Does the mother/daughter horse thing really work?

[gertie06]

Trying to plan for the riding future of myself and my daughter. It’s getting so dang expensive to maintain two horses. My gelding (who we own) is BIG, but relatively quiet and extremely reliable.

This coming winter – when our lease on her pony ends – she will be 12 and about 5’+. I think she’ll be able to manage the big horse by then. At home it’ll be no problem. At shows…well, we’ll just have to see. He’s a bit bright at the shows. If she does show him, it’d be in some sort of itty eq division or possibly puddle jumpers (and I know there will be some serious prep involved). He can’t be at all competitive in the hunter ring, because he moves like an egg beater.

As for me, I’d probably ride him in the adult eq.

Neither one of us really shows that much. Maybe four local shows and one A show a year.

Can one horse really do double duty? Is it confusing to them to not be ridden consistently the same way? I would think it’s fine (I mean, look at school horses), but I’ve never really done this myself.

As for frequency of work, I don’t think that’s an issue. Every week, he’d do three flat days, one day of little jumps, and one day at 3’. Also, our jumping lessons are half flatwork anyway. We just don’t jump a lot in this program. (In fact, it’s hard to keep our two horses properly exercised, and frequently need to ask for help. In that regard, one horse would be much easier).

Anyone out there have mother/daughter horse experience? Does it work? Any advice?

[Didi]

Way back in the Stone Age when I was a teen, my mother fox hunted while I showed and rode hunters. While I did have my own horses, hers was the best, so I more often showed him rather than my own. I kept her horse conditioned and rode him during the week, while she hunted on Saturdays. I would request a show or show him when there wasn’t a hunt. There was no stress on the horse, per se, because he was in excellent condition - I trotted him 45 minutes a day several times a week during hunt season and rode him in lessons. I did shows, hunter paces, and hunter trials with him. It worked fine for us, but, admittedly, she was rarely “in my way.”

That said, one horse is better than none, so I think you should try it. I think if the horse is properly conditioned he should have no problems with the amount of showing and the difference in riders.

[bluepece2]

For a few months we shared my daughters large pony. My horse was out of action so he took me out to a jumper show and packed around my jumper lessons. There was no confusion, for me he was a great little jumper pony and for my daughter he just took her over her tiny jumps. We’re on such different levels that we can’t go the the same shows here (her shows max out at 90cm and mine start at 95cm) so that was never an issue.

[MissCoco]

I actually split a lease with my mother!
We both started as adults (I was in my early 20s, she . . . a bit older ;)). We took lessons together in a school-horse weekly lesson program for a year or two, and I did a quarter lease at that time to get more saddle time.

About 2 years ago, we found a trainer who was a great fit for us, and she had a horse come back from a lease situation who she didn’t ever want to let out of her sight again. She lets us split the lease fee on this mare, and it works great for both of us!
I will say, the horse definitely knows who is riding, and my mom is definitely the softie of the two of us, so sometimes B will test her limits, and try to get away with being a slow-poke, or wiggling around at the walk, but as my mother gains more and more skills, she’s also getting much more consistently good rides with B!
But I think that is a lot about the mare’s personality, she is the type to always check what she can get away with. So if your horse is one that needs a really confident leader, it may learn it can “get away” with more from your daughter than from you, but I wouldn’t anticipate that being an issue, and it’s certainly not an insurmountable one.

We don’t really jump her alone, and my mother doesn’t jump yet, so I don’t think it’s any harder for B to have two riders.
If we are riding at the same time (or on the same day) we’ll make sure to let the 2nd rider know what was worked on in the first ride, so B doesn’t get too much drilling on the same thing with both of us.

I will say, it might be different if I was younger, but I love sharing a horse with my mom! We don’t live together, so it’s nice to get to see her a lot more than if I was just coming out for visits on the weekends, and we both drive so frequently one of us will get to the barn tack and groom, have a ride, and hand a warmed-up horse off to the 2nd rider. Then head home, leaving B to get put up by the other person. It’s really nice to not have to do all the work surrounding a ride :D.

