“Do you only ride horses?” And other sexual harassment

[Ruth0552]

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

Like others, I have heard these comments throughout my life. It was much worse in middle-high school.

There is a funny tiktok about the fantasy vs. reality of what dating a horse girl is.

[DawgLady]

I did this recently, and the guy called me a dumb blonde. What a **cking assh0le. Bear in mind this was at a professional conference and this douchebag was on the steering committee.

[endlessclimb]

Oh I would have sharpened right up. “No, I wasn’t asking because I didn’t understand, I wanted you to explain what went through your mind before you thought it was appropriate to say that.”

Let him turn red and eat it.

[Spudsmyguy]

This topic reminds me of one time I was on a company sponsored evening cruise and we were able to bring our SOs. My guy finds out that some other guy was into horses so he calls me over and then abandons me thinking we had lots to talk about We chit chatted about this and that and, since we happened to be near the dance floor we were watching the people dancing while we talked. There were two of my co-workers dancing, both young, attractive women, and this douche says “I’d like to throw a hackamore on those two.” I couldn’t figure out what he meant so I didn’t say anything. He says it again and at that point I walked away. He must have thought I was a lesbian and would agree with him. I went and found my SO and gave him an earful for leaving me alone with this pervert. To this day, I still don’t know what he meant but I’m sure it was obscene, like was he into bondage? He wanted to go for a “ride”?

[BrendaJane]

Better not ask…

[Ruth0552]

I just realized while reading this thread how much I avoid telling people that I have a horse and ride because of all the comments.

[endlessclimb]

My freaking DOCTOR just made an underhanded comment yesterday about it.

First time patient with this specialist. Needless to say, I won’t be giving him my business again.

[Sleipnir]

I hope you report that, this behaviour from a doctor is unacceptable!

[moonlitoaksranch]

If it was creepy, you should report him.

[TheJenners]

The hell???

[McGurk]

I had a doctor ask if I was pregnant (I was 50 at the time) and when I said no, no chance; the doctor replied that if my husband was the problem, he’d be happy to prescribe him some Viagra.

I never went back.

But I didn’t report him. Shame on me.

[SillyHorse]

@erinmeri

I have been sexually assaulted, I have been sexually harassed, and I have been raped. But I somehow can’t quite find my voice. I just tend to put head in sand. It helps to hear all you gals (and guys) weigh in. I don’t know this person is a true threat, but I do know I need to figure out a way to put a stop to it. Thanks to all of you

It is difficult to do most things unless you practice, right? The same goes for responding to these kinds of remarks. If we practice responses, out loud, until they become easy to remember and to say, maybe we can shut these creeps down.

[endlessclimb]

@Sleipnir

I hope you report that, this behaviour from a doctor is unacceptable!

@moonlitoaksranch

If it was creepy, you should report him.

@TheJenners

The hell???

It was bizarrely underhanded, where if I type it out it doesn’t sound all that bad. It was the tone and the chuckling laughter afterwards that gave the intention away.

Annoying. But not something I think I could quantify in a way. I don’t know.

[erinmeri]

@S1969

But, if this has happened more than once by the same person - I would definitely tell HR and/or your supervisor. While the person might pretend that they are joking, they know it is sexual harassment. It’s impossible to be in the workforce in 2021 and not know that

We are supervisors. I didn’t tell management. And it wasn’t only comments about horses, it was other stuff. When this person came back to work from vacation (the fear of which, in hindsight, I think subconsciously prompted my unfiltered post here), he was chastised for a lot of things… many of which had to do with his (non-sexually harassing, but inappropriate) treatment of me. So he has since stopped communicating with me outside of bland, perfunctory, role-necessary communication. And for that I am thankful. I just hope he doesn’t do this with anyone else (not that there are equestrians at work… but with any other women… sups or subordinates). If it happens again, my manager will know.

As for my decision to not report, it weighs on me… but there are a lot of other dynamics at play that would weigh on me if I did report him. I am very much on the fence in that regard, but I did our employer mandated annual sexual harassment training the other day and I realized that I do need to find a voice to say “this makes me uncomfortable” with him or anyone else in the future. Ability to give pointed look or no.

[erinmeri]

@Jackie_Cochran

Maybe copy pictures from a veterinary textbook, step by step.

Or describe the last gelding operation you saw, and tell them how it can make an badly behaving stallion into a MUCH better riding horse

This person is an MD. So maybe I should say “castrated”?

[erinmeri]

@Ruth0552

There is a funny tiktok about the fantasy vs. reality of what dating a horse girl is.

If you find it, post it here!!!

[erinmeri]

@SillyHorse

It is difficult to do most things unless you practice, right? The same goes for responding to these kinds of remarks. If we practice responses, out loud, until they become easy to remember an

Thank you! And yeah. I am crap at standing up for myself. I like your idea!

[erinmeri]

@endlessclimb

It was bizarrely underhanded, where if I type it out it doesn’t sound all that bad. It was the tone and the chuckling laughter afterwards that gave the intention away.

Annoying. But not something I think I could quantify in a way. I don’t know.

Not okay! What a jerk. So often it is the tone or the chuckle or the physical “tell” that gives it away, isn’t it? And yet I think we should all consider this more than annoying. What that means, I don’t know, though.

[erinmeri]

Sorry I went silent. Working and living the pandemic is super rough (I work in public health), and my horse is sick and had to go to the clinic last week for an endoscopy, BAL and other tests.

I did finally read through this thread and am simultaneously buoyed that I am not alone and sad that we are still enduring crappy, juvenile behavior (and sexual harassment) decades later.

You are all amazing. I love the suggestions. I am sad that I am not alone. I do feel like a middle or high schooler. I can’t believe I am dealing with this in my 40s. And as I talked to horsey girlfriends about this, they said they experience it too. It is nuts.

Glad to know I am not alone. Know that neither are you!