Really? I can’t believe anyone is complaining about a man with his shirt off? So what? Im sure that most everyone’s husbands, brothers, fathers, granddads, etc all go shirtless outside at some point. Heck, I would like to go shirtless too but that’s against the law. It wouldnt bother me one bit if I had a man hoarding here with his shirt off. I have other things to be concerned about. Going shirtless is a guy thing, a guy perk so whatever.
Honestly, has everyone just snubbed this guy or has anyone made an attempt to get to know him? It seems as if everyone is being cliqueish and no one is making any type of attempt at getting to know him. That’s just based off of what you wrote, which sounds pretty judgemental.
For all you guys know, maybe this guy is a genious, knows more than any of you but no one gives him the time of day because he doesn’t fit in with your image of a man in the barn.
He probably talks bad about you all because he is sick of everyone being nasty to him. Obviously if he has been there for YEARS that should tell you he has some decency to him. From what you wrote, it seems more like you and your barnmates are a group of mean girls feeding off of everyone’s man-in-the-barn anxiety. I hate group paranoia.
I am almost willing to bet that if you talked to him nicely and genuinely I bet that you would find he is the nicest most misunderstood man you ever met.
Sometimes women need to just relax and realize that all men aren’t serial rapists and start listening to their own gut instead of everyone else’s. I’m not saying don’t be safe and don’t protect yourself. What i am saying is maybe stop for a moment and think if maybe yoi are overreacting a bit and are letting yourself get carried away based on everyone else shunning him because he isnt like you?
Do you honestly think your BOs would endanger any woman for the sake of one man? Come on, be realistic. If there was indeed a dangerous element to this guy, do you really honestly think for one second that your BO would have this guy around?
Chachie,
You could not be more wrong. It’s a western barn there are more men there than women. I never said he talks about me… just that he gossips about everyone … including me. I am not in a clique of any sort. He does talk to people all the time… he never shuts up.
I can’t help the feeling I get around him. I don’t try to have it happen…it just does. Gut feeling.
You are being very judgmental without even knowing the circumstances or the environment at this barn.
I felt a need to talk about it. and I don’t really care if you don’t like it.
My joke to my husband is I’m putting on my iron underpants and going to the barn 
Similar but non-threatening situation here.
It sounds to me like you’re doing all the right things. Not engaging, not antagonizing, and you’ve managed a few years with little interaction. Most likely it’ll never amount to anything beyond keeping you on your toes.
Never, ever doubt your gut reaction. Pay attention to it and don’t let others persuade you from not listening. That is exactly how we get ourselves into bad situations. Good luck figuring out a way to not have contact with the boarder. And if you need some tips on listening to your gut from a security expert - read the Gift of Fear.
I am sure nothing physical will happen… just a weirdness feeling I guess. Always good to have a guard up… and cellphone handy in any case.
This barn is large over 100 horses and 100 cows on the property. There are events/practices daily. There are probably a lot more wierdos out there than just this guy. The biggest issue is I nearly always see him when I am out there after work…and if am working with my mare in her pen, or cleaning the pen myself, his loudmouth can be heard across the ranch
Earphones may be answer to that…
[QUOTE=La Gringa;7752054]
I am sure nothing physical will happen… just a weirdness feeling I guess. Always good to have a guard up… and cellphone handy in any case.
This barn is large over 100 horses and 100 cows on the property. There are events/practices daily. There are probably a lot more wierdos out there than just this guy. The biggest issue is I nearly always see him when I am out there after work…and if am working with my mare in her pen, or cleaning the pen myself, his loudmouth can be heard across the ranch
Earphones may be answer to that…[/QUOTE]
I know Bonsall and the surrounding area well; lived out there for several years. If you board where I think you are, there are usually enough people out there to make it a safe enough place. Just wear your earbuds and listen to music to drown him out. Be vigilant like you are already doing and bide your time until you and your mare leave. Keep pepper spray in your tack area or tack trunk. I did.
There is something about the boarding stables in the San Diego area that attract all kinds of nutters. Not so much the show/training barns but more the pleasure/trail barns or those with a mix.
READ “THE GIFT OF FEAR” BY GAVIN DEBECKER!!
Trust your gut!
The Gift of Fear is a very good book to read – written by a friend of my father’s who is/was? in law enforcement. Trust your instincts, it’s your mind’s way of interpreting subtle signals and other cues that you aren’t processing outwardly in an obvious way. Horses trust their instincts – we insist that they ignore some of it when we handle them, of course, but it’s life saving for them in the wild. That goes for people, too.
