Commiserate with me - horses + [cost of life, parenting, full time work]

[EventingMaff]

Take your pick of the above if some / all are relevant to you. Not looking for solutions, I know I’ll find a way to make it all work, or at least make trade-offs between the constraints that reality throws at us, but I’m going to whine as I do it and invite others to join!

I’m 6 months pregnant with #2. DH and I earn good money but live in a HCOL area – but it’s also where our high-paying jobs are and where our family support network live that is invaluable to have with young kiddos.

3 years ago when I had kiddo #1, horse costs were lower (~20-30%), childcare costs were lower (~20ish%), and general life costs were lower so everything felt financially manageable.

Now, we’re looking at childcare costs of kiddo #2 - which we knew were coming - but we got prices back from our local options and HOLY COW THEY ARE SO HIGH. Like 30% higher than what we paid for kiddo 1. At the same time, kiddo #1’s cost are increasing (his school keeps jacking prices up), horse costs are up, life costs are up, and all the financial modeling we did 1-2 years ago to make sure we could afford everything comfortably can just be thrown out the window.

I knew I was going to have to wrestle with the panic of figuring out a new routine to keep horse in work with 2 young children…but I naively assumed I’d be able to afford trainer rides, additional babysitting costs, etc to juggle it all. Now just getting by with the basics feels like we’re pushing our financials.

We’re in a privileged position and I should be grateful but anyone else want to join me in a selfish pity party?

[Training_Cupid]

Lol similar situation but I’m planning for horse #2 instead of kid #2 - one and done there!

[IdahoRider]

I am really needing to juggle horse bills and schedule with payments in mind (matching farrier with my pay days). My husband is not super supportive and I need to pay for my horse expenses with my own money. I took a steep pay cut to teach in a private school because I believe in the model used here, but it hurts to be making so much less than I did in public schools.

I also am the primary point person for my elderly uncle. We moved him up from California after he had a heart attack and a pacemaker installed. He is in a fantastic senior community, but he likes to get out and shop. We took his car away because he was getting speeding tickets nd we didn’t want to wait until he had an accident. So when he wants to go to Trader Joes, I am the one he calls. Plus I spend every Saturday evening with him, watching tv and talking about books and movies. I adore him, but it can be hard to juggle him.

Now my Mom wants to move up here from California. She hates Idaho, but is 82 and wants to be closer to me and my brother. She would need to move in with me because I have a spare bedroom not in use. That will be another time suck.

Everything is so expensive. I try not to stress over it. But that is hard. I remember how hard it was to find good child care for my oldest son. Thankfully with my second child my husband was able to stay home full time.
Sheilah

[endlessclimb]

I hear you. I am actually starting to think about trying to shareboard out one of my two horses, but the barn I’m at is SO small and SO private I don’t know how to approach the BO with “hey do you mind if I add another person to your property on a regular basis?” I’d feel differently if it was a bustling boarding barn, but this place is ultra small (I’m one of two boarders).

As sick as it may sound, my Old Man is declining. While I would never ever ever wish him dead, I will not be sorry to be down to one horse bill. He laughs and laughs, eating my money for nearly nothing in return (and he allowed me to survive my teenage years, so I deserve his laughter lol).

It’s really hard right now. Everything is very much so more expensive.

[luvmyhackney]

I will commiserate all day with you.

While no daycare cost, my kids activities have doubled in cost in the past 2 years.

Horse costs are up at least 30% and rising. Plus my instructor is moving 45 minutes a away. So no more close lessons.

Now layoffs are being discussed across my industry.

[lenapesadie]

Mhmm. Everything is expensive these days it seems.

[clanter]

nearly anything involving horses has been expensive for a very, very long time

Until our youngest child was three we had gotten rid of the horses, afterwards rather than the horses being my wife and my center we got horses for the kids rather than us

[outerbanks77]

@endlessclimb

As sick as it may sound, my Old Man is declining. While I would never ever ever wish him dead, I will not be sorry to be down to one horse bill. He laughs and laughs, eating my money for nearly nothing in return

Oh yeah, I have one of those. The barn he where he was boarded finally raised rates a little last year, but then this summer they raised board again like 50%, so I moved him to the barn my where my riding horses have been for four years. Then a month later, the property owner announced that the place was going to be sold to developers, so panic ensued. I found a different retirement place for the old guy that is just a touch cheaper, and then it turned out that the barn would be staying open, at least for now. But anyway, yeah, he is a financial drain and I hate to say that I am looking forward to the day I am no longer supporting him.

Back on topic, yeah, everything is just more expensive now. I can’t really point to where the money is going, it’s just overall inflation, it seems. After the barn closure scare, I’ve been slowly coming to terms with the plan to sell my QH mare because it is too much of a financial stretch with the retired guy and the goals I have for my WB mare. We are lucky to be locked in with a very affordable mortgage and steady incomes; I don’t know how people are doing it with current rent or house prices. I have a couple small raises on the way that will help a bit, but one of the horses will still need to go within the next year.

