Feeling like Goldilocks here 
First pic is the a 17inch seat (seems right to me) but I think my knee looks like it is at the very edge - I don’t think I can even go up a hole if I wanted to?
ETA: love looking at zoomed in pics of my thighs said no middle aged woman ever 
17" is too small, 18" is just right, both in terms of seat and flap
The right size usually feels too big when you’re used to riding in something too small 
To my (limited experienced) eye, the 18 inch fits you much better. Your leg actually has room on the flap, and you can get a hands width between your butt and the cantle. In the 17 inch, you look squeezed into a too small saddle.
Why do you think the 18 inch is too big?
Too funny that both replies say the 18 inch fits - the only consensus is that the 17 inch fits and 17.5 was too big when I tried it. We really only tried the 18 to check out the forward flap.
Maybe it’s my pics vs being in person. Three reps independently agreed the 17 is right for my bum. I assumed that I would want the 17.5 initially.
Those look like two completely different seat depths. The 17 looks flat and the 18 look super deep (and also too cantle-high on your horse). Both of them have you sitting way too far forward in the saddle.
The 18" is better, but I don’t like where either one of them put you in the seat- the working center seems short and your pelvis seems pushed up into the pommel. Now, if you do not feel that when you ride in it, then never mind, maybe it’s an artifact of the photo.
Here’s a video from Schneider’s Saddlery about fitting the saddle to horse and rider. At about 45 seconds in, he starts discussing finding the proper fit for the rider.
How did the two saddles actually feel to you? Did you agree with the reps’ opinions, and did they give you a chance to evaluate the saddle for yourself before they weighed in? My rep wouldn’t even give me basic details on any of the saddles I tried before I told her what I felt in them which was super helpful, and I ended up liking something totally different from what I originally thought I wanted. There’s a certain degree of feel involved in picking a saddle so it can be hard to tell from pics, but I agree with others that the 18 looks much better of the two options.
Are the flap configurations the same on both seat sizes?
While I can understand the feeling of wanting a smaller seat size, your ability to ride in the saddle far outweighs not wanting to get the larger size. If that is in fact the issue. Between, the two the 18" looks like it is going to accommodate seat movement while riding, as well as your leg not going over the front of the flap. Which can definitely be exacerbated by the wrong seat size/flap configuration. I don’t love the overall appearance of either saddle from a standstill, but if you have to pick one or the other, go with the 18". If you’re absolutely against getting the 18", try a 17.5".
18” looks much better. 17” looks like you’re sitting in someone else’s too small (wrong flap, mostly) saddle. Also, 18” has MUCH better hip/heel alignment- the 17” puts your body behind your leg more than I like. Though, pics can be deceiving. IIWM, I’d love to see the forward flap 17.5”.
I don’t love either saddle for you or horsey, from 1 pic of each and no other info.
The seat size does not necessary accommodate one’s bum but instead one’s leg. You have a nice long leg, I say go for the 18. A really skinny friend of mine has to use a 19.
I know it seems like seat size is only related to butt size, but it honestly has a lot to do with leg length (femur). The seat needs to be big enough for you to sit on the balance point; if it is too small you will sit too close to the pommel and the stirrup bar will likely be in a spot that makes it hard to maintain your balance.
ETA: @BrownDerby said the same thing while I was trying to type 
The 18” looks so much better. If you truly feel like you’re swimming, a 17.5” with a forward flap may give you the most room. The 17” looks super squished in every direction for being able to effectively use your seat and legs.
I’m really cracking up that y’all think I fit an 18” saddle. I’m 5’4” and wear size 6-8 clothing. I think this pic must be super deceptive 
I did sit in a 18” Tad coffin and thought it felt ok but they are known to measure small. If I fit an 18” seat I would expect to see a lot more 18” used saddles for sale since I am so very average. The 18 def felt like I was riding in someone else’s saddle.
I’ll try to get a new pic with the 17” which I kept to demo this week.
This is what jumped out at me. But the 17" seems to be a cropped riding picture vs the 18" being a cropped standing still picture…
I also think the 18" fits you better.
The size of the saddle is less about the size clothes you wear, and more about the length of your femur and the depth of the seat.
Totally understand that, I only referred to my size to try to capture that most people do not ride in 18inch seats and I am not unusually sized myself.
I think it’s interesting that you seem to take the suggestion of an 18" seat to mean you’re “unusually sized” or as if it’s some sort of flaw or oddity. I think a decent chunk of “normal sized” people ride in 17.5"-18" saddles, and I agree with the others that you certainly look better in that saddle than the smaller one.
A lot of people ride in a too-small saddle. That may be why there are so many 17 inch saddles out there.
In addition to what everyone else has said about the length of the femur being as much of a determinant as anything else, there’s also how a particular saddle rides given the depth of the seat and the placement of the seat’s center of balance in relation to the stirrup bars. Some 17 inch saddles are going to ride smaller than others.
It also matters how short your leathers are or how short they need to be for the kind of riding you’re doing.
Then we need a different picture This one seems pretty straight-forward, as it’s pretty much side-on without any skewed perspective that would visually put you closer to the pommel or cantle
You still don’t have much room to move in this saddle, it’s the smallest seat size, in that make/model, that I’d put you in
I’m a little smaller than you, 5’5" but a 4/6 pants size, and unless an 18" was really flat, I wouldn’t be swimming in it. And remember, seat size is not a universal measurement, it’s only really valid for comparing between the same make and model of a saddle, not between different models, and for sure not between different makes/brands
Butt size DOES matter, it’s just not the only component You have to have a good hand’s width between crotch and pommel, and butt and cantle, AND when you’re sitting in the center of the seat, the deepest part which even a flat saddle has, the stirrup bar placement has to allow your leg to hang properly
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