One piece of advice though, and the only conflict that came up when we started sharing a lease is that I was used to coming out to the barn and doing my lease rides alone, so I thought of it as a private time to decompress/be with horses/not interact with people, but my mom wanted to spend time with me, and would often show up to the barn a lot earlier than what she’d told me so we could chat before riding. It took awhile for us to work out a good system where we can both basically say “don’t show up early” or “leave when you are done with your ride” so we can still get some solo horse-time when needed.

With a 12 year old, I’d imagine there may be a time in the future that she sometimes wants to be the sole person in charge during a grooming session, or just needs a break from Mom. I only say that because I have always gotten along great with my mother, but I remember there being times when my hormones were raging and I just needed to be alone, especially with animals, so figuring out how to do that over the next few years is probably something to have in mind. I think as long as your daughter gets some space to feel like it is also her horse, this is a great idea!

It’s something I love sharing with my mom, and I know a lot of riders my age are really envious of the journey we have been going on together over the past few years. I hope it works for you and your daughter as well!

[RAyers]

Not in my family. My mom and sister would go at it about how to ride/train/show whatever horse they had or shared. We had to install a rule that none of us were allowed to comment or discuss the others’ riding and no horse conversation was allowed at home. My dad felt very excluded when we all started talking about horses.

Now, in the OP’s case, it may work for a while. Showing is a minimal priority so the competition issues are reduced/removed.

I say go for it! It can bring you closer, or you may get to see new things to work on in your relationship with your daughter. But, one BIG piece of advice, don’t exclude your husband.

[NoSuchPerson]

It depends. In my case, it was mother-son and because I am a nitpicky, micromanaging, control freak when it comes to my horse, each of us having our own worked much better.

[findeight]

50/50 on that. It can work, especially with the help of an understanding trainer not afraid to rein in the enevitable conflicts over who rides when and where when shows are looming. Same is true of younger siblings sharing, have to treat it like a half lease or risk squabbling.

The biggest hurdle is the Mom tendency to direct a child this young, note that many trainers with young children make arrangements with other trainers to teach their kids. Can be even harder for a non pro sharing the horse with young daughter to know when to back off with the advice. Kids hit around 12 and they start to push back seeking more independence which creates additional tension in an Adult parent and growing tweener sharing a single horse.

In some ways it’s fortunate this horse is no Hunter so there is no question of conflict there, However, if you do the Adult Eq, is DD going to be happy relegated to itty bitty Eq or puddle jumpers when her tweener peers graduate to their age group Eq and the Childrens divisions?

Give it a shot but long term but she may grow out of those classes quicker then you think and get frustrated. Might want to consider alternating shows or both of you doing age group Eq soon as she’s ready to move up. Dependent on the horse but two OF and two flat classes is not too much for most horses, IIWY I’d aim for that when she’s ready to move up and avoid her feeling she’s being held back so you can show your Eq.

Give it some thought. Lots of time to plan here.

[gertie06]

Hi all, OP here. I think it’s important to note that my daughter, much to my dismay, is not horse-crazy. Riding twice a week is all she wants to do. I’m not even entirely sure she’ll stick with it long-term. That’s an additional reason I don’t want to continue spending buckets of money on two mounts.

Findeight, I think you’re right. I would have no qualms with her moving up to age group eq – even if it means me not showing. She’s just not super driven to move up the levels, and she’s definitely not ready anytime soon!

[findeight]

Ahhhhh…that’s a bit different. But the above post might be helpful to others with more serious young rider.

It should work for you well enough then until she turns her attention elsewhere with new friends and school activities. Keep your fingers crossed.

[Calvincrowe]

Works great for a couple mom/daughter pairs in our barn. Trainers are very aware of the need to keep horse happy while allowing both humans the chance to ride and grow. In your case, I’d definitely try it. Your daughter may actually like riding better!

[Moogles]

Mom and I shared a horse sometimes, but I did have my own when I was a teenager. She’d ride him first, I’d get on second and bop around. Worked good because I did not have the attention span to ride for an hour and he was kinda crazy so benefitted from being worked before I got on.