[alterblue]

raises hand

Had my first kid earlier this year and OMG is it expensive. Of course we needed fertility treatments so this kid was $$$$ long before he even arrive (but is perfect and would do it all againi n a heartbeat!)

Childcare in my area is so expensive that it was more cost effective for my husband to stay home with him than to put him in full-time care while I work. Being the only income is stressful and I’ve had to re-implement the much stricter budget I used to have as a single person with a much lower income.

On top of that I have two senior horses and a senior dog (what was I thinking?!) who have all had significant vet visits this year including a surgery for one of the horses who is 29. He’ll pass eventually and I cherish every day with him but I won’t miss his bills. My once healthy savings account is looking a lot leaner than I’d like these days, but we’re trying to save where we can and just hope things improve.

So yeah, I’m feeling the pinch for sure!

[TinFoilHat]

I am with you, and hear you.

We moved from a HCOL area (that I loved) back home near family in a LCOL-ish area to be able to afford a mortgage and daycare. But damn dude it’s so so expensive.

I don’t have a horse of my own (yet) but I’m starting a care lease in December so I’ll feel the wrath here soon. Luckily work is picking up exponentially (Im in sales) so that’s how I’ve been putting money aside for this.

[exvet]

OK well I’ll commiserate with you but I’m at the other end of the cycle of life. My kids are grown and both are gainfully employed but ‘barely’. In other words they both work full-time, good kids, but jobs don’t pay great and the inflation is hitting them hard. I’ve always been a mom who gives Xmas gifts that help with their life goals; so, this year is going to be a bit of a crunch on me (I’m juggling the same economy issues). While I have 4 horses, one is gainfully employed by a colleague (so off my feed bill), the others are doing okay. My current dilemma is the holidays are coming, my SO was just diagnosed with a high grade aggressive cancer. He wants to go on a cruise and cross off some other bucket list items. Who am I to deny and honestly I want to help him in this endeavor and so I will. All first world problems, but I’m looking at picking up additional shifts at work so I can make my SO’s dreams come true as well as my kids’ and at some point hope to continue to keep hitting my goals/dreams so I’m scheming a way to put one of my horses in training for 10 days while we go on the cruise, pay for the upkeep of all the other pets while we’re gone, pay for the trip my daughter just asked for to go see her dad, pay for my son’s needs to cover some travel pay for an internship opportunity which will likely get him ahead, etc, etc, etc, etc. The one good thing is that I’m an old bitch and in my profession the fact that I have experience and am gutless in the face of a bunch of newbies who wring their hands at every turn means that I could work 80 hour weeks until I dig my own grave to make it all work - long live America and the American dream and yes, I’ll die on my quest to earn my gold on a horse I trained all or mostly on my own (fortunately bronze and silver were earned years ago, many horses ago.)

[luvmyhackney]

In case they hadn’t said it, you are such a blessing to your family!

[Pennywell_Bay]

I will join the “we are privileged” but it’s a pity party. My child is older than yours, but cost of everything is up… And extra pity party because even though we both make good money and live in a relatively low cost area- am “poor” in the normal horse world (showing). I’ll throw in- I had a crappy last ride so feel like crap. Time change sucks for riding, too. So basically- a lot of us are in the same boat and totally empathize.

[quietann]

No kids, no mortgage, no elderly relatives needing care, and just one horse, so I don’t quite grok what y’all are going through. Except for the bit about thinking about what it will be like when Old Mare is off my payroll.

I’m in a HCOL area and decided to keep her here, because I can afford it. She’s retired in a nice, but expensive, barn. GREAT BO, 24/7 outside, hay 24/7 in small hole nets, pasture a few hours per day when it’s available, outdoor arena for noodling around, a stall if she needs it, trails I can hand walk her on directly from the property.

I have friends who send their horses to Virginia or other states for pasture board upon retirement, and I just couldn’t bear that. Another friend tried retiring her mare to New Hampshire, but the care you get for $450/month is… not great, and probably costs more like $600/month now. Luckily her mare is sound enough, and has the perfect temperament for, work at a therapeutic barn. (She was the horse her Amish former owners used to get tiny kids used to caring for horses.) My mare is not sound enough, and a bit on the sensitive and wiggly side for that kind of work.

I’m having health issues that may preclude my owning and riding another horse, so whoa, the budget (of time and money) will REALLY open up when my mare is gone.

[B-burg_Dressage]

Can commiserate on some of it. Have a 7 month old and I don’t know how people can afford multiples in daycare!

My dressage horse had to be hospitalized this fall (there went my emergency savings fund). And now we’re looking at all winter off to maybe ride again if we’re lucky. And managing a chronic illness that will eventually kill him. And this makes all the money I’ve spent to keep him alive feel like less of a good investment. I don’t regret it per say, and I’m glad he’s happy enough for now but probably should have made a different financial decision and used that savings for a new horse.
I’ve got the sweet old trail horse to ride, but neither of us are happy in an arena together. So I’d like another dressage horse to actually ride but like–with what money? Even OTTBs aren’t cheap like they used to be (got my current guy for $500 in 2015).