[QUOTE=belgianWBLuver;7752100]
I know Bonsall and the surrounding area well; lived out there for several years. If you board where I think you are, there are usually enough people out there to make it a safe enough place. Just wear your earbuds and listen to music to drown him out. Be vigilant like you are already doing and bide your time until you and your mare leave. Keep pepper spray in your tack area or tack trunk. I did.
There is something about the boarding stables in the San Diego area that attract all kinds of nutters. Not so much the show/training barns but more the pleasure/trail barns or those with a mix.[/QUOTE]
I board in Escondido… it is 80% cowboys 20% English There are usually lots of people out there… and my horse is in a very well travelled area
Ear buds have a tendency to isolate you from the environment. (easier to sneak up on)
Better to learn to ignore the noise than lose situational awareness.
I would move the mare to other part of barn, is there another decent pen she can be in there? IF not, suck it up, smile and say hi and then continue on as you do now We dont’ get to pick our barn neighbors and I’ve been around some I could not stand ( and perhaps they felt same about me)
Even though his horse is overweight, at least he treats her well. So that is something positive at least about him.
A boarding barn is a public business place, and a public place of business is not an appropriate place to run around shirtless. Just sayin :disgust: I’m really not a prude, but it just seems disrespectful.
I just find it offensive… but that’s me personally. It is primarily a western barn and it is a much more informal atmosphere than the h/j barns I am used to from the past. I am a recent convert to the cow work.
It is hot as hell out there now but he is the only person that is shirtless. Really though that is really not the creep factor I am talking about. its the whole weird package. LOL
I think this guy would give me the willies too.
But as long as he doesn’t try to give anyone his willie … but I’d do as others have suggested here, keep my distance, keep my cell phone charged and at hand …
In a public area that is not a beach or a swimming pool, there is no reason why the BO/BM cannot ask him to wear a shirt especially if other boarders are uncomfortable. I would discuss with the BO/BM. He probably is harmless, but if he makes other boarders uncomfortable enough that they would consider moving to other facilities (Hint, hint) then it is probably in the BO/BM’s best interest to make them aware of this.
[QUOTE=Rackonteur;7753532]
I think this guy would give me the willies too.
But as long as he doesn’t try to give anyone his willie … but I’d do as others have suggested here, keep my distance, keep my cell phone charged and at hand …[/QUOTE]
HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…ok…loved it.
Please trust your instincts.
I must respectfully disagree with those who said that because he hasn’t caused any real problems in the past few years that he is unlikely to do so in the future. There is no way of knowing what his behavior is like away from the barn (good or bad), and people have been known to act out in ways that others never expected. Hopefully, he is simply lonely, but if that is the case, one of the many male boarders might make a safer friend for him. Thankfully, you won’t be there much longer, but for the time remaining, please continue to trust your gut. It has your best interests at heart.
I just find it interesting how people on here turn it around as my problem… that it’s all my fault that I have theses feelings about the situation. I don’t try to seek him out … or be around him… I don’t want to feel this way, I just do.
I try not to be judgmental, but some of his behavior and how his demeanor is just rubs me wrong.
He loves to meddle… more than most guys I have met…tries to be in the middle of people’s business. He also behaves like he ‘owns’ the area where my horse and other surrounding horses are because it’s his area where his horse is.
Anyway I would move but I am moving to VA in the next few months so I am just going to bite my tongue and stay away from him.
This is not to devaluate La Gringa’s or anyone else’s gut feeling, but I feel the need to say that there are people, who give us “gut feeling,” but they are not violent or dangerous at all.
They are just so very different from what we consider a norm, that their presence makes our stomach tighten. Often, these people do not behave in a socially “agreed” (and thus “predictable”) manner.
For instance, we have several businesses in our small town, that employ “quirky” people (I am not going to speculate on their condition here). One particular person comes to my mind, who cannot even talk or articulate well (communicates in shrieks), moves very strangely, and overall looks and acts pretty wild. This person performs some menial tasks and is capable and actually very responsible and particular about performing them.
When I first ran into that person, I was seriously freaked out. I have since observed with other customers, that my reaction was not atypical. This person is not popular and people go some distance to avoid any contact.
I have also observed, how employees, who know the person on daily basis, communicate and treat the person. Eventually, I calmed down and chose to follow their example (and trust that the business would not put customers in jeopardy).
I still feel uneasy around this person and my “gut feeling” tells me RUN! every time we meet. However, instead, I slow down and smile.
I had to learn to override that feeling. In this person’s case, I took a route of compassion. I do not know, what is going on in the head and I don’t want to be the one showing fear and obvious “you-are-a-creep attitude.”
I just think, for some of these people, life must be so hard. I don’t want to make it any harder.
I am glad that business employs that person. So many places to learn.
ETA: I just saw your post, La Gringa. It is not your problem and you should not feel guilty sharing. Feelings are feelings and cannot be commanded.
