Depressed, sick again what would you do? (HR)

[Couture_TB]

So last time I posted here I was doing great. Symptom free. Riding, jumping, giving lessons, and even had a couple training horses again. Things have went down hill fast this Jan. I have not ridden at all, even on the days it is warm enough here, and have been in and out of the hospital for tests. Have no energy, can’t seem to stay awake, and have had test after test done to find out where the internal bleeding is coming from. So far all the tests say I am healthy (hey ya, you are healthy you just have blood coming out both ends!)

So here is the question: I have a very talented horse that I own with another woman. We purchased him as a sales horse, but we both agreed to let me take him as far as I like for eventing. He has true true Advanced potential. Better mover then most WBs, has schooled Prelim without batting an eye, has done a little fox hunting, and thinks a 4ft jump is something to laugh at as it takes him no effort at all and he jumps with his knees to his eye balls nice and square and round every time. He does need work as he has been out of work for awhile.

So I have this beyond talented horse sitting here. He is now 9. It is killing me to think he might miss another show season if I am not healthy enough to show him. Even if I am healthy enough to ride on the flat will I be strong enough to ride him XC?

So do I try to find someone to take him on to sell him?

Do I hope they figure out why I haven’t been able to get off the couch for 2 weeks and show him myself?

There is no money to send him out to someone. My medical bills are thru the roof. I stress my self out over every cost for my medical things, then feel guilty that I have some money set away for a small show season (and by small I mean SMALL) that my husband won’t even consider letting me use for anything other then the horses.

I have a coming 2yr that I don’t feel guilty about him sitting. Because he is 2. Part of me says find someone to take the TB on to show and sell, as it is unfair to the horse to sit, and maybe by the time my 2yr is ready to be started I will be 100%. And if I am healthy this summer I can always go get another track brat.

The other part of me says, stick it out. They will fix you. But it has been 5 years. 5 years of on and off illness. 5 years of going : Is this the year I am going to compete or is this the year that I will never ride again and become more and more ill?

What would you guys do?

[kookicat]

It really sucks to be ill. I’m having problems at the moment (kidney infection) so I offer sympathy!

Could you lease your horse to a good young rider?

[Invite]

A lot depends on the other owner

If the other woman doesn’t mind having this horse “sitting around” then just keep him. You don’t know when you will get well and to what extent you will be able to ride. You might come back 100%. This horse does not know he has potential. If he is happy waiting for you, KEEP HIM!!!

Don’t feel bad about being a little selfish. I’m sure you have worked very hard to get the horse in question to where he is. The market isn’t super. I would keep the horse.

I spend too much time feeling guilty regarding my mare being behind in training. The stress of guilt makes me more ill. It really is not worth it. My mare and I will catch up or we will just be happy doing the best we can do.

It is a very tough time when your best becomes something that would not have even registered as mediocre back in the day. Crap happens and we have to reevaluate ourselves and our potential. Some horses are happy just sticking with us and waiting. Others are not.

Whatever decision you make will tug at you a bit. Let it be your decision, not one force fed to you by society.

Good luck

[DressageGeek_Ribbon]

Beth gave you great advice - nothing else to add - just - wishing you the best.

[Mersy]

If you convince yourself that you are not doing the horse(s) justice right now (which really amounts to just a small moment in time), then it will be easier to convince yourself to give up horses all together eventually. Really, it does sneak up you like that.

If you really want to see the horse get out there then maybe look for a talented student you can coach along to ride him for you when your not well enough yourself.
Talk it over with the person you are partners with, what is her expectations?

[sadlmakr]

It is winter. You need to keep yourself going and not be anxious about the horse right now. Keep at these Dr.'s to find out what is going on inside you.
Get a second opinion
You know something is wrong. Don’t let them tell you it is all in your head. You do not bleed internally from Hypochondria.
It won’t matter about the horse if you are down and getting more and more depressed.
I know what that is like too.
Let the horse decision go until Spring. Take care of yourself first.
All the rest will fall into place at the right time.
Wishing you better times.
sadlmakr

[WinterTriangle]

Long term chronic illness is a hard road to toe(w). Much of which requires keeping your mental and emotional state up, while your body is going down.

You say you are depressed… so it’s a bad time to make a decision.

Sit tight, concentrate on doing what you need to get well, and everything else will fall into place… once you are better. There is nothing more pressing than taking care of yourself.

Been there. Don’t overwhelm yourself.

[3DogNight]

First off, I hope the doctors are able to diagnose your issues and that you are quickly on the road to recovery. I know what it is like - I have spent the last 8 years, including 4 surgeries, endless tests, treatments, etc., trying to figure out exactly what is wrong and get it resolved once and for all. It’s very difficult when the causes are unknown and you don’t see an end in sight, such a feeling of helplessness (at least for me). The most important thing is to stay as positive as possible (I know, easier said than done).

If possible, I would recommend keeping the horse and finding a talented rider who could work with/show the horse until you are ready to get back on. That’s what I’ve been doing with my mare since my first surgery in 2002 and it’s really what has helped me maintain my sanity through all of this. Knowing she is there waiting for me gives me the strength to work harder to recover, when all I want to do is crawl under a rock and never come out.

