Disgusted by Dear Prudence!

[Wayside]

Dear Prudence: I'm a cat killer.

First letter, about the woman who runs over her neighbor’s cat.

Personally, I don’t care how much of an a-hole the neighbor is, letting him search the neighborhood in obvious distress when you know his cat is dead is just cruel. If you’re concerned about retaliation, or just can’t bear to man up to it yourself, send him an anonymous letter or something. Sheesh.

And what’s up with the husband’s “get him a new cat” suggestion? It’s not like you broke a piece of dinnerware that can just be replaced with a new one. Ugh.

[Casey09]

I agree. The kind thing to do would have been to tell him immediately. It isn’t as though she purposely killed his cat - it was an honest accident, and the cat was at large. It isn’t as though he could have done something to her. It seems bizarre to hide something like that, as well as cruel to let him search for the missing cat.

[Kryswyn]

I’m betting neither of you have had unbalanced litigious neighbors. You don’t say hello to these people let alone confess you killed their cat because 1) they will completely ignore the fact that they allowed kitty to roam and it will be completely YOUR FAULT; 2) the lawsuit he will file will cost you money, even if you are found not to be at fault; 3) then you have to deal with an ANGRY unbalanced neighbor who feels he was cheated by the courts and decides to mete out justice the old fashioned way PERSONALLY.

I agree it is sad to see his posted notices because in his miserable condition he apparently loved this cat, to the exclusion of even liking the people he lived amongst.

In this case, an anonymous letter refusing reward but saying you saw a cat’s body at the end of the block recently satisfies his need for closure and the couple’s need to absolve themselves from guilt. They could also make a donation to the local shelter in his name.

[Wayside]

[QUOTE=Kryswyn;5736903]
I’m betting neither of you have had unbalanced litigious neighbors.[/QUOTE]

No, but I have had violent drunk screaming profanity and hanging small dead animals from the fence neighbor. So I can respect that she has reservations about admitting her guilt in this matter to him, and that it’s a matter of self-preservation.

However, as you and I both mentioned, an anonymous letter letting him know that his cat was seen dead on the street would give him some closure. I can’t see keeping him in the dark about a matter so clearly dear to his heart, even if he is a crotchety and litigious old coot.

[JanM]

I agree with Prudence on this one. This person is aggressively possessive of his property, litigious, and retaliatory so I wouldn’t tell him either. And if he gets another cat he’ll let that one roam to get run over, or fight other cats too.

My previous neighborhood had people like this that had animals they let run and breed endlessly, never had vet treatment, and the people actually boasted they never had vet bills for the cats. The cats were miserable to have in the neighborhood, and because of the situation (that wasn’t the poor animals fault) I knew that the kittens that momma cat produced on a regular basis would soon disappear from car accidents, or animals killing them, or dying from lack of medical care. After I discovered the 20 pounds of cat stuff in my back yard, I launched it over the fence with a shovel, and I doubt the people ever noticed, since their yard was a dump too. I think their yard was where the cats hunted for food mostly also. The local AC couldn’t do anything about them, because the people claimed they didn’t have any cats, and I’m not proud to say that I was relieved when the momma cat disappeared, and I knew there wouldn’t be any more sick and dying kittens from her. If I knew someone had accidentally run over the cats I wouldn’t tell the so-called owners either since they were very aggressive about any slight whether real or imagined and had a history of mysterious property and car damage to people that irritated them in some way (they were very careful not to get caught).

Some people are too aggressive and angry to tell anything to, and it’s sad that he doesn’t know what happened to the cat, but it’s not worth a chance of lawsuit or assault on the letter writer. If he cared about his cat, and didn’t want it to risk the many dangers to roaming cats then he shouldn’t have let it roam. It’s too bad the cat had to suffer because of the owner.

[Wayside]

So JanM, what do you think is wrong with the idea of an anonymous letter? Wouldn’t that satisfy the needs of all involved parties?