I’m just over here hoping that nothing else comes up for several months so we can start to restock the emergency fund.

[lenapesadie]

On a semi related note. I have two horses at home. My riding horse and an oldie I picked up to be his buddy bc riding horse can’t live alone.

Well oldie is a giant money pit and time suck bless his gimpy self. I loff him but am really starting to resent the time and money spent in him.

[Texarkana]

Commiserating!

My only child is 2. Childcare in my area is insane- not just pricey, but RARE. Spots for <2 year olds are almost non-existent.

We bought a farm in 2021. We love love love it, but… the seller totally screwed us over and STOLE THE BARN AND TURNOUT SHEDS! They also stole a bunch of stuff from the house. Because of the white hot market, we had no recourse- we asked for renumeration, they said no, we said “we will walk,” they said “we have buyers lined up out the door.” Anyway, why it’s relevant is because we haven’t been able to replace the barn or sheds because of the overinflated prices. As a result, everything is harder than it needs to be. I have to play musicial horses every time it rains, I have very little hay storage, etc.

Oh, and if that wasn’t enough- my hard-keeping older mare had to be euthanized in January, which was very sad, but allowed me to bring home a fun and easy riding horse to replace her. Except… surprise! The mare was pregnant! Had foaling complications! Then the foal got sick! But don’t worry, they survived… I have the bills to show it.

My mother-in-law spent the weekend with us asking incessantly when we were going to give her another grandchild. We are not young! I can’t even fathom another baby at my age.

[DawgLady]

Privilege pity party, ticket for one, please.

My kids aren’t great students. We had to put one in private school this year so she’d get smaller classes and more teacher guidance. That was hard enough financially. Now the second kid is asking to go to that school, too.

How do I prioritize having a horse over my kids’ educations? But on the other hand, am I really supposed to sell the horse I worked so hard to find and make? The horse that brings me joy every day?

[She_s_Pure_Gold]

OP, I am more than happy to pour a glass of whine, pull up a chair, and join the party!

My situation is similar to yours. DH and I make good money but also live in very expensive region. We have 1 kiddo (1 and done!!) out of daycare but still young enough that he can’t be left home alone (6yo). We have a small hobby farm- my horse, 2 mini donkeys, a bunch of chickens, and quintessential cat and dog. No riding arena (just a semi flatish levelish grass area, in a northern climate, meaning it’s basically unusable from Nov-March each year. I have to trailer out for lessons or trail rides (no trails off property).

I had to retire my event horse last year after he was diagnosed with asthma. He’s 21, but otherwise very healthy and sound. I will not sell him or try to find another home for him- I’ve heard about too many awful stories of things going wrong. So he will live out his days with me.

We cannot afford a 2nd horse right now. With costs of everything going up, I can’t even afford to do regular lessons or a lease or anything. Have I mentioend we’re not poor?? We rarely go on vacations. We don’t live extravagantly. I still can’t wrap my mind around how much we make yet how little we have to spend after bills and essentials are paid. So I will wait until we can afford another horse until I can ride again. It will likely be measured in years, not months.

Aside from the money, I don’t even know where to find the TIME! I recently took on a part time barn job (on top of my FT day job!) doing chores one eve per week in exchange for ride time. I’ve worked 6 orn7 weeks now and ridden once. To be fair, kiddo has done a couple lessons in place of me riding, but still- I have 3 or 4 rides banked not yet used. And this barn is less than 10 minutes from my house! Oy.

It sucks, but it is what it is. I’m trying to enjoy my animals for what they are right now, and enjoy quality time with my son before he hits the “too cool for mom and dad” phase. You can’t get this time back…and 6 is amazing! Hang in there, OP, as I learned from these forums many moons ago, “this too shall pass.”

[Rhymes_W_Orange]

Oh wow, I feel like “these are my people”. We live in an area that is not that expensive and have our own farm/facility, one kid that is in school so no day care, etc. TBH, its not even always the money but trying to be mom/tutor/full time employee/boarding barn owner/manager/trainer/ and so on and so forth. I actually just recently sold my upper level horse and it was due to lack of resources (time, money, and sanity) to keep a horse going at that level in an area that has limited access to vets/trainers/shows/supports. I figured that I have four years left with my kid at home and that dressage isn’t going to be out of my (athletic) reach when my child graduates. So I sold the dressage horse, have bought an OTTB and am hoping to dabble in local shows and eventing and reevaluate several years from now on what I want to do. In the meantime, I just couldn’t take the stress and it was sucking the fun out of what is supposed to be my hobby. However, every week at the grocery store, I am a little more shocked and thinking that I backed out of the game at the right time. I am hoping to be back someday, but for now, I will happily groom the “easier horse”, ride when I can, and try to not always feel so guilty. Misery loves company, so thanks for the OP.