Daughter just quit riding; Update Post#151

[FatCatFarm]

She is 9 and now I’ve got to sell her pony and it’s killing me! :no: He’s a little fairy pony Section A Welsh who is to die for adorable. One of the BEST PONIES EVER and she couldn’t care less! It’s like casting off old clothes. I would have KILLED for a pony this nice as a kid! But it’s just not her thing and I’m not going to be one of those parents to make her do something when her heart really isn’t in it. She’s so fickle though. She quit gymnastics to start taking lessons and showing, and now she is quitting riding to go back to gymnastics and wants to go out for cheerleading next year. I have my doubts about how long the gymnastics will last this time around too, but we’ll see.

It’s a shame, as she’s a really good rider, but if not prompted will not give her pony the time of day, so there is no point of hanging on to him or her stuff when he could be bringing some other child joy and who truly has been bitten by the horse bug. She told me on Saturday that she was just doing it to please and spend time with me. Sweet. But the writing was on the wall as she just never took the initiative to ride on her own. Me, I was crawling up on ponies from practically a toddler on. I’m going to cry when that pony leaves.

[saddleup]

My daughter did the same thing, only she was 14 at the time. After saying she wanted a horse, and riding for a couple of years, she just lost interest. By that time I was too attached to sell him, though, and he lived with me until he died at 27. She’d never even go out and give him a pat.

With a lot of girls horses are a passing phase. As passionate horse lovers we moms often can’t understand their fickle disinterest. It sounds like your pony is worth its weight in gold, and deserves to go to a young person who’ll appreciate him.

[trubandloki]

You can always lease out the pony.

[FatCatFarm]

I’ve thought about a lease but I’m not sure it makes any sense for my situation given my own riding goals and full time work schedule unfortunately.

[Remington410]

Ditto - my daughter did the same. We purchased an older horse for her who had a secondary purpose of being a companion for my retired horse, so when she lost interest we weren’t worried about having to sell. She’s flitted from soccer to softball to riding to 4H and now on to drama. Nothing sticks….

I always told her she didn’t have to ride for me, but you can’t help but hope they’ll have that shared interest….

[GotSpots]

One thought- my folks always made me stick with any activity for a year or 18 months before I could quit. In hindsight, they always said that it would’ve been a lot cheaper had they let me quit riding 9 months in! But jokes aside, there’s a lot to be said for building stick-to-it-tive-ness, and you noted that your daughter has a pattern of quitting one thing for the next great activity. You’ve likely already thought through this - and obviously I don’t know you or your daughter or the specific circumstances here - but you might consider if there’s a habit here of not staying with things when they get tough/hard/less easy etc, and ask if that’s something you might want to address.

[bornfreenowexpensive]

[QUOTE=GotSpots;7697353]
One thought- my folks always made me stick with any activity for a year or 18 months before I could quit. In hindsight, they always said that it would’ve been a lot cheaper had they let me quit riding 9 months in! But jokes aside, there’s a lot to be said for building stick-to-it-tive-ness, and you noted that your daughter has a pattern of quitting one thing for the next great activity. You’ve likely already thought through this - and obviously I don’t know you or your daughter or the specific circumstances here - but you might consider if there’s a habit here of not staying with things when they get tough/hard/less easy etc, and ask if that’s something you might want to address.[/QUOTE]

Ditto…I wasn’t permitted to quit either. Now riding I always wanted to do…but other sports I was MADE to do. So if we signed up for Gymnastics…I had to stick to gymnastics for the year. My mom made me go out for Volleyball, basketball and other team sports as well. And I had to play for two seasons (I started team sports like that at age 9–before that I did gymnastics, dance, swimming etc). I’m very glad she didn’t let me quit and I ended up playing several varsity sports. But if left to my own device…yeah, I’d not done anything but the horses. And I know a lot of girls who found “boys” at 13-14 and lost interest in the horses. It is the rare few that really have the passion.

But horses are different…and I wasn’t allowed my own horse until much older–too expensive where we lived. And I had to really want it. If they don’t…you can not make them passionate. But I think it is very typical for kids to be fickle and not passionate–espcially at 9 or 10. And I’m glad that my mom did install that stick-to-itness…because I’m pretty sure that I threw more than one temper tantrum and whined a lot…

Sorry that you have to sell the pony…but he will make someone else very happy. Good luck finding something that your daughter will be passionate about!

[midstride]

Whenever I wanted to try another sport/activity, my parents said I had to give up horses…so yeah…no question here. But, I know plenty of horse-crazy girls that gave up their horses and ponies for cars and boys. She might come back to it, she might not.

I want her move up mare tho! wow was she striking!

[FatCatFarm]

She has been doing it since she was 4 as like any good horse crazy Mom, she had a pony even before she arrived. :o And her actions speak volumes to me: that it’s just not something she loves nor has she been bitten by the horse crazy bug. It’s become an issue of conflict so I am picking my battle and not fighting this one as in, I am not going to make her continue to do something she really doesn’t enjoy. It’s not fair to her or to the pony.