[JanM]

I would do the anonymous letter only if there was zero chance the person would find out who sent it. I have had neighbors that were not only cranky, but downright dangerous (I’ll just say disclosure on real estate only goes so far, and some kids don’t grow up quite right in the way they relate to the world) and there are some that I wouldn’t take a chance with.

I feel sorry for the cat, and the lady that hit him, but the owner consciously let the cat run, and take a risk with exactly this kind of accident happening. It’s a sad situation, but I don’t see a good outcome either way with the people involved.

[mvp]

[QUOTE=Kryswyn;5736903]
I’m betting neither of you have had unbalanced litigious neighbors. You don’t say hello to these people let alone confess you killed their cat because 1) they will completely ignore the fact that they allowed kitty to roam and it will be completely YOUR FAULT; 2) the lawsuit he will file will cost you money, even if you are found not to be at fault; 3) then you have to deal with an ANGRY unbalanced neighbor who feels he was cheated by the courts and decides to mete out justice the old fashioned way PERSONALLY.[/QUOTE]

The law doesn’t say that only Nice and Balanced people get it’s protection. Even PITA whack-jobs do, too.

I can’t believe the logic in play: An honest mistake compounded by a cover-up that now would be even more inconvenient to defend means someone is entitled to keep the cover-up going. And the rest of the opinions is disturbing, too. Some “fault” must be found to justify all of this. The cat crusher killed it by accident. Fine. So crazy neighbor deserves what he gets because he let his cat outdoors? How about he never let kitteh out with the intention of letting it die, either. Cut the guy some slack-- he may be a pain, but does he deserve the worry and futile effort seen in the around-town posters with a reward offered?

The husband dug the hole deeper (so to speak) by ditching the cat. If they person had any hope of a decent outcome with Crazy Neighbor, then the husband made that an uphill battle. He needs to be send to deal with it, man to man.

[Kryswyn]

Yes, MVP, the kitteh owner is at fault for letting (or allowing) kitteh out. I have a new next door neighbor who blows off my warning that if his fat kitteh gets into my yard there will be nothing but fur left after my Jacks get through with it. As we were talking on the street (which is a thru street frequently sped down by idiots who cannot obey the 20 mph limit) his cat wandered up and across the street and up into a neighbors yard. His comment, “I wish he wouldn’t do that.”

WTF HELLO??? All it takes is keeping Snickers in the house.

If (most likely when) my dogs kill the neighbor’s cat, I will inform him directly because he seems to be a rational if pet-stupid person. If I find Snickers dead in the street, I’ll tell him too. But there’s no way I’d tell an unbalanced neighbor. Say what you like, but the reality is that nice people get treated better (it’s an incentive to be nice) and PITAs do not. It’s just the way the world works. Our justice system can try to level the playing field, but it frequently is not successful.

[Windsor1]

[QUOTE=JanM;5737114]
My previous neighborhood had people like this that had animals they let run and breed endlessly, never had vet treatment, and the people actually boasted they never had vet bills for the cats.[/QUOTE]

You have no idea whether this particular man (pain in the ass though he may be), had neutered or spayed his cat, sought regular veterinary care or not, or assessed potential hazards in the neighborhood before allowing his cat out. Maybe he lived on a quiet cul-de-sac where he felt the risk of something happening to the cat was minimal and the cat wasn’t bothering any of the neighbors.

@JanM;5737114

If he cared about his cat, and didn’t want it to risk the many dangers to roaming cats then he shouldn’t have let it roam.

To be frank, I think that’s a lousy justification to allow anyone, even a nasty old ba$tard like this one, to grieve for a lost pet and wonder for the rest of his life what happened to it.

[libgrrl]

He may not get on with the neighbors, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his cat. I’m anti-outdoor cat myself, but if he’s an older gentleman, he’s probably of the mindset that cats need their outside time. He obviously loves and cares for it if he was putting up posters. At the local animal shelter, few people, it seems, are actively trying to find their missing animals. The guy may be a crusty old b*stard, but he deserves to find out what happened to his cat. Kitty may be the only friend he has (or had).

