Considering euthanasia and struggling

[Loudlaugh12]

Hi all,

I’m hoping for some kind words, as I’m struggling. I have a 12-year old horse, who I have owned for the past 6 years. I love him. I bought him from a dishonest seller/trainer and he began having medical/physical problems—long history of ulcers with IBD, back and neck soreness, and behavioral issues. I have spent the past two years sparing no expense trying to get him right. And despite mountains of vet bills (we are talking two different vets, at least two appts a month during this whole time and so many interventions—the only things we have not done are a bone scan and MRI), he is still very back sore. The ulcers still happen. And there is something really wrong in his back/neck because he does not sleep and has chronic sleep deprivation. He will lie down but won’t stay there—you can tell he tries. He looks exhausted most days. I have watched him fall on his face over and over during the day and the night. It’s heartbreaking. The vets are baffled by this behavior, and we’ve tried a bunch of things. In the past 6 weeks, he’s been off and vet can’t figure out where the lameness is coming from. He does, however, look great. But, if he can’t get and stay healthy with the best vet care, management, and supplements, I worry that he is quickly going to fall apart if I try and retire him, when he doesn’t have me to watch him. If he won’t sleep now in a huge stall, where is is calm, and has his buddies next to him, he’s likely not going to sleep in a field.

I’m strongly considering putting him down and want to talk to my trainer and vet about it. I don’t want to take the risk he ends up in a bad place if I let him change hands. I don’t want back pain to turn into more ulcers if I try and retire him—that scenario is very likely and unfair. I’m posting here for support/advice/wisdom because I worry that my vet is going to think I’m terrible for suggesting this, even though that probably doesn’t make rational sense. I’m trying to also grapple myself with feeling terrible for considering this, but I think it’s the right choice for my boy.

[Willesdon]

If you go online to the British Horse Society www.bhs.org.uk website and search “euthanasia” there is really helpful and supportive information to help you deal with euthanasia. They have an initiative called “Friends at the End”.

[Fiesta01]

I’m so sorry you are facing such a devastating decision. I definitely agree that your two options would be to finally resolve the pain or humanely euthanize. As you say, passing him along to an unknown future would not be kind or fair to him.

Do you have the option of trying for a diagnosis at a respected equine clinic (think New Bolton, Rood and Riddle, Texas A&M, etc.)? If he were mine, that would be my next step.

Also, have you tried the Dr. Green cure?
Sometimes, in difficult to diagnose cases, throwing them out to pasture with some friends for 6 months can help them turn the corner.

Is there any chance you can arrange this? It, of course, would need to be in a supervised herd where, if things went downhill, it would be noticed immediately and intervention provided.

Sending jingles and prayers to both of you and please keep us updated.

[Pico_Banana]

None of us say this lightly, but it does sound like euthanasia may be appropriate here. If he’s exhausted and in pain, with no end in sight, it’s the right thing to do. Give him lots of love, treats, and kisses, and then let him go to greener pastures.

Other than that, I agree with @Fiesta01 that turning him out may be worth exploring. What is his current daily routine? Is there someplace close by where you could try this and still monitor the situation closely? The hard part will be that you’d need to give him time to settle before being able to evaluate the situation, and that might be harder on him than the status quo.

It’s so hard to know what to do in these situations. I don’t think your vet or trainer would object to discussing this with you, so I encourage you to do so for their perspectives. But just know that at the end of the day, only you know what’s truly best for him and you need to trust yourself.

[Obsidian_Fire]

@Loudlaugh12

I worry that my vet is going to think I’m terrible for suggesting this,

No, they won’t. Especially since they’ve been on this journey with you. They know when an owner has done all that can be done. They know when they themselves have done all they can. If you talk to your vet the way you’ve explained it here there should be no issue.

Hugs to you. I know it’s a tough decision, especially when the horse is relatively young. I’ve been in those shoes.

