Dealing with selling a horse you love, but don't like to ride

[Couture_TB]

I got my mare as a re sale horse three years ago. She was the first horse I showed after years of illness and injuries (mine). From the start she has never been keen on out of the arena work, and as she relaxed became more and more hunter type. Well we don’t have an arena. I have no issues working horses in fields. She however is always a bit on edge, though of course manageable, but you can tell not happy.

I know this is not the right place for her, riding wise. She loves her living situation, is spoiled, and loved on. I have grown so attached to this horse, and hate the idea of selling her. But 80% of the time I don’t enjoy riding her.

So how do you sell a horse you love but don’t care to ride? I sell many horses a year, but never have them around long enough to get attached

[Abbie.S]

This is where you get unselfish and remind yourself that if the horse is useable, sound and in good health, that they also deserve a job they like and can do well.

(That’s not to say at ALL, OP, that you are a selfish person - it’s speaking more to releasing yourself from guilt in selling a horse because you can’t provide them with work they can do/like.)

It’s tough. But it’s not a failure. Someone else with a different set up will give her a purpose, and you will be better off with another horse that can do what you want to do AND whom you love.

The other option is always keep the horse - if you can be happy doing with her what she likes and can do.

[OverandOnward]

The only thing I can think of is to know she will be loved and appreciated in her next home - and make sure that is the kind of home she’ll have.

It helps to feel you are releasing a horse to an even better home than you can give them, if that’s the case.

Think ahead to your next horse, even if it is imaginary at this point.

Don’t block yourself and don’t block your horse, either, to each of you being in a better situation.

It’s a tough, tough spot to be in - falling in love with one you need to let go. All the best to you and your horse, whatever you do!

[FLeventer]

I had to deal with this recently. I hated to ride one of my horses. He was just not my cup of tea. I sold him to a woman who loves to ride him and bought one better suited for me.

You just need to sell and find something you enjoy riding.

[Couture_TB]

The hard part is that she is a sensitive horse and I hate the idea of her ending up in a bad situation. Not that I don’t for all the horses I sell, but particularly her. She can be an amazing hunter ride when in work and jump around like a champ. I can get her to do it at my place, but she is always happier and more relaxed when I take her to an actual ring. I have three others right now. A fantastic event pony, a big TB fresh off the track, and a 6 month old Irish colt. She is the only one who is not my type

I am going to be very picky where she goes. I am going to take her to a clients farm so I can use their indoor to get her going and fit before marketing her. I am hoping that I can get her back to jumping 3’9 softly so she can find a nice home

Never thought I would be so sad at the idea of one going

[OverandOnward]

Can you keep her? With or without riding? With or without other people riding her?

Also consider leasing near home, and always be prepared to reclaim her if you don’t like the situation, or she’s injured or aged. That would keep you in control of her fate.

There is no law that says horses HAVE to work for a living. If you like having her around and can afford her, she doesn’t have to be ridden. Other people could also ride her while she stays with you.

I was allowing a couple of other good riders to ride in their lessons a mare I owned at the time. They used to show her as well. One of them fell in love with her and ended up buying her to keep for life.

[Couture_TB]

[QUOTE=OverandOnward;8066213]
Can you keep her? With or without riding? With or without other people riding her?

Also consider leasing near home, and always be prepared to reclaim her if you don’t like the situation, or she’s injured or aged. That would keep you in control of her fate.

There is no law that says horses HAVE to work for a living. If you like having her around and can afford her, she doesn’t have to be ridden. Other people could also ride her while she stays with you.

I was allowing a couple of other good riders to ride in their lessons a mare I owned at the time. They used to show her as well. One of them fell in love with her and ended up buying her to keep for life. :)[/QUOTE]

The problem is that I do not have an arena, and she does not like field work, so leasing her on site would not work.

And sad thing is that yes, everything here has to have a job. I can’t afford to have horses that just sit. Would love to. But she is only 11, sound, and athletic so would be a shame to let her sit in a pasture. Even if I could afford it.

