Daughter just quit riding; Update Post#151

[red_mares]

If it makes you feel better, 2 weekends ago my sister, mom & I were at the barn together. It was DS’ toddler’s introduction to ponies. My sister hasn’t been on a horse in forever, but was fascinated by the guys breaking a horse to drive. “More interesting than looking at little foals”:lol: I wish she would have stayed another 20 minutes; my horse did more ‘interesting’ things between the shafts than the one hooked for the first time.

Not only was she the only one in the family not to have been bitten by the horse bug, she’s allergic to them.:eek:

But, really good on you for not forcing the issue with your daughter.

[IronwoodFarm]

The OP is doing the right thing. I don’t have a daughter, but certainly did try to get IF Jr. interested in riding. He never was and I just let it alone. Fortunately he is willing to work with horses on the ground and is very good at loading. He’s actually become more interested in the farm as he has grown older, probably because he figures he may want to operate it as a business. We’ll see.

[FatCatFarm]

Thanks. It was grand while it lasted.

[Appsolute]

I am going to be another that is going to give praise to the OP for seeing the writing on the wall and not “forcing” riding.

I agree - the horse bug is something you are born with, or you aren’t.

I saw WAY TOO MANY “horse moms” force the horse riding thing on their disinterested children when I was in Pony Club. Riding, unlike many other sports is about a partnership with a living, breathing, feeling animal. Its unfair to force a horse to “partner” with a kid that wants no part of it.

Now, as adults, I am still friends with many of those “kids”. NONE of them ride, not a single one. Their moms? The moms are still involved with horses, but as the kids grew up - and were able to make their own choices, they left horses behind.

I agree, pushing her to stick with something would be a good idea - but its hard to do if nothing lights her fire. Its easy to stay dedicated to a “passion” pretty hard to stay motivated when you are doing it for someone else.

[PeteyPie]

It’s really too bad she doesn’t share your passion and you will have to sell your sweet pony. But there is one bright side to her lack of focus. Think Renaissance Girl. If you make her stick with each activity long enough she will grow up to be well-educated in many areas. Isn’t that something we want for our children?

I know I am not looking for a child who turns out to be a professional tennis player but I hope to see an adult who can play tennis, swim well, go skiing with friends, hold his own in a game of Horse, play a game of soccer on a family outing, and teach his own child how to throw a ball. I want him to know how to catch, groom and ride a horse. Most of all, I want him to grow up to be physically active in a way that will promote his health and well-being.

Another thing is something a youth coach told me when I was lamenting the same lack of passion, “You just need to keep trying different sports. Not every kid loves basketball, but if they are exposed to several things, they will find their niche.” Maybe he didn’t say niche. I’m inventing that. He was a big gruff guy. But you get the idea.

Like others, I did insist that he finish the course and I explained that until you get some level of skill, no sport is fun, so you have to stick with it for at least six months. Maybe I should have required eighteen? Ahh, we parents are always second guessing ourselves.

[SmartAlex]

[QUOTE=FatCatFarm;7697392]
She has been doing it since she was 4 as like any good horse crazy Mom, she had a pony even before she arrived. :o[/QUOTE]

Not to hijack but…I was thinking about this the other day. When I was a toddler, my mother and grandmother each had a broodmare and I was allowed to sit on them and now and then ride in front of my mother. I wanted a pony so bad it hurt. I had an imaginary pony. I got a real live pony on my 4th birthday and I never looked back.

My younger sister grew up with hand-me-down ponies/horses. She wasn’t born passionate about horses like I apparently was, but over the years has come and gone from showing. She bought a lot of horses that I ended up showing because she didn’t have the passion. In our 20s she was a dedicated groom for me at home and the shows but struggled with having the guts to compete. In her 30s finances and time pushed her away from it completely.

Now my sister has an 18 mo daughter. Baby loves to go to the barn and has had a few lead line sessions on the big horses. She rides her rocking horse and drums it’s sides with her heels and demands “Trot…Trot…Trot”. My mother is brain washing her to like horses…who can blame her.

Now my mother is looking for a pony for her. My first feeling was “ she will never have the experience of WANTING a pony so bad it hurts.” I’m actually afraid that giving her a pony now will be just too easy. I know that having an appropriate pony will be fun and safe for her to begin on but still… I think it’s too soon.

Opinions?

[red_mares]

My niece is just a couple months older than your niece. If she didn’t live out of state, Grandma would have her at the barn weekly. Before they moved, she did spend quite a bit of time at the barn, but was too little to notice.

While I’d love for her to grow up with what I didn’t have (pony), I think you’re right. When I was little, other than the zoo ponies, we never got to run around any barn. I see some of the tiny up-downers and cringe. I don’t think waiting until 6 or 7 (or 8 or 9) is a bad thing. At least there’s less chance of burnout at 14.

But brainwashing the child of my non-horse loving sister into a horse lover has a wonderfully evil appeal to it.

[FatCatFarm]

[QUOTE=SmartAlex;7697746]

Now my mother is looking for a pony for her. My first feeling was “ she will never have the experience of WANTING a pony so bad it hurts.” I’m actually afraid that giving her a pony now will be just too easy. I know that having an appropriate pony will be fun and safe for her to begin on but still… I think it’s too soon.

Opinions?[/QUOTE]

Obviously I am guilty of whatever it is, but I prefer to think of it as providing opportunity rather than brain washing. Again, you’ve either got the horse crazy bug or you don’t. I don’t think people who are just ambivalent about it truly have it either. I would call my daughter ambivalent. She likes horses just fine but they don’t complete her existence the way they do for me.