[luvmyhackney]

@Pico_Banana

None of us say this lightly, but it does sound like euthanasia may be appropriate here. If he’s exhausted and in pain, with no end in sight, it’s the right thing to do. Give him lots of love, treats, and kisses, and then let him go to greener pastures.

This. Your horse doesn’t live in the present, he lives in the moment.

It sounds like you have done right by him and I don’t see how the vet would see it any other way.

[RedHorses]

Vets understand quality of life. Your trainer will too.

Your horse’s quality of life is poor, with little hope of improving.

Age is just a number. Early injury, distorted DNA, damage from illness, lack of appropriate nutrition during development - some things simply cannot be fixed. I have a recently diagnosed Wobbler so I understand.

Euthanasia is a release. I would let him go.

[Akogler]

He may have something you wouldnt discover without a necropsy.

Animals live in the moment and do not fear death. They dont understand or rationalize pain. It confuses them and they fight it/endure it.

Have mercy on your beloved horse and let him go with a sad calm heart that you are doing absolutely the greatest act of love we can give an animal.

So sorry.

[swmorse]

I too think euthanasia is the best. I would see if a vet school would take the body so they could examine it . I wouldn’t donate him to one for them to experiment on while living, but I would take him to a school to be put down there for necropsy later

[Jackiebret]

While hard for a person psychologically, its really the most humane option for any horse in chronic pain, especially back pain.

[Lunabear1988]

Chronic pain and not sleeping sounds pretty miserable and a hard way to live. I would not think that you were in the wrong at all for considering euthanizing in this case.

Hugs to you. I’ve been there.

[candyappy]

@Loudlaugh12

I worry that my vet is going to think I’m terrible for suggesting this, even though that probably doesn’t make rational sense. I’m trying to also grapple myself with feeling terrible for considering this, but I think it’s the right choice for my boy

No good vet , especially one who has been treating him non stop ( unsuccessfully I might add) for the last few years would ever think badly of you for going this route.

In the end you have to do what you think is best and I can say if I was in your shoes I would agree with your choice, for so many of your reasons listed above.

[walktrot]

I put my 28-yo Paint gelding down a year ago, when i was 74. He was happy, healthy, and bundle of energy. It was his failing knee. There is a long, upsetting story about the barn we were at for 20 years. It had to do with BO’s mishandling of the pandemc. I moved to another barn because his body score dropped to 2-3, and I learned what a depressed horse looks like. Fortunately the new BO got him back to his regular self. His knee really went downhill, though The lamness vet spent over 1/2 hour explaining the ultrasound. I had a great vet and great farrier We x-rayed the knee and hooves every few months. He remained happy, healthy, and a bundle of energy. I made a deal with the vet that when she said it was time, it was time.

He had a another shot of Osphos in late May. I could feel him getting stronger when we walked out to hand graze. He didn’t seem to be in pain. He could bear full weiight when standing but favored it. But the limp was getting really bad. The day came when the vet said it was itme. I thought she was jumping the gun, but I reluctantly picked 7/20/22 as day. She was right, of course. A few days later I watched him walking. I could see that his knee couldn’t control his hoof. He had dirty scuffs on both knees. I had already decided against knee injections. I probably could have kept him going longer, but I wouldn’t turn him into a bumbling old man to keep me happy.

He went downhill rapidly, 3-4 days. I knew I would lose him to his knee but not so soon. The day he wouldn’t walk away from the barn to hand graze, I knew. He wias unique, well-known in the area because I had loaned him out for therapy and traditional lessons. I sent out an email and a couple of dozen friends came to be with me - it helped bigtime. It you can, scatter hay where he goes down.

I had him composted, and I’m glad I did. I got a few buckets in the early spring. I planted a full-grown dogwood tree and the guys mixed the compost with the loam. I hung a halter tag on it. It is like I buried him in the backyard. I’m back to saying “Hi Sweetie” every day.