As to the whole quitting thing, honestly, most kids do this. I did because my parents wouldn’t let me take riding lessons which was the one thing I wanted most. To them, I was lucky just to have a horse which was expensive enough as it was and god forbid lessons too was my frugal but clueless father’s reasoning. Anyway, like a lot of kids today, she would happily spend all of her time in front of the computer or television, so my rule is that she must do a physical activity of some sort. Swimming, gymnastics, and tennis came up (she’s already tried dance and soccer in addition to gymnastics once before), and she chose gymnastics again and seems enchanted with the whole cheerleading bit. So, I’ll buy a block of lessons and she has to complete what’s paid for before she’s allowed to quit. Yes, I think a lot of kids are just plain lazy and don’t want to do the work to become better at whatever given discipline which is why I am SO not buying a piano.

[pony_grandma]

[QUOTE=FatCatFarm;7697336]
I’ve thought about a lease but I’m not sure it makes any sense for my situation given my own riding goals and full time work schedule unfortunately.[/QUOTE]

oh darn. I was going to suggest you learning to drive with him! I didn’t get ‘my pony’ until I was 56 and that’s what I’ve done with him.

[FatCatFarm]

[QUOTE=midstride;7697388]

I want her move up mare tho! wow was she striking![/QUOTE]

The “move-up” mare, Friesian Sport Horse gelding (no, my husband isn’t riding either) and the adorable Welsh pony are all for sale. Will just be keeping my geldings, the grey TB broodmare and the minis. The “move-up” mare, Kitty, is to-die-for sweet. Once she gains about 200lbs, will be a real looker and she just floats when she moves.

Ah well, I tried.

[FatCatFarm]

[QUOTE=pony grandma;7697396]
oh darn. I was going to suggest you learning to drive with him! I didn’t get ‘my pony’ until I was 56 and that’s what I’ve done with him. :D[/QUOTE]

My Mini Mare pulls an adorable pink cart. But the cart and the mini only get limited use because we do not have a lot of property to get out and enjoy our cart with, but I am keeping those as it is fun when we do it and the minis and the cart are very cheap to keep, just because.

[alto]

She’s 9, skip the shows, stick to weekly lessons & 3-4 rides a week as an activity that you do together, look for someone to part-lease at which point kid can move to weekly lesson + 1-2 rides a week with you.
Re-assess next year.

Maybe also look at different things she can do with her pony - liberty play, agility, obstacle classes etc.
Does she have a group of kids that she does pony stuff with?

[red_mares]

Sometimes quitting is the best thing that can happen. I started playing violin in 2nd grade. Beginning of 4th grade I quit. By the end of the year, I was begging to play again, and did so all the way through high school. I still play occasionally.

There’s a kid where I ride that has been riding for 10 years; she’s 14. I think she’s just burned out. She doesn’t pay attention and has fallen off a couple times this year. Her parents bought her a $$ new horse in the spring, that she will never ride (scared of him after a fall). I truly think the best thing would be for her to have an enforced 6 month sabbatical from horses - no barns, no horse, no lessons, no nothing. She needs to want it.

[pologirl27]

Yeah, can’t relate! Once I started taking lessons there was no looking back. At that age I LIVED for my weekly lesson. I got a little extra horse time helping groom my parents shared TB, but I rarely got to ride her until I was about 12 and big enough. I desperately wanted my own pony, but we lived in suburban NoVA and it made more sense for my parents to own a horse they could both ride than get a pony for me.

Maybe team sports would be more fun?

[bornfreenowexpensive]

absolutely…don’t force her to stay into horses. That isn’t a battle worth having. My point was more the constant quitting of other activities. I aways wanted to ride…but was also required to do well in school and participate in other sports. The passion about the riding did give my parents pretty good control/leverage over me.

[FatCatFarm]

[QUOTE=alto;7697408]
She’s 9, skip the shows, stick to weekly lessons & 3-4 rides a week as an activity that you do together, look for someone to part-lease at which point kid can move to weekly lesson + 1-2 rides a week with you.
Re-assess next year.

Maybe also look at different things she can do with her pony - liberty play, agility, obstacle classes etc.
Does she have a group of kids that she does pony stuff with?[/QUOTE]

I think a love of horses is something you either have or you don’t and she just don’t. :no: Unfortunately. If she showed any interest in her pony of her own volition, I would happily keep him for her to enjoy however she chose to do so, but it simply is not there. She’s not riding well in her lessons and again, that’s not fair to the pony. We ride with the same coach and it’s making our outings stressful. She’s doing it just to please me, and while admirable, it’s wrong. Like I said above, if she has a change of heart down the road, I’ll have an extra horse around that can be enjoyed by her if she so chooses. But I’m not holding my breath. And I will give her the opportunities to hopefully find something she really does enjoy even if it’s bouncing up and down with a pair of pom-poms in her hands. :sigh:

[marianne]

I have been down this road too with my child. I do think that if she was first-born then you may have been living vicariously through her. Too often we as parents think we are providing opportunities but in reality we are pushing in a direction the child does not want to go. My kid is now an adult and yes she does have riding opportunities and will ride more when she gets out of college but will she complete or take lessons ore what, who knows.

[BEARCAT]

Too bad she can’t take a few vaulting lessons (gymnastics + horse!)

[Running_Fox_Farm]

God bless ya Mom for not trying to do your riding through her!! It’s hard when it’s what you wanted and it’s what you want for them and they’re pretty good at it, and they throw it away.I can sympathize, as I have a son that multiple reputable trainers have proclaimed to be " talented" who won’t even go feed now. It’s really annoying to me, as I would have killed for the opportunities this kid has had presented to him, but- oh well… if the interest isn’t there it isn’t. I still have 2 ponis of his that I love to pieces. Thank God I don’t have to pay board.