Creepy Boarder.. gives me the willies

[LookmaNohands]

This is my experience

A dozen or more years ago I was leasing a barn and a tenet house on a large farm. I had a bunch of boarders plus a few horses of my own. When I moved in, the only tenet house on the farm was at the opposite end of the farm so that is the one I moved in to. There was a tenet house next to the barn but it was already occupied. This was all on a VERY quiet country road. I was aware that down the road was a crummy old house with a creepy guy living there. He had two coon hounds and a horse.

I asked the landlords if I could have the house near the barn if it ever became available and they said I could. The landlords were not really horse people and were not experienced landlords either as they had not owned the farm long. I had a number of problems with them. Fast forward a couple of years. Suddenly, creepy guy from down the road is moving into the house next to the barn. What? I ask the landlords. “Ooops” they say. Done deal. S***.

So creepy guy moves in. Next to my barn. Landlords tell me he wants to talk to me about boarding. One night when I am hand grazing a yearling I have on lay-up, creepy guy walks up to me to chat and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. At this point in my life I have several years of martial arts training. I have also read Gavin Debecker’s books, “The Gift of Fear,” and “Protecting the Gift,” after I saw him on Oprah. Creepy guy starts inappropriately loving on the yearling, practically laying on him. Then he asks about boarding. I say, sorry, no stalls and a waiting list (I lied.) But I will let him know if something comes available (also a lie.) I am now on hight alert. My gut tells me something is very wrong here. I become extra vigilant and make sure every thing is locked up. Over the next few months some weird things happen. A pitchfork goes missing. The “month” sticker on my front license plate of my truck disappears–obviously scraped off. A couple of other things go missing.

Then, I have some dealings with a local person who tells me some drunk guy who got in an accident on a quiet country road, somehow made it to her front porch one night. He is bleeding, the authorities are called and low an behold it is creepy guy and he is in trouble. Seems he is a convicted felon and he had a gun in his vehicle. Turns out to be a hunting gun so the authorities are not to worried. I call a local police captain I know because he has permission to hunt on neighboring property. He is concerned! Seems he cannot go into detail about creepy guy for legal reasons but that I should do an internet search. He says I should search for sexual predators—not that creepy guy would be there but that would be a good place to start. Dear God.

Suffice to say that there is much more to the story here. Creepy guy made some bad things happen. Landlords unconcerned. I eventually moved out.

Trust your gut!! Read the damn books!!!

[La_Gringa]

Holy crap that is scary. As far as making small talk and saying hi I actually do that occasionally to be sure he doesn’t think I am just being bitchy. I am not around the guy long enough for him to talk to me more than a minute or two…and I do my business with my mare and leave…pretty promptly…and try to be there when others are around.

His action and behavior are wierd. To call another boarder constantly bothering her over every stupid thing is weird. To say he owns area D of our ranch is Weird. So many things…just not right

i am getting out of there someday soon…just got to get my military man home from deployment and I am gone.

i googled him… Didn’t find that much other than he’s originally from Wisconsin and is in his mid 60s … Shirt off ew ew ew :eek:

ok. Enuf said. Feeling creepy again

[wateryglen]

You know I think you’re creepy feeling is fine. Probably accurate until you know more about him to explain his strangeness.
In the horse world there are a LOT of eccentric or odd or strange folks. Most have sustained a # of head injuries from horses over the years. They are cumulative and get worse as we age. Old horse ladies are often a strange bunch!! So I’d always go with that as an explanation. Then if you add a psychiatric diagnosis of any sort to traumatic brain injury then you have a fine mess. Or add addiction (like alcohol) to TBI = hot mess. Or add early dementia to any of the previous and you got a not quite right person, an eccentric, a weirdo, a creepy person, and so…I’d favor a more “medical” or “psychiatric” reason for his behaviors. For that I’d advise understanding and tolerance. It’s ok to set boundaries you’re comfortable with. I think you’re handling him fine for you. Not everyone is comfortable being around or conversing with crazy people.
But I bet if you either talked to him at length or checked into it; you’d find some kinda pathology here. He’s not doing this on purpose. He’s just being who he is. It’s your choice to engage. There is no wrong/right answer with this. He’s attention seeking for some lack in his life I’d guess. Probably isn’t aware of the effect he has on people. Compassion with avoidance works.
JMHO!!!
And there are plenty of these folks everywhere!

[MMorgan]

[QUOTE=LookmaNohands;7757053]
He is concerned! Seems he cannot go into detail about creepy guy for legal reasons but that I should do an internet search. He says I should search for sexual predators—not that creepy guy would be there but that would be a good place to start. Dear God.

Suffice to say that there is much more to the story here. Creepy guy made some bad things happen. Landlords unconcerned. I eventually moved out.

Trust your gut!! Read the damn books!!![/QUOTE]

LookmaNoHands, your creepy guy sounds especially creepy. Can you share more about what you found and what eventually happened?

[cuse]

OP, your personal safety takes priority over this man’s feelings. Those who are arguing that you should ignore your gut feeling and go out of your way to be friendly to this man seem to me to be valuing “not rocking the boat” over what may be a dangerous situation. Women are told too often that we should not make a scene, that we should smile, that we should be friendly to people because they deserve it. BS. This man is not entitled to your friendship because he wants it. He is not entitled to anything from you. You are entitled to your own safety, period. I am not saying this to be an alarmist, and I do not believe, as some have stated, that women should “run screaming” because he’s a man. I just think that those who are encouraging you to befriend him and ignore the screaming voice in your gut are perpetuating this expectation of women being smiley, friendly, and trusting, regardless of whether they WANT to be smiley, friendly, and trusting. Just because someone is lonely, or awkward, or weird, you are NOT required to become friends with them. Certainly say hi to him and be cordial, but keep the interactions as brief as YOU want to, and shut down any advances with which you are uncomfortable. You are entitled to that.

