Cantering - what's the big deal?

I’m going through a bit of a canter dry spell. Had a fall from my young horse who was running away. I tried to pulley rein on the right and my hand got caught up in his mane. (Friesian cross) Dropped the rein pressure and he took off even more like a rocket towards the open arena gate. I then pulley reined him left into the rail and came off when he ricocheted into a dead stop from a dead run. Knocked myself out and cracked my shoulder and couldn’t ride for 2 months. During this time I watched a trainer calmly canter my horse with envy… (He only worked him for a month - his saddle didn’t fit and was giving my boy saddle sores. He wouldn’t ride in my saddle… western guy.) However, since I got him back about a month ago, I only feel comfortable cantering him on the trail. (I think I’m weirded out by the arena because of my experience… and it’s a great arena, really nice footing, soft too if you land on it - ha!) My horse is young and he has two canter speeds, one nice and regular and an adrenaline filled “I’m going to fly you to the moon” one. Needless to say, the second requires the pulley rein move. He also occasionally does cantering on alternate leads (front and back) which is abusive to sit. I had gotten a used Custom Saddlery saddle prior to my accident and it gave me more confidence in riding his canters, and what happened that generated the runaway was I was asking him to canter more than he was comfortable with. (My fault entirely… I determined this afterwards.) However, during the time off riding, I sent the saddle in to be repaired (it was used and had some issues, also was refitted specifically for him.) BTW it was big enough for my guy to begin with. His uncomfortable attitude with cantering is that he is very unfamiliar and untrained at it. He used to be a wagon horse, and he is getting used to a lot of new things with me now - that I used to take for granted with other horses… things like leg pressure to turn or bend, reins that don’t have to be out six inches from his neck for him to understand I wanted him to turn… well, that’s all changed, but that’s what I started with when I first got him… he even felt unbalanced at a trot with me on his back for a while.)

Still, the longer I’m chicken about riding him at a canter in the arena the worse it feels inside… it bugs me…I’ve never had this problem in my life before… it’s so stupid… I really am not a chicken… in fact, after my accident, I got back on him (after braiding his lower mane) and rode him back to the arena and we cantered 3x before I put him away and went to the ER. I don’t want to make it into a big deal, but it is already in my mind. I’ve never felt really solid in my old Stubben when he canters. The Custom Saddlery saddle made me feel super solid on him. The Custom Saddlery saddle is being delivered today from its repairs and tomorrow is the big day we canter in the arena. Wish me luck! I feel stupid and old about this problem… I want to be fearless… it’s only the way to ride! Smart, yes, in the way that you lunge before riding a fresh horse and not taking chances, but when I’m riding I want to be fearless, not looking over my shoulder or over-thinking my fears… I hate this feeling of how I want to do something, but I’m too chicken to do it in the Stubben saddle… (that I rode my old horse in for 20some years… but of course, this horse is much different than my old horse… so maybe it’s not just me…)

I totally understand the problems many of you are talking about… and the head trip is just annoying. I can’t wait to ride him in the saddle --and I’m thinking, was that saddle THAT good??? or is it just in my mind!? anticipation…and part of me is going “Is this going to end well?” Ugh!!! Yeah, I know that from now on, no matter how easy it is to sit his canters in my new saddle, I have to take them slow and only ask for them a few times a training session and build up his tolerance and athleticism… I realize that… but I’m worried about them anyway… I guess it’s natural?? I also keep his stupid (and gorgeous) mane braided. I never want an unnecessary accident like that one happening again!

Yes, my easiest canter was on an uphill horse who also was giraffe necked. And he was always sound, so that may be a factor.