[yellowbritches]

The horse I had before Toby I was crazy for. I adored him. I had found him by accident as a 3 year old and gotten him up to prelim/one star-ish. He lived to run and jump and was a scopey dude with tons of heart…but he HATED the dressage. At the time, I wanted a big time horse, and so we turned over every rock to make his dressage better. It DID improve, some, but not enough. It got to the point where it seemed most rides ended in tears of frustration. He was miserable. I was miserable. Everyone in the barn was miserable.

I finally decided to sell him. It was the hardest decision of my life because I loved EVERYTHING about him except the damn dressage. Had I been where I am in my life now, I would’ve kept him, as it just isn’t that important anymore. But back then, I knew the best thing for him was to find him a home he was happy in. I did. He always loved toting people around, and he ended up with an ammie he could tote who didn’t give a rat’s ass about the dressage.

I was picky about who got to try him and turned people away who could “fix his dressage” (that just screamed "we’re going to drill and drill him in the thing he hates most). I wouldn’t let a couple of people come for a second try. I was patient with the time it took and VERY honest about him. It was hard and I bawled my eyes out on many occasions. But it was worth it for both of us.

Funny thing is that I thought it would be impossible to love another horse as much as I loved him. Well, if it wasn’t for selling him, I wouldn’t have Toby. That horse will NEVER go anywhere…he could have three legs and two heads, and he will always be with me until he leaves his earthly body. (But I would still take Vernon back if he was ever offered back!).

[MaybeMorgan]

Yes, I had that situation with my first horse. It still hurts a bit but I knew he needed to go where he would be valued for what he did best (not what I needed).

[Meredith_Clark]

I have that situation with one of my horses but I’ve had him for 6 years now.

At one time we were very competitive and a great pair. However, he’s the type of horse that NEEDS to be in a pretty consistent program. If he goes more than a few days without being ridden, he’ll be pretty silly the next time I try. I just don’t have time for that.

I do self care so I decided to buy myself a quieter horse and keep the horse I spoke of above. I’ve tried leasing him but haven’t been able to find someone that’s a good fit (not to him, but just a good fit to be in a lease situation).

I’m not going to sell him ever, I might consider doing an off farm lease but I’m nervous about that. I just couldn’t sell him knowing he can be quirky, and how attached I am. No matter how good of a home you think you find for a horse, once those papers leave your hands you give up control and they can end up anywhere. I’m not willing to risk it with this guy.

[Quelah]

Been there done that, LOL! If he was a dog I would have kept him, I liked him very much, we just didn’t click as horse and rider. He is/was a very nice horse. I sold him to the perfect home, for good money, it took one phone call and he was tried vetted and on his way to his new home in 48 hours. He and his new owner are totally simpatico, if he was a hunter his name would have to be Bespoke, when she rides him it looks like he was made just for her. I swiped the horse I bought for my husband, who doesn’t really have much time to ride, and a horse I love to ride. It also means one less horse, win win beginning to end!

[Groom_amp_Taxi]

Money seems like the least of your considerations, but if the mare has a true hunter mentality and is a pretty easy ride around a course, you may be able to be very selective about your buyer and get really good money for her. That doesn’t necessarily make the parting easier but may be a silver lining?

[Couture_TB]

[QUOTE=Groom&Taxi;8066416]
Money seems like the least of your considerations, but if the mare has a true hunter mentality and is a pretty easy ride around a course, you may be able to be very selective about your buyer and get really good money for her. That doesn’t necessarily make the parting easier but may be a silver lining?[/QUOTE]

Yes. Her selling price is not important (unless you ask my sad bank account) I hope if I get her going well again then she will find a home doing a suitable job. Though yes at least a decent price would be a silver lining. But the most important thing is the home

[FLeventer]

At the end of the day you decide where your guy goes. You watch the rider go, you watch how they handle the horse, you know who their trainer is, you watch how they spend alone time with the horse, you make your decision from there. Its a hard decision, but at the end of the day it is YOUR decision. I have turned so many people away from my horses.

I watched one girl get on a horse of mine and slam on his back like a load of bricks. My horse was very sensitive in her back. I could get over that, maybe. I watched her “trainer” try and coach this girl through a leg yield. It was awful. I had just demonstrated that the horse could do leg yields, shoulders in, haunches in, half pass so they knew he could do it. The girl hauled on his inside rein and slammed her heel in his side. I walked up to the trainer and said simply, “I’m sorry but this is not going to work.”