[Zuri]

LaGringa, it truly sounds as though this guy has some issues. Assuming you know his name, sleuth him for your own personal knowledge. Bizarre behavior does alert our primal part of the brain as something is not right and to be alert. Often times, it is nothing, but you never know.

The gossiping and shirtlessness may be indicative of needing to feel important and an attention getting behavior. Sounds like there are some mental health issues too. I think it is perfect that you don’t engage and are cordial.

[microbovine]

Please be careful and listen to your gut feelings.

[LookmaNohands]

[QUOTE=MMorgan;7759111]
LookmaNoHands, your creepy guy sounds especially creepy. Can you share more about what you found and what eventually happened?[/QUOTE]

MMorgan–No. Because what happened is not as important as how to recognize people with bad intentions. Not all bad people are creepy either.

What IS important is learning to trust your gut and in the words of Gavin DeBecker, recognizing that true fear is a gift and unwarranted fear is a curse. His books teach you how to tell the difference. What makes him such an expert is that he spent his childhood having to predict whether his drug addicted mother was serious when she was waving a gun around and taking pot shots at the walls of the house and when she was just blowing off steam. The night that Gavin grabbed his little sister and went out the window was the night his mother later shot and killed her boyfriend and then herself.

Just as successful horse people have learned the body language of horses and can often predict what horses will do next and so are safer than others who cannot do this, so too are people who can read body language and action of predatory people.

While horse people look at tension in the body, high head, whites of the eye showing etc, Debecker has a list of things to look for as well. They include: forced teaming, charm and niceness, two many details, typecasting, loan sharking, unsolicited promise and discounting the word, “no.”

If you are interested in keeping yourself safe, especially your kids, I urge you to read these books!

http://gavindebecker.com/

[JanM]

He sounds like the boyfriend, so-called husband of a relative of mine. He was late 60’s but always had tight shirts, with most of the buttons undone. I always assumed that he thought he was much more attractive than he really was, and was a very self involved person. He was harmless, but kind of creepy at the same time. In his case I suspect he had low self esteem, and it was a way to make himself the center of attention. However, in your case listen to your gut, don’t interact with him as much as you can avoid it, and if you are the only person at that part of the barn, either go where other people are, or finish quickly and leave. The little voice of warning in your head is something to listen to. Be safe.

[blujen]

Don’t discount your feelings. I don’t board anymore but when I did I ran into more than one character like this, who just won’t or can’t obey social norms. Maybe it’s not his fault, but maybe it is. Keep on as you are, use the absolute minimum of politeness that you can. You’re at the barn to do your thing, and not to chat with him. You don’t owe him your time and he doesn’t own your horse or the space she’s in.

Keep your phone handy - and if you MUST interact with him remember this one simple phrase that will usually quickly sort the real creeps from the socially inept.

“You’re making me uncomfortable”. When the creep blocks your way out of the tack room “accidentally” you say “you’re making me uncomfortable, please step away from the door and let me saddle my horse”. When the creep stands too close while chatting “you’re making me uncomfortable, please step back and let me do what I came here to do”.

What i’ve noticed is that the socially inept people will be HORRIFIED that they’ve made you uncomfortable, comply, and apologize, and NEVER repeat the offense. Creeps will generally obey, but call you a name, or linger just that one moment longer because they LIKE making you uncomfortable. If that happens, then you really should tell the BO so that they can do something.

I’ve run into both responses more than once. The ones who were horrified generally avoided me for weeks or months, then would slowly begin to be around me again, but be overtly careful around me. The creeps kept being creeps unless they got kicked out.

[clanter]

creepy spammer reported

[Palm_Beach]

Thanks, @clanter . I get so sucked into these stupid old threads.

I sincerely hope the OP is not highly offended by the shirtless rednecks in VA and has found her kind.

[511]

La Gringa - listen to the creepy vibe.
I had one with a recent boarder who struck me as ‘off’’ the one time I spoke with her, she did not last a month at the stable before being asked to leave. this is only hearsay but from what I gather she was homeless (with a horse- go figure) and would sit in the tack shed for hours threatened other borders, either talked down or worse about the therapy riders, probably more, you need to be pretty bad to be kicked out of the boarding stable I have my horses.
Oh shoot this thread is five years old.

[Sansena]

You know? I’d love to see an update to this zombie thread, from OP.

[Scribbler]

All I’d add as a general statement to this zombie post, is: trust your gut that someone is creepy or NQR in some way, but also realize that they may not actually be a danger to you personally, especially if you don’t engage.

So I would stay polite but brisk, say hello but be too busy to chat, and I definitely would bring it up in a low key way with the barn manager.

Sometimes if you get too freaked out by the NQR, they pick up on this and maybe get offended and then things escalate. Staying brisk but surface polite and not lingering around them is best.

Honestly there is nothing to be gained trying to befriend the NQR unless you are their case worker and even then it’s within professional bounds.

I lived inner city/ skid road for years and also did literacy work in that environment. I’ve got pretty good craycray radar and while it pings less in my suburban and exurban life these days, it’s still a useful 6th sense. I’ve actually never been wrong when it pings. I’ve never misjudged someone as creepy or craycray or NQR and then had to retract. And I ve watched other people get into long term conflict with folks I steer clear of.

Trust your craydar and act to minimize contact and conflict, but don’t panic.