Seriously, I’ve only not had horses for approximately 2 yrs of my entire life! And I had my sisters’ hand-me-down pony from the time I was a very tiny tot so I don’t think the absence of wanting was a factor. I just knew that horses were the best thing ever as far as I was concerned.

I vividly remember as a snotty 8 year old brushing off feeding the horses one night which my older sister copped to the next morning and read me the rioit act, rightfully so, and told me that if I EVER did that again, I didn’t deserve to have a horse and scared the crap out of me. I’ve pretty much been feeding horses every day, at least twice a day for 40 years now with the exception of said 2 yr period in young adulthood.

[alto]

@FatCatFarm;7697777

She likes horses just fine but they don’t complete her existence the way they do for me.

This describes many successful recreational riders, you sound as if you’ve made up your mind, but I encourage you to change out the lesson with your coach/riding with you, for her riding with kids in her peer group, doing gymkhana etc

[FatCatFarm]

But alto she’s had both opportunities and she’s still ambivalent. We trail ride and she likes it fine, but again, isn’t enthusiastic about it. I coach her at home between lessons and you can just tell, her heart is not in it. She rides with other kids and enjoys it okay but she’s not asking to go and do it again. She’s been competitive and has enjoyed the shows she’s gone to too, but there again, she is not initiating wanting to do the work or wanting to go do it again. She has zero interest in moving up from amoeba to tadpole and is something of a timid kid and frankly, I think it kind of spooks her any time it goes beyond her comfort zone. The fact that she shows her pony zero attention/affection unless prompted is what bugs me most. He’s just not on her radar. She likes him like a stuffed animal. Something that you set aside unless and until you want to play with it, and that’s just not how it’s supposed to be in my book.

I didn’t get to take lessons as a kid and as the horses were home kept, I didn’t have the benefit of horse keeping being a social event either. Still I rode my pony/horse for miles and miles to visit friends or just to lose myself in the woods for hours. We have 17 acres and access to 800 acres of water authority property next door that she could ride on. Again, she takes no initiative to do this on her own. This to me says it’s not her thing. :shrugs:

[SmartAlex]

I’m glad to hear you think you’re either born with it or not. When I go to my mother’s to ride and niece is there, her first words on seeing me are “shoes!” and after she has found and applied the necessary “shoes” her next word is “Barn!” and off she goes. I am hoping that she is born with the bug and will be careful not to overload her with my fantasies… I’m not even shopping for a tiny sidesaddle yet.

The first complete sentence I’ve heard out of her, although she got the pronoun wrong was “What is that horse?” pointing to my grey out grazing. We have two greys. She is still learning to tell them apart.

[saddleup]

I advise my friends to wait until their children or grandchildren beg, plead, barter, and ultimately WORK for the privilege of having a horse. I think if you give them one, especially if it’s what you would love for them to do, it often turns out badly. In retrospect I think my husband and I were too eager for our daughter to get into horses, even though she’s the one who broached the subject. If she would have proven her interest with more effort and time perhaps she’d have stuck with it.

Or maybe not.

[pologirl27]

Wow I looked at your farm page…that is one cute pony!! And you can tell he has some real dressage talent, not just a cute pony getting scored well because the judge is entertained! Man, if only I could shrink.

[Wonders12]

[QUOTE=FatCatFarm;7697301]
there is no point of hanging on to him or her stuff when he could be bringing some other child joy and who truly has been bitten by the horse bug. [/QUOTE]

Just keep reminding yourself this.

[SmartAlex]

[QUOTE=pologirl27;7698307]
Wow I looked at your farm page…that is one cute pony!! [/QUOTE]

Sure is! But I’m crushing on the buckskin.

[FatCatFarm]

[QUOTE=pologirl27;7698307]
Wow I looked at your farm page…that is one cute pony!! And you can tell he has some real dressage talent, not just a cute pony getting scored well because the judge is entertained! Man, if only I could shrink.[/QUOTE]

Thanks. He is definitely one super dude. He’s been shown at Devon in hand and was even an ad model for State Line Tack while Charlie Moorcroft had him in Wellington, FL doing small children’s hunter flat classes. Hopefully for some other kid he will be their dream come true because he really is that nice. He looks like the uber cute Welsh stallion Wedderlie Mardi Gras and stood at stud at Durley Hall Stud in the UK before being castrated and sold to the US. Like I said, I would have been over the moon for him as a child but my kid just doesn’t really appreciate what a gem he is. Such a shame.

[FatCatFarm]

[QUOTE=SmartAlex;7698567]
Sure is! But I’m crushing on the buckskin.[/QUOTE]

Thank you! Joey is my heart horse.

[FatCatFarm]

[QUOTE=trubandloki;7697319]
You can always lease out the pony.[/QUOTE]

I am now offering him to lease as well as for sale.

Question: In a lease arrangement, who pays for what in the way of routine care (shots, worming, farrier) and vet care, if required?

[SmartAlex]

[QUOTE=FatCatFarm;7698606]
Question: In a lease arrangement, who pays for what in the way of routine care (shots, worming, farrier) and vet care, if required?[/QUOTE]

That will vary on your agreement but make sure you outline it in the agreement. When I leased a horse routine care and vet care were my responsibility and the lease stipulated that I had to carry medical and replacement insurance on the horse for X amount.

[whitney159]

[QUOTE=BEARCAT;7697453]
Too bad she can’t take a few vaulting lessons (gymnastics + horse!)[/QUOTE]

This was exactly what I was thinking too! Mixes the gymnastics with the horses!

You know if my daughter was a couple years older I would JUMP on leasing that pony from you! He is TOO cute!

Chase looks adorable too, are those large dinner plates you have strapped to the bottom of his feet, or does he actually have feet as big as they look in the video?