[Mara]

This is pretty sad. Even if the old fellow is unpleasant to have as a neighbor, he clearly did love his cat, and now he’s lost his only friend.
The letter-writer should have left an anonymous note.

[vacation1]

Man, this irritates me. I agree with the OP - the advice and the letter writer are jerks. It’s viciously cruel to let that man wonder forever what happened to his pet and to just discard the body? I would want to kill someone who did that to my pet. Who’s the worse neighbor, the grumpy old man or the person who would throw someone’s dead pet away to avoid the hassle of dealing with another human being? What kind of self-involved, empathy-free POS does that? And as for the argument that it’s “not safe” for delicate Sally Suburban and her hubby to tell the truth -

My husband and I live near a man in his 70s who is mean, complains about every little thing, and calls the police any time there is loud music in the neighborhood or if there are “suspicious-looking” kids hanging out too close to his house. He once tried to sue a neighbor over tree branches falling into his yard.

This is the whole description of the neighbor’s “lunacy” from the letter to Dear Prudence. I’m not sure what controlled environment DP and the letter writer come from, but this is NOT a lunatic neighbor. This is an old guy with time on his hands. Old men complain about stuff; they notice everything and they want Something Done About It. They attend every town hall meeting, call the police at the drop of a hat, and otherwise drive their wives to distraction. This may be irritating to live near, but it’s not a lunatic neighbor.

And for the record, most people are irritating to live near. Those cute 20-somethings in the starter home? Loud deck parties Every Single Weekend Night all summer and most of the winter. The lovely 30ish parents in the center-hall Colonial will invest in the loudest selection of lawn tools known to man, and spend roughly 22 hours a day all day Saturday using them nonstop - and then not shovel their walks all winter, except for the part that leads to their SUV. And so on. Jesus.

[Casey09]

vacation1 . . .
That was my impression, too. The behaviors described are not what I would call lunatic behaviors. For some reason, after reading the letter I felt more sympathy for the old man than the letter writer. It is important to a lot of people to be able to take their pet and have it buried or cremated as they wish. I can’t imagine doing this to someone. To me, based on these facts, fear of a lawsuit isn’t even rational. It just seems mean to me to not give him a chance to pick up his cat’s body and know what happened.
I don’t personally own any cats. If I did they would be indoors because I could get attached to a pet rock. However, I know plenty of people who have said that every only indoor cat they’ve ever known has been neurotic. So some people think outside time is essential for cats.

[Wayside]

Yes, I had difficulty discerning whether or not they had a legitimate concern about the neighbor retaliating/suing them, or if that was just the letter writer attempting to rationalize their own actions.

But I felt that it was ultimately irrelevant. Either way there were still better options than leaving the poor guy in the dark, wandering the streets looking for his cat, not knowing what happened.

My cats are indoor-only, because I agree with many posters that it is safer and healthier for them. However, when my husband was growing up his cat was an indoor/outdoor cat, and he thought it was really cruel that I insisted on confining my cat to the house. He thought that no cat could ever be truly happy without access to the outdoors, and he was very hurt that I disapproved of his family’s cat raising technique.

Even though I think my way is better, that doesn’t mean that he didn’t love his cat.

Not to mention that one of my cats went missing for a couple of days when a window screen blew out in the storm. He was hiding in the basement of a vacant house. So even if you try to keep them in, sometimes they get the better of you. And I was absolutely frantic until my cat was home safe and sound. If someone had run him over and told me about it, I would have been very sad, but it would have been way better than not knowing.

And lots of people do have plans to memorialize their pets after they pass on. Cremation, burial, hair pots, paw casting - some of those things are very important to people.

Cripes, even tossing the dead cat into the street in front of his house would have been better than hiding it from him.

Of course telling him as soon as it happened would have been the right thing to do. But even if there were good reasons why that wasn’t an option, I’m sure a better solution could be found than hiding the body and keeping quiet about it.