I agree with OverandOnward and emelia–if he’s been there for a few years and no one has any other problems than “he’s topless a lot” and “he is obsessive about cleaning his horse’s pen” chances are he is just socially inept and (much as I hate to do the trendy internet diagnosis) possibly on the spectrum.
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I’m glad I am not the only one, I totally agree with OO, E and DOI. Yes, women need to listen to the little voice, we also need to learn not to judge. Just because someone is not like us or what we are used to, does not mean they are dangerous.
[QUOTE=La Gringa;7748347]
There is this guy at my barn that makes me cringe every time I go out there and he’s there. He never has a shirt on, is always loud mouthing about someone… the worst gossip I have heard… worse than any cackling hens by far out there.
The problem is his horse is next to mine. He’s always lurking around with his lobster sunburned body… beady eyes. He makes a point of OCD’ing over every inch of his horses enclosure… yet the mare is so overweight. He hardly rides her… and feeds her til she looks pregnant.
Such a weirdo…he’s never harmed me or my horse… but just one of those folks that makes your skin crawl… and I know I am not alone … several other boarders have said the same thing. He has a sort of a wild eyed look… makes me want to run away.
Wacko guy… . I just had to vent. I want to move my mare to another area of the ranch so I don’t have to see him, but she has one of the best pens with shade trees on the property.
Argh… I just go about my business and leave… bothers me every day.[/QUOTE]
I don’t read anything in here about her little voice warning her of danger. I think she doesn’t like the way he dresses (or not), doesn’t like the way he feeds his horse (I wouldn’t either), and doesn’t like the way he spends his barn time (something I do a lot of too).
I thought this sounded way more judgmental than “trust your inner voice.”
C- I was responding to posters saying to trust your gut etc. I totally agree with you. Out here, I’m the oddball. I live in a primarily western area, I wear my breeches no matter how hot, I’m fussy about my mare because she was recovering from a near death infection and I had to board her out. I also went through a period years ago after my car accident I wore a surgical mask to the barn so no one could see I had my teeth and part of my jaw knocked out.
I was blessed with understanding barnmates, local businesses knew me. It was stil hard. I am much less critical and careful about judging.
They being said, I don’t hang out shirtless cuz- no one would want to see that hit mess 
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I think you need to analyze your reaction. Are you “creeped out” in the sense of feeling in danger? Or are you feeling that he is weird and you don’t want to deal with him?
If you feel personally threatened in anyway, then I think the protective measures mentioned would be appropriate - for your peace of mind if nothing else. But you can be creeped out by someone without feeling that they pose a danger. I had to work with a guy for several years who creeped me out. Totally not my style of interacting, talking, working, etc and kind of needy on top of it. He had lots of difficulties with interpersonal relationships. I would never voluntarily spend time with him if it wasn’t necessary. After many an interaction I would have to shake it off as he affected me so. Yet, I never felt personally threatened. I would not worry about being alone with him (other than I didn’t want to!) or anything of the sort.
Unfortunately for you, he is in your space during your recreational time. Fortunately for you, you don’t have to interact with him. So lets say, you find him creepy, but don’t have a feeling of personal danger. For me, at this point, I would consider moving my horse just so I could enjoy my time there. Otherwise, I would just go about my business. Having your cell and/or a whistle is always a good idea even without this guy. I would avoid situations that really made me uncomfortable (perhaps only two people there after dark, etc) but not let his presence dictate my horse time for most situations.
I cannot believe that a man is allowed to go without a shirt at the barn----------not at my barn!!! And women cannot ride in g-strings and their chaps (had that happen once!!) Just wrong. Tank tops are ok
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Is his gossip different than you and the other barn people talking about him?
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[QUOTE=nashfad;7751529]
I cannot believe that a man is allowed to go without a shirt at the barn----------not at my barn!!! And women cannot ride in g-strings and their chaps (had that happen once!!) Just wrong. Tank tops are ok[/QUOTE]
Hahahahah, A G String and chaps huh? We have a guy that likes to wear those “cut out” tank tops - you know when you take a T shirt, and cut a hole down to the waist along with taking off the sleeves? Eh, its hot what ev - We also have a girl that likes to ride in VERY short daisy duke cut off shorts. I don’t know how she doesn’t get saddle sores!!!
