Crimes against Felinity! (A guilty vent)

[mvp]

Oh, the Felinity!

The vent comes first. You can skip if you like to the question below.

The pet store connected to the shelter that owns Fraidy Foster Cat called and said they wanted her back. She has been with me for 4 months and no adopters have wanted to do the ol’ follow-through. To meet Fraidy, they would have had to see her on line, call the store, call me, maybe make and appointment…. too much work for a first date with a cat.

Fair enough. But! The plan is to send her back to the same situation that was not conducive to her chillage or good behavior.

I feel like I have LIED TO A CAT during the time she was with me and made her like me.

As a wannabe Cat Professional, I know that I can either write a check for the cat or shut up. It’s their cat, they get to do what they like. I also know that “it costs as much money to feed a good cat as a bad cat.” In this case, adopting this cat would mean 5-10 years or so of no cat cuddling since she’d do best as an only cat and she’s a mere 9 years old. I’m selfish enough that I don’t want to do that.

Sigh.

The question:

How do you guys-- particular you foster-ers and various Cat Professionals-- cope with sending an animal back into the sh!te from whence it came?

[oliverreed]

No advice aqs I have never had to do this but this just s*&ks. So sorry.

[D_BaldStockings]

Don’t get into foster relationships with sh!tes.

Buy or do not; there is no comfortable foster if cat could go back.

[JanM]

Think of yourself going forward, and ask yourself if you can live with the fact you sent the cat back to the situation it came from. If you can’t live with that, then keep the cat. If you can live with it (and I’m betting you can’t), then send the cat back.

[JBD]

That’s super strange to ask that a foster be returned to a shelter situation. If they don’t have events where you can drop the cat off for a few hours, it’s not your fault the cat isn’t getting adoption appointments.
We have fostered over a dozen dogs and tried to balance at risk with adoptability because we knew if we had them for any length of time, we were going to keep them. Our first foster was a beat up old stray we found and turned in to the local no kill shelter. Totally not adoptable so we ended up adopting him. RIP Nick.

It is unfair that your good deed is putting you and the cat in a bad situation. I’d say do what you can live with best. And if you do keep this cat, there may be lots of cuddles to be had in other cat volunteer situations.

Edited to add: just because she’d do best as an only cat doesn’t mean you can’t get another. We have one very anti social cat and we got another. 99% of the time it’s not an issue.

[JoZ]

[QUOTE=mvp;7573235]
How do you guys-- particular you foster-ers and various Cat Professionals-- cope with sending an animal back into the sh!te from whence it came?[/QUOTE]

I haven’t faced this EXACT situation but enough similar ones to be able to answer unequivocally that I would keep the cat. Sometimes it’s not about you (not you-you, mvp, but the global you). Sometimes it’s about the kittehs. And I can also say with complete truth and certainty that I’ve never been sorry.

[oliverreed]

If it were me I would keep her.

[mvp]

Thank you all for your input. I’ll get to that.

In the meantime, more Crimes Against Felinity to confess.

I swear to God, these were unintentional.

1. 'Fraidy (who is delightfully curious and has been trying to go outside… but following the rules) did escape Monday night. I thought she had come in since she’s insecure out there and really does come when called.

That was not the case…. as I discovered at 3.11 am when cat screams woke me up. I went out there to get her. She came when called, thank God.

She’s not my cat to allow outside (though I do have my own political views on that), so it was bad, bad, bad that she got out and was left out. (Who does that? So irresponsible.)

2. Cathead is hiding all day Monday. I figure I can’t send her back like this. I must thaw her out, so I tell the pet store a white lie to buy her some time to chill.

Oh, and that’s not the crime. The Crime Against Felinity, is that I finally check her out and find Official Cuts and Scratches on her! An actual fight happened!

So now I am still working on restoring kitteh mentally and physically before I return her. I had been so responsible and good for 4 months with their cat and now at the last minute I let damage happen.

[redkat]

Do they have events you could drop her off for? I have definitely had fosters who did MUCH better living at home and spending 3-4 hours with me cuddling them at the pet store. Some of my scardiest got wonderful homes this way. (Who doesn’t love a suddenly cuddly, scared kitty clinging to “foster mom.”)

