La Gringa, if you didn’t want anyone’s opinions that didn’t coincide with yours then you shouldn’t have posted. I know that you were venting but people will comment about what you write and we all have different opinions based on what you wrote. You’re right, we don’t know the situation, all we know is the picture that you have painted with your own words and here is what I see from what you wrote:
I have this vision of this man who is a bit eccentric, a bit different than everyone else who just wants to come to the barn to enjoy the time he spends with his mare. But because he is odd, everyone talks about him behind his back and it probably gets back to him so after awhile, I’m sure it has soured his attitude because really? who wants to be talked badly about? So now, he has taken on this nasty attitude because no one wants to do anything but speak ill of him. No one has tried to be nice, no one has ever tried to befriend him, instead everyone has ousted him because he’s “the weird guy.”
Yet, he is a clean freak and takes care of his horse, who may be fat but because no one ever speaks up, he may not know that what he is doing is hurting her. So instead, everyone just talks more crap about him behind his back.
So my point is that yes, you may be part of the problem. If you have done nothing but tried to keep your distance and talk nasty about him, then yes, you could be contributing to the bigger problem and that is that the rest of you are the reason why this man is so miserable to be around and his anger is what is giving you the creeps.
A comedian once said in a skit that he always tried to befriend the weird guy in his office, the one you know will someday snap and come in with an Uzi and shoot everyone down, except you because you gave him a kitkat once.
The point is that sometimes a little niceness goes a long way. And if this guy is your horse’s neighbor, would it really kill you to stop being so snobbish and actually be nice to him?
Again I’m not saying to let your guard down. I’m not saying not to protect yourself. I’m saying that you could make a world of difference to this man’s barn experience if you took a better position and actually made an attempt to be a nicer person to him.
If you don’t know him, then you shouldn’t be talking about him. That’s the golden rule, isn’t it?
As I said before, he is probably a very nice but misunderstood man.
And it sounds like everyone in your barn has jumped on the hate bandwagon without making any attempt to be nice to him, which I think is just plain rude.
If this were going on in my barn, and I saw no reason that everyone should be so nasty to him, I would give every 30 days notice because the last thing I would want is a bunch of people ganging up on one person for no reason other than 'he gives me the creeps."
If someone had something concrete to say, like he was playing with his willy in his mare’s stall, or was talking inappropriately, like making sexual advances or threats to people, then that is a different story.
But to just say that you and some of the other boarders get the creeps and don’t know why, yeah, that wouldn’t fly in my barn. I would ask all of you if there was any reason you all could give me that warrants the type of attitude you have towards him and if you couldn’t give me one plausible answer, see you later bye. I don’t have time for mean girls in my barn.
And believe me, I trust my intuition greatly but I also know that there have been times when I had to ask myself if I was actually feeling what I felt or was it because someone else mentioned that they felt that way first, power of suggestion is often bigger than your gut instinct.
So, do what the others say since that is what you want to hear, their sympathy and empathy and protect yourself. By all means, you should be protected as a woman no matter what but at the same time, don’t be a part of the problem you are complaining about.
I wish I could multiple like C’s post.
Guessing and surmising only takes anyone so far. This is a public bb and obviously the OP is rubbing some people the wrong way. If the OP gives you misgivings as being overly touchy and incorrect in concerns, you can say your piece - it’s a public bb.
But to tell a stranger not to pay attn to gut feelings is a disservice to their safety. None of us has a crystal ball and can tell the future.
Gift of Fear has some great wisdom about how to pay attn to what we do best as animals: protect ourselves with intuition. It’s an animal thing, regardless of what our big brains tell us. People get into the worst places because they think they are so smart and ignore gut feelings.
Well, it’s my creep problem not everyone else’s. I appreciate the feedback.
I’m picturing a bunch of cliquish girls gossiping about another boarder behind their back and looking down their noses at someone who loves their horse and does things a little differently. I kind of feel sorry for him.
And re the shirt thing…I find it funny that we’ve had multiple page threads about not judging women by their dress, but do it to a man…( IE “I find it offensive that he isn’t wearing more clothes and covering up”.)
[QUOTE=jetsmom;7755182]
I’m picturing a bunch of cliquish girls gossiping about another boarder behind their back and looking down their noses at someone who loves their horse and does things a little differently. I kind of feel sorry for him.
And re the shirt thing…I find it funny that we’ve had multiple page threads about not judging women by their dress, but do it to a man…( IE “I find it offensive that he isn’t wearing more clothes and covering up”.)[/QUOTE]
I think the main word in your post is picturing. As I said before… more men than women at this barn… he’s the one gossiping. I have not said anything to anyone out there. but I have heard others at social events there say stuff. He gives a lot of people men and women the creeps. Men outnumber women at let 3 to one out there.
I’m judging because of my gut… not some stupid gossip clique. Believe me or not… it’s not a H/J barn
I think you are just judging me here, wrong picture.
No one is telling the OP NOT to trust her instincts. I however am urging her to try to be a bit nicer to this man. Being a nice person to someone who is miserable can make a world of difference.