Every spring I tell myself that this will be my year, things will improve, and then I spend the summer watching from the side of the ring as someone else shows her. The first year it was hard, but now I look forward to seeing her go out and do well, and I know when I am ready, she will be there.

Whatever you decide, remember that YOUR health is the most important thing - the horses won’t mind sitting in the field for a winter or a summer or three, and will be there when you are ready to return. Take care of yourself and everything else will work itself out.

[Couture_TB]

Well back on the IV meds I go for my advanced Lymes. That is if we can get the insurance company to let it happen I wouldn’t be going thru this if they wouldn’t have pulled me off of it to soon the last time. You have to love the fact that they put a price on your life, pretty much nothing. I just hope we can get them to cover it as without it is $5,000 a week and I need 6 months of treatment. Pretty much the only thing that will keep me from getting worse, that is the kicker.

I decided to try to either find someone to lease him or sell him for me. He is not my only horse. Yes, I had dreams of competing him, but there will be another. Trust me I will never think about giving up the horses. I even have two dead quiet horses that friends own that I can bop about on when I have my chest port put back in.

Any suggestions on where to find someone to lease him? Would posting in the Eventing section since I am looking for someone to free lease him be advertising?

[Couture_TB]

[QUOTE=Invite;4651827]

It is a very tough time when your best becomes something that would not have even registered as mediocre back in the day.

Good luck :)[/QUOTE]

This is beyond true. I can’t even say how true that is.

[system]

[QUOTE=GaellentQuest;4649300]
So last time I posted here I was doing great. Symptom free. Riding, jumping, giving lessons, and even had a couple training horses again. Things have went down hill fast this Jan. I have not ridden at all, even on the days it is warm enough here, and have been in and out of the hospital for tests. Have no energy, can’t seem to stay awake, and have had test after test done to find out where the internal bleeding is coming from. So far all the tests say I am healthy (hey ya, you are healthy you just have blood coming out both ends!)

So here is the question: I have a very talented horse that I own with another woman. We purchased him as a sales horse, but we both agreed to let me take him as far as I like for eventing. He has true true Advanced potential. Better mover then most WBs, has schooled Prelim without batting an eye, has done a little fox hunting, and thinks a 4ft jump is something to laugh at as it takes him no effort at all and he jumps with his knees to his eye balls nice and square and round every time. He does need work as he has been out of work for awhile.

So I have this beyond talented horse sitting here. He is now 9. It is killing me to think he might miss another show season if I am not healthy enough to show him. Even if I am healthy enough to ride on the flat will I be strong enough to ride him XC?

So do I try to find someone to take him on to sell him?

Do I hope they figure out why I haven’t been able to get off the couch for 2 weeks and show him myself?

There is no money to send him out to someone. My medical bills are thru the roof. I stress my self out over every cost for my medical things, then feel guilty that I have some money set away for a small show season (and by small I mean SMALL) that my husband won’t even consider letting me use for anything other then the horses.

I have a coming 2yr that I don’t feel guilty about him sitting. Because he is 2. Part of me says find someone to take the TB on to show and sell, as it is unfair to the horse to sit, and maybe by the time my 2yr is ready to be started I will be 100%. And if I am healthy this summer I can always go get another track brat.

The other part of me says, stick it out. They will fix you. But it has been 5 years. 5 years of on and off illness. 5 years of going : Is this the year I am going to compete or is this the year that I will never ride again and become more and more ill?

What would you guys do?[/QUOTE]

I feel for you, truly! Are you sure we’re not related somewhere down the line? Best wishes and and try not to stress too badly for the horse … as long as he has company and food and you can occasionally say “hi” to him and maybe groom him, he’s got a good life! Why ruin that by taking the chance that he’ll go to somebody to will abuse him, etc.

In my case, not only am I disabled, but I have a special needs horse … he is 90% blind … but he is not in pain as he had one eye enucleated (removed) and the other was given a Cyclosporin implant. He has a pasture buddy, and according to his body language is living the good life.

Here’s hoping that someday soon the both of us can figure out what is going on and get on with our horsey ways!

Good luck,
Amy

[equineartworks]

I’m sorry you are going through this

I recently (like two days ago) came to the realization that if I keep wondering “what if” I will not have enough room in my mind for the “what might be”. I am a perpetually upbeat, nothing gets me down kinda gal but this past year has been brutal and I found myself really starting to let myself not think of the future in a positive light. It’s been ten years of up and really down and I am getting to that wall of UGH!

I almost decided not to pursue my NARHA certification because right now I cannot ride because of some vestibular issues related to my MS. I said GASP that I would most likely not ride again.

Then I got over it.

If I don’t get better in a year then I won’t get to finish the certification. But MAYBE I WILL get better? Then wouldn’t I feel foolish for doubting myself?

You have to make to make the best decision for you and the horse…and you will! But don’t ever let the wall of UGH get you down!