Have you tried lunging, and then light hacking your mare in the field? Perhaps it is the “work” just as much as the location that makes her an unhappy camper.
Why not try a week of loose rein hacking with big loopy circles and changes of direction? Don’t get in her face; use voice and weight to slow her down.
Make being in the field FUN.
OP is feel your pain. I have a wonderful Connemara/QH gelding that is fabulous. I bred him, raised him and have been apart of every single step of his 11 years. However, he and I do not particularly get along under saddle. I love him to pieces, he’s my baby, my first official horse. I have thought about selling him many times. I have even gotten to the point of putting him up on some sales sites, but as soon as I get an email from a prospective buyer, I freak out and just can’t do it.
However, I am very lucky in that this horse is an AMAZING lesson horse and loves his job as a lesson horse. He is really quite good at jumping around the maiden-novice CT’s and the Maiden - BN HT’s with my junior riders and even a few adult ammies. That is what allows me to keep him, so I am luckily enough to have the best of both worlds. I don’t feel the pressure of having to ride him (because he gets plenty of exercise) and I still get to see him every single day. I also have the luxury that as the assistant trainer at the farm we are at, I get to be apart of his continual education through teaching me students on him.
I truly feel your pain. It is an awful feeling to love a horse that you just don’t get along with on the ground. I highly suggest that you find a lease home close by where your mare can do what she is meant to do, but you can still be apart of her life. You can still visit her, see her at shows and ultimately have the final say if she needs a different home or isn’t being treated the way you would like her to be treated.
I also have a horse I don’t ride… I keep him leased out so that he stays with me, but is enjoyed by others 
Good luck in whatever you choose
[QUOTE=Meredith Clark;8066383]
I have that situation with one of my horses but I’ve had him for 6 years now.
At one time we were very competitive and a great pair. However, he’s the type of horse that NEEDS to be in a pretty consistent program. If he goes more than a few days without being ridden, he’ll be pretty silly the next time I try. I just don’t have time for that.
I do self care so I decided to buy myself a quieter horse and keep the horse I spoke of above. I’ve tried leasing him but haven’t been able to find someone that’s a good fit (not to him, but just a good fit to be in a lease situation).
I’m not going to sell him ever, I might consider doing an off farm lease but I’m nervous about that. I just couldn’t sell him knowing he can be quirky, and how attached I am. No matter how good of a home you think you find for a horse, once those papers leave your hands you give up control and they can end up anywhere. I’m not willing to risk it with this guy.[/QUOTE]
this is why I won’t sell my mare that I have now and I’m not comfortable riding her. This was an old post but I’m going thru something similar right now. I have a 22 year old mare that is just fine for me to ride. I feel safe and sound on her. My 11 year old Arab (both are Arabs), not so much. She’s actually very good on the trail when she’s good. But she’s reactive. She will spook and spin with NO warning. I have my husband riding her now and he said the same thing when she spun on him. “wow, no warning.” But to him it’s not a big deal. His horse is reactive and it just doesn’t bother him so the horses just calm down right away. When I bought this mare ( a year and a half ago) she was quiet, hardly ever spooked at all. For the first month tho, I begged the previous owner to take her back because she was not settling in here at our place. She was depressed, she wasn’t fitting in. It was really hard to watch. The previous owner said, “give it more time.” Well she finally settled in and now she loves her home and she KNOWS this IS her home. So I can’t do that to her again. I don’t know if I can ever ride this horse and be comfortable on her. I’m older now, not a super confident rider but the horses I did get before her (when I was horse shopping) was a nightmare!!! people lie thru their teeth to sell a horse. One was a bucker, one was a bolter. I was put in the hospital once. I was looking because my 22 year old is getting arthritic and I know she won’t be rideable forever. But I’m done buying!!
“If he was a dog I would have kept him cause I really really liked him, I just didn’t like riding him.”
That’s what I say about a horse I sold a couple of years ago. I sent him back to the guy who started him for me who really liked him since I thought he would show the horse better than I would. And I prepared to advertise him online, planning to screen the calls and send the serious people on to the trainer. As it turned out, it took one phone call to sell the horse. I called a lady who had bought a horse for one of her clients years prior that I had bred. She fell in love with him on the video, went right out to try him. In 48 hours he’d been tried, vetted, and was on his way to her farm. He is so perfect for her if he was a hunter his show name would have to be “Bespoke”. But he’s not a hunter, he’s a buckskin Andalusian LOL! He was never meant to be my horse, I was really just keeping him for her.
As it turned out, the right horse for me was already in my barn, the young black horse I’d bought for my husband. Both Andalusians, both bought unbacked, started by the same guy, just two different horses. The first time I sat on the black horse I thought “ahhh, this is the brand of jeans I should have been buying all along!”
My advice, if the horse doesn’t suit you, sell it and find one that does.
OP- I went through this a few years ago with a homebred conn x tb - from the minute he was born, he was one of the most stunning animals. When he was a baby, I dreamed of the day we would trot down the center line together and the years we would spend together. He was going to be “that” horse for me. He was difficult to start as a 3 yr old, very sensitive and reactive and not fun to ride at all early on. He got MUCH better by the time he was 5 and we started going to schooling shows and doing some of the things I had envisioned when he was a baby. But I just didn’t love riding him. Took me till he was 9 or 10 to put him on the market. We found the PERFECT home for him with a young rider moving up from a pony. We took our time during the trial/sales period. I took him to her for several lessons with her coach and up to their vet for the vetting. They are the perfect pair and it has been the most fun watching their partnership develop. We keep in touch and I know he is getting the best of the best and far more than I could ever have provided for him. I am listed as his breeder in his USEA records and included in the sales contract that I wanted my contact information passed on to any future buyers, but I doubt he will ever be sold. He is welcome to come back to me in his retirement, but again, I doubt that will happen. I was so very happy when we delivered him to his new girl. Best day ever.
My advise to you, let your mare go-be picky about finding the right person. I hope that your mare will find the same situation as my gelding and that you will have as much fun as I am watching a new partnership develop!
Let her go, going into prime selling season shortly. Just feel comfortable about the new situation. Tune her up, polish her up and let somebody be happy with her.
I know there’s horror stories about selling into what turns out to be a bad situation. But there’s a whole lot more horror stories about aging horses without much training or particular skill sets suddenly being thrown into a saturated market due to various catastrophies in the owners life. The “orphaned” horses have a greatly reduced chance of future soft landings and every year that passes reduces those chances even more.
Mares still in her prime and getting her tuned up with some skills buyers want/need is a great gift to her and increases her chances for a good life in her remaining years.
It can be different if you are 100% sure you can guarantee a home with you for the rest of their lives. If you cannot guarantee that, safest thing for them is training them up and selling to the best home you can find. Many Pros can’t carry an unusable horse on the books either, sounds like OP fits that category.
I agree with leasing off site but close enough that you can check on things…maybe a leave to buy?
Since this popped back up here is an update:
I gave her to a Hunter trainer friend of mine who teaches for the college team. She is now a very happy ring horse and the college kids love her. I had a great season on a sale horse I picked up and events last summer, but ended up keeping her and she is now a broodmare as she has arthritis. So I got a fun season of xc in, and the mare I loved (most of the time lol) is happy doing the college thing. I gave the same trainer a horse I had in the past I just didn’t have the time for as I was sick. So all need well
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