Whether or not this a H/J barn, or a western pleasure barn, a reining barn, halter barn, dressage barn, if this OT was about a woman, everyone would say the same thing as me, try to be nicer, she’s probably just misunderstood, be friendly to her, you never know when you might need her since your horses are neighbors.
But no. Everyone is saying be careful. He’s a man and you never know. Live in fear! Run far far away! Oh no! Its a man. Ahhhhhhh!!!
I will say this again. If the OP posted about a woman, this whole thread would be entirely different.
And to be quite honest, more women do intentional harm to other women than men do. Women stir up drama to run people out, they gossip about other women so it gets back to them and hurts their feelings on purpose, women will destroy another woman’s reputation out of spite, women are quicker to argue and fight physically without the help of alcohol, oh I could go on but you all know what I am saying.
So to be redundant, if this was about a woman instead of a man, the advice that most everyone gave would be entirely different.
Myself and others on here have said that the OP should try to be nicer and not be so judgmental herself.
Imagine if the shirtless man came on here and posted saying that he feels ousted from his barn and no one likes him, they talk bad about him, saying that he gives everyone the creeps, everyone he tries to talks to ignores him and make his barn time with his beloved mare so miserable he wants to leave but can’t afford it. What would you all say?
you seem to want to just ramrod this thread Chachie.
Enough said. I know how I am going to handle it. Being nice and encouraging his behavior that I find a problem is not what I want to do. I am not being nasty to him, I am just ignoring… and talking about how I feel about it away from the barn…
Thanks for the feedback to those that helped …
Nope not ramrodding, just playing devil’s advocate, trying to make you see a different perspective of the situation.
[QUOTE=La Gringa;7755288]
you seem to want to just ramrod this thread Chachie.
Enough said. I know how I am going to handle it. Being nice and encouraging his behavior that I find a problem is not what I want to do. I am not being nasty to him, I am just ignoring… and talking about how I feel about it away from the barn…
Thanks for the feedback to those that helped …[/QUOTE]
I don’t think that Chachie is trying to ramrod your thread at all. She posted a different opinion with which you do not agree. I find her suggestion to be nice to him to be reasonable.
I thought about this thread tonight when I was at the gym. There is a man there that totally gives me the creeps. He wears dark sunglasses, has this gross pornstache and makes annoying grunt noises when he lifts not so heavy weights. He has never tried to talk to me, but he lurks. I often see him on Sundays when the gym is really quiet. The first few times I thought it was a weird coincidence when he was ALWAYS in the same area of the gym as me, even though there was plenty of floor space. I would move somewhere else, I’m not one of those people who has a set routine - I can move around do other things in other places. Often times he would move there too. Then I started to notice when I had my training sessions he would lurk around too…then last week I was doing an exercise on the ball…body in bridge…I sit up when I am complete and creepster in hanging on a bar, facing me, just staring…he has never talked to me, he has never touched me…but everything in my body is creeped out by him. My gut just says “be aware.”
Had another weirdo experience this winter. Local man sends me a friend request on facebook. He is an artist, we have a mutual friend so I accept. He instantly messages me, at first he is normal. then he starts messaging me all the time…if I don’t respond, he messages again…through out the night. Tells me he loves me, asks me to go to the beach with him at 4:30 in the morning in January. I tell him he is creepy and block him. Share story with mutual friend, she does not know him, but tells me he seems nice. Some people tell me I am over reacting…he was probably just lonely - maybe drunk…everything in my body told me I had dodged a total creeper. Last week I am looking on a local website for advertising at work…find a police log from May- his name is there for being arrested on violating an abuse protection order. Nope friends…I dodged a bullet. My gut was right.
My point is that there will always be people that will tell you that you are over reacting, or that your gut feelings are wrong, or that you are being a bitch, or a meany and that you should try to be friends with the person before making snap judgments. Don’t. the Gift of Fear is a great book…it helped me a lot at another time in my life when I was dealing with some pretty scary stuff.
Trust the inner voice, because it very well could save your life. You don’t have to be friends with anyone you don’t want to. We are adults now, we don’t have to like everyone.
And I really hate when men don’t where shirts. In a 90 yoga class- yeah go for it, we are all doing what we can to cool down—but at a horse farm - ick no. And most public places for that matter- there is a reason for the no shirts no service signs everywhere…
I hope your move goes smoothly and that you have a wonderful new barn awaiting you on the other end. 
Thanks gloriginger
You know the shirtless thing would not bother me as much if the actions of the guy were normal. Something about him made my hairs stand up from day one two years ago when I first met him. He’s uneducated and very rough. I would call him obnoxious and half naked with a very severe case of OCD. Another boarder constantly complains about him calling her all the time for no reason… Constantly. He is married and does this. Part of me worries about him dying of skin cancer since my brother died of melanoma at 29. He is lobster red all the time with a gas station shirt open or off altogether 24/7. I don’t hate the guy something about him just doesn’t sit right. I needed a vent so I said it here rather than with someone at the barn that could tell him and worsen the problem. Just thoughts out loud
Listen to your instincts!