Our vet of 20-years had retired a couple of years earlier. He wanted to write another book. He did it on euthansia because there wasn;t one. It is true-life stories. That is where I learned about composting. It is such a hard decision, but it helped me understand that I had made the right decisions.

Goodbye Old Friend

[SLW]

I 100% support euthanasia at this time and here is why. You have done diligence with him and the veterinarians. You offered that he is falling down often, face first. My fear is the he would become trapped in the fence or break a leg. I’d hate you for or the barn owner to come upon that scenario one morning.

Lots and lots of hugs.

[thoroughbred22]

Please don’t worry about what your vet will think. I’ve had conversations with a couple of equine vets about euthanasia for horses. They both said they would far rather perform a euthanasia than watch a horse endure a low quality of life in pain.

If your horse is falling, not able to rest well, and generally not enjoying life, you will be giving him the gift of rest and relief. Just think whether there’s any better gift you can give him at this time, and set your heart at ease.

[skip99]

Pain issues aside, I had a mare who had a tendency to get sleep deprived and crash. She was significantly worse at barns with individual turnout and a lot of stall time. Group turnout for 12-24 hrs in a big field made a big difference in her ability to sleep. When she had to go on stall rest/limited turnout for an injury, the crashing came back. I personally wouldn’t euthanize without giving extensive turnout a shot for at least a few months, unless a turnout situation was not available/practical in my area or finances were totally exhausted.

[SharonA1]

I would agree that it is time to euthanize. It doesn’t matter if some as-yet-uncovered fix might be out there. It doesn’t matter if a year or two or three or five on Dr. Green would cure the horse (until the next incident). You have done all that you can realistically do.

Most of the time, we don’t know whether our decisions are 100% right or not. We just have to cope with that ambiguity. The only thing we can say is that we did the best that we could for our own resources and bandwidth at the time. It sounds like the best thing now is euthanasia.

One thing you do know – if you humanely euthanize your horse, your horse will never again know fear or pain or anxiety or exhaustion. Euthanizing doesn’t mean you don’t love your horse; sometimes it means you love your horse more than you love yourself.

[RedHorses]

@SharonA1

Euthanizing doesn’t mean you don’t love your horse; sometimes it means you love your horse more than you love yourself.

Well said, @SharonA1

[RhythmNCruise]

When a horse is so uncomfortable he cannot sleep, it’s definitely time to seriously consider euthanasia.

My gelding started having trouble lying down about two years ago or so, due to arthritic hocks. Luckily, I was able to get him comfortable again and he resumed lying down. But it was one of the first times with him that euthanasia ever entered my mind (he was only 13). Not in a, “I’m going to have to put him down,” way, but more in an “Okay, this isn’t good…horses MUST be able to lay down and get up to have quality lives” kind of way. I knew I had to fix it, and thankfully I was able to. Had I not been able too…that would have been a different story.

I will say though, that I second the suggestion to try turning him out 24/7 in a herd. My guy started his issues when he moved to a barn that didn’t have shelters in the pastures, so he was stalled during inclement weather (which is pretty much all summer because it’s so damn hot/humid here). He never would lay down in the stalls in that barn because they weren’t deeply bedded and he’s also a bit claustrophobic. He much prefers to lay down outside, especially with buddies who are turned out with him. He feels trapped and vulnerable in a stall. In the pasture, he either lays down with another horse, or the other horse(s) stand by while he snoozes. I can just tell that’s his preferred environment. I always say, “He’s outdoorsy,” LOL.

I’d give that a try first (if you haven’t already) and see if just being out in a big pasture with friends 24/7 helps any.

If not, there is absolutely nothing wrong with releasing a horse from a life of exhaustion, pain, and uncertainty. Nothing at all.

[seabreeze]

There are much worse things than a dignified end. I pray you find peace in your decision. Don’t worry about what others think (who likely don’t disagree with you). When a loving owner feels like euthanasia is the best course of action, it’s usually the best course of action.