See if you can strike a deal that allows her to stay at home to be able to chill out and be comfy, but still go to “daycare” at the adoption place on weekends. A little extra work for you, but it will give kitty a good chance of being seen.

I almost kept two of them. One little orange dude was like, my orange dude 2.0. As in, if he hadn’t had white on his chest I probably wouldn’t have been able to tell them apart once they were the same size. Same personality. Just a good little dude, SUCH a sweetie. Not really comfortable around people yet, but I was working on him. A complete basketcase in public. He was awful - hid and hissed and shook. I just wanted to stop it all for him, so I decided I would go and hold him and if he didn’t find a home in a month of my doing that, I would keep him.

With me snuggling him, he found a nice lap with a very kind senior lady who still sends me pictures of her favorite buddy (who is over the moon happy with HIS lady.)

[JanM]

It’s obvious that she wants to stay. Be careful about asking for a cuddly cat, or you’ll have ten left on your doorstep by sundown.

[mvp]

[QUOTE=JanM;7575175]
It’s obvious that she wants to stay. Be careful about asking for a cuddly cat, or you’ll have ten left on your doorstep by sundown.[/QUOTE]

Oh no, I don’t have that kind of karmic pull. We have talked about this before on Cat Threads. Other people ask God for cuddly cats and he sends them, just about FedExes them to their door. Not me. Instead, God makes me walk barefoot to the shelter in the snow, up hill both ways.

I will say that I have met a couple of cats recently to whom I wanted to give a ring. And I did not because I was trying to be a good foster home. As the second one sits there and I continue to do this “love 'em and (they) leave” thing, I start to get a little crazy for a long term relationship with a 20# cuddler.

[mvp]

redkat and others:

Thank you so much for your “thinking outside the box” suggestions! I’m really glad I started this thread because I would not have thought of those things.

One more whack idea: You fans of psychopharmaceuticals for pets, does Fraidy/Too Busy Cat sounds like a candidate for Kitty Prozac to you?

I don’t know jack about it. I can re-describe her behavior if that would help. The only reason I ask is because her reactivity (not her basic personality) is The Thing that keeps her from behaving well enough to get a home. And right now, living in a too-busy environment is her lot if life. I’m not above using chemistry to help her help herself get through this bottleneck in life.

I ask, too, because I’m not sure anyone else involved will. The folks in charge mean well, but aren’t ambitious or creative…. enough… for this hard-case cat. No one has asked my opinion and I don’t get to make this kind of decision. But what the heck? it costs me nothing to explore the topic, educate myself and perhaps suggest it to them.

[AllWeatherGal]

[QUOTE=mvp;7574968]

So now I am still working on restoring kitteh mentally and physically before I return her. I had been so responsible and good for 4 months with their cat and now at the last minute I let damage happen.[/QUOTE]

From here, it looks like she wants to be your cat.

[LauraKY]

Have you asked why they want her back? That’s very strange.

[Alagirl]

As to the cuddle aspect…you never know.
The Bun showed up one day at my door step. Determined to get INSIDE, but not cuddly. I could pick her up, but it was not her thing. Having 2 others that cuddle, and stuff to do, I just let her be. She was good with me, soso with The Kid, and would have nothing to do with DH…
It took about three years. She still does not like to be picked up (as if I cared, she is the softest kitty I ever had, almost like a bunny - but that’s not why she’s called The Bun - she has to endure snuggles a few times a week) but does snuggle up with DH, in the crook of his arm when he watches TV, like his own personal football :lol:

So you can’t go by the status quo to predict kitty behavior down the road…
Of course, Tuna helped to get her there…

[JanM]

mvp-No karma or divine intervention is involved. If you don’t watch out you’ll have a ringing doorbell, screeching tires, and look out to see a bunch of carriers lined up on your doorstep. All full of cuddly kitties, and they all want to live with you. The power of COTH is immense, and you better be careful what you wish for.

[redkat]

[QUOTE=mvp;7575204]
redkat and others:

Thank you so much for your “thinking outside the box” suggestions! I’m really glad I started this thread because I would not have thought of those things.

One more whack idea: You fans of psychopharmaceuticals for pets, does Fraidy/Too Busy Cat sounds like a candidate for Kitty Prozac to you?