Cell phone, pepper spray, whistle…whatever you do listen to your instincts. If you can move your horse further away from this guy, do so but be very alert and careful if you are still on the same property where he is located. I’d move to another place and not take any chances. Just be careful with whatever you do and stay safe.
Definitely trust your gut, (buy him a tee shirt?) but also remember the real psychopaths/pedophiles/rapists/fraudsters are often not the obvious weirdos but priests, teachers, football coaches (Penn State!), bankers, pillars of the community, good neighbors etc etc. How many times do you hear a seriously criminal person described as “He seemed so normal!”
Take care y’all!
We had two of those creepy boarders at a barn I was at when I was 14. Turns out they were both raging alcoholics. We were having a barn sleepover once and one of them showed up around 1 am and body clipped her horse… He looked like he had been mangled the next day! Worst clip job ever. Thankfully she left soon after that and the other alcoholic was more functional and just funny.
I boarded at a barn with a creeper. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!
I didn’t, tried to be nice, had a couple beers cause I thought it was good company (Him and another so I felt a little less creeped) and he later hit on me. (He’s like 50+ I’m 25, ewww) THANK GOD my boyfriend came to pick me up right after, I didn’t want to be alone with them a second longer!!
Never be nice if you have that feeling!! That doesn’t mean be a total raging B*tch, but ignore ignore ignore! Never give them a reason to think they’re being normal!
Hope your move goes well!!
La Gringa, I couldn’t read anymore after 2 pages, I totally get what you are saying, to hell with those who don’t.
Creepy is creepy. period. Glad you could vent.
Several posts up I suggested that the OP be ‘nice’ to the other boarder.
Just to clarify, I find drinking beers a bit beyond ‘nice’ and did not mean that she should socialize or hang out drinking with him.
What I meant by being nice would be saying hi when I saw him out with his horse next to mine, maybe making a comment on the weather or his horse and just acknowledging his existence.
I did not mean she had to stand around talking, drinking or socializing with him.
[QUOTE=Macimage;7756892]
Several posts up I suggested that the OP be ‘nice’ to the other boarder.
Just to clarify, I find drinking beers a bit beyond ‘nice’ and did not mean that she should socialize or hang out drinking with him.
What I meant by being nice would be saying hi when I saw him out with his horse next to mine, maybe making a comment on the weather or his horse and just acknowledging his existence.
I did not mean she had to stand around talking, drinking or socializing with him.[/QUOTE]
Oh I agree with that, I hadn’t read everyone’s replies. Although I find even casual small talk too nice for these guys. 
I’ve had a lot of creepers and all because I’m overly nice usually. Often up for small talk and such, but if someone gives you the creeps, I ignore right away, won’t talk to them at all anymore, I’ve learned better!
Small talk is fine, about weather or whatever, sometimes break the awkward-ness, however this guy seems a little too creeper-ish even for that.
All the guessing that the creep is harmless is just that - guesses. Here’s another guess - maybe he’s not harmless at all, for all anyone knows he’s entirely predatory, but the place is busy and full of people and he just hasn’t had an opportunity to act out at this barn in the couple years he’s been there.
OP, you don’t know this guy, and trusting your gut is always correct. Just keep yourself in company of others and be smart. Its smart to ask around about him, its smart to talk to other women to see if anyone has had any experience with him or if they’ve heard anything about him. Its not smart to keep quiet and not ask around and not let other’s know you feel uncomfortable around him, its really unwise not to be vocal about your safety when you are at a barn or any other place in public.
There are plenty of women who have gotten into bad fixes because they thought they were just being paranoid, or being unfair, or didn’t want to make someone else feel uncomfortable by acting self protective. You’ve even met some of them on this thread, and it happens to women all the time, it happens hourly, everywhere, every single day. How many of them said “I had a bad feeling, but I went anyway…” or “I knew I shouldn’t have gone there but I did…” or “I couldn’t put my finger on what was so wrong about him, so I went out with him anyway…” You can hear the same thing from any woman who gets attacked or backed into a corner or ruffied by a bunch of guys she thinks are fine. Its not to say this guy is a predator, maybe he isn’t, but there’s no reason to think he can’t be. There are predators out there who have horses, who keep them at public barns, filled with young women in close proximity. And here’s a guy pushing the boundaries of public dress in a barn full of young women making them uncomfortable.
I was raped up in the hay loft at a barn where I boarded my horse at age 15. “Aw, come on, you know you want it, you’ve been flirting with me for weeks.” He was one of the owner’s sons. I didn’t say anything to any one. I didn’t want to gossip or cause a scene. Only when I was in my early 30’s did I find out he did the same thing to my sister only about a week later. Nice. Too bad we girls didn’t “gossip” and talk to each other about the creep. Betcha I wasn’t the first, either.
Keep your cell phone charged and pepper spray on your person and don’t be at the barn alone with him and trust yourself. And ask yourself why another woman, like the ones on this thread, would try to make you feel bad about speaking up about inappropriate behaviour in a man in that environment. You’re doing fine.
