward. Sounds like he isn’t in front of the leg in that moment.
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The rein length does dictate the length of the neck. Per Arthur Kottas, the outside rein should control nothing but the length of neck which is directly related to the degree of collection. Of course your outside rein can also give half halts and ask for downward transitions. But, just because your outside rein is short does not mean you stop riding the horse into the outside rein, thus you are always searching for length in the neck. The inside rein is for flexion.
@KurPlexed The weight of your contact comes from the muscle on the back of your upper arm. Relax your elbow and actually close your hand. Open fingers are inconsistent. If your forearm or your bicep is bracing, you have a backward feel of the contact. Instead, you keep the rein short, ride the horse forward, and your horse takes the contact forward. Then it becomes about your rein length and the amount of “gravity” you allow in your elbows and not about pulling backward. Once you get the true elastic feel in the contact, you will never forget it and will search for it constantly. Kind of like the first time you actually sit the canter.
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But in this I don’t think they mean lengthening the rein, but lengthening the arm? and lengthening the frame, which doesn’t require you to actually let more rein out. I was always taught the rein length should stay the same, unless of course doing a very long and low stretch.
Your lower arm is an extension of the rein. I can change the length of frame to a degree by opening and closing my elbows, but only to a certain extent until the aid is ineffective. For example, between the medium and extended trot, the only change in the length of my rein is just the weight in my elbows. We may have been taught differently. There’s more than one way to be an effective rider.
It sounds to me like the poster saying that their trainer rides with shorter reins than they do because they cannot get the horse into the same degree of collection as their trainer. AKA, they might only be able to get the horse over the back in a working frame, or on the third rein stop. Their trainer can bring their horse into a move elevated frame so can hold the second rein stop. Of course I am only speculating about poster’s abilities.
edited for grammar and coherency 
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This is precisely the part I struggle with, and probably most amateurs. We open our hands because it feels “softer” to us, but just feels inconsistent to the horse. Coach reminds 1000 times to keep fingers closed, so we clench our fists, which braces the forearm. We want to have a forward feeling hand, but give too much and let the reins go floppy. Coach reminds us to set a limit with the contact and not to let horse pull our arms forward. So we brace in the bicep and have no elasticity in the elbow. Dressage is hard!!!
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I’m an ammy, but maybe you can check where your body in general is at? I don’t think rein length is the starting point for the problem. Ask, are you blocking him with your seat? You’ve already heard about leg. What is your body doing or not doing, that is getting this result?
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To stop me from pulling holding too much with my forearms and biceps, my trainer had me ride with the reins in a driving hold for a whole lesson and warm up with them like that for a few weeks/any time I felt like the horse was pulling.
He always says that it takes two to pull, so if I feel like the horse is pulling, I am also pulling backwards. You can "resist’ in the contact to prevent rooting, etc. using your back and core but if you feel your biceps and forearms working hard, you as the rider are also pulling and not just the horse.
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