Eventually I’d take the occasional lesson on my own, but not that many IIRC. Horse bug bit me stronger when I got older (11? 12?), then got a horse more suited to the discipline I wanted.

[Foxtrot_s]

Yes - worked for us - she was about 12 when she ‘stole’ my 17+ hh horse. I preferred the hunting - she did the shows and lessons.

[Temecula_Jumper]

It’s definitely doable! My just turned 10 year old daughter got her first horse last fall after leasing ponies since she was 3. The new mare is super cute but green, so I ride her during the week while my kiddo is in school and she does one lesson a week after school and on weekends as well. She and the mare are so far only doing short stirrup at shows, and my daughter wants to do more, so she also shows my gelding. I have a jumper that I show in the low AA jumpers, but as soon as the kid is on, he saintly packs her around the 2’3" green riders. I think you can definitely share just one horse with your daughter, and even have different goals/jumping heights with no problem. It’s so fun to be able to share this sport with your kids!

[Backstage]

It can definitely work from a skill perspective. Many, many horses as half-leased and ridden by two different riders with different levels of experience and riding styles.

I would think the logistics might be trickier depending on the location of the barn, and the frequency that you ride. If you ride 5-6x a week, sharing will mean giving up some of those rides. But, unlike with a half lease, you don’t gain that time in your day for other things. You will still be driving to the barn, and spending those hours there…just without riding. I’ve seen mother/daughter and siblings combos opt for two half-leases instead. That keeps costs reasonable, but has its own challenges of course!

[Punkie]

My mom thought that the one horse thing would work when I was about 8…it lasted maybe 6 months :lol: What she missed most was us being able to ride together which was her biggest reason for getting me into horses in the first place. It’s doable in theory, but it really depends on what you are looking to get out of your horse time together. My mom and I still ride together 20+ years later…with about 8 horses between us!

[Haylter]

Does NOT sound like it will work, from what you type your daughter is NOT ready for this BIG horse physical or otherwise. Most 12yr olds would not be nor would most 5ft adults…myself included even though I have decades of experience. Why add the extra challenge of the physical size discrepency. Have you thought about part leasing out your horse and part leasing something for the daughter?

[ecpolo]

This can work, but only with the right horse. I have one mare, a candidate for sainthood, who is capable of playing the highest levels of polo on the weekends and tooting about with my first grader on the off days. She’s so good that she doesn’t need many polo-specific tuneup days, so it works out. I will need to retire her from competition in the next few years, so hopefully she stays sound for the kid to ride around on.

I don’t know why people worry about small children on larger horses. If they are well made and broke, it is no problem for a kid to ride a large horse. The mare I mentioned above is around 16h.

I am kind of a tough love type, though. I have basically said ok girl if you want to ride then this is what we are working with with regard to horseflesh. I actually have three she can ride, but the other two require a little more monitoring on my part, and I wouldn’t just let them loose in the field like I do with the saintly mare. I have also banned myself from her lessons, because I can’t keep my big mouth shut haha.

All in all we have a grand old time and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

[gertie06]

@ecpolo

I don’t know why people worry about small children on larger horses. If they are well made and broke, it is no problem for a kid to ride a large horse. .

Thank you for saying this! He may be big, but he’s safe as the day is long. She already rides him, in fact. She’s been sitting on him since she was 4 years old (even competed in leadline on him). She rides him on the flat just fine, but she’s never jumped him. That part scares me a little bit, just because of the potential for a long fall.

[ecpolo]

@gertie06

Thank you for saying this! He may be big, but he’s safe as the day is long. She already rides him, in fact. She’s been sitting on him since she was 4 years old (even competed in leadline on him). She rides him on the flat just fine, but she’s never jumped him. That part scares me a little bit, just because of the potential for a long fall.

Oh yes, the bigger horses are just fine. I actually also have a pony I bought for her who is still too naughty to be trusted off the longe line! I guess I think the lower likelihood of a fall on a saintly large horse is worth the added inches if they do have an accident.

[Calvincrowe]

Get her a certified safety vest, if she isn’t already wearing one. Helps with those long falls, which are inevitable in riding. Confidence booster too.