I don’t know jack about it. I can re-describe her behavior if that would help. The only reason I ask is because her reactivity (not her basic personality) is The Thing that keeps her from behaving well enough to get a home. And right now, living in a too-busy environment is her lot if life. I’m not above using chemistry to help her help herself get through this bottleneck in life.

I ask, too, because I’m not sure anyone else involved will. The folks in charge mean well, but aren’t ambitious or creative…. enough… for this hard-case cat. No one has asked my opinion and I don’t get to make this kind of decision. But what the heck? it costs me nothing to explore the topic, educate myself and perhaps suggest it to them.[/QUOTE]

Maybe re-describe what she’s doing. I’ve never used prozac for “busy” or “scardey,” only for violent/attackey. As in, the cat was a candidate for “My Cat From Hell” and I have scars to prove it.

Scardey is (usually) pretty easy. I say usually, because each cat is after all, a snowflake.

How much do you play with her?

[mvp]

[QUOTE=LauraKY;7575376]
Have you asked why they want her back? That’s very strange.[/QUOTE]

I know!

To me, you don’t go backwards, “doing the same thing and expecting different results.”

I’m not sure I have the whole story, but it does look to me like they are doing this. And that is what bugs me. I know there’s a home for this cat out there and that she’ll make someone a great project cat. She’s so nice when not in that pet store environment. (And to be clear: their set-up is very nice for most cats. They have success with them.) But there should be a better plan for getting her through this bottleneck period of her life.

Maybe they have made changes that I don’t know about, or do have a Facebook campaign planned. I’ll get the fuller story when I see them later this week.

From what I can gather from that first phone call when they asked for her back, they had some cats get adopted and had space. To be fair, they are buying her food since she eats high-end stuff. She should get off their books and I think they were just trying to move forward with that. We had a plan in which people who saw her on-line would be told to call me for more info or an appointment. I did speak to a few people but that all seems to be too much work. I believe that the petstore folks think that someone needs to be able to walk in and see her. She is pretty.

My plan (as for past cats I had rehabbed) is to go over there and pet her as often as I can so that she stays socialized. I don’t know if this will make a difference. They let her out into their small office and hang out with her sometimes at the end of the day. Maybe this contact will help her.

And don’t freak out, folks! If she doesn’t get snapped up, I can always go over there and write a check…. for a decade of no cat cuddling.

[mvp]

[QUOTE=Alagirl;7575387]
As to the cuddle aspect…you never know.
The Bun showed up one day at my door step. Determined to get INSIDE, but not cuddly. I could pick her up, but it was not her thing. Having 2 others that cuddle, and stuff to do, I just let her be. She was good with me, soso with The Kid, and would have nothing to do with DH…
It took about three years. She still does not like to be picked up (as if I cared, she is the softest kitty I ever had, almost like a bunny - but that’s not why she’s called The Bun - she has to endure snuggles a few times a week) but does snuggle up with DH, in the crook of his arm when he watches TV, like his own personal football :lol:

So you can’t go by the status quo to predict kitty behavior down the road…
Of course, Tuna helped to get her there…[/QUOTE]

This is a nice way to go. I had wanted to test-drive Fraidy Cat with another “non-competitive” cat to see if we could do some kind of polygamous cat relationship. The other cat would satisfy my cuddling needs and she could stay and chill (or not) at her own pace.

Had these guys not asked for her back right now, my plan was to start doing this… with some foster kittens or a big black slug of a slacker male. I’m on good terms with the shelter and I have “rent to own” privileges with their cats.

[Renn_aissance]

MVP, that wants to be your cat.

I couldn’t send a cat back to a crappy situation. Do you know anybody who needs a kitteh, or can have one more kitteh? Would you be able to create a Fraidy Adoption Process from within your home?

If you want to assist with the airfare, a big black slug of a tom just showed up at my mother’s house. He’s terrorizing her big pink tabby stupid tom (not that black cat is doing anything- Michi is afraid of anything that moves and most things that don’t) and she’d rather he not stay. Of course her two present cats are at least partially outdoor critters so there’s a big bowl of kibble outdoors at all hours. That cat’s going nowhere.