Chronically ill horse- dramatic vent

[IvyHall]

I knew there would come a point where I would need to put him down but that point seems to be rapidly approaching, and I am very scared. I am running out of energy and, sadly, money.

I don’t know how I am going to admit to his vets or his trainer, or to a very generous family member who has willingly taken on a great deal of his vet bills (chemo and antiviral meds) that I don’t know if I will be able to do this for much longer. Not to mention how I would explain this to my 3 year old daughter who LOVES him

And its not like I could just find him a new home. His vet bills this year surpassed 50k. And the time, oh my goodness the time, involved with caring for him, I couldn’t ask or expect anyone to put in the time that I have this past year (I chose to drop out of my college courses, totally rearrange my life, etc.)

I’m tired, burning through money, extremely stressed and the horse isn’t even healthy or happy.

Its days like this I just want to give up.

Maybe someone here can convince me to suck it up, stop my whining and put on my big girl panties……bc right now I just want to cry.

[Coanteen]

I’m so very sorry hugs

I’m not sure what you mean by suck it up. To me, what you’re doing is not sustainable, it’s spirit-draining, and most crucial of all, apparently not even benefiting your horse all that much; at least as you describe the results. I’m slightly disappointed that your vet hasn’t broached the topic of euthanasia already.

[Polydor]

I’ve been following your story. So sorry to hear this.

Probaby not the direction you want to go, but would the vets be interested in using him as a study subject? Could they help pay for some of the drugs?

P.

[jenm]

[QUOTE=IvyHall;7932353]
I’m tired, burning through money, extremely stressed and the horse isn’t even healthy or happy. [/QUOTE]

“the horse isn’t even healthy or happy.” That phrase alone should help you make the right decision. Take yourself out of the equation and set him free.

It’s always better a day too early than a minute too late.

You will have tons of support on this forum, and it’s okay to cry, but right now you need to be strong for your horse.

[minnie]

It seems like it’s past time to let him go. What you’re doing now is for yourself and not for your horse. So many of us have had to make this decision and it’s never easy. It’s not the “quantity” of time there with us, it’s the “quality”. My heart goes out to you.

[2enduraceriders]

<<<hugs>>>

[blondejumper]

hugs Sounds like you have done everything you possibly could for him. He’s lucky to have such a good mom. I’m so sorry!

[Abbie.S]

Many (((hugs))) to you. I’m willing to bet you’ve done far more than many of us would (or could) have to sustain your animal’s life. No one here is going to tell you to “suck it up”, and continue on trying to keep alive a horse that is, by your own words, very unhappy and chronically unhealthy.

I wish you strength in the coming days and weeks, and hope you will find the courage to let him go, and give yourself much needed rest and peace. I’ve quietly followed a bit of your story, and you seem to have bore an incredible burden, both emotional and physical.

“Giving up” and “quitting” aren’t mutually exclusive. Sometimes giving up the fight is the wisest (and kindest) choice.

[Alex_and_Bodie_s_Mom]

It’s time to let him go. I haven’t seen any of your other posts, but when you say “chemo,” I know it can’t be good.

It sounds like you’ve done everything you can do, financially, medically, and emotionally, for your horse. $50K is WAY above and beyond what most people could ever do.

Let yourself cry. Most of us have put horses down. It is not an easy thing to do. We know that. But you don’t do it for you. You do it for your horse. And that’s what you need to tell your vet, your trainer, and your family member. Like Coanteen, I’m surprised the vet hasn’t broached the idea by now. It’s time to sit everyone down and have an honest talk about your horse’s future, his likelihood of recovery, and what is best for him.

[JBD]

Is your horse terminal? I didn’t see a recent update but it sounded like you were riding him as late as last fall. And I hope for your sake that between your insurance and generous family member that this had not been a major financial burden.

I try to walk a very thin line when it comes to my animals. If it’s me that’s miserable then I try to suck it up. If it’s the horse or pet that’s suffering, that’s a much easier decision.

[ChelseaR]

Think about who you are really doing this for. If it’s not for the good of the horse, (and being unhealthy and unhappy indefinitely is a good sign it isn’t) then it’s past time to stop.

[IvyHall]

You have all made some really good points and have given me things to think about. Thank you.

Horse was doing great two months ago. Showed in October and had been schooling 1.30m beautifully at home in early November. Since then its been one thing after another. Sores in mouth due to the valacyclovir, then a mystery illness where he spiked a fever stopped eating and pooping and had abnormal blood work (everything returned to normal in 2 days) and the most recent and most serious being immune related pastern dermatitis.