End of story. Horse went to a girl who came out and no she didn’t ride perfectly, but she was forgiving and gentle with her hands and seat. She loved on him in the cross ties after. Her parents and trainer were on the same page with his program. He is still with her and the mother rides him as well when the daughter can’t get to the barn because of school. I knew their trainer quite well, he stayed close where I see him at events a couple times a year. It was a good fit and I trusted my gut.

Selling a horse is hard. Really hard especially when you don’t know where they can end up. Sell to people you trust. At the end of the day, riding should be something you enjoy and want to do. It shouldn’t be walking to the horse and dreading your ride. Been there, done that, got the postcard.

[bornfreenowexpensive]

Well her job could be a broodmare if you think highly of her.

But honestly, if you like a horse they are easier to sell. She sounds like a lovely horse who wants a different job. If you are really worried, you could do an off farm lease. I’m about to do that with a mare I love. I will take her back to be a broodmare but for now she will go to a job she is well suited. And the person is near me and well recommended.

[blacknwhite]

That’s a hard situation, My horse and I are the opposite. We hate each other on the ground, but when I get on her we are magic. You could try leasing her out if you aren’t ready to let her go, or if you are concerned about where she is going. You can always sell with a buy back clause if you want to be more certain she is going to a good home, just think about what would be best for her and what would make her happiest. If she’s never going to be the horse for you, then it’s your duty as a horse owner and a horse lover to find her a place where she will excell more and be happier rather than expect her to adjust to what you want to do. I’m sorry I know its hard.

[TatteredDaydreamer]

In this situation now except my gelding is extremely tough and quirky to ride. It took about a full year for me to convince myself to rehome him. I’ve had him for 3.5 years. I adore him on the ground but do not at all enjoy riding him. I’m very hopeful the folks he is going back to will find him a good home. I am going to look at one this weekend that I think will make riding fun for me again.

[RhythmNCruise]

OP, I was in your position several years ago with a little gelding I’d raised from a newborn foal. He was a nice horse, jumped around small courses, had a flying change, was extremely mannerly and sweet. Just a good boy, but I didn’t enjoy riding him for whatever reason (strange since I broke and trained him). Like your girl, he was kind of sensitive, and I worried about him in a new home, especially since he’d been with me his entire life. I wound up re-homing him into what I figured was an ideal situation. Two years later he was dead. It’s a long story, but my healthy, fat, shiny, happy boy turned into a rack of bones with a scraggly coat, chronic ulcers, and was just miserable despite how much his new owner loved him and tried to help him. He colicked a few times and they had to put him down during the last bout. He’d never colicked in his life when I owned him.

I tell you all of this to say, you cannot know for certain the future of your mare when she leaves your custody. If I had it to do over again, I would’ve leased my gelding out and made sure that if/when he started having trouble or it was obvious the arrangement wasn’t suiting him, I could get him back. He’d still be alive today, I have no doubt of that.

You could lease your mare off-site, maybe even at your client with the indoor’s place if there is room? That way the mare can be in a place that caters to the kind of riding she prefers, someone else gets a nice hunter to ride and show without the financial plunge of buying, your client could get some money for boarding the mare, and you retain ultimate control over what happens to her. And when/if you decide, you can terminate the lease, breed her, and bring her home to let her be a broodie. She might produce your dream eventer in the future.
I think sometimes we should listen to our hearts when those special horses come along and enter our lives. After my experience with my little gelding, I will never let a horse I love leave if I can help it. The three I have now are in their forever home with me, and because two of them are retired and one is not exactly my ideal riding horse, I have chosen to put off buying anything else until either one of my old retirees passes away or I win the lottery. By the time that happens, I may be too old to care about getting a new horse, LOL.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

[FineAlready]

What about leasing her out to an h/j home (paid, off farm lease)?

[scubed]

For mine that I felt like that about, I went the lease route, first to Deltawave and now with one of Flightcheck’s students. He is happy and makes his riders happy and I have my perfect for me OTTB Keegan. I feel the eventing community is tied in well enough that I can find places I am comfortable having mine go. So I currently have 3 leased out and 2 for sale, all because they weren’t/aren’t a good match for me to ride