I haven’t moved to VA yet, counting the days believe me. I don’t really have a problem with the overclean stall, I think it’s great he cares for the horse so much… my issue with it he is so OCD about everything… he has this sort of anxious tick about it… hard to explain. I just ignore and stay away from him. He knows I don’t like him… I never speak to him. He makes me cringe…skin crawl cringe… so I stay away.
His mare so fat I am worried she might founder but that’s really not my problem… I just put my blinders on.
I can’t wait for Randy to get back stateside so I can move!
Thanks everyone for the tips… I will listen to my gut and be careful out there
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[QUOTE=trubandloki;7751535]
Is his gossip different than you and the other barn people talking about him?[/QUOTE]
yes he spreads malicious gossip and is in everyone elses business. I really don’t talk about him to anyone out there… I have just heard comments from other boarders that they think he’s nuts, weird, and creepy. Honestly this is he first time I have really vented about it. Just has been on my mind a lot lately. I stay away but I have to say it affects my barn time enjoyment when he’s there
[QUOTE=Cindyg;7749681]
I don’t read anything in here about her little voice warning her of danger. I think she doesn’t like the way he dresses (or not), doesn’t like the way he feeds his horse (I wouldn’t either), and doesn’t like the way he spends his barn time (something I do a lot of too).
I thought this sounded way more judgmental than “trust your inner voice.”[/QUOTE]
Wrong…
I have a sick to my stomach skin crawl when I am around him. Gut feeling.
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[QUOTE=MsM;7750042]
I think you need to analyze your reaction. Are you “creeped out” in the sense of feeling in danger? Or are you feeling that he is weird and you don’t want to deal with him?
If you feel personally threatened in anyway, then I think the protective measures mentioned would be appropriate - for your peace of mind if nothing else. But you can be creeped out by someone without feeling that they pose a danger. I had to work with a guy for several years who creeped me out. Totally not my style of interacting, talking, working, etc and kind of needy on top of it. He had lots of difficulties with interpersonal relationships. I would never voluntarily spend time with him if it wasn’t necessary. After many an interaction I would have to shake it off as he affected me so. Yet, I never felt personally threatened. I would not worry about being alone with him (other than I didn’t want to!) or anything of the sort.
Unfortunately for you, he is in your space during your recreational time. Fortunately for you, you don’t have to interact with him. So lets say, you find him creepy, but don’t have a feeling of personal danger. For me, at this point, I would consider moving my horse just so I could enjoy my time there. Otherwise, I would just go about my business. Having your cell and/or a whistle is always a good idea even without this guy. I would avoid situations that really made me uncomfortable (perhaps only two people there after dark, etc) but not let his presence dictate my horse time for most situations.[/QUOTE]
very good point. The only reason I keep my mare in her pen where it is because its one of only 5 on the property with shade trees. It gets very hot out there over 100 often.
I will just keep on ignoring… this was just a vent… yes maybe a bit judgemental… I admit but it’s really the creep factor that made me want to write about it.
judge me if you want I just felt a need to talk about it.
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[QUOTE=La Gringa;7751622]
yes he spreads malicious gossip and is in everyone elses business. I really don’t talk about him to anyone out there… I have just heard comments from other boarders that they think he’s nuts, weird, and creepy. Honestly this is he first time I have really vented about it. Just has been on my mind a lot lately. I stay away but I have to say it affects my barn time enjoyment when he’s there[/QUOTE]
Pot meet kettle (bolding mine).
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Why such haters on here? I guess I should have known better on this board…
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La Gringa, just buckle down, make the best of your remaining time in CA, and start making practical plans about your life in VA.
If you want and it is doable for you in relation, where you are going to live, send me a pm, when you settle, and I will ask my friend for concrete location of penning meets.
Why such haters on here? I guess I should have known better on this board…
I don’t think, it is haters. I think, many of us feel little odd and out of place ourselves and so, we tend to jump to defense of anyone, who might be like us or someone, we know, and came to love and care about.
Don’t take it personally. We all filter the information through who we are and what we have been taught and experienced.
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I was not trying to be judgmental, I was simply asking if it was different.