For months I have been battling scratches/mud fever/pastern dermatitis whatever you choose to call it. And due to my constant care (gently washing, drying, blow drying, topically medicating) it wasn’t getting worse, but it wasn’t getting better either (and now that I know its immune related I couldn’t have cured it on my own anyway). Then it got a bit worse in december for no apparent reason. The nail in the coffin was the barn being closed over christmas and his legs not being cared for for 2 days. I came out on the 26th to find him sad and lame. He didn’t even want to walk out of his stall. Vet came out yesterday (30th) and prescribed steroids, antibiotics and anti-inflammatory meds.

He seemed in better spirits this morning and was happy to come out of his stall for a walk. Its just hard for me to see him so unhappy, especially in light of all the time, energy and money that is being spent on him.

Its certainly not time to give up on him yet. I just need a few weeks, maybe even a few months (if that isn’t too much to ask) where nothing horrible (or expensive) occurs.

Thanks again for the kind words and words of wisdom.

[SportingSun]

I consider myself one to go to great lengths to help/care for a horse, but there is always a limit to what can and should be done.

It sounds like you have done the absolute best you can do, spent more money and time on him in the past year than some people spend on their horse in a lifetime. You have gone above and beyond the expected duties of “horse owner”. Anyone that would judge or fault you for putting this horse down is naive and delusional.

Maybe if you keep going he will get better, but probably not. Chances are high that he will live a mediocre life full of vet visits, stall rest, and overall miserableness. Maybe he will have good days, but those good days have no worth to a horse who lives in the moment and only understands that right now he is hurting and cannot find comfort.

I hope he gets through this and you go on to have many more wonderful years with him, but please understand that the sacrifices you have put yourself through are in no way going to “save” this horse. Giving up your life may never allow this horse to live out his, so please consider this before completely derailing your own path for the sake of him.

[FalseImpression]

Barn closed for two days? not allowing you to care for your horse? wow… It’s not like you would have been riding… that’s withholding medical care…I would be really upset at that…
Hoping for the best. I know how dedicated you have been. (((Hugs)))

[GaitedGloryRider]

Sometimes the kindest gift we can give our four-legged friends is a release from their suffering in the form of a dignified end. It is a selfless and incredibly painful decision to make but unfortunately a necessary one sometimes.

[SAcres]

hope he gets through this and you go on to have many more wonderful years with him, but please understand that the sacrifices you have put yourself through are in no way going to “save” this horse. Giving up your life may never allow this horse to live out his, so please consider this before completely derailing your own path for the sake of him.

This.

[red_mares]

At the end of the day, he is a horse. If you were spending thousands to care for your child, that’s completely different. Giving up a chunk of your life and $$$$ for a chronic horse doesn’t make any sense, especially when the money & time could be used elsewhere (e.g. the 3 yro child)

And for the 3 yro that’s crazy about the horse - She’s 3. My dad’s dog died when my sister & I weren’t much older than that. Neither one of us was scarred for life by the loss of a dog (kept in the house 24/7, not boarded out.) Kids get over stuff, especially if you let them.

If any one gives you crap if you decide to put the horse down, point them my way. :yes:

[Ruth0552]

I am so sorry that you and your horse have gone through this.

I’d give him a little time to see if the steroids/antibiotics/anti-inflammatory cocktail perks him up. I read your earlier posts and you have certainly gone above and beyond for him. If money were no option, I would do the same, and you are very lucky to have supportive family and very smart to have insurance (or at least I think I read in one post that you have major medical). At some point though, it becomes not about money regardless of whether or not you have it. It is just about what is best for him, plain and simple. It does sound like you have tried all of the treatment options with mixed success, and you might be getting to the end of the road.

Keep him happy, and when he has another complication, know it may be time.

[vxf111]

I don’t think it’s really ever “easy.” You did what you could do. You bought him some extra time. It’s at the end now. He’s deteriorating and obviously on the back side of the bell curve if not at the bottom. Do it a day early before a day late and agree to stop beating yourself up about it! You did more than a lot of people would have. It’s okay to decide that there’s an endpoint. It really is!

[merrygoround]

When you come to the end of a long road, and there is no way out, you yield gracefully. It is best done before things become too bitter to bear.

You have support here.