[QUOTE=sdlbredfan;6082846]
If you have not already been reading this thread, I think you will find it quite inspiring:
http://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/showthread.php?t=259284
Good luck![/QUOTE]
Ditto to this ^ and I wish you the best. Do your research for cancer support groups in your area. We are always here for you to vent! Good luck to you!
I’m a cancer, chemo, radiation survivor, too!
Lots of us here on COTH to listen and chat with - discuss what’s on your mind.
First of all ((((hugs))))
For me, I felt a LOT better, once I had a plan. (i.e. not waiting for Dr. appts, tests, specialists, etc.)
I didn’t ride much, but it felt great just to get out the barn and have some horsey time or just get up and walk a bit!
Everyone is different!
As for your family and friends, fine someone and trust them and depend on them. You’ll need their support and, one day, they might need yours!
[QUOTE=irkenealter;6079562]
My hesitation in telling people comes in a few waves; the first is that I don’t want to risk my job. I’m afraid I’m going to make myself isolated or ‘weak’ and since I CERTAINLY can’t afford to loose it, I don’t want to come across as unable to handle it.[/QUOTE]
If you’re in the US, read up on your rights under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Assuming your employer is covered by it, you have some protection from losing your job.
The American Cancer Society has a lot of resources on its website, including info on the Road to Recovery program, in which volunteers give patients rides to/from appointments.
OP, where are you located?
OP the usual treatment for cervical cancer is hysterectomy. My MIL was diagnosed with cervical cancer by biopsy when she was 23 (but she’d already had 3 kids) and had a vaginal hyst., no other treatment as it had not spread. That was 40 years ago. She’s still fine today.
This is some of what I learned from my 2 experiences.
You are much stronger than you imagine.
Arm yourself with knowledge, and remain in charge.
If something/somebody does not suit, then change it/them.
Do not be bullied.
Allow yourself to be selfish and organize things to YOUR best advantage.
Take care of the things that worry you (ie write a will, etc).
Accept help that is offered and rely on your good friends’ support.
Losing your hair etc can be a very freeing experience. (and really cool in the summer).
Your horse(s) can be your greatest support. You will learn just how sensitive they are, and how much they know about you.
Horses find bald heads very lickable.
Life REALLY is worth the trouble even if you don’t have some of the essential equipment any more.
Your body will tell you what it can tolerate during recovery.
Do not take on the “victim” mentality.
You can do chemo and then go eat Mexican food.
For what its worth…I was supposed to be DEAD…TWICE!!! Had stage IV Hodgkins Disease at the age of 16 and colon cancer at the age of 18…I am STILL here at the age of 48!!!
I’m also a cancer and chemo survivor, more than 15 years out. You should check out “I’m Too Young For This! Cancer Foundation.” Lots of great info and support. (I’m over 40 now and have “outgrown” it :D). The website name says it well:
Checking in on the OP. Hope things are going well for you.
Also hoping the OP is dong well. I am also a cancer survivor of a very aggressive form of cancer that spread quickly. I was 15 when I got it and had a very intesive 2 years of treatment and then 2 years of recovery. I am 47 now and have residual health issues, but am happy to be alive and able to ride.
I too found out that I could not have children and was very sad about it. I also was concerned about when/if to tell boyfriends. As it turns out, my guy accepted it very well and was willing to either adopt or be child free. We also looked into some possible medical treatments so I could carry a child (I have all my “parts”, but they were radiated so no eggs etc.), but decided that was too risky even though the fertility clinics were willing.
Don’t worry too much about that - they right guy will not let that be a deciding factor, and there are options (adoption, suragacy, finding a man who already has biological children). It will work out for the best.
Sending good thoughts your way - it sucks to be so young and to go through this twice.
Thank you very much everyone for your kind words.
I had been watching this board for a few days but after a few doctors appointments I was feeling discouraged about everything in general and felt heavy hearted about writing/talking about it, although I know thats what I need to do.
Also thank you for a link to that thread which is BEYOND motivating, as well as stupidcancer–great site, I’ve really enjoyed it.
I know across the span of the world I don’t have it remotely as bad as other people; it is not hugely aggressive and I will not loose my life over it, just feels like a huge ‘inconvenience.’
I went ahead and removed myself from my VERY high stress part time job working with a shelter doing medical care and euthanasia; although rescue is a job that I love, it wasn’t keeping me in a great mindset given everything else was going on. I’ll be helping in a more indirect way until I have a little more control on things! I have been laying around indulging my own pity but its time to get motivated. I meet with a new oncologist this week to ready my treatment plan; surgery is the first step, which doesn’t bother me nearly as much as radiation or chemo. I’m ready to get the ball rolling on things and really appreciate again the kind words. Nice to sit down at the end of the day and know there’s a good thought in the world for you.
No cancer (that I know of) but my mom kicked its ass 6 times. She worked through the first 4, including chemo and radiation treatments. I will offer my observations as a loved one, but also from the perspective of someone who saw a woman kick multiple cancers in the teeth and tell them to shove it where the sun don’t shine.
ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.
My mom did look at statistics. At one point it was something like 1% of people survived. She decided someone had to be in the 1%. Why not her?
She also learned after the first cancer when she didn’t tell me until the night before her surgery that if cancer didn’t kill her, I might. You are stronger than you realize and so are some of the people closest to you. Think about who you can always count on to be cool headed under pressure, to make sound decisions, to step up to the plate and keep their wits about them without getting overly emotional. That is probably someone you can confide in without it turning in to a pity party. Not to say there won’t be grief, but it won’t be the babying I know my mom would not have tolerated and it seems you don’t want either.
DO make sure you have a health proxy and living will and someone designated to make decisions for you just in case. My mom ended up in ICU a few times with infections and was back out after her vacation at “Club Med”. We learned that she should suspend her health care directive while in ICU though after a horrible experience with a very bad nurse. So, you should have someone you trust designated just in case.
Also, regarding your job you can be protected two ways… FMLA will let you take up to 12 weeks off in a one year period. The days don’t have to be consecutive. You also could possibly be eligible for reasonable accommodation under the ADA if you disclose you condition to your employer. So, you shouldn’t lose your job. This is America and we have things in place to protect people. At least we’re suppose to
Oh, and about the hair. My mom was VERY empowered by shaving her head. She got tired of trying to hide it, manage it, etc. she had me bring down the horse clippers and shave her. I gave her a Mohawk first. 
She said it gave her control and it wasnt depressing anymore to see her hair on the pillow or in the tub drain. She did have a wig for dressy occasions but she had a good scarf and hat collection for going around town, drs, out with friends, etc. around the house she went bald headed or wore a knit cap to stay warm. Personally, I think bald is beautiful and the ultimate middle finger to cancer.
I hope you are doing as well as can be expected.
Another cancer survivor here. Luckily evaded chemo (something to be said for having a chemo & radiation resistant cancer - it reduces the choices) But I did help mom through her treatments.
You need your key people to know. Great advice already given here about financial and health proxies. I hope that your roommate or another friend can also be your sounding board and filter. I did that for my mom and had a friend who did that for me. For my mom, I helped talk through the medical stuff and at other times, just lent an ear for whatever. Had all the proxies. My friend was someone who would reflect back what I was saying and help me talk through when I wanted and avoid talking about it when I didnt want to. I was also my mom’s filter and announcer to family and friends. I called people and gave them updates and directions “This is what is going on, dont be shocked when you see this. Mom wants you to keep in touch but she does not want to talk about her illness.”
I think it would be very valuable if you can find someone at work to help you with this. Friends often want to do something to help - choosing a gatekeeper friend can help that person feel like they are really helping and also give others someone to communicate with and offer help, get updates, etc without you having to deal with it over and over…
PS. You also dont have to be strong all the time! In spite of the books and movies, you probably wont waltz through with a cheerful spirit all the time. It is okay to be sad, angry, depressed, etc. So cry on that friendly shoulder and then march on!
IRK - Please keep reading AND keep posting - it is fine to rant and vent about your situation. I think you did the right thing re the shelter job - that is always a tough environment even when you are mentally and physically strong. You will get well again and can go back to that work in the future.
Re Leena’s thread, I’m also glad to hear it was motivating. Read it and learn from it, but also understand that everyone is different and reacts differently. I don’t know that I could EVER approach her illness with the amazing grace and dignity that she is showing, but what is really important in her thread is that she had something she wanted to do with her time and and that became her focus whenever she could. Thus the title of her thread and the nature of her posts. I have another friend who was always artistically inclined but never did much because she was working 50 hours/week. When she was diagnosed w/ breast cancer, and coincidently laid off, she took up painting - complete w/ art classes, etc, as often as she could thru the treatment. She is now 5 years clean and selling some work. So the takeaway is that while you’re dealing with everything health related, find something and some time for YOU. Hopefully it is your horse (horses?). Set a small goal or two or three. Use your animals to give you support and an escape time; they are so good at making life seem a bit better.
I think that it must be very hard to be young (you are much younger than me or some of the others here) and to face cancer. You are at a time in life which is supposed to be pretty much roses and potential, and not many are in similar situations. Perhaps, therefore, hard to relate to friends?
So, to quote a former trainer of mine “press on” and know that you have listeners here when you need them.
Hi Irkenealter,
Just finished up chemo last month after all summer on it and just had surgery a few weeks ago so my sympathies go out to you.
I rode all through the chemo, some days were easier than others, like you, was worried about saying to much. I had training horses in and did not want people to think I could not do it so was pretty quiet about what I was going through for the most part, hard to hide when you lose all your very thick long hair. Once I was through the first couple rounds of chemo and still riding about 4-5 horses a day and going to shows I was more open but have to admit was scared at the beginning of the ordeal I was not going to be able to keep a regular schedule going.
Every body is different and I know it really depends on the type of drug and the amount you will be on, I was on 2 different types and had to go in every 3 weeks for I.V., some people were on a pill form and they did not seem to have all the side effects. The worst day for me was day 4 after treatment I just planned on that day off.
Good luck and hope you can find someone to support you!
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