It sounds like your mare has a premium pen and that premium pen makes it worth it to deal with this slightly strange person next door.
Next time he annoys you simply repeat inside your head how much worse it would be if you were stuck next to that person who never cleaned their pen or whose horse was dangerous, etc. Sorry this is making your barn time less enjoyable. I think we all have that person at the boarding barn.
[QUOTE=emilia;7751736]
La Gringa, just buckle down, make the best of your remaining time in CA, and start making practical plans about your life in VA.
If you want and it is doable for you in relation, where you are going to live, send me a pm, when you settle, and I will ask my friend for concrete location of penning meets.
I don’t think, it is haters. I think, many of us feel little odd and out of place ourselves and so, we tend to jump to defense of anyone, who might be like us or someone, we know, and came to love and care about.
Don’t take it personally. We all filter the information through who we are and what we have been taught and experienced.[/QUOTE]
I appreciate that. I have nothing against being different. I’m an artist…and a nerdy horse nut so I am weird and wacko too… it was just the creep factor that gets me. Maybe it is just the fact that I do find it offensive that he is half naked out there… the day I met him two years ago he had no shirt. I guess it didn’t start well… plus the snide remarks… “oooh another female to the barn” with his creepy manner. Hairs stood up on my neck.
[QUOTE=trubandloki;7751742]
I was not trying to be judgmental, I was simply asking if it was different.
It sounds like your mare has a premium pen and that premium pen makes it worth it to deal with this slightly strange person next door.
Next time he annoys you simply repeat inside your head how much worse it would be if you were stuck next to that person who never cleaned their pen or whose horse was dangerous, etc. Sorry this is making your barn time less enjoyable. I think we all have that person at the boarding barn.[/QUOTE]
The judge me part wasn’t directed to you, it was a broad statement. The stall cleaning is really not the issue… our stalls are cleaned twice a day. I sweep my mare’s mats off daily too… its just the creepy ocd behavior.
I do think the gossip is part of it too… he probably can’t help it. I should think about it that way.
I just don’t engage him, I say nothing to him or about him to anyone out there. The times I heard people talking about it out there… I was not part of the conversation… it was at our nightly sorting practice which is very social.
I will take a deep breath and calm down about it Worrying just makes me anxious.
OP - only you know the situation. People can sit on here and tell you to chill out but they don’t have to be around the guy. If he creeps you out there is probably a reason. Maybe he’s just a harmless weirdo, but maybe not. But if your gut is to stay away from him I would listen to it. IMO better safe than sorry.
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Really? I can’t believe anyone is complaining about a man with his shirt off? So what? Im sure that most everyone’s husbands, brothers, fathers, granddads, etc all go shirtless outside at some point. Heck, I would like to go shirtless too but that’s against the law. It wouldnt bother me one bit if I had a man hoarding here with his shirt off. I have other things to be concerned about. Going shirtless is a guy thing, a guy perk so whatever.
Honestly, has everyone just snubbed this guy or has anyone made an attempt to get to know him? It seems as if everyone is being cliqueish and no one is making any type of attempt at getting to know him. That’s just based off of what you wrote, which sounds pretty judgemental.
For all you guys know, maybe this guy is a genious, knows more than any of you but no one gives him the time of day because he doesn’t fit in with your image of a man in the barn.
He probably talks bad about you all because he is sick of everyone being nasty to him. Obviously if he has been there for YEARS that should tell you he has some decency to him. From what you wrote, it seems more like you and your barnmates are a group of mean girls feeding off of everyone’s man-in-the-barn anxiety. I hate group paranoia.
I am almost willing to bet that if you talked to him nicely and genuinely I bet that you would find he is the nicest most misunderstood man you ever met.
Sometimes women need to just relax and realize that all men aren’t serial rapists and start listening to their own gut instead of everyone else’s. I’m not saying don’t be safe and don’t protect yourself. What i am saying is maybe stop for a moment and think if maybe yoi are overreacting a bit and are letting yourself get carried away based on everyone else shunning him because he isnt like you?
Do you honestly think your BOs would endanger any woman for the sake of one man? Come on, be realistic. If there was indeed a dangerous element to this guy, do you really honestly think for one second that your